outside the lines
by dear pearlie
Summary: AU. Mulder and Scully meet in a bar. He wants to get closer, but she's got a daughter.
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: hi everyone! i'm no stranger to the fanfiction world, but it has been a few years for me, so excuse me while i stretch my muscles. i feel strongly that "once a fanfic writer, always a fanfic writer," because i know (at least for me anyway) once you get inside of these characters and know them well enough to write them, it creates a special bond, and sometimes you just wonder what they're doing from time to time. and i just completed my first year of college, so i will have enough space in my life for mulder and scully for at least the next few months. they give me a good excuse to write, which i have discovered is something i really love to do. when i went back to ff, i always thought it would be with another story that i've dedicated almost two and a half years to developing, but this is something i started during finals week and i feel has really taken up a space in my heart. it's different, it's fun, it gives me butterflies. i hope it does this for you too.**

**i'd like to pay tribute, through my return, to the fanfic authors that were there for me when i started almost four years ago now, and also to all who are reading in the present. but, most importantly, i'd like to thank my 6-year-old australian shepherd, leila, because when i asked her whether or not i should start publishing again, she didn't say no. i'd also like to thank her for her countless hours of service laying on top of my feet. i don't think i could have written as well without that small comfort.  
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**with that said, we're ready to move forward. if you're still reading by this time, then i think this is the start of a long and wonderful relationship.  
**

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.  
**

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**Outside the Lines  
**

_**by: dear**** pearlie**_

It wasn't unusual for Fox Mulder to have a bad day. Hell, he worked for the FBI. Most days were bad. However, having to work on a case where an entire troupe of girl scouts was ceremoniously killed and displayed around a campsite by their leader's schizophrenic ex-husband was not even inside the realm of what constituted a bad day. To top it all off, he had been the one to find them; his elevated ability to profile murderers made it possible for his squad to focus in on the ex as the primary suspect and thus spared the investigation days. But he hadn't been quick enough. Though it only took Mulder's unit three days to find the missing troupe, by then the girls had already been dead for two.

His partner, Reggie Purdue, had constantly assured him that there was nothing he could have done—the man had acted too quickly. But that did nothing to abate Mulder's waves of sickness as they inconveniently passed through him on the drive back to DC from West Virginia. The greatest frustration about this case was that the murderer had killed himself once he knew the FBI was closing in on him. The bastard would never be brought to justice in a court of law; the families of the little girls who were murdered would never find solace in the punishment of their loved ones' assailant. The man would never have to stand trial and explain to a courtroom full of people what possessed him to commit the reprehensible acts that he had. He wouldn't have to see the grief-stricken faces of the parents of his victims. He wouldn't have to feel remorse. He wouldn't have to feel anything ever again.

It's safe to say that that day had been a bit worse than just bad.

As the investigation was wrapping up, Mulder, a criminal profiler for the Violent Crimes division of the FBI, was told by his fellow agents and superiors to take some time off. The evidence was all clearly laid out; there weren't many questions left to answer. Save for a few reports here and there, Mulder wasn't needed and he knew it.

But he still couldn't get the looks of pure horror that were on the girls' faces out of his mind. He couldn't shake the image of their limp bodies laying on the ground from his brain. In really terrible cases, that was the norm. But this…

Mulder quietly walked into the loud bar that night. Head down, his stubble and bloodshot eyes that came as a result of not sleeping for three days making him look like he had already had a few, even though he was completely sober. That needed to change. He wanted to go back to his college days at Oxford, where he would get shitfaced every weekend and not remember the things he said, the crimes he committed, the women he fucked; then be awake and ready for Monday morning class without the slightest hangover. He wanted to black out… it didn't matter where. He just wanted to erase the horrible memories he had of this case from himself, so he sat down and put his credit card on the counter.

The bartender was concerned for him, he could tell the moment he sat down. She was around his age, but so small. Oh so small. Mulder bet that she would struggle to fit herself right under his chin. Yet she didn't seem dainty. Maybe it was the fiery red hair that gave him this impression, but she even looked a little feisty. Definitely not one to shy away from a conflict. It was Friday night and there was a group of men at the other end of the counter looking only about half as gone as Mulder wanted to be. Even though the moment he looked at the woman he had garnered a certain respect for her, concern was mutual.

Mulder knew it was just a complex. He hadn't been able to save the girl scouts, so he was projecting his need to protect on to some random bartender. A small voice in the back of his mind was telling him that he needed therapy from another psychologist in his unit, not from a bottle, but that voice was small and easily silenced. While all of these thoughts bombarded him, Mulder hadn't realized that he was staring right into the woman's eyes, and had been doing so for longer than appropriate. Drink? What did he want to drink? Rat poison. Jet fuel. He never wanted to see another horrible thing again.

"Jim Beam," was what he answered. The woman's eyebrow rose about an inch on her forehead. She knew something was wrong with that man. She worked in a bar, she had seen many many people throw themselves on the counter in order to drown their sorrows in alcohol. But there was something uniquely distraught about the man before her.

There was nothing she could do but turn around and pour the drink, though. She felt his eyes on her ass. That was nothing new. She wasn't disgusted, though, and even smiled a little to herself in amusement. That was new.

"So… wanna tell me why you're here?" she got up the nerve to ask him as he hungrily finished the drink she had just given him. A loud yell of enjoyment from the other end of the bar erupted, but she knew that those guys, left to their own devices, would entertain themselves as long as she kept their pitcher of beer full. She normally didn't like to get involved with the customers. Drunk people weren't exactly the best company, and being a young, pretty woman certainly has its disadvantages in some situations. She was just so drawn to the depressed man in front of her, though, like a moth to a flame.

"Crappy day," Mulder answered shortly, not wanting to seem curt with the lady, but also realizing that in his state, he could only bring other people down, not be uplifted by them. He wanted to bask in his misery alone. Plus, he didn't plan on being coherent for long anyway.

"I can see that. What's your name?"

"Fox." She gave him the same face that most people gave him when he revealed his first name.

"Well I think that deserves another one," she said and poured him a second drink. This earned a smile and a small chuckle from him. Her reaction was much different from the usual, _"How unique,"_ or_, "What an interesting name." _Honesty. He appreciated it.

_God he has a beautiful mouth, _she swooned to herself.

"That's the first time in my life that having a goofy name has worked out for me. Please call me Mulder," he informed her, noticing himself nursing the new drink instead of gulping it down, which would ensure speedier intoxication.

"Mulder. I like that. _Mul-der_," she tested his name on her tongue. She liked it and he liked the way she said it. Another outburst from the group of men he shared the bar with. Sensing her distaste for them, Mulder turned to watch the bartender shake her head.

"Since it looks like we're going to be buds, you'd better tell me your name."

"Are you talking to me or the drink?" she laughed.

"Oh, this guy and me, we've known each other for a long time," he raised the whiskey and tried to match her beautiful grin.

"Well my name is Dana Scully and it seems we have a mutual friend," she remarked, pouring herself a glass of the dark liquor as well and clinking it with his. With a good visual of her hand, he searched for a ring. How could she not be taken already? What did she lack that made her unqualified for a really spectacular husband or boyfriend? Mulder had a feeling that if there was no hope for Dana Scully, there certainly wasn't any hope for him, or anybody.

"Dana. Day-nuh," he mimicked her, accentuating more than she had with him. He didn't like the way his face looked, though, as her name left his lips. Jaw dropped, mouth open. He looked like he was disgusted with her, even though that couldn't be further from reality. Though he tried, Mulder's mind never stopped to take a break, and he searched for a way to give this beautiful woman the beautiful lip position she deserved. She noticed the gears turning in his head, but she had no idea what they were turning for.

"Scully. Scully. Sculleeeee," he tested, liking her last name more than her first. The high sound at the end of her name forced his mouth to constrict upwards, and he was practically smiling when he was done saying it. Yes. She made him smile.

"What are you doing?"

"You call me Mulder, I call you Scully," Mulder explained to her, as though it were the most simple thing in the world.

"I haven't been referred to by my last name since high school gym class."

"Will you drop and give me fifty?"

"Dream on."

Maybe it was the booze, but Mulder had surmised after five minutes of bantering conversation that Dana Scully was perfect.

"Why are you here Scully? How does a woman like you end up working in a place like this?" Mulder asked, his eyes darting down to the men at the end of the counter.

Scully had many reasons for working in that bar. But she only offered Mulder one.

"Paying off student loans is a bitch."

"I'll drink to that. Where did you attend?"

"I just received my MD from Stanford."

He almost spit out his drink. There was no doubt that she was intelligent, that much was blatantly obvious. But he had no idea he was sitting across from a woman with a medical degree. It excited him.

"Holy shit. What are you doing in DC? What are you doing in a bar?"

"We already went over that, Mulder."

"I'm sure there are plenty of seedy bars in California," he griped, knowing she was trying to avoid giving him information.

"I just… needed a change. And my parents don't live very far from here. I actually did my undergrad at the University of Maryland."

"My my Dr. Scully, you just continue to impress me."

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet," she told him, deciding to play with fire and grabbed three bottles of vodka from the counter behind her. Mulder carefully watched her, almost in a trance, as she threw one bottle up into the air, then proceeded to juggle them.

"This," she began to explain to him without losing her concentration, "is definitely the most valuable skill I've learned thus far in my life."

Mulder gave a belly laugh. "I can see why you say that. I mean, it's practical uses are so vast."

Deciding she had given him enough of a show, she let the bottles fall neatly back into her hands and then gave a nice bow as Mulder clapped for her. Although she was at work, she hadn't felt so lighthearted in awhile.

"You know, your presence may save me a lot of money on drinks tonight."

"I hope that doesn't affect my tip."

"Here's a tip: I'm about to write my home number on a business card I'm taking out of my wallet right now."

"Well then you'll obviously need a pen."

Dana Scully was surprised with herself. She never flirted with guys on the other side of the bar. She never flirted with guys period. Yet here she was, handing this man she had barely known five minutes a pen to write down his phone number with. A phone number that she would take home and agonize over for a few days before realizing that it would never work. It wouldn't.

"Here you go, gorgeous," he smiled, and she lifted an eyebrow at him once again that night. Though she didn't get the chance to test out this theory, Scully knew she was probably going to make a remark about how she wasn't interested in anything she felt her new friend had to offer. She would have fucked up for herself, except someone fucked things up for her before she could get the chance to.

"Hey mama, why don't you get your fine ass down here and pour us some more?" a man from the obnoxious party at the end of the bar commanded. At first, Scully wasn't sure that he was talking to her. Men were rude to her all the time in that place, but she still hadn't gotten used to it. Even so, Scully had learned to swallow her pride, and filled up another pitcher of what they were drinking and walked over to them. Mulder could see the physical toll being spoken to like she was nothing more than a piece of meat took on Scully. It was clearly obvious that she was angered by their words, but she wouldn't do anything about it. Mulder tried not to either.

But they should have known it wouldn't be the end of the confrontation.

"Don't you think you guys have had enough?" Dana asked them, trying not to breathe the smell of their stale alcoholic breath through her nose.

"Don't you think you shout shut your pretty little mouth and let us enjoy ourselves?" the same man commented quickly. Again, it looked as if Scully had been physically affected by those words. They were the equivalent to a slap across the face. Mulder's fists clenched in rage.

"Yup, you've had enough. Keys," she instructed. The other three men handed over their keys with no problem, but the unruly man must have made it a goal to get as far under Dana's skin as possible. Or as far under something else of Dana's as possible.

"I'm not giving you _these_ until you let me see _those_," the man said sinisterly, then darted his hands out over the counter to grab Scully's shirt. He didn't get a handful of anything, but he did get a face full of fist. Mulder's fist. It was so swift that the man was knocked off his barstool and into his party, and soon drinks and fists went flying everywhere. The bouncer, Chris, stepped in immediately, but not before Mulder could do some serious damage to the belligerent man's nose and jaw. He then had to hold back four men as Mulder shook his right hand out, but they were all drunk and it wasn't hard. Understanding a majority of what happened by the end of the incident, Chris ushered the four men out and called a cab for them. It was just him, Scully, and Mulder left in the bar.

"Scully, are you okay?" Mulder asked, walking back over to the counter where Scully stood stock-still with ice cold beer dripping down the front of her body. She didn't make a noise, only breathing heavily. This was her first experience with violence at the bar.

"Dana, I'm going to call a cab for you too. I'll lock up the place tonight," Chris offered, but Mulder interjected right away.

"Not at this time of night. I'll take you home."

It was a risk. They hadn't known each other for more than ten minutes and Mulder had already mutilated some guy's face for her. To some women, his chivalry would have been a major turn-on, but not exactly for Dana Scully.

She still hadn't protested to his invitation, though, and she didn't protest when he went around the bar and put his suit jacket over her shoulders either. Sopping wet and struggling for words.

"Are you sure this is okay for you Dana?" Chris asked, still concerned. After all, Mulder had started the fight. She looked up into his eyes, and what she saw there was genuine concern. Scully guessed she could let him take her home, if that's what he really wanted to do.

"It's fine Chris. Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow," she gave him a soft smile. Mulder breathed an audible sigh of relief when she agreed, then proceeded to put his hand on the small of her back and lead her out to his car.

The feeling when he touched her was like no other. It made the whole confrontation almost worth it. His hand was large and warm, and it made her feel safe even though he had just used that hand to beat someone in the face.

"Oh my God, Mulder, let me see your hand," Scully worried when she realized that he must be in pain. She was a doctor, after all, and in the streetlight outside he let her inspect his right hand thoroughly. While she was thinking about how wonderful his hands were, he was thinking exactly the same. Soft, but dexterous. Manicured, but ready to work. Her hands told a story about her life, her work-driven, appearance-important life.

"What's the damage?" he asked.

"You're lucky, but I still think you should wrap it when you get home."

"Come on Scully, I'm a bachelor. I can't take care of myself. You're going to have to wrap it for me," he joked, the mirth that filled his eyes making him a different person than the man who entered the bar that evening. His intentions were not lost on her, but he was still respectful, which Scully had learned was a difficult balance to maintain. He was either always like that, or he really wanted to get into her pants.

Either way, he couldn't come back to her place.

"You'll be able to take care of yourself," she said calmly, his smile leaving his face but the care he was showing her not faltering at all. Not a lot was said as he led her to his car and drove her home.

The moment of truth came as he pulled up to her apartment in Georgetown. It wasn't the most expensive area in Georgetown, but it was a nice place. He could tell she worked hard to be able to live in a good neighborhood.

"Are you sure you're alright Scully? That guy didn't touch you, did he?"

"No. He didn't lay a finger on me."

"Good," Mulder sighed, and there was a long silence between them. He really liked Scully, but now he would only be "that guy who got in a fight at the bar" to her. What future did that title hold? He was truly feeling hopeless when Scully turned toward him and put her hand on his.

"Thank you, Mulder, for stopping that man at the bar. I'm sorry it happened," she said, looking down.

"It wasn't your fault at all, Scully."

"Well, I just… most guys in the bar wouldn't do that for me."

"Well, I'm not most guys."

That could have gone unsaid. Scully knew that the man beside her wasn't like most guys. She knew that even before he punched the man trying to grab her chest. There was something about the way he looked at her, something about his attitude toward her that forced an immediate connection between them. It made it all that much more painful for Scully to remind herself that he wouldn't stick around once he found out the truth.

"There's no Mr. Scully that's going to get mad that we're sitting out here having a conversation, is there?" Mulder had to ask. She smiled and gave a half-laugh, shaking her head.

"There's no Mr. Scully. You're safe."

"Whew, I don't think I could take anyone else tonight." Her smile had not faded, and Mulder knew he wouldn't mind seeing her smile every day for the rest of his life.

"Thanks for everything. Here's your jacket." Removing his jacket from around her shoulders made her colder than just the night air hitting her would. She knew she smelled like beer, but she hoped to retain some of his scent as well.

"Want me to walk you to the door?" Mulder asked hopefully.

"No, I'll be alright," she said, not noticing the look of disappointment on his face after she did.

They exchanged goodbyes and she left his car, but hopefully not his life.

Scully smiled to herself when she saw him pull away only after she had arrived in her building safely.

"Hi Dane, you're home early," her mother greeted her when she walked into her apartment.

"A fight broke out at the bar and the bouncer told me he'd close up."

"A fight? Are you okay?" Scully should have lied. She knew her mother's feelings about her place of employment.

"I'm fine Mom, just had some drinks spilled on me." To avoid a harsher reaction, Scully left out some very crucial details from her night.

"Dana, you know I don't like you working at that bar. You have a medical degree, for God's sake, get yourself a job where I don't have to worry about you every night."

"Mom, you know that any entry-level job I could get with my degree wouldn't pay enough to keep me in this place. Plus, going any further in my career takes time and money, two areas where I'm pretty strapped right now. And I'm not moving back home."

"Then when is it going to be time? When is it going to be time to start your life? Don't get stuck being a bartender forever Dana."

"Mom, please. I really don't want to have this discussion tonight. How long has Anna been down?"

"She went back to sleep not even an hour ago. I think she may be coming down with something."

"Exactly what I need right now," Dana huffed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Her mother, Maggie, gave a sympathetic smile and wrapped her arms around her daughter's shoulders.

"I'm going to go now, dear. Same time tomorrow night, right?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, see you then."

"Bye Mom," Scully said, kissing her mother on the cheek, "thank you for watching her."

"Any time," Maggie said, opening the door. Before she could get fully out into the hall, though, she called for her daughter.

"Dana?"

"Yes Mom?" Scully asked, knowing what she was going to say.

"Don't hesitate to call me. For anything."

"I won't. Goodnight Mom."

After the door clicked shut, Scully had only a few minutes to sit and try to unwind before she heard cries emanating from the back bedroom. It was a shame because a certain hazel-eyed man had wriggled his way into her thoughts.

She casually threw off her beer-soaked shirt as she went to check on her daughter.

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**a/n II: some further notes on the story, this takes place around october 1988. i promise to try my hardest to incorporate what i know from that period in the show, but let's be honest, chris carter and his crew didn't always have much respect for timelines or continuity. if i have to fill in some holes or decide to go a different route with things, well, that's why it's called "fanFICTION" and i reserve the liberty to do so.**

**reviews are greatly appreciated!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: thanks to those who reviewed. there are about five more chapters of this story already finished, but it's always nice to get some feedback before i take the plunge.**

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing the characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.  
**

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"Mulder, you alright man?" Reggie asked after Mulder finally registered.

"Yeah, just thinking," he confessed.

"Well I was wondering if you've eaten anything yet. It's close to 3 and you haven't left that seat all day." It felt good to have a partner who was generally concerned for his well-being, even outside of the field. Mulder had heard some horror stories about partnerships within the Bureau, and they weren't hard to imagine; he knew some agents that were real assholes. He considered himself extremely lucky to be partnered with someone like Reggie.

"Um, no I haven't eaten. I guess I should go," Mulder said as he began to realize how hungry he was.

"Why don't you get out of here for the day? I can finish the paperwork myself and you haven't exactly been on your game today," Reggie suggested.

"Haven't been on my game?" Mulder feigned offense.

"Mulder, Patterson had to call three times about our missing expense reports before you even realized that the phone had rang." The whole time he was speaking, Mulder knew he was right, but what was he going to do if he left work?

"Reg, we have two hours left. I can make it to the end of the day."

"That's my point. We have two hours left, you still need to take a lunch break, and the work we have left is nothing. Go home. You're no good to me here."

"Ouch," Mulder laughed, knowing he was right.

"The truth hurts. Now go home."

Once he was outside, the question of what he was going to do for the rest of the day arose. He knew he didn't want to go back to his apartment. For mid-October, it was a fairly nice day out, and Mulder knew he would regret wasting it. Since Dana had been running through his mind all day, it wasn't a far stretch for him to hop in his car and drive to Georgetown. He wasn't even thinking, he just did what felt natural to him. His instincts and his photographic memory brought him right outside her apartment building ten minutes later.

As he made his way up to the stoop to find her buzzer, a woman in a baseball cap was making her way out of the building with a stroller. Mulder grabbed the door for her, not noticing who he was holding it for until she muttered her thanks to him, then turned to do a double take.

"Mulder?" Scully asked, wondering why he was at her apartment.

"Scully?" he was bewildered. A stroller?

"What are you doing here?"

"I got off work early and came over to see how you were."

"Why?" It amazed Scully that he would show up to her home in the middle of the day. They didn't know each other very well. However, she couldn't help but admit that he had been crossing her mind quite frequently throughout the day. She was amazed, but not as shocked as she could have been to see him there.

"I, uh…" Mulder tried to answer, not realizing before he got there that he didn't have a good one. Fortunately, cries started to come from the stroller, and Scully's attention was diverted to that.

The baby was very small, probably not even able to sit up alone yet. Mulder could demise from the pink sweatshirt, hat, and the flower print at the bottom of her tiny jeans that Scully was the mother of a little girl. Wrapping a blanket around her, she hoisted the baby into her arms and cradled her against her shoulder.

Once the baby had quieted a bit, Mulder decided to say something.

"She's beautiful Scully."

"Thank you. We were just going for a walk."

"Mind if I join you?" Scully was so confused by Mulder's intentions. The night before, it hadn't been difficult to figure out what he had wanted. But now, after he realized that she was a mother… it didn't seem likely to her that he would ever want anything to do with her again. It was hard enough to get some men to care for their own children, much less have someone else step up to the plate and do it. Not that she was looking for someone to support her. She was perfectly capable of providing for her daughter herself. Scully had given up on the male population since she had her daughter, but Mulder was a different story. He puzzled her.

"Alright," she finally said, not sure she could tell him no. Fox Mulder was showing real promise.

They walked a little ways, talking about the weather and Mulder's day at work before they reached a park. Scully took the stroller near a bench by a small pond, then took a Ziploc bag of bread out of her diaper bag. Lifting her daughter out of the stroller and onto her lap as she sat on the bench, they proceeded to feed the ducks that were swimming close to the shore. The little girl stared intently at the animals, and Mulder, off to the side a bit, watched her.

"What's her name?" he asked, wondering how they had managed to have a conversation without bringing it up. That's when he realized that Scully must have danced around the subject carefully. And he concluded that that was probably the reason she was so quick to get out of his car last night. She must have been quite used to hiding the fact that she was a mother.

"Anna. She'll be five months tomorrow," Scully offered, not looking at him while she answered. Was she embarrassed?

This was the usual line of questioning. _What's her name? How old is she? Where's her father?_ And the third question was the one she always tried to avoid. People had a stigma against young, single mothers, and Scully did not want to be discriminated against because of the societal standpoint that she was a stupid whore. In case she could save herself at this point in their blossoming friendship, Scully did not want Mulder to believe that about her.

Based on their conversation the night before about her not having a husband or boyfriend, Mulder felt it would be rude to ask about the baby's father, so he didn't. Instead, he was more interested in something else.

"Can I hold her?"

The man just kept the gears in her head working, and surprised Scully with every direction he took them in. But if he was willing, she was willing.

"Yeah. Just don't be offended if she starts to cry. Around five months is when babies start to develop stranger anxiety, plus she's been a little fussy today," she warned, carefully placing her daughter into his outstretched arms. She waited for Anna to start to whimper, but no such thing happened. It was heartwarming to see her little girl catch and hold Mulder's gaze so intensely that it seemed they were the only two people in the world.

"Hi Anna," Mulder cooed to her softly, giving her his index finger to grasp.

"She really seems to like you."

"Well I like her too."

"Mulder," Scully sighed, wondering when the jig was going to be up; when the fairytale was going to end. At the tone of her voice, he looked up to see her worried expression.

"I'm sorry, Scully," he said, handing Anna back to her, "have I done something wrong?"

"No. No, you haven't done anything. That's what gets me! I'm just wondering when you'll realize that I'm a woman with a baby and head for the hills!"

"Scully, the fact that you have a daughter doesn't make you any less appealing to me. I still think you're beautiful, smart, all of those things… you just also happen to be a mother," Mulder confessed. He was 100% sincere in his sentiment. She was the most interesting woman he had ever met, and he knew he couldn't let her slip out of his life like so many others had.

"I'm sorry Mulder… I just didn't think that there were men like you out there. Most guys only want one thing, and when they find out that you have a kid…"

"I'm sorry if you've had bad experiences with men in the past. But I still want to get to know you, and a 10 lb baby isn't going to scare me away." A huge weight seemed to have been lifted from her shoulders.

"Hey, she passed 12 lbs the other day. Didn't you sweetheart?" she smiled at her daughter. And it was a real, genuine, soul-lifting smile that her daughter gave back. The air between the two adults was so much lighter, and they spent the next half hour at the park with Anna before Scully had to leave to get ready for work.

When he was driving back to his home in Alexandria, Mulder became fully aware of just how happy spending time with Scully and her daughter had made him. Usually, he dreaded going home to his drab, unwelcoming apartment. Now, though, with his memories of the day, he knew he'd have enough smiles to take him through to the next day. Since it would then be Saturday and Scully had informed him that she was not the weekend bartender, he was already making plans.


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: i changed some stuff here. i know Mulder only left Oxford with a bachelor's, but i wanted him to have a Master's. oh, and to all my UK readers, don't pay attention to the quip about tv. i've been to London, although not to watch tv, but found absolutely no problem with the programming over there. it's just in there for pure fun.  
**

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

She had an inkling that Mulder would show up around her place that day. She just didn't think it would be at 10:00 in the morning. Not like she was sleeping. Not like Anna ever let her sleep.

"Hey," he said shyly when she opened the door. She had already buzzed him in, but his bashfulness was extremely endearing. Butterflies fluttered around in her stomach as she met his eyes.

Anna squawked from the living room floor, where she was placed on a blanket. She was on her stomach looking up at them in the doorway.

"And hello to you too Miss Anna," Mulder extended toward the baby, then went to lay on the floor next to her. She reached out for his nose.

"Don't pull on that, girlie. It's big enough already," he said, and Scully stifled a small laugh. His nose wasn't _that_ big. She'd call it… distinguished.

"So Mulder, to what do we owe this visit?" Scully asked, pouring herself her third cup of coffee for the day.

"Well, my fine ladies, I was wondering whether you would prefer a trip to the zoo or the aquarium. My treat."

"Oh Mulder, you don't have to do that."

"Hey, it's not every day that I get to take _two_ beautiful girls out. I need to impress them," he said to Scully while still talking to Anna. Scully was delighted to see how fascinated her daughter was with the man. It turned every previous fear of men she had upside down. Well, every previous fear of Mulder she had.

"Hmmm, I guess we spent a lot of time outside yesterday, so how about the aquarium?"

"The aquarium it is then, does that sound good little lady?"

Anna gave him a blank expression. A few minutes later her diaper needed to be changed.

The fish didn't really excite Anna that much, but that was okay with Mulder because wasn't trying to astonish her.

"Look at the octopus, Anna. It's got eight legs," Mulder pointed out. He was fine carrying her, even if she wasn't having the time of her life. At least she wasn't screaming.

"Tentacles," Scully corrected.

"Sorry kid, looks like you're not getting into Harvard."

They walked past a few more tanks.

"You never did tell me where you graduated from, Mulder."

"Oh, that's not important."

"Come on, I told you after the first five minutes of knowing you where I went to school."

"But you graduated from Stanford with a medical degree. There's no way I can compete with that!"

"Just tell me."

"Okay. I graduated from Oxford in '82."

Her eyes were so dynamic. When she was humored or suspicious, they went up. Now that she totally couldn't believe that he didn't put himself on the same level as her, they were scrunched together.

"Oxford? As in Oxford University in England?"

He nodded, adjusting Anna in his arms as she laid her head on his shoulder. It felt like she was hugging him, and his heart swelled with love for the little girl.

"Yeah."

"Mulder, you goon, how can you say that you can't compete?"

"I only received my Master's in psychology. You got your doctorate. You win."

She was about to say something until she stopped to do the math in her head.

"You finished your Master's by 21?"

"Well, it wasn't hard considering that there was no good TV over there."

"So you just came home and joined the FBI?"

"They recruited me into the behavioral sciences unit before I came home, then I had to go through 21 weeks of training at the FBI Academy in Quantico."

"That must have been tough."

"Please. It was a piece of cake. Graduated top of my class."

"Mulder, I don't want to ever hear you talk down about your education ever again."

"Yes Dr. Scully."

Playfully punching him in the arm, they walked to the end of the corridor before deciding to head on back to Scully's place. Anna was sleeping soundly on Mulder's shoulder, her tiny little breaths so comforting to him. She didn't even wake up when placed back in her stroller, instead only stirring and sticking her thumb in her mouth.

He shooed Scully's hand away as she grabbed for money when they pulled up to the parking meter.

"Mulder…"

"You know, you're making it very hard to take you on a date," he slyly remarked to her, stopping her heart in her chest.

Scully didn't even have to worry about putting her daughter in her car seat, as Mulder had already beaten her to the task. In the time it would have taken her to fasten her daughter in the seat, Mulder had already smashed the stroller into its collapsible state and put it in the trunk. To say she was astounded was an understatement. But she couldn't exactly come out and say it. If Mulder was willing to work to show her what a good guy he was, then she may as well enjoy his ministrations.

"I can't believe how good she's been for you. Not to say that she's not a good baby, but the only people she's ever really been around have been me and my family," Scully explained to Mulder en route to her home. They were in his car again, the cloth seats making her feel cozy. Okay, maybe it was more than the cloth seats.

"Guess I've got the magic touch," he joked.

"I think you do."

"Now the question is: is it only effective on babies?"

She blushed. It felt like she had known Mulder for her entire life. But the reality was that she hadn't, and she couldn't be so careless with her heart.

"We'll see."

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**as always, reviews are wonderful. i know i'm getting a good amount of traffic on this story, but not a lot of reviews, which is a bit discouraging :(**


	4. Chapter 4

******disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

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_**~Halloween, 1988~**_

"You're late," Scully frowned as she opened the door for him. Mulder stood there with an apologetic look on his face and with the cutest pumpkin trick-or-treat bucket in his hand.

"Sorry, but I saw this in the drugstore and couldn't resist," he offered her the bucket, and all was forgiven. Even if he hadn't brought the bucket for her daughter to collect candy in, the fact that he was there was enough to exonerate him of all sins. When she had left California, Scully had given up all hope of her daughter having a father-figure in her life to experience all the "firsts" with her. She didn't want to get her hopes up, since she had only known Mulder for two weeks at this point, but he did seem to think the world of Anna. His gentle flirtations with her weren't all that bad either.

"It's alright, Ellen is late with Trent too." Ellen was a fellow bartender at Baladays, the bar where Scully worked, and a friend. They had bonded over their similar situations as single mothers. Ellen was the first person in Georgetown that Scully had told about her daughter. After her confession, Ellen had proceeded to tell her every minute detail about her 4-year-old son, Trent's, father Andrew, who had cheated on her with her "tramp of a sister" only six months after she gave birth. Scully had not shared any details about Anna's father with her, but Ellen seemed mostly content to talk about herself. She was Scully's only friend, besides Mulder, though, and their personalities complimented each other nicely. She was glad that she and Mulder were finally going to meet.

"Where's the kid?"

"Laying on the floor in the nursery, trying to roll onto her stomach."

He rushed back there.

Scully supposed she had a few minutes to finish folding the clothes she had put to the side earlier before Ellen got there. One by one, she had to pick a few onesies from the pile that she was sure Anna had grown out of. Scully loved to watch her baby girl develop and learn more and more every day, but she also wanted to freeze her in time and keep her little forever. There were nights that she had spent crying through, wishing that Anna would never grow up to realize the horrors of the world.

"I thought you hated cats," she heard Mulder call from the bedroom. Somehow, the small detail that she was allergic to cats had made its way into a conversation of theirs one day.

"It was the warmest costume I could find; if she wears long sleeves and leggings under it, we'll only have to put gloves on her tonight."

Mulder emerged from the bedroom, carrying a gray kitten costume-clad Anna, complete with eared hood with a pink bow. Scully had used eyeliner to paint a nose and whiskers on her, which took forever but added the perfect finishing touches to the ensemble.

A knock on the door signaled Ellen and Trent's arrival, and Scully bounced up to get it. During boring periods at work, Scully had managed to tell her friend almost everything about the amazing Mulder. She was so ready to get Ellen's approval; she had no doubts that she was going to love him.

"Sorry sorry sorry we're late, someone decided to lose their cowboy hat," a tall, dark-haired woman apologized, ushering her son through the door and kissing Dana on the cheek. She didn't even notice Mulder standing in the living room until she had asked, "Has your boy toy gotten here yet?"

"Hello," Mulder smirked, picking up Anna's hand and waving it toward the woman and her son. Under her breath, Scully began to chuckle, and her friend hit her in the arm.

"Ellen, this is Fox Mulder. Mulder, this is Ellen, and that's Trent," Scully introduced. Mulder shook Ellen's hand, saying how nice it was to finally meet her, then kneeled down to Trent's level.

"Hi Trent," he said enthusiastically.

"Hi," the boy muttered, shy enough to hide a little to the side of his mom's leg.

"What are you supposed to be?"

Hesitant, Trent decided to finally answer, "A cowboy."

"Nice. You know, I was a cowboy for Halloween three times in a row when I was little."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and I got the most candy ever when I was dressed as a cowboy. I think it's going to be a very promising night for you."

"Will you help me carry it all?" Trent asked in amazement, not sure if he could fathom the amount of candy Mulder could transport.

"Of course," Mulder agreed, which earned an enthusiastic "yes!" from the little boy. Ellen gave her friend a look that said, "Wow, he sure impressed the hell out of me." Scully could not agree more.

"Okay Trent, I want you to get on the couch so I can take a picture of you and Anna in your costumes," Ellen directed. Mulder delicately set the little girl in the boy's lap, and the way Trent interacted with her gave Mulder the impression that they saw a lot of each other. He smiled sweetly when his mother told him to. Anna didn't look too pissed either.

"Alright Aunt Dana, can you take a picture of the two of us now?" Ellen posed with her son by the front door as Scully snapped the shutter on the Polaroid One600, then shook the photo out for her friend. Ellen looked at it with approval as if to say, "That one's going in the classifieds."

"Okay, Dane, you and Mulder get together with Anna ." It was a little uncomfortable for Mulder, who had been standing off to the side as the picture-taking occurred, to suddenly be thrust into what was usually a very memorable photo for a family, a picture of the baby's first Halloween. But he gladly stood next to Scully and her daughter as Ellen snapped away.

After she put the developed photos down on the coffee table, Mulder checked to see that no one was looking. Then, he snuck one of him and the Scully girls into his front pocket. Anna was watching the whole time, but he put his finger in front of his lips and knew that she would never tell.

"Does he have a brother?" Ellen whispered in Scully's ear as they made their way out of the apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

******disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

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_**~Early January, 1989~**_

"Ugh, Mulder, I thought we were going to work on the whole 'bachelor pad' thing?" Scully asked in disgust as she walked into his apartment and picked up a single dirty sock off the bookcase by the door.

"Oh yeah, pick on the sick guy," he said through his congestion, hands out to accept the baby on Scully's hip, who was in the same state as he was. She sneezed into his shoulder, then laid her head down on him. Even though they just had colds, Mulder hated to see the little girl in pain. He cradled her securely against him and was rewarded when she clutched his shirt in her tiny fist.

"You won't be sick for long if I have anything to say about it," Scully made him aware. When her daughter had fallen sick last night, it wasn't long before she got a distress phone call from Mulder telling her he had come down with something as well. They spent so much time together lately that she really wasn't surprised that he had picked up what she had, or vice versa. Instead of her mom driving all the way down from Baltimore every night to watch Anna, Mulder had arranged his work schedule so that he could get to Georgetown before 5 (to Maggie's great suspicion), which was when Scully had to be at work. He'd stay with her all night, until Scully got home at 1 a.m. Then, it would be all left up to discretion whether or not he would sleep on her couch or try to make it home. He kept an overnight bag at her place for those situations. This was on top of the weekends, which the three almost always spent together. Mulder was astounded and angry that Scully hadn't gotten sick, but she had quipped that she couldn't get sick, because she couldn't trust the two of them to take care of themselves, much less her.

Their plans that night had changed with Anna and Mulder's sickness. For the first time in he couldn't remember how long, Mulder called in to work. Since Anna was in the same boat anyway, he was still going to watch her, but at his place. Before she left for work, Scully was going to try to nurse the both of them to as good of health as possible.

She spent an hour and a half making chicken soup from scratch. At least his kitchen had been cleaned for her. She wondered how sick Mulder had been while still trying to disinfect this room of the house like she had told him to.

"Alright, Mulder, the soup's ready…" Scully said coming out of the kitchen, until she almost stepped on her friend sleeping on the floor. The TV was on low, some courtroom drama playing, and Anna had nestled herself into his chest. Scully relished in the feeling that her daughter was as safe as she possibly could be, with Mulder's hand splayed across her tiny back. Things hadn't been moving much between them, with their friendship taking priority over everything else, but Scully knew she'd give not anything, but just about, to be in Anna's position right then, sick or otherwise. Instead, she just smiled and shook her head, then grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch to throw over them.

"Mmmm," her baby whined, having been woken.

"Shhh, Ann, go back to sleep. Don't wake Mulder up."

Anna was lulled back into sleep by her mother's soft fingers working over her delicate wisps of strawberry blonde hair. Once Anna began snoring again, Dana switched her attentions to Mulder.

It started with her moving some hair off his sweating forehead, but she was stroking his cheek gently before she knew it. In his sleep, Mulder moaned, and it was so arousing to Scully that she knew she had to stop. Deep breath. _Get ahold of yourself, Dana._

It was nearing 4. Before she left for work, she had to get Anna's portable play pen out of her car, along with extra supplies for Mulder that night. It gave her a good excuse to busy her mind with thoughts other than the incredibly sexy man who had willingly become like a father to her daughter.

The door shutting woke Mulder out of his slumber. He knew he was going to regret falling asleep on the floor, but listening to Anna snore softly on his chest was what dissuaded him to move to the couch. From what he could smell, he knew something delicious was waiting for him in the kitchen, and even though he didn't believe in God or any higher power, he thanked whatever stroke of luck he had that brought him and Scully together. She was so wonderful and he loved her daughter like he felt he would love his own child. He still didn't know the story of the man that had let them slip through his fingers, but Mulder was determined to hold onto them as tightly as he could. And heaven help that man if Mulder ever got his hands on him, because he wouldn't live long enough to be sorry.

It must have been almost time for her to leave for work, because Scully came back inside with her uniform and a bag in one hand, and the playpen in the other. Carefully, Mulder rose and set Anna on the couch so that he could help her. They were just like two parents, struggling with the hassles of infant technology.

"Thank you," she said as the playpen popped open for him in a way that it wouldn't for her. They then shared a moment to watch Anna sleeping peacefully, her chest rising and falling dramatically with her illness.

"Any medicine we need to talk about for tonight?"

"The pediatrician prescribed her Ibuprofen for the fever, so she gets that after her bath. And before you put her down, rub some baby Vicks on her chest then dress her in the long-sleeved onesie. Let her sleep on her stomach, make sure she's covered. You have the number to the bar in case you need to get ahold of me, I also put the number of her doctor's office in the kitchen for emergencies. If she starts doing things like throwing up, call me, but if say, her lips turn blue or her fever spikes dramatically, don't waste any time and call the doctor. I'm pretty sure it's just a cold, but I'd rather you have this information and not use it than need it and not have it," she explained to him. He pretended that she was making his head spin, which earned him a laugh, but he couldn't say that standing up wasn't doing exactly that.

"Under what circumstances should I call in the National Guard?"

"Joke all you want, but I'm a mother and a doctor, so this hurts me doubly."

"This is going to be like any other night, Scully, just with a few more tissues."

"I know Mulder, but if you feel like you really aren't well enough to take care of a baby, then _please_ call me. I'll be back here as soon as I can," she reiterated.

"I promise, Dr. Scully, even though it won't be necessary," Mulder smiled, right before he started coughing and sniffling. Scully looked at him skeptically.

"Go eat your soup. I hate to do it, but I'm going to have to wake her up to feed her."

"Okay, I'll be in the kitchen. Let me know when you're finished," Mulder said as Scully rooted through the diaper bag for a burp cloth. At not quite eight months, Anna was still nursing, but not for much longer. She was drying up fast, and though Scully had been feeding her jarred baby food and cereal since four months, soon she would need only that and formula. Where was the time going? It seemed like only yesterday that Anna's gooey just-born self was placed on her chest after 29 hours of labor. Would the time between then and sending her to college seem as short as the time it took Scully to stop producing milk?

By the time Anna had finished, she was wide awake. Scully envied Mulder to be able to spend time with her baby while she went out to work. Reluctantly, as she stepped into the doorway to leave, she handed Anna to Mulder. The baby went willingly.

"Thank you for everything Scully, have a good day at work," Mulder told her.

"No, thank you. And please don't be afraid to call if something is wrong, I told my boss and she understands."

"We'll be fine here. We're going to have fun, aren't we Anna?" Scully looked down and smiled, wishing more than anything that she could stay there with them.

"Not too much fun, okay?" she warned sadly, closing in to kiss her daughter goodbye. Without thinking much (okay, maybe a little), she also stood on her tiptoes to plant her lips on Mulder's cheek. It was a kiss that both of them would be distracted by for the rest of the night.

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**thanks for the feedback! hope you guys enjoy this chapter and the many more that are to come!**


	6. Chapter 6

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**_**  
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_**~Late February, 1989~**  
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_Thunk._ Scully gave her daughter a warning gaze, but the baby just laughed to herself and she couldn't hold it for long. Once again, she bent over to pick up the bottle that Anna had thrown on the ground. Like the three times she had done this before, Anna expected her mom to give the bottle back to her, and made some whiny protests when she didn't.

"Here sugar, just don't throw it," Maggie said, noticing her granddaughter's frustrations and scooping some applesauce from a container for her to eat. The baby happily opened her mouth to receive it.

"Any teeth yet?" she asked Dana, who, now that the bottle throwing game was over, had been able to take a bite of her salad.

"No. I've been kind of worried, but when I asked her doctor he said he's seen babies start teething as late as 15 months."

"What about crawling?" her older sister, Melissa, asked from across the table. Since Dana had moved back home from Stanford, Maggie had been so thrilled to have her two daughters near to her. Both of her sons, Charles and Bill, had enlisted in the Navy in honor of their father's career, so it was nice to be able to see at least two of her children frequently. Dana, Maggie, and Melissa had had a standing lunch date at Jollyverti, one of their favorite cafes in Baltimore, every third Tuesday of the month since July when Dana came home.

It was so nice to be able to see her family often, especially since Anna had been born. Anna was their first grandchild, and Scully's mother and father put all qualms aside about her birth and showered her with attention. In fact, sometimes Scully was worried about them spoiling her, but they always came back with the argument that that's what grandparents were supposed to do.

Melissa had been a constant support system as well. Though she had no children of her own (and being the free spirit that she was, nobody thought she would ever settle down), any time Scully was worried about her daughter or bills or anything life had to throw at a single mother, Melissa's calm nature always assured her that everything was going to be okay. It had always been like that between the sisters. Dana was always the perfectionist, striving to do everything to the best of her ability. However, Melissa, two years older, was more carefree, sauntering through life and often providing an outlet for her sister's insecurities. After high school, Melissa had gone to college for journalism, and was a mostly aspiring author. She had yet to make it big, and Scully didn't really understand most of her sister's books about chakras, crystals, and other elements of Eastern culture, but she was rooting for her.

"Not yet. She'll sit on the floor and throw herself forward like she's going to do it, but then second-guess herself and sit down again. She's so weird, some things she's ahead of the curve on and some things… it's like she's taking her time," Scully explained, giving Anna her finger to hold on to.

Maggie put her hands in her lap and tilted her head to the side, watching her daughter interact with the baby. When Dana had first told them that she had gotten pregnant, they were less than thrilled. Her being unmarried and them being staunch Catholics was a problem, as was the fact that she was about to finish medical school in California. There had been a lot of tension between Dana and her parents until the birth of her daughter. Maggie had flown out the week before to be ready for when Dana went into labor, and only 14 hours after she arrived, Dana's water broke. Up until the very moment Maggie heard her baby granddaughter crying for the first time, she was worried that her feelings toward Dana's situation would get in the way of her loving that child as much as she knew it deserved to be loved. But when she emerged, red and screaming, all inhibitions crumbled and Maggie was overjoyed at the prospect of being a grandma. Since Dana had moved back home, their relationship had improved further. Of course, being mother and daughter, they were always going to disagree. At the end of the day, though, Maggie wouldn't change a thing.

"I think," Maggie started, using her power as matriarch of the family and mother of four children to give herself absolute credibility, "that she is like you, Dana. Stubborn. She's not going to do anything until she's good and ready. But, when she does decide to crawl and walk and talk, she'll surprise us with how much she's already learned."

The three women smiled at the girl in the high chair, knowing that, despite minor delays, she had promise.

"So Day, how's Mulder?" Maggie asked bluntly once their family moment was over. Scully almost spit out the water that was in her mouth. She had only spoken of Mulder a couple of times with her mother. Once when she told her that he was willing to babysit and she didn't need to drive 45 minutes down from Baltimore every day to watch her and once when she had to explain why she was leaving early on Christmas Day to go back home. She hadn't given her mother many more details on purpose because… Maggie Scully had a tendency to be nosy, especially when it came to her daughters' love lives. That had been part of the reason why she had picked a medical school so far from home. Melissa knew more about Mulder than her mother did, but was quiet on the subject.

"He's fine," was all she offered, keeping her head down, staring intently at her plate.

"When are we going to be able to meet him? You and Anna spend an awful lot of time with him; I'd like to assess him."

"He's been pretty busy with work lately. He's a field agent for the FBI, so his hours are pretty irregular sometimes."

"Tell me, Dana, what is the relationship status between you two?"

Her mother was trying to kill her, Scully sincerely believed as she once again choked on her water. Across the table, Melissa was trying not to burst out laughing, but was having a hard time of it. Dana shot her a death glare and tried to answer her mom in the least words possible.

"Like I've said before, Mom, we're just friends."

"Are you trying to tell me that this gentleman is comfortable just having a _friendship_ with you, yet he's willing to watch your daughter while you're working your horrible hours and spend every moment of the weekend with the two of you? Really, Dana, you should pull your head out of your idealistic ass sometime."

Melissa could not help letting a laugh escape after that one. Maggie Scully was nothing if not shocking.

"What's wrong with us being friends? I happen to be very comfortable with the relationship we have and I know he is too."

"Sweetheart, you are an MD, please tell me you know that this Mulder guy wants more than just friendship."

"I was suspicious at first too, Mom. But he's extremely respectful to me, beyond affectionate with Anna, and we're happy with the way things are." Actually, Scully was speaking somewhat out of turn there. Since the first night at the bar and the three or four days following that, Mulder had not seemed to be pursuing a further relationship with her at all. Not even after the kiss on the cheek she gave him a few weeks ago. It was like he still wanted to be emotionally invested, but not romantically. Sometimes, Scully got very sad when she wondered if he found her boring or unattractive, but stuck around because she had expressed her fears about him being one of "those" guys. It was ironic. First, she thought he'd run screaming from her because of Anna. Now, she wondered if that's why he was staying.

"Well, regardless of what you may or may not be telling me, I would still like to meet this Mulder. Will you do me some justice there? Give me some peace of mind?"

"Fine Mom, I'll see if I can get him to come to Easter."

"That's all I ask," Maggie said smugly, feeding Anna some more applesauce.

They had agreed on Chinese food that night, giving him an excuse to stick around after she returned home from work at 1 a.m. Mulder had yet to find a Chinese place that closed before 3 in the morning, and that is what he loved about Washington, D.C.

"Hoo boy, I don't know if this kung pao chicken is such a good idea at this time of night," he suppressed a burp coming from deep within him. Scully laughed, rolling herself into his body as they sat on the couch. She didn't bring her forehead up from his shoulder, which he knew meant she wanted to talk.

"How was lunch with your mom and Missy today?" he asked, aware of their standing date.

"Mom wants you to come to Easter," Scully said quietly, the sounds muffled against his sweatshirt.

"Hmm. Meeting your family," Mulder tried to pretend like it was a hard decision. Scully didn't seem to be getting the hint, though.

"I mean, I said that I'd ask you, but don't feel obligated. They just want to meet you because you're so close to Anna…"

"Scully, slow down, slow down. I'd be happy to meet your family."

She whipped her head up and looked directly into his eyes, needing to make sure she had correctly heard him.

"You will?"

"Of course. I mean, if you want me to, that is."

"No, I really want you to. I'm just surprised."

"Why are you surprised?"

"Well we're not… I mean, you and I aren't…"

"Ahh, I've gotcha."

They stared at each others' feet for a moment, wondering what the most appropriate thing to say next was. Scully wanted to tell him, desperately, how wonderful he was and how lucky she was to have him in her life. But everything she could express with words only paled in comparison to what she was feeling for the man next to her on the couch. Not to mention that there was a part of her (a larger one than she liked to admit) that was still untrustworthy and suspicious of men.

It was her insecurities, the ones she felt she was hiding well, that Mulder picked up on the most. He loved Dana Scully and her daughter, that was for sure. But he would never want to make her uncomfortable with him. He'd rather spend his entire life being her friend than confessing to her that he loved her and losing her forever. That didn't mean it wasn't hard to control himself around her, but it did mean it was necessary.

Setting the offending chicken down on the coffee table, Mulder wrapped his arm around his friend and pulled her close, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling. He loved the smell of her. He loved the life he had built with her.

"You need to bring me up to speed with your family members," he let her know, feeling her getting sleepy in his arms.

Through droopy eyelids and yawns, she began to tell him about her father the Navy captain, how he was firm but loving, and how she called him "Ahab" and he called her "Starbuck" after their favorite book to read together, Moby Dick. Mulder made a sarcastic comment about reading a child a gruesome tale about an evil whaler crusading against an endangered species, but if reading that book had made Scully part of the person she was now, he'd start reading it to Anna immediately.

Then came her well-intentioned but busy mother, who he already knew a few details about. She assured him that she was already impressed with the person he was for being such a big help to Scully and Anna, so he was pretty safe in that area. Missy was another that Scully had told him some things about. Her books and her theories, Scully only warned Mulder to not be freaked out by any chants or cleansings she may perform.

"You know, I have a soft spot for new age techniques," Mulder informed her.

"Then I guess you'll have a lot to talk about then. The best word I can use to describe my sister would be 'flighty' though, so you could possibly have a problem holding a long-term conversation with her. I love her to death, but we couldn't be any different."

And of course, she saved telling him about her brothers for last. Her younger brother Charlie wasn't going to be a problem. At 22, he was the baby of the family, and his strong suit had always been using his humorous nature to his advantage in any situation. It was a nice change from her older brother, Bill, Jr., who Scully sometimes thought was more stern concerning her than her own father was. He had the most traditional values, which had put a strain on their relationship since Anna was born. She knew that if they didn't talk about it for long enough, that the problem would go away, but since she had gotten pregnant they had exchanged some harsh words, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't still a little uncomfortable around him.

"I have to be honest with you, Bill's an ass."

"Is he the kind of macho ass who's going to try and show me up at everything, or is he more of a passive-aggressive ass who's going to give me stare-downs from across the room all day?"

"He's the worst kind of ass: a little of both."

"Oh god."

"I know. But he's getting married this summer, so maybe having a fiancée has calmed him down a bit."

"I just have one question then."

"Shoot."

"How big is he?"

A big smile broke out across her face not just because his expression was hilarious, but because he was committing.

"Don't ask me that question Mulder, because it's not going to matter."

"Just give me an idea. Only so that I can be prepared."

"He's a little taller than you and he's been in the Navy since he was 19. But, you are two years younger than him, and you're in better physical shape than he was the last time I saw him. I don't want you preparing for anything, but I am going to tell you that you have a few tools on your side."

"It's always good to know your assets."

Seeing Mulder try to stifle a yawn, Scully knew that she should have let him have the couch so he could sleep. But now that he knew about her family…

"What about your family, are you ever going to pressure me into meeting them?" Scully asked, not expecting his sudden silence and loss of whatever mirth had been bouncing between them.

"I don't really like to talk about my family," was all he offered, looking down at their hands, which had somehow managed to interlock themselves without Mulder or Scully noticing. She used the hand he wasn't holding to gently rub his fingers one by one. It was the only movement for a few seconds.

"Well, when you do want to talk, I'll be right here ready to listen." It wasn't abrupt at all, instead compassionate when Scully chose that to be the end of their conversation. Mirroring her actions from a few weeks ago (which neither of them had still made sense of or been able to forget for a substantial period of time), Mulder pulled on Scully's hand once she was standing and kissed her cheek.

"Sleep well," was what his mouth said after the action; his eyes saying so much more though.

"You too."

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**thank you for giving me your thoughts! i promise you will not be disappointed with what's to come.**


	7. Chapter 7

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

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_**~Later that Night~**_

"Scully?" Mulder asked after cautiously knocking on the door. She was sitting up in bed, her white v-neck falling dangerously low on her bra-less chest, but that's not why he was there. Timid and unsure, he stood in the doorway even after she had turned on the lamp and put on her glasses. Scully was desperately trying to recover from the _very_ friendly dream she was having about the man in front of her. It started off quite similarly, actually. One look at his disheveled posture, though, and she knew that that wasn't even in the realm of possibility.

"Mulder? What's wrong?" she asked, moving slightly on the bed and patting the spot next to her. He took her up on her invitation, laying next to her on top of the covers.

"I'm sorry, I know it's late. But, I can't sleep and it's because of what you said earlier."

"What did I say earlier?"

"You asked me about my family, and I totally blew you off."

"Don't worry about that. I don't expect you to tell me anything you don't want to."

He gave her a playful stare. _Are you kidding me?_

"No, I do owe you something. I mean, you've given me so much of yourself, even though I know it's not easy for you. You've let me be a part of your daughter's life… I definitely owe you some information about my family."

"Are you sure?" she asked, knowing he was about to give it to her.

"Positive."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Umm, I grew up in Chilmark, Massachusetts. Martha's Vineyard. My dad worked for the State Department and my mom was able to stay at home. It was just them and me, and my little sister Samantha."

Scully's ears perked up at this. He had never mentioned a sister before.

"We were pretty well-off growing up. My mom's parents had owned their own tea company before they died, and my mom sold it not long after she inherited it. Plus my dad's family had been wealthy for generations. So it was… nice, I guess. Not exactly comfortable. They weren't around a whole lot.

"But Samantha and I were pretty close. She was four years younger than me, so I always felt that I needed to protect her. Our house wasn't the happiest in the neighborhood by any means, but when I was looking out for her, I felt like I was serving my purpose. She was an amazing kid."

_Was._ Without breaking his gaze, Scully reached for his hand.

"When I was twelve and Sam was eight, she was abducted from our home while our parents were at the neighbors'. I was supposed to be watching her, but we had gotten into an argument," tears were filling his eyes, but he still managed to smirk, "about what to watch on TV. TV, Scully, my last words to my sister were about what to watch on TV. We were on the floor, playing Stratego, and the next minute we're fighting over the TV. So she storms upstairs to her room. A half hour later, I go up there so we can finish the game and she was gone."

Mulder was sobbing now, quite uncontrollably. Under the circumstances, Scully provided as much comfort as she could. But she was shocked. How this man, her best friend, had suffered throughout his life living with the fact that his sister had gone missing under his care made her extremely upset for him. She moved his head to her lap, stroking his hair and his cheek gently while he clung to her hand with both of his for dear life.

"I thought she was just messing with me. But I couldn't find her anywhere. Then I noticed that her bedroom window had been popped back into place the wrong way and that's when I knew…"

"Oh Mulder. Oh Mulder," Scully cooed softly, tears running down her cheeks as well. They rocked slowly.

"The police considered me a suspect for a long time. That killed me, because I was already feeling so guilty. And my parents weren't any comfort. My mom basically made a break from reality that night and my dad never stopped blaming me for what happened. For two years the investigation kept up, but nothing more was ever discovered. During that time, my father…" Mulder gulped, not sure if he was ready to pull from the emotions that he had so masterfully repressed, "became an alcoholic. And when he was drunk, even sometimes when he wasn't, he would hit me," the last part he said in almost a whisper, as if saying it any louder would transport him back to that period of his life.

"Why didn't your mom stop him?" Scully asked, inhaling sharply with her emotions.

"I don't think she cared. I don't know. She took a lot of pain pills. When I was 15 she told my father that she had been cheating on him for almost their entire marriage. Some guy he worked with. He moved out, so at least the beatings stopped. But I didn't really have anyone, it was like I was an afterthought. Thank God I was old enough to feed myself because I don't know if she would have."

"Mulder," Scully wept, never having imagined that Mulder's life had been like this. Never having imagined the pain this man went through, yet how he was able to bring so much joy to her. It was Mulder's turn to be comforting, sitting up and cupping her cheek in his hand.

"I didn't tell you this story so that you could feel sorry for me. I hate other peoples' pity. That's why I don't tell a lot of people about my childhood, even though so much of what I do now is because of what I went through. But you deserve to know, Dana."

"I'm happy that you trust me, but I don't want you to feel like you owe me something," Scully said, knowing that there were still things about her past that she couldn't reveal to him.

"After all that we've shared; after what we've become to each other, I just couldn't keep it to myself much longer."

She gave him a small smile that she hoped to look sympathetic, but really was a reflection upon herself. Here they were, laying in bed together, him telling her how much he trusted her and all of these things that she deserved to know; yet she felt the need to keep her secrets still. He had passed every test, broken through every wall, but Scully didn't want to relive the situation she was in not many months ago herself. Telling Mulder, that would bring it back in a way that she wasn't ready to accept at that moment. And while she knew her secrets were on his mind, she hoped that he could understand. Like so many others, she hoped he didn't throw up his hands and give up on her.

But she could understand if he did. She always understood why they did.

Exhausted from their outbursts, Mulder and Scully lay still in the bed, entangled in each other. It wasn't a bad way to fall asleep. But as they did, Scully was sure to whisper something to her friend, not sure if he would hear it or not.

"I'm sorry Mulder."

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**don't hate me for changing the mytharc. **


	8. Chapter 8

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**_**  
**_

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_**~Early March, 1989~**_

"Come on baby, just move your legs and you've got it," Scully encouraged her daughter from the middle of the living room floor. She was on her hands and knees, but she just wouldn't take the risk and crawl. They had tried everything. Food, toys, Mulder had even pulled a $20 out of his wallet one day and offered it to her if she crawled to him. Nothing. It was discouraging sometimes, especially since she didn't ever want to consider her daughter delayed, but in the back of Scully's mind, her mother was there, telling her that they were exactly alike.

Anna decided, once again, that it wasn't going to be the day she would crawl for the first time, and plopped herself back into a sitting position. What was worse was that when Scully hung her head in frustration, she found it extremely funny.

"This better be a phase," she quipped, and was about to say more when the phone rang. Since she knew her daughter wasn't going anywhere, she had no problem leaving her in the living room while she went to the kitchen to answer it.

"Hello?" Scully answered, expecting it to be Mulder. It was nearing 4:30, the time he would usually leave work. Even though he had been on a case in Pennsylvania for the past four days, he had been keeping their tradition of talking to each other at 4:30.

_"Is this Dana Scully?"_ a man's deep voice asked. Not the right man's voice. She didn't yet know what was going on, but she somehow knew that she should be worried.

"Yes."

"_This is Agent Purdue with the FBI, Agent Fox Mulder's partner. Ms. Scully, I'm sorry to inform you that Mulder's been shot."_

The man sounded disturbed, but Scully wouldn't recall that until hours later. Her heart stopping in her chest was much more concerning to her at that moment. God couldn't take him away from her now. Not when they had just found each other.

"Is he… is he okay? Where was he shot? Where did they take him?" she asked frantically, her voice getting higher and higher as she felt herself losing control. Without thinking, she was turning off lights, gathering her purse and keys. There was no question in her mind that she was going to be there for him.

"_He was taken to Gettysburg Hospital with a gunshot wound to the right shoulder. He's in surgery right now and nobody's saying anything about him."_

"Give me your cell, I'll be there as soon as I can."

She wrote down Agent Purdue's number and managed to call work, all while pacing around nervously waiting for her mother. She'd have to leave Anna there, she couldn't cart a baby all the way up to Gettysburg and then expect her to sit quietly in a hospital for God knows how long. Her mom was already on her way there to replace Mulder. She hated to do it, but she had to wait.

Finally, at 4:48 exactly, her mother's car pulled up to her building. It took her three minutes to walk up to the apartment.

"Sorry I'm late, Day—" was all Maggie managed to get out before her daughter rushed to the door.

"I have to go. Mulder's been shot."

Maggie wouldn't just let her daughter bolt out of there, though, not without an explanation.

"What? Dana, where are you going?"

"Mulder was on a case and he's been shot in Gettysburg. I have to go up there, I'm his next of kin."

"I'll drive you up there, then."

"No. No, just stay here. Stay here with Anna, and I'll call you as soon as I know more details."

"Dana—"

"I love you Mom. Give Anna a kiss for me," was all Scully said, then rushed out the door. As her car sped out of the parking lot, Maggie was immediately worried for her daughter's safety on the road. She was sure this Mulder didn't need Dana getting in an accident on her way up to the hospital. There were so many things she wished Dana would think about before driving like a bat out of Hell to see her friend, but at the end of the day, all Maggie could do was pray.

"Please let Mulder be okay, please let Mulder be okay," Scully had been chanting the entire 2 hour trip to Pennsylvania. She didn't even know she was saying it out loud, her thoughts screaming at her from the inside. _What if he died? What if he was already dead? _She didn't think she could handle that, not when their friendship was so new. Faced with the possibility of losing him, though, Dana Scully was faced with just how much she needed Mulder.

When she pulled up to the hospital, everything seemed so ordinary. This was where she aspired to be. This was where she thought her career path lay. Yet, the looming building in front of her terrified Scully more than she ever thought a simple hospital would. All was calm on the outside, but Mulder could very well lay dead inside, his cold body so different than the vibrant man who held her daughter above his head until she squealed with delight, or the caring man who had comforted her in the middle of the night after he told her about his sister's disappearance. He was so many things to her, he couldn't just be a corpse. Not now.

"I'm looking for an Agent Fox Mulder," her shaky voice asked once she arrived in the emergency room.

"Dana Scully?" a familiar voice asked her from the waiting area. A weary, distraught man in a blood-covered suit stood up to meet her, and his expression, spelled out in front of her, made Scully very scared.

"Yes?"

"I'm Agent Mulder's partner, Agent Purdue. Mulder's recovering from his surgery right now, he's up in the Intensive Care Unit."

"He's… he's alive?" Scully asked, every pent up fear threatening to project itself at once.

"Yes, and they think he'll make a full recovery. It was just, uh, uncertain there for awhile."

"Can I see him?"

Agent Purdue nodded his head, then took Scully up a floor and to Mulder's room. His left side was heavily bandaged, and he was as pale as the white sheets covering him. But the heart monitor was beeping strong and steady, and Scully breathed a huge sigh of relief. Everything was going to be fine.

"He lost a lot of blood."

"Thank you for calling me, Agent Purdue."

"Of course. You know, he's been talking about you a lot for the past few months. I'm sorry we had to meet this way."

"Do you think Mulder orchestrated this?"

"Haha, it wouldn't be beyond him."

Now that she knew Mulder was going to be okay, all Scully wanted to do was laugh.

"I think you should go back to your hotel, Agent Purdue. I'll stay with Mulder for the night."

"Alright. Call me if he wakes up. I'll drop by in the morning."

As Agent Purdue was leaving the room, Scully took the liberty of reading Mulder's chart, then decided against consulting with the doctors who had worked on him. She needed to leave her medical training behind and just focus on being there for Mulder. Pulling up a chair next to his bed, she took his cold hand and wrapped hers around it. Before long, the weight of the past few hours came crashing down on her shoulders, and Scully was yawning. The sound of the monitors gently lulled her to sleep.

A raspy, whispering sound and the jerking movements of Mulder's hand were enough to rouse Scully from her slumber. She wondered what time it was, but admittedly, that was not her first priority.

"Scully," Mulder was whispering, more like choking, due to the intubation down his throat. Bringing her hands to his forehead, brushing the perspiration and hair away, she calmly cooed to him, making soft noises just like she did when Anna woke up in the middle of the night crying.

"Don't fight it, don't fight it Mulder. Don't try to speak. I'm right here," she comforted him, using her other hand to meet his grasping one. For a man who had just been shot, he had a good grip.

"I don't know exactly what happened; I'm not sure that I want to know. But your partner called me up here awhile ago because you had been shot. I was so scared that I had lost you. The whole way to Gettysburg I kept thinking about what would happen if you weren't around for me or Anna anymore. You can't do this to me again, do you understand?" Scully made sure to keep talking, trying to distract him from the pain he was obviously in as she repeatedly hit the call button. She'd have them up his pain medicine now that they knew he had been awake once, and try to persuade them to take out the intubation because his pulse was strong and his lung function was looking as good as it possibly could for someone in his situation. They had dodged a bullet (no pun intended) when the gunman missed his lung. If his lung had been punctured, Scully had doubts that Mulder would have even made it to the hospital, especially considering the amount of blood he lost. Paired with that, his blood cells would have essentially suffocated before he would have been able to receive proper medical treatment.

"My mom is with Anna. She sends her love," Scully assumed, the nurses and doctors rushing in to attend to her partner. Without having to say anything, most of Scully's wishes were granted. However, they did not remove the intubation, which wasn't that big of a deal if they were going to put him back to sleep.

Through all of her words and all of the medical professionals' actions, Mulder began to panic. The last thing he remembered was standing off with a serial kidnapper in the cemetery. Reggie and half a dozen other agents had been behind him. That guy just about signed his own death wish by taking the first shot, but that didn't exactly put him in a better situation. The numbness was wearing off, and his mind was starting to pick up speed. But he would be lying to himself if he said that being able to open his eyes and see Scully at his bedside and hear her voice trying to calm him wasn't nice. It was wonderful. But it was under the wrong circumstances.

"Don't fight the doctors, Mulder. I'm one of them, you know. Just listen to my voice. I worked with Anna all day today trying to get her to crawl. No luck. If you can think of any other way to motivate her, you're going to have to let me know, because I've tried everything."

Mulder's thrashing slowed and eventually stopped as the pain medicine started to take effect. He still wouldn't let go of her hand, though, and that was perfectly okay with Scully. She kept telling him mundane things about her day, about the weather, about anything that came to her mind until his eyelids started to droop. She only stopped when they closed all the way, and the doctor and nurses, who had been giving her the respect of her need to comfort him, were finally able to speak.

The doctors didn't say much to her that she was already suspecting or didn't already know; Mulder had been extremely lucky to only escape with the injuries that he had. In the next 12 to 24 hours, he'd most likely be up and able to have the intubation taken out. Their only real concern at that moment was for his recovery—infection of the wound was always a possibility. They didn't give her a timeline for when he could come home, but their optimism made Scully feel like it wouldn't be long. Once they finally left, she was able to get up and stretch her legs, find the payphone, and give her mother a much-deserved call.

_"Hello?"_ her mother answered, sounding weary. Scully kicked herself for not calling her sooner.

"Hey Mom," Scully tried to sound calm.

_"Dana, thank goodness. What's the news?"_

"Um, he was shot in the upper right side of his chest, but the bullet missed his lung and any major arteries. He's going to be fine, but by the time he got to the hospital, he had lost a lot of blood. Actually, he woke up not that long ago, but he's still in a lot of pain so they put him back to sleep."

_"But you believe he's going to be okay?"_

"Yes, everyone here thinks that, barring any infection, he should make a perfect recovery."

_"Thank heavens. I was so worried, especially when you hadn't called."_ That, Scully realized, was as good a time as any to check her watch. 11:58.

"Sorry Mom, I fell asleep in his room."

_"I understand sweetheart, you had worked yourself up so much."_ It was true, and as Scully's emotions were winding down once more and she was coming off her adrenaline high, she just wanted her mom.

"How's Anna?"

_"A little distraught. She cried for an hour after you left. You know, sometimes we don't realize how intuitive infants are, but she knew something was wrong."_

"I'm sorry. I forgot to get her yellow blanket from the car."

_"Oh don't worry about it. When do you think you'll be coming home?"_

"I'm going to wait until he wakes up again. If you want to bring her back to your place, that's fine. In fact, I was just going to pop around there to shower and maybe get some rest once I know he's stable. It's only an hour from the hospital."

_"Alright Dana, then I'll see you at home. Please try to be careful. I love you very much; tell Mulder that we're thinking of him."_

It was a giant comfort to have that support from her mom, even though she was miles away.

"I will. I love you too."

With that, she retreated back to Mulder's room, hopefully to try and get a few more winks before having to go through any more stress.

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**sorry to do this to Mulder. much love to all of my readers.**


	9. Chapter 9

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

"Careful Mulder, let me unbuckle your seatbelt," Scully warned, pulling up to her apartment slowly. It was nice to finally get out of Gettysburg. She had been driving back and forth from her mother's for five days, even though Mulder insisted that she didn't have to. He had recovered much faster than expected (which he chalked up to his hatred of hospitals, and also the fact that Scully brought Anna in to see him on the third day), but he had a feeling that Scully was going to be in full doting doctor mode for at least the next couple of days. While she had been able to suppress her urges while he was still recovering in the hospital, there were no other professionals to step on the toes of at home. Dr. Scully had full reign.

"Scully, I'm perfectly able to unbuckle myself," he said, trying to shoo away her hands, which made her even more nervous.

"Fine, but if you rip those stitches, I swear to God Mulder, that is going to be the least of your problems," she threatened, then got out of the car, probably to open his door for him exactly like he did not want her to. Mulder could have been annoyed, but he was more endeared by Scully's compulsions than anything, at least at that moment in time. Getting shot in the shoulder had definitely been one of his more minor injuries sustained through work. But having someone there to take care of him, to be worried for him, to tell him not to do stuff, it was nicer than he was letting on.

She told him she was insisting that he stay with her so that she could make sure he was healing properly, but Mulder had the sneaking suspicion that the reason Scully wanted him to stay at her place was because she just wanted to make sure that he was safe. Reggie told him about how she had rushed up to the hospital the second he had called her, and how upset she was when she got there. Knowing how she reacted to him being hurt, he wouldn't be surprised if she had ulterior motives. He knew that he would if the tables were turned. A shudder ran through Mulder's spine. He didn't ever want to think of how he would react if Scully was hurt.

Somebody was waiting for the pair as they walked in the door.

"Hello!" Maggie Scully greeted them, speaking for Anna. Upon seeing her mother, the little girl broke out in a gummy grin.

Reiterating her previous thoughts, when Maggie saw Mulder, she believed that her daughter needed to get her head out of her idealistic ass. He was tall, dark, handsome; hell, when she were Dana's age she would have been swooning over him. She just couldn't believe that the man just wanted to be friends. But it was relieving to see how he looked at Anna when she was in Dana's arms. There was no mistaking his fondness for her.

"Hi baby, look who I brought home with me," Scully said, putting her arm carefully around Mulder. The little girl's eyes undeniably lit up when she saw the man, and she reached out for him.

"I'm sorry I can't hold you, sweetie," he apologized, "but I will hold you every chance I get once this sling comes off. You won' t need to learn how to crawl, because I will take you everywhere with me." Anna seemed to understand what he was saying, and giggled when he leaned in to kiss her cheeks again and again and again.

"Mulder, this is my mom. Mom, this is Fox Mulder," Scully decided to introduce them before her mom introduced herself. She wanted to control as much of the situation as possible because her mother was unpredictable and had certainly reacted to Mulder's… appearance.

"Hello Mrs. Scully, it's nice to meet you," he said politely, holding out his good hand for her to take.

"It's very nice to meet you too, Fox. I'm sorry that it took this."

"Nonsense, if it led us to meet, then it was all worth it."

Maggie shot her daughter a look. Handsome, respectful, and charming?

"Didn't want to wait until Easter to taste my mashed potatoes?" she joked with him.

"Oh, you didn't have to make anything Mom," Dana said, looking in the refrigerator and seeing more than mashed potatoes taking up space there.

"Well what did you expect me to do all day waiting for you guys to come home?"

After dinner, Mulder was contentedly stuffed and had settled himself on the couch for the nightly news. Leaving the dishes for later, Scully and her mom joined him in the living room, Anna in tow. His eyes were closed, and he was almost asleep, when he heard Mrs. Scully speak up.

"Dana, is there something you're not telling me about your relationship with Fox?" she came right out of the blue and asked.

"What? No, Mom, why would you even ask that?" Scully said, offended, knowing exactly what her mom was referring to.

"There's no need to take that tone, he's a very nice man. I wouldn't be embarrassed at all to call him my son-in-law."

"Mom!"

"What in the world are you so uptight about? Is there something wrong with him?"

"No, that's not it. Mulder's basically perfect, but that's what worries me. He's so good with Anna, he's a great guy to be around, I'm just wondering when the jig is going to be up. I wonder what he's doing with me, a woman with a baby, asking for no kind of romantic companionship at all," Scully confessed to her mom, though kept her eyes on Mulder the whole time. She didn't know he wasn't sleeping.

"Well of course everyone has flaws, honey, but you can't put yours on a scale against his, stacking all of these things you think are wrong with you against his good qualities. You're a wonderful person, Dana. Did you ever think that that could be why Fox wants to be around you?"

Mulder was silently cheering for Mrs. Scully. Maybe she could put it into the words that he could not speak.

"Men aren't like that, though. They only want one thing, and I'm just wondering when Mulder's patience is going to wear out."

This made Mulder mad. He had spent five months proving himself to her; proving himself to be more than just "another guy." And she still didn't trust him enough to consider that he really did value her friendship above everything else?

"Sounds to me like you aren't giving him the chance to be anything other than what you're expecting."

Preach, Maggie, preach.

"I just… I can't…" Scully broke down. It took everything Mulder had to stay still when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and assure her that he had all the patience in the world. He could be all she needed; she had to know that. But he had to stay still.

_I can be everything you need, Scully, even if all you need is a friend._

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__**thanks to everyone who has shown interest in my story!  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong tome, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.  
**

**a/n: so this and the next chapter are the ones you have been asking for. hopefully i do the characters justice. i have never changed my mind about this scenario, this has been the direction the story has been going in all along. however, your feedback will determine the way the story goes in the future, so please be sure to tell me whether or not it was a good route to take. i start my old job back today, so for those of you who love the regular updates, please be patient.  
**

**now on to the show..._  
_**

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**_~March 26, 1989~  
_**

"Is that what you're wearing?" Scully asked as she walked into Mulder's bedroom Easter morning. She looked stunning in a knee-length, cap-sleeved, white floral dress and her hair blow dried into loose waves. Anna was in her arms in a sea green dress with a white polo underneath and ribbon around the middle, fighting to remove the white hat on her tiny head. He was going with them to mass, then around to her parents' later on. It was sunny outside, almost 9:30 (which meant they were running late), and everything felt very Easter-y. Except for Mulder, who had dressed himself in a black T-shirt and jeans.

"What? You said 'casual.'"

"No, I said 'church casual.'"

"So what am I supposed to look like?"

"Here," Scully sighed, though she was still smiling, handing Anna to him and opening his closet doors wider. Mulder took her hat in his hand. Her baby hair was thin, but he could make out the wisps of red strands amongst the blonde ones. He hoped she'd be a redhead like her mom. He'd grown to like redheads quite a lot in the recent months.

"First of all, you don't wear black to church unless there's a funeral. Since Easter is in celebration of the _resurrection_, it would probably be the absolute worst day to wear black to church. And my mom would probably flip if she saw jeans later at the house. Here you go, put these khaki pants on. Brown belt. Brown shoes. Don't you ever wear anything but black and gray? This shirt is perfect," Scully rambled, throwing clothes on the bed, then eventually showing him a light blue polo that she had pulled from deep within the closet.

"Ew, Scully, I hate that shirt. It's too… 'soccer dad.'"

"Tough."

"But all the other kids will make fun of me."

"No, because all the other kids' wives will dress them exactly like you."

Mulder gulped. He tried very hard to brush off her comment, but it did make his throat go dry. He wanted nothing more than to treat Scully like his wife, but he knew they weren't on that level yet.

Scully mentally kicked herself for making such a stupid statement. Comparing herself to Mulder's wife? What was she trying to do, kick him out of her life forever? If there was one thing that was going to scare him away at this point, it was going to be insinuating that they were a married couple, even though they walked and talked like one.

Mulder hadn't been in a church in around 15 years. His father had been Methodist, his mother Jewish, but once Sam had been taken, the whole family put religion on the back burner. They had never been very stringent anyways, only making it to services during holidays. He couldn't say that he missed it. There had always been an investigative side of him that religion just provided too many questions for. Eventually, through his years at college and now with his job, faith had just fallen by the wayside and he was perfectly fine with it. But, if it would make Scully happy, he'd attend mass every day for the rest of his life. Sitting through an hour of religious services wasn't going to kill him.

"I have no idea what to do," he whispered to her as she genuflected and crossed herself before sitting down.

"Just do what I do. Except you don't have to kneel. Or walk up for communion. Okay, just stand and sit. Stand and sit when I stand and sit, got that? Oh, and shake hands."

"Holy sh—"

"Mulder!"

They were discussing the harmful effects of incense when they pulled up to her parents' house in Baltimore. Seeing the picture-perfect scene before him, Mulder suddenly became very nervous about the impression he was going to make on Scully's family. _"Oh, so you're the man who's been seeing my daughter these past few months?" "Not seeing, sir, just spending every spare moment with and helping to raise a little girl with. But there is no hint of romance in our relationship, in case you were wondering. Gay? No, I'm not gay. Just in an incredibly confusing relationship with your daughter."_ He broke out in a cold sweat.

"So, who all is going to be here again?" Mulder asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"My mom and dad, obviously, Melissa, Charlie, Bill, and Bill's fiancée, Tara," she told him, and picking up on his tone asked, "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Oh yeah," he lied.

For some reason, Mulder had an image of the entire family running to meet Dana in the foyer once they walked in. He knew that meeting the Scullys was going to be a totally different experience from the family he grew up in. When he heard no footsteps coming as he closed the door, though, Mulder breathed out a huge sigh of relief. He didn't know if he could take them all in at once. Only a hectic-looking Maggie met them at the door, kissing her daughter and granddaughter.

"Hello sweethearts, hello Fox. How is your shoulder?"

"Doing well, thank you. And thank you for having me today."

"Oh, it will be so nice to have the whole family here. Come on dear, everyone is in the living room and dinner's almost ready," Maggie said, taking Mulder's arm and leading him down a hallway and to the living room. Scully was snickering behind them. Her mother's intentions were good, but she was about to throw Mulder to the sharks.

The Scully living room was very homey. A large entertainment center was against one wall, and two couches, a loveseat, and a recliner surrounded it. There were also bookshelves against the wall between the living room and open dining room. In one corner sat a changing table and baby toys, but that was no surprise. Mulder knew how close Scully was with her parents.

Her family was watching golf on TV, something Mulder would have to learn to respect. On the couch were a tall, lanky, woman with shoulder-length faint red hair, a woman with blonde hair who looked a little out-of-place, and a tall light-haired man, who Mulder assumed to be Melissa, Tara, and Bill. On the loveseat, a very tall and very red-headed young man was passed out, and the way Scully spoke of him, he knew that had to be Charlie. Then, reclined in the chair, was a mostly-bald, round red-haired man wearing something akin to what Mulder was wearing, only he had slippers on. They didn't look scary, but Mulder was an FBI agent, he knew that things that were seemingly harmless could often be extremely dangerous.

"Alright, guys, time to get up. Look who's here," Maggie announced, still holding on to Mulder's arm. Melissa jumped off the couch to see her sister and niece, and after hugging Dana immediately snatched Anna from her arms. Then came Tara, and then Bill. The interaction between Scully and Bill was cold, Mulder noticed, but at least it was civil. As Capt. Scully left his chair, he slapped his still-conked son with a newspaper.

"Charlie had quite the time last night, in case you couldn't tell," Melissa remarked to her sister.

"Hey Dane," Charlie smiled, coming toward her with a stagger and then practically collapsing in her arms as he hugged her. Even though he smelled like beer, she could still tell through his embrace that he was truly happy to see her.

Nothing Mulder had witnessed of their family interactions, though, even compared to watching how Scully reacted to her father.

"How's it going Ahab?" she asked, her smile growing as her father walked up to her.

"Everything's ship shape Starbuck, now that you're home," he said, saluting briefly, then pulling her into a long hug. It was obvious that they shared a special connection. Dana had always been "daddy's little girl."Just like with her mother, a real strain had been put on their relationship when she had gotten pregnant. The first time he saw Anna, though, he fell in love.

Scully wrapped her arms around her father and only wanted to never let go. She was transported back years in that simple embrace. Back to when she would ride on his shoulders or he would tuck her into bed. She'd cry for days after he left for a tour. She'd be the first one in his arms when he came home.

"Bill," Maggie started, getting her husband's attention. Mulder took another deep breath, his umpteenth of the day. This was it.

Capt. Scully's demeanor had been very friendly until he turned his attention toward Mulder. He switched from "Dana's daddy" to "Dana's father."

"This is Fox Mulder, Dana's friend," she introduced them. Mulder held out his hand for the captain to shake, hoping that it was firm and confident instead of clammy and loose. The man had looked rapists, serial murderers, and the most detestable people in society square in the eye, and nothing frightened him more than Scully's father.

"Hello sir, thank you for having me today," Mulder said, knowing what a whiny little brown-noser he sounded like.

"Not a problem. Maggie and Dana have told me quite a lot about you, and you seem to be quite the upstanding guy. And as long as my wife and little girl have a favorable opinion of you, I have a favorable opinion of you."

"Thank you. Your daughter is an amazing person, I'm just lucky she lets me hang around."

"Yeah, my Starbuck is very special," Capt. Scully ended with, conveying to Mulder a much deeper message. If he ever even thought of hurting his daughter, he'd have hell to pay. Then, as Mulder watched the captain take his granddaughter from Melissa, he knew that if he ever thought about hurting her, he may as well kiss his own existence goodbye.

"I think he likes you," Scully whispered to him.

"I'd hate to see how he would be if he didn't," he whispered back, and she rubbed his arm. She couldn't believe what he was enduring for her.

"Alright, dinner's almost done, so get ready to eat," Maggie told everyone before her other children could get their piece of Mulder.

Dinner was delicious, as Mulder told Mrs. Scully several times. It was a little awkward, though, after the interrogation from her family added to the glares he was getting from Scully's older brother from across the table. She noticed. Melissa did too. Nobody could compete with them in a glare-off.

After everyone was done eating, he made an impression by telling Maggie to sit down and let him do the dishes. Not to be outdone, Bill stood up and began clearing the table as well. Mulder whipped his head around in a panic, looking for Scully, and she gave him a sympathetic look. There was nothing she could do for him.

"Thank you boys very much. Don't worry about putting everything away, I'll do that later. Meet us in the living room when you're done, we're going to give Anna her Easter basket," Maggie smiled sweetly, leaving the men to themselves. Mulder's philosophy was just to keep his head down and soldier through the chore he volunteered for, hoping to exchange as few words as possible with the man who obviously had a problem with him. Bill had other plans, though.

"Let's cut to the chase, Mr. Mulder, what is it that you want with my sister?" Bill asked as soon as his family was out of earshot.

"I don't want anything with your sister. We're friends," Mulder answered honestly.

"My parents may believe that, Mulder, but I know that's not the case. No man just sticks around to be friends with a woman and a baby that he has no obligation to. What does she give you? What do you take from her?"

"I don't take anything from her, Bill. I never would. I'm sorry if you find it hard to believe, but I really do care about your sister and Anna."

"Then what's the problem with her?"

"She's… there's no problem with her. She's perfect."

"Listen, Mulder, my sister has made some dumb decisions concerning her body and her life, and I'm sick of sitting back and watching people take advantage of her. You either man up or get out of her life," Bill gave the ultimatum. He wasn't even helping with the dishes anymore.

"Dana is not dumb, Bill. And I have no knowledge of the so-called 'dumb' decisions she's made, but if they gave her Anna and led her to me, then I don't think they're dumb at all. She's brilliant, talented, compassionate, a great mother, and the best friend I've ever had. Respectfully, Bill, I think you're the one who needs to 'man up' and support your sister."

"Don't tell me I need to support her. I'm the one who has had to hear about the mistakes she's made, the ones that have kept my mother up all night crying. I'm the one who hunted down the scumbag she got pregnant with, and I'm the one who drove her and Anna and all of her things home from California after that asshole professor—"

"Bill? Mulder?" a voice came from the doorway. It was Melissa. She knew something was up between them, but she thankfully hadn't heard their conversation.

"Hey, Anna's diving into her Easter basket, so you should probably hurry up."

As Mulder left to follow Melissa, he could feel Bill's eyes on his back, but he chose to ignore them. He hated that Bill had been the one to give him the most information about Scully's life before him. Frustration boiled inside of him as he thought of that night not very long ago where he trusted Scully with the story of the worst period of his life. He confessed everything to her, and he had to hear about the man who got her pregnant from her angry brother? It wasn't fair.

"Are you okay?" Scully asked as he sat down next to her. Without meeting her eyes, Mulder nodded, focusing intently on Anna and Capt. Scully in the middle of the room.

What had Bill said to him? What had he said to him that would make Mulder brush her off like that? Scully watched her brother sit down next to his fiancée, his cheeks looking flushed, and knew they had had a less-than-friendly conversation. He was meddling in her life again. If they were alone, she would have lit into his ass like none other, holiday or not.

"Thanks for dinner, Mom, it was wonderful," Scully said on the doorstep, kissing her mother goodbye carefully, so she wouldn't wake Anna sleeping in her arms. Easter dress stained with the chocolate that Charlie had snuck her. Pink bunny ears taking the place of her hat.

"Thank you for coming," Maggie said, and they hugged. "And thank you, Fox, for coming. I hope to be seeing much more of you in the future."

He accepted her open arms and nodded. He couldn't bring himself to say that he would be around much more, because he didn't know if he would be around much more at all after tonight. His sad gaze turned to the little girl sleeping in Scully's arms. He loved her so much. He couldn't imagine never seeing her again.

"Fox, I'm very glad I met you," Capt. Scully confessed to him, putting his arms around Mulder in a very friendly way. This would have thrilled his daughter to death had she not been so worried about Mulder's confrontation with Bill. He hadn't been the same all day, acting very cold and distant toward her no matter what she tried.

"Same here, sir. You have a lovely home," was all Mulder could bring himself to say. He wasn't even worried about the ass-kicking he was sure the captain could give him as he decided that he was at the end of his rope.

"Have a safe trip kids," Maggie called from the front porch as they got into the car. Scully got in the driver's seat. And waved as they pulled away.

Not sure what he wanted to say, but knowing that they would have to have a conversation about the way he acted toward her that day, Mulder kept his body turned away from Scully and watched the world go by outside of the car. They were almost to College Park before she decided that she had to address the issue.

"Mulder, what did Bill say to you while you were doing dishes?" she came outright and said it.

"It doesn't matter," he said in a pretty catty manner.

"Yes it does. Look, you haven't spoken to me since we got done eating, almost my entire day has been spent upset and worried about why you wouldn't talk to me, and that greatly affected my ability to enjoy my daughter's first Easter. So you're going to tell me what's going on because I've taken all I can handle," Scully vented. She didn't mean for it to sound so angry, but she was angry. She knew that Bill could possibly ruin the day, but she never suspected that Mulder would. In fact, for weeks she had been excited to bring Mulder around to her family. She was so proud to have met a guy like him, and he had to pick that day to sulk around?

"Well you're not the only person who's had all they can handle."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When are you going to trust me enough to tell me about Anna's father?" his words almost stopped her heart in her chest. "I mean, I met your family today, Scully. I met your family because for over five months I have been dedicated to you and Anna. And I wouldn't change a thing. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat because I have no regrets about our relationship. But I had to hear from your brother today about how he kicked Anna's father's ass, and something about a professor being the reason you came back home. And it wasn't much, Scully, but your _brother_ was the one who told me that. The man who glared at me all through dinner and told me to either 'man up or leave.' The tiny pieces of information I got about the story came from a man who unabashedly hates my guts. And then I just started thinking, 'Why am I hearing this from her brother? What have I or haven't I done that makes her not trust me enough to tell me this?' So that's what I want to know, Scully. I want to know why after all this time and all of this trust I thought we built up with each other you still can't tell me about the father of the little girl I love like my own."

She couldn't say she was surprised that he blew up like that. Scully knew that she had problems trusting people, and that often led to frustrations like this. But the situation, and the fact that Mulder could say what he said to her after she admitted to him her problems with men, brought tears to her eyes. _Not like most men_, she scoffed to herself.

"What I think is ridiculous is that you think you have a right to know these things about my life. Do you want me to tell you about every mistake I've made in the past 25 years? I've got time," Scully said calmly, to show that she was better than Mulder.

"That's not what I want and you know it. But I've proven myself over and over again to you. I've told you about the darkest part of my life. I don't like feeling that my best friend is a mystery to me."

"I'm not a mystery. You have access to my whole life. Just because I've moved on from my past does not mean that I don't trust you. But you bringing this up makes me feel that you don't trust me. And as far as you telling me about your sister, that was your choice. I never made you tell me anything."

"What did I tell you before I let you know about Samantha? I told you I owed it to you because of how close we'd gotten."

"How dare you!" Scully was pushed over the edge and screamed at him loud enough to shock even herself. "How dare you insinuate that I owe you _anything_! We did not enter a contract when we became friends, and there were no stipulations we agreed upon about telling each other our secrets! If I want to keep _my_ daughter's paternity to myself, then that is my right, and you have no place telling me that I owe you anything! I owe you _nothing_, Mulder! Absolutely nothing!" she spat, tears falling freely down her face. Her outburst woke Anna up, and she began to cry. She was emotional and it was dark; Scully knew that she should pull over. But she kept driving faster, needing to get home.

Mulder couldn't bring himself to discuss the issue any further. His intentions hadn't been to make her so upset. It was an emotional subject, though. By the time they pulled up to his apartment, he could even sympathize with her point of view.

"Don't bother coming over to babysit tomorrow," Scully said, pulling up to the curb instead of parking in the parking lot.

"Scully…"

"Or at all next week. In fact, you don't have to worry about her anymore. She's not your child."

Her words physically hurt him. He knew that he had asked a lot of her, and for that he was sorry, but separating him from Anna was possibly the worst thing she could do to him.

After she had pulled away in a hurry, it was all he could do to make it to the stoop, where he broke down at the thought of his sad and scared little girl hurtling at 60 mph in a metal wagon away from him, possibly forever.

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**i rewrote this chapter at least 3 times, but i think it was worth it. who do you think is right? Scully? Mulder? i don't even know whose side i'm on!**


	11. Chapter 11

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**_**  
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**a/n: thank you all for your reviews. the points you made were very intelligent and taken into great consideration. though most of you could see both sides of the situation, those of you who did decide supported Mulder, and since i have come to agree. it doesn't make much sense for her to trust Mulder as Anna's father-figure, which is what he has become by this point, but not trust him enough to tell him about her father or the circumstances surrounding her birth. hopefully this chapter explains her actions a bit more. as a woman, i want Scully to be right, but as a person i know she has her faults as well. and his outburst shows that Mulder is not fault-free either.  
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**i love you all, i hope you love me too after this chapter.  
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_**~April, 1989~**_

Things were back to normal, she supposed. Her five-month whatever she had with Mulder was over, and she could now focus again on the things that were important to her. That quantum leap that her mother had believed Anna was going to experience happened, and all within the space of that week, she started crawling and she had sprouted two teeth. Much to Scully's duress, that meant she frequently screamed in pain through the night. Sometimes she found herself sad that Mulder didn't get to witness Anna develop like she had. But that did not excuse what he had said to her.

He tried calling, she knew. At least once a day. She knew it was him because it was always at 4:30.

"Thanks for coming so early, Mom. Trent is sick and I told Ellen I'd take her early shift," Scully said, letting her mother in at around 11 in the morning the next Friday. For almost two weeks, when asked about Mulder, Scully would tell her mother that he was on assignment. That excuse was already exhausted, though, and Maggie knew something else was going on. She had known ever since the day after Easter when Bill called her to say that Dana had left him a message on his answering machine telling him to stay out of her life and never to speak to her again.

"No problem. I'm just worried that you're going to be too tired to drive home at 11 at night after that long of a day."

"If I'm too tired, I'll call a cab."

"Oh no Dana, not so late at night. Why don't you have Mulder pick you up?"

"No," Scully said abruptly, "he's busy. I'll be able to drive myself."

"Call me if you need me," Maggie stressed before Dana kissed her daughter and walked out the door. Once she saw her car pull out of the lot, Maggie knew she needed to get down to business. Her daughter's reaction to her suggestion that Mulder pick her up was proof enough that something was going on between them, not that she needed any more than her mother's intuition.

"Alright darling," she addressed Anna, "time to feed you then do some snooping. Do you want to help grandma snoop?" Anna smiled, always happy when her grandma paid attention to her.

Once Anna was done with her jar of carrots, Maggie went to work searching for Dana's address book. Drawer through drawer she went, wondering why it was so hard to find a tiny book full of addresses. Finally, in the last drawer of her daughter's desk, she pulled out what looked to be an updated copy of an address book. And she found what she was looking for. Right under "M" was the information she needed.

She tried his house phone, his cell phone, and his work number. The first two went unanswered and the third was busy. Maggie was delighted to discover this, because it gave her the excuse to do what she had been only needing a shoddy excuse to do in the first place—confront Mulder at work.

"Looks like we're going on a little field trip Anna," Maggie smiled. She was sure that if her granddaughter could talk, she would agree with her plan.

Getting clearance through the information center was fairly easy. Maggie supposed that the FBI didn't deem a middle-aged woman and a baby too much of a threat, but another agent did escort her to Mulder's office. The door was closed, and Maggie's hands shook slightly as the agent knocked.

She was just as surprised to see the man who answered the door as he probably was to see her there. But he was almost unrecognizable. Unkempt facial hair covered his cheeks and jaw and his eyes were puffy and tired-looking. He was not in much different a state than he was the day he met Scully, but her mother wouldn't know that. His eyes immediately went to the stroller after he heard a shriek of delight come from it. Sitting upright, looking so much older than when he last saw her, was Anna, and she was reaching her hands up for him.

"Hi sweetheart," Mulder smiled for the first time in almost two weeks, fulfilling the girl's wishes and scooping her up into his arms. He silently welcomed Maggie into the office, shutting the door behind her but never taking his eyes off the baby. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead and her little baby fingers. He closed his eyes to revel in the feeling of having her in his arms again after thinking he'd lost her. Tears escaped, though, regardless, and it was a scene that almost had Maggie tearing up as well.

The office was cluttered, to be nice. Amongst the files and loose paper, the pictures on his desk stood out most of all. There was one framed one of a dark-haired little girl playing on a jungle gym that looked like it was taken a long time ago. There were also several Polaroids of Anna and one even of the three of them.

"It's good to see you Mrs. Scully," Mulder finally said, sniffling and wiping the tears from his eyes. Anna grabbed his tie and put it in her mouth, but he couldn't care less. There was absolutely nothing she could do wrong at that moment.

"I hope you're not busy, Fox, because we have to talk." This made him nervous. He had tried calling Scully every day and he didn't know what information she had shared with her mother. For all he knew, Mrs. Scully could have been there to reiterate everything that Scully had said to him then rip Anna out of his arms once more. Nodding, he moved a stack of files off of a chair and offered it to the woman.

"First of all, you haven't been on assignment in Ohio since Easter, have you?"

"No, I've been in DC."

Now to figure out why Dana was lying to her.

"Then I need to know what happened between you and my daughter. It's not even just the fact that you haven't been around that's concerning, Fox, but she's different without you. She's been short with everyone and depressed. Please tell me what happened because I know something did."

Mulder sighed. He'd relived their argument in his mind every time he was unoccupied. Since she had left him on his stoop, he'd thrown himself into the endless paperwork that was his job at the FBI. It was the only way to get them out of his thoughts, and sometimes that didn't even do the trick.

"On the way home from your place on Easter, we got into a fight," he confessed quietly. Mulder remembered the tone of Capt. Scully's voice that day. If he knew what happened, it might make matters so much worse. But talking to Maggie was such a catharsis for him and there was no way he'd pass up the chance to see Anna.

"How bad was it?"

"She said something along the lines of 'Don't ever talk to me again.'"

"How does my son play into this?" At his confused expression, Maggie clarified, "She told him the same thing."

"Um, well… Bill said something about… about Dana's situation in California. And I asked her when she was going to tell me about Anna's father." He kissed the side of her head again. If this were really the last time he was going to see her, he was at least thankful that he was getting the opportunity to say goodbye properly.

Maggie sharply inhaled. She didn't know exactly what Dana had been through in California, but what she did know gave her shivers. Because Maggie had an idea of the events that had occurred, she knew why Dana didn't want to tell Fox what happened. But seeing how Fox interacted with Anna, she also knew why he wanted to know. The problem lay in the fact that he didn't know how painful that time in her daughter's life had been. Hell, she didn't even know.

"It got a little more heated than I expected," Mulder said.

"I can imagine. Dana's never said a bad thing about you, Fox, so to kick you out of her life forever…"

"I know what I said was wrong. But I was upset that your son Bill had told me more about that time period than she ever had. Mrs. Scully, I love your daughter and Anna. I couldn't imagine my life without them, and these past two weeks have been… so hard. I would trust Dana with anything. It hurts to know that despite what she tells me, she doesn't trust me enough to share that with me."

She wasn't shocked at this confession. Her daughter was a lovely person, but everyone always had one complaint about her, and it had followed her for her whole life. She was too private. Maybe her tendencies came from moving around so much as a child, or maybe it was just part of her chemistry. To hear that it had gotten in the way of her relationship with Fox, though, worried Maggie. She knew he was perfect for her, and if she didn't intervene now she knew everyone would regret it.

"Fox, I'm sorry for the argument you and Dana had. I know she can be a hard person to be around sometimes. But she is worth it. She is so worth it and I don't just say that because I'm her mother."

Mulder smiled at that. He knew she was worth it. He knew on those night when she got home from work and fell asleep against him on the couch. He knew when she handed Anna to him. He knew before he knew and he had felt he had always known.

"I would love to be able to work things out with her, Mrs. Scully, but I'm afraid she'll never speak to me again."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"You haven't tried, so you can't know. Come on, Fox, clean yourself up and get some rest. You're coming over tonight," Maggie said definitively. The prospect of doing this scared Mulder to death, but he couldn't risk letting the chance slip through his hands. If not for anyone else, than for the baby who was currently in his arms and who was currently wrapping her tiny fingers around his one.

"Alright. Let me walk you out to your car."

It was 10 when Mulder showed up, bearing a bottle of wine. It was her favorite, a Lewis Cellars chardonnay. He hoped he'd be able to drink it with her but if not, well, he'd always preferred red wine. That was what he kept telling himself, at least. That he would be able to move on if Scully did actually decide that their relationship couldn't be repaired. Of course, the inner parts (not even the ones that lay terribly deep) of him knew that wouldn't be the case; knew that he'd put up a fight if it came down to it. Scully was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and you don't just let the best things slip away.

"Where are you going to be while your plan is working itself out?" Mulder asked the older woman sitting nervously next to him on the couch.

"Well, I'm sure Dana will be quite mad at me once she realizes what I've done. I think that would be the best time for me to leave."

"Leave? You can't leave, Mrs. Scully, if you go I'll have no chance."

"Of course you will, Fox. You weren't planning on me staying to fight your battles, were you?"

"No, but I thought you might have a better chance of getting through to her."

"She'll be too mad at me. If I stay, she'll feel like we're ganging up on her. Nope, this is between you and her. Don't screw it up," she smiled.

The lock on the door moved, and it was time to face the music. At that moment, Mulder would have preferred it to be burglars, they would be easier to deal with than an outraged Scully.

She had nice energy for having just worked a 12 hour day, but she stood stock still when she realized who was sitting on her couch next to her mother.

"Get out," she demanded.

"Scully, please—"

"Get out."

"Dana, try to stay calm," Maggie said, getting up calmly and moving toward her daughter slowly, as if dealing with a wild animal. And that was when she knew. Scully knew that her mother had orchestrated the whole thing. The look in her eyes told her. Turning abruptly on her heel, she left back out the door she had just come through.

"Which one of us should follow her?" Mulder asked, thumb and forefinger pinching the space between his eyebrows. He was starting to think he had made a huge mistake by listening to Mrs. Scully.

"You wait here. And don't you dare give up."

Maggie met up with her daughter in the lobby. She was sitting on a bench by the mailboxes, head in her hands, tears escaping through her fingers. Maggie sat down next to her.

"Why did you do this? Why can't anyone respect that my life is my life?"

"Because I am not going to watch as you shut that wonderful man out of your life forever. He has been nothing but patient and loving toward you, and I know that you still care about him too."

"Mom, you don't even know what happened."

"Mulder told me everything and I believe him. Sweetie, he's truly sorry. The least you can do is extend the common courtesy to let him apologize to you properly."

"But where do I even go from there? I took Anna away from him for almost two weeks, I said horrible things to him on the way home from Easter, I cursed his name… he's not the only one who needs to apologize, but I can't even live with what I've done to him."

"He's here because he wants it to work. He's not going to hold that over your head."

"I would."

Maggie took her broken daughter in her arms, trying to make her whole again, yet knowing that she wasn't the missing piece.

"Go up there honey."

Mulder was dumbfounded when she appeared in the doorway, thinking that all bets were off when her mother had to go after her. But there she was, looking almost as bad as he had let himself get over the last two weeks. He still thought she was beautiful though. They walked slowly toward each other until he got close enough for him to hear her whisper, not unlike she had whispered to him before, "I'm sorry." In one fluid motion, she rushed into Mulder's open arms, locking hers around his neck while he locked his around her waist and lifted her up off the ground slightly.

"No no no, I'm sorry Scully. I'm the one who should be sorry."

"You were right, though. I should have trusted you."

"I shouldn't have pushed you. You don't owe me anything, and I don't ever want you to think that you do. I'm here for you 100% because I want to be. We have no debts. I'm so sorry," he murmured into her ear, holding her close and relishing in the fact that he was able to see her and smell her and touch her after what felt like years.

Maggie watched from the open doorway as her plan panned out. Then, she silently grabbed her purse and keys and left Fox and Dana to work out their problems on their own. She had full faith that they could do it.

Pulling back, Scully looked deeply into Mulder's tear-filled eyes. She had to do it. She had to tell him.

"Go sit down on the couch," she ordered him. Mulder knew what was coming, and the guilt wave broke over him. This was not the purpose of the evening. This was not what he wanted to accomplish.

"Scully, I didn't come here tonight to hear about Anna's father. I don't care. I can love her just as much without knowing."

"No, I've given it a lot of thought. We were both wrong in what we did, but you do deserve to hear the story from me and not my brother."

"It's late, Scully, we can do this some other time."

"No. I've already lost too much time. Now sit."

He didn't want to do this, but she was determined. He sat down in the middle of her blue and white striped couch and she sat right next to them, their knees touching.

"Um, I guess a good place to start would be my second year of med school. That's when I met Ethan. I'm not going to tell you his last name because I don't want you looking for him. God, I was so in love with him. He was so exciting," Scully reminisced, but looking into Mulder's eyes, she realized he didn't really want to hear about the man's good qualities. And it was probably best for her not to think of them either.

"That's why when I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of our third year, I was so excited. I knew it wasn't perfect timing, but we were going to graduate early and get jobs. And when I found out that she was a girl… Ethan said he was happy too. I was waiting for him to propose, but it didn't take long for me to figure out that he didn't want a baby as much as I did.

"I was so afraid of what my mom and dad would say if I walked out on him, though, so I stayed. They already were disappointed in me, and staying with Ethan wasn't so bad. Sure, I'd be in a relationship with a guy who had no interest in me anymore and couldn't care less about the child we had, but I was going to be a mommy. I thought I could live like that for the rest of my life."

She didn't start to cry, but Mulder could see that it was getting physically difficult for her to tell him these things. When she stopped to take a breath, he took her hand in his own. The Dana Scully she was telling him about was so different from the woman who sat before him. Optimistic, outgoing. And he couldn't believe the hell she had been prepared to put herself through by staying in a loveless relationship all for the sake of her parents.

"But I had a professor that year, his name was Daniel. I don't know what it was about him, but he made me feel so… loved. Even though he was older, it didn't make any difference to me. He'd praise my work in front of the class and he'd always flirt with me when it was just the two of us. And he didn't care that I was pregnant, he'd tell me I was sexy or that I was gorgeous. One day, I just didn't want to feel like I wasn't wanted anymore."

"You left Ethan for Daniel?"

"No. I slept with Daniel and didn't tell Ethan," Scully smiled to herself in a disgusted manner. "I slept with him in his office. And a few days later I slept with him in the lab. I don't know how many times I had sex with him before I really knew what I was doing."

Mulder couldn't believe she had done this. He would be lying if he said the thoughts didn't arouse him. He had never pictured Scully in any of those scenarios because they just seemed so unlike her. Up against a desk. On the floor of the lab, broken beakers surrounding her. No wonder she was worried about people always judging her, though. She'd cheated on her college boyfriend with her professor while pregnant. It was just a testament to what the depression of a loveless relationship could do to someone. He felt nothing but pity for the situation she had been in, but he knew she didn't want it.

"It was disgusting," she said about herself.

"No. You were upset, you felt unloved, and Daniel provided you with the comfort you needed. I totally understand why you did what you did. Even if I didn't, it's not my position to judge you."

"Please, Mulder, you don't have to patronize me."

"Just get on with it, Scully," he said, not wanting to hear her belittle herself.

"Well once it got closer to my due date, I asked Daniel what he wanted. I mean, he was married and he had a daughter around my age, we couldn't just fool around for the rest of our lives. He told me that he would be there for me and my baby; that he would take care of us. So I left Ethan and told him I'd found someone else. And he was so angry, he accused me of lying to him about the baby being his. He told me he never wanted to see me again."

"Why didn't you ever ask for child support from him? Did you have any doubts?" Mulder asked. He knew that his friend had sometime struggled financially, and she worked harder than she should have to make sure that her daughter didn't ever have to go without. Any extra money would be a huge help to her; he didn't get why she didn't ask Ethan to pay his fair share.

"I don't want to have any connections to him. I am 100% sure that Anna is his daughter, but if I have to prove that to him, then he doesn't even deserve to have the relationship with her that comes from a monthly child support check," she explained. Mulder was always amazed by her. She was so strong, sometimes it was a wonder she didn't collapse. He hoped she knew that he would always be there to pick her back up.

"Anyway, the breakup with Ethan was hard, but I thought that Daniel was going to be there for me. For a few months, he was. He bought me an apartment, and I don't think I could have made it through the last few months of school without him. I didn't walk at my graduation ceremony because it was so close to my due date and I knew Ethan and his family would be there. A few days later, I went into labor."

"What happened to Daniel?"

"He wasn't there for the birth, but he came the next day. My mom had gone down to the cafeteria for lunch and he came in, took one look at Anna, and asked if I'd give him a blow job in the bathroom. He said that since we couldn't have sex for awhile after I'd given birth, I owed it to him. When I told him to get lost, he said he'd just find some other student to do it, and that's when I realized that Daniel was only interested in sex. I moved back into my old place, but I couldn't afford it with the baby, and I couldn't find work because I had to be home with her. I didn't even last a month on my own before Bill had to take me back to Maryland."

As he listened to her finish the story, Mulder was proud of her on so many levels. Scully could have taken the easy way out so many times. First with Ethan, then by being nothing more than a sex toy to Daniel. But she had wanted more for herself and her daughter. She had risked so much and swallowed her pride by moving back to Maryland, and her decisions had led her straight to him, and straight to this life they now had together. If she had to do all of those things she had just told him about to make her the person she was today, then how could he judge her? Mulder had promised her once that he could never think less of her because of what she was, and he was sticking to his promise. He put his arm around her shoulder.

"Now you know why it's so hard for me to trust anyone. Yeah, Daniel used me, but also because of my experience with Ethan. I watched him change from this guy I loved to a man I didn't even have the decency to tell I was cheating on him. People change. And they lie and they cheat and they throw you away, and I know this because I have done all of those things myself," her tears from earlier came back and one arm turned into two. Mulder stroked her hair gently as she grasped his shirt, wishing that he had she didn't have to constantly live with the pain of what she felt she was. She didn't know how special she was. She didn't know that she was amazing and strong and beautiful and the only woman he would ever love Her mother was beyond right, she was worth every ounce of energy.

"I won't change. I will always be here for you," he promised. And even for her experiences, she believed him.


	12. Chapter 12

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

**_~May 20, 1989~_  
**

A squealing, shoeless little girl met Mulder at the door when he awkwardly stumbled through it with multiple parcels and balloons in his hands that morning. He would never forget her first steps. They had been practicing in the park one Saturday and she had hesitantly let go of her mother's hand to take a step on her own across the grass. Right to him. He'd felt so much like a dad that day.

Since she had stepped those first steps, she'd really taken to running. She ran everywhere. Like the world was too slow for her. Slow down, baby girl.

Now it was Anna's first birthday. She had officially turned one on Thursday, May 18, at 11:52 in the morning, but the party was on Saturday. Balancing on top of the bags of plastic cutlery and small decorations was her cake. When Mulder arrived at the bakery, all the women standing behind the counter smiled at him. He could only smile at the cake. It was big and had pink frosting with white accents. In the middle, in purple piped frosting, it read "Happy Birthday Anna." It was decorated with piped flowers of all colors, and a few bumble bees and butterflies.

"Thank you so much, it looks amazing," he had thanked the bakers.

"I hope your daughter enjoys it," one of them, a woman of about 50, had remarked. Almost once a day when they were out running errands or enjoying their time together, someone mistook him for Anna's father. Not only was it too lengthy to tell them the truth, but Mulder's reactions to such assumptions were always elated, so he never bothered to correct these people. Besides, why would he want to be anything else to her?

"Where's Mommy?" Mulder asked the girl at his feet, knowing he was going to need some help to be able to set down the cake in a safe manner. Anna just looked up at him and gave a toothy grin. She hadn't started talking yet, but, just like Scully, she could speak volumes with her expressions.

"Here here," Scully said, rushing out of the bathroom to help him. Even though she had already gotten dressed in a fitting sweater and jeans for the party, she had been cleaning. He wished she would spend the first half of the day relaxing, knowing how hectic the second half was going to be. But Scully was extremely paranoid when it came to her house and gatherings. Judging by how much work and attention to detail she gave everything in her life, Mulder knew that this was probably a natural, life-long habit Scully had formed.

"Oh my goodness," she said when she took her first look at the cake. She had the same reaction Mulder had.

"I think we'll be giving this bakery more business in the future, don't you?"

"Definitely."

"Alright, anything else that needs to be done?" he asked. It was a stupid question. They still had a million things left to do, but he wasn't sure where she wanted his help and where she didn't.

"Yeah, I need you to put up the streamers," he was going to make a short joke but thought against it, "set the table, and give her a bath while I finish the food and the cleaning. Try not to clean her up until the very last possible minute, though, because we both know how capable she is of undoing everything in a short amount of time. I laid out her dress on the bed, you just need to find her a hair bow," Scully ordered. Mulder stood very straight and saluted, earning him a laugh. She knew she asked a lot of him, but Scully honestly did not know how she could throw this party without Mulder's help. Having to plan a party for her parents, Missy, Ellen, and Trent would have just proven too much without him there to pick up the slack. She told him that she considered this party jointly thrown by them, but he had managed to get her a rather large gift anyway. As much as she felt he already had done, Scully knew that her friend really enjoyed spoiling her daughter. They'd nip it in the bud if it ever became an issue, but for now she knew there wasn't any harm in it.

At a quarter to 2, the first knock arrived at the door. Anna had just been freshly dressed, and since she was perfectly ready for her birthday party, Mulder figured they'd better go greet her guests. It was Grandma and Grandpa, and they hardly paid Mulder any attention as they scooped the baby out of his arms. She was their whole world. She filled that role in more lives than theirs.

The second guest to arrive was Melissa, and then fashionably late came Ellen and Trent. Scully's brothers had both gone on separate tours that prevented them from being there that day, which she was only a little upset about. She and Bill still hadn't made amends, and she really didn't want to hash out their problems at her daughter's first birthday party. And knowing Bill, that's exactly what would have happened. A phone call was enough.

"She looks absolutely adorable today, Dana," Ellen commented. They were sitting at the table, their gazes were fixated on Anna, Mulder, and Trent in the living room. Mulder was some kind of super human, managing to read Anna a story and play army man with Trent at the same time.

"Thanks. I can't take all the credit, though, Mulder dressed her. And he's gotten pretty good at styling the six or seven hairs on her head."

"What a great guy." Yeah, he was a great guy. And her life had done nothing but improve since he had entered it.

"_Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Anna. Happy birthday to you!" _the crowd sang as her smash cake was brought out to her. Sitting in her high chair with a bunch of people and cameras surrounding her was something new for the baby. But instead of throwing a fit or being shy, she ate up the attention. She smiled and laughed, then stuck her hand in the cake and smeared it over her cheeks once her mom blew the candle out. Since everyone else was clapping for her, she decided to clap too. Maggie got some priceless pictures during the scene.

Watching the performance Anna was giving, Mulder felt luckier than the luckiest man alive. Here was this perfect little angel who made him happier than he ever thought he could be, and she loved him. He wasn't used to being loved back.

As the party guests left and thanked the two for the wonderful time, Scully felt a great sense of calm wash over her. By the time her parents left at around 8:30, she was sated and exhausted. The same could be said for Anna, who was sleeping across Mulder's lap. There was still frosting smeared on her face and fingers, her hair was a mess, and she was the most content little girl in the entire world. Scully plopped down on the couch next to the two of them, deciding the mess could wait until tomorrow.

"Think she'd notice if a fire truck drove through the living room?" Scully asked. Mulder scoffed.

"I don't even think _I_ would notice if a fire truck drove through the living room."

There was something making Scully uncomfortable, and she fished around on the couch beneath her to find a small plastic doll that was part of a set Anna had received as a gift from Ellen and Trent. She threw it across the room.

"Kid made out like a bandit today," she remarked. And she had. Despite there being only a few guests, Anna had gotten more presents today than Scully had anticipated. Her parents had custom-ordered an Amish rocking horse, plus three new outfits, and a large amount of money donated to her college fund. Melissa had a tree planted in the rainforest for her (she did that for everyone, it was such a Melissa gift) and also got her the most beautiful hand-painted china tea set that Scully had ever laid eyes on. She'd have to remember to buy her a cheap plastic tea set one day. There was no way she'd let Anna use that, having been a little girl once herself. Ellen and Trent had gotten her the plastic doll set, more outfits, and Trent himself had given her a set of children's classic books. From her mother, Anna received blocks, books, outfits, and a large stuffed bear that Anna had picked out herself in the toy store earlier that week. She tried not to go overboard on the toys, knowing how quickly they lost their novelty when she was a child, but she couldn't resist getting the bear after watching her daughter grabbing for it. And her reaction had been the same today, she petted its soft fur several times before laying her head against it for a number of minutes. Scully wondered if the reason why she liked it was because when she did that, the fur on her face felt a bit like Mulder's cheeks after a few days without shaving. It was a stretch, but she had no other explanation for why she would do that.

Mulder had gone completely overboard, with an turtle-shaped activity table, more books, and a diamond pendant necklace for when she was older. Not trying to show anyone up, he had insisted that it wasn't real diamond for the whole party, but Scully knew better. She had gone to the bathroom earlier and just held the necklace in her hands, dangling it above her palm and close to her face. She couldn't believe that out of every toy, book, game, or outfit the world had produced for one-year-old girls, Mulder had decided that the gift he wanted her daughter to have was a diamond necklace.

"I think she got exactly what she deserved. Well, not exactly. I'd give her the moon if I could," Mulder smiled, stroking the baby's thin hair. The bow he had placed at the top of her head had long since fallen out, but he had proven himself in the world of baby stylist enough.

"Come on now, Mulder, we don't want to spoil her. Diamond necklace this year, moon next year."

"Scully, I saw how uncomfortable you looked when you opened the necklace. I'm sorry if it wasn't appropriate," he apologized, remembering the looks of shock that had been on everyone's faces when she popped open the jewelry box earlier, sitting on the floor now beneath their feet. He had taken Anna browsing for mother's day presents and they'd ended up in the jewelry store. As much as he wanted to buy everything in there, Mulder knew that spending a large amount of money had the potential to raise a lot of questions on mother's day. So they got her tickets to see the ballet instead. But he did not manage to leave the store without spotting the ½ carat round diamond pendant set in white gold. Even though he had shopped for Anna's birthday weeks ago, he couldn't help dropping the $2,500 that day for the necklace. He imagined her as a beautiful young woman, this hanging from her neck, and he knew there was no possible way that it would not be hers.

"No, it was just… unexpected," she said truthfully. Scully didn't want Mulder to take her reaction the wrong way. He was allowed to buy whatever he wanted for Anna. But she had gotten eyes from Ellen, and most importantly, her mother. Truth be told, it was a little uncomfortable for her, but that shouldn't get in the way of the incredible gift her friend had given her daughter.

"I saw it one day and I imagined various stages in her life. Like, first holy communion, first school dance, and I just couldn't imagine her not having it. So, I guess it was as much a present for me; a promise of the dreams that we have for her."

That was so fucking beautiful. Why did he have to be so sentimental and irresistible when she was tired and not thinking clearly?

"I think it's your way of promising her that you'll always be there. Not only for the milestones, but for the boring everyday stuff too."

"And I will."

"Even when you have to yell at her to clean her room and she screams that she hates you?"

"I was actually hoping you'd do the majority of that."

"I probably will. But you're not off the hook."

"But I'm... Mulder," he pouted, earning him a playful shove.

"You know, she's going to grow up and we're going to get into arguments. She's going to slam her bedroom door and scream that she hates us. Whether its bedtime or curfew, you're going to be there right?"

Grabbing her sticky birthday party hand and lacing their fingers together, he vowed, "Always."

"Thank you," Scully smiled, resting her head on his shoulder and trying to fight falling asleep right there. No such luck. The little family slept peacefully on the couch, more content in each other than any material possession could ever make them.


	13. Chapter 13

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

**a/n: just something to clear up after reading your comments: it was never my intention to say that Ethan did not want Anna because she was a girl, only because he didn't want a child. so sorry for not being more clear on that.  
**

* * *

**_~July, 1989~_  
**

"Mama, Mama, Mama," Anna whimpered from her playpen. Scully sighed, staring at her daughter from the kitchen table. She had been thrilled when she said her first word exactly one month ago that day, "mama," but was in no mood to listen to her whine. Their air conditioner had busted last night, it was 94˚outside with 97% humidity, and fans weren't doing the trick. She had been trying to get ahold of her landlord all day, but he conveniently was on vacation. Her daughter's hair stuck to face and curled with sweat, just like her own.

"I'm sorry baby," she said, handing Anna a bottle full of cold water. There was nothing she could do other than hope she would fall asleep soon. It would be a waste to go to her parents', Scully had to be at work at 5. The apartment was so stuffy, but opening up the windows would make whatever relief the fans were providing of no use. They needed something to preoccupy their time, and Scully's slow-cooked brain could only think of one thing.

"Do you wanna talk to Mulder?" Anna's whole face perked up. She was absolutely fascinated by Mulder, she always had been. But since she was becoming more independent and showing more of her personality, their relationship had really blossomed. Whenever he came through the door, she would get so excited she'd start to squeal and clap her hands. Any time her mother even said his name, she would perk up. She loved him. All of him. His strong arms, his day-old stubble, his voice. It was evident. She picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number.

"_Mulder,"_ he answered, ever the professional. Anna wasn't the only who couldn't control herself when she heard his voice.

"We're dying over here."

"_What's up?" _

"Air conditioner went out. Do you have any idea how hot summer in DC is?"

"_I have kind of an idea. How are my girls?"_

Scully's heart fluttered. He used that distinction for both of them. They were his girls.

"Hot and crabby. Here, the little one wants to talk to you," Scully said, holding up the phone to Anna's ear. The baby looked like she was almost expecting his voice to come out of the device. They had done this before. The phone was their own personal Mulder machine. "Say hi to Mulder."

"Eh," Anna sighed.

"_Hi darling. I hear you and Mommy have been having fun today, being trapped in an oven."_

The baby was silent, so enthralled.

"_Don't worry, I'll take you swimming later,"_ Anna smiled at that. Mulder could almost hear her reactions. _"Do you wanna go to the pool?"_

He was almost certain she knew the word "pool," but Mulder wasn't 100% sure. She was such a good baby, she'd smile at him when he said most things. He'd been taking her with him to the YMCA lately since it was so hot, and she loved the water. At first, that hadn't been the case. He'd carry her with him into the pool and she'd clamp up the second water touched her skin. As cute as it was to him when her baby arms and legs clung to him, it was important that she got used to the water, and now she was a champ. She liked it most when he went under the water and popped back up before her as she sat in her baby floater and laughed. But his goggles scared her, so Mulder would often come home with bloodshot eyes.

"_Alright sweetheart, we'll go to the pool tonight."_

"Make sure she takes a bath tonight, then," Scully told him, having heard the entire conversation.

"_I'll just bring the bubbles with us."_

"Ha," she said sarcastically.

"_Listen, Scully, if your place is too hot, take Anna over to my place and you guys can stay there until it's fixed."_

"Mulder, my landlord is on vacation."

"_So? You can stay there a few days then. I don't mind."_

She certainly hadn't called him to solicit a place to stay. She felt a bead of sweat run from her neck all the way down her back, though, and she couldn't refuse.

"I'll have dinner ready when you get home. Just promise you'll wait a half hour after eating to swim."

"_You got it. See you when I get home."_

_See you when I get home._ Such a simple sentence, but it held so much weight for Scully. He was willing to take her and her teething daughter in for a few days, filling up more and more space in their lives. It was getting to the point where Scully couldn't even see herself with anyone but Mulder, but she'd been in that situation before. If he told her he wanted more, she wouldn't be able to resist. If he grabbed her by her shoulders and kissed her, she wouldn't be able to push him away. But for now, she was happy with their long hugs and hand holds. They were as much a declaration of love as any.

"Lucy, I'm—"

"Don't," Scully said, coming out of the kitchen to meet him. He could tell she was irritated, but she was smiling.

"Get ahold of your landlord yet?"

"I've given up on him. I don't have the money to get a stupid air conditioner fixed, and I certainly don't have the money to get a new one. I guess we'll just be here until he returns my calls."

"Well that's quite alright."

"Are you sure? We could always stay at my mom and dad's," Scully offered, not sure he'd want to be around Anna when her teeth started giving her trouble at 3 in the morning.

"No. You guys are staying right here. Now where is Miss Anna?"

"In your room watching _Mr. Rogers_. Which brings me to sleeping arrangements…"

"You two take my room. I'll take the couch."

"Mulder, you always sleep on the couch at my place."

"I usually sleep on the couch here too."

"Why?" He shrugged. _God, she looks cute in her uniform_, was really where his mind was. Blame it on the heat. He'd seen her in it a million times, but that afternoon, as she stood in the front hall with him, he wanted to devour her. It was going to be hard to keep his emotions under wraps while they were living in the same space, he believed. But he knew that she had been treated badly by enough men in her life to expect her to want to jump into a relationship with him. He'd have to let her make the first move. If she didn't, he was perfectly fine being in a platonic friendship with her. Well, not perfectly fine.

"Okay, well I have to go to work. There's grilled chicken and vegetables waiting for you on the stove."

"When I left for work this morning, there were neither chicken nor vegetables in this house."

"Yeah, we're going to have to talk about that. Anna and I can't live on orange juice and take out. I don't think you can either."

"Duly noted. I'll leave you money tomorrow and you can go grocery shopping," Mulder gulped, hoping he wasn't making it sound like he expected her to do it, "if you want. Or I could go."

"Ha! You, shop for food? I think Charlie could do a better job, Mulder, and he gets 99% of his caloric intake from beer. No, I'll do the shopping before I leave for work tomorrow," she gulped, hoping she hadn't insulted his ability to take care of them, "or we can wait. It's up to you."

"Our schedules don't coordinate very well, Scully, I think one of us is going to have to do all the shopping."

"Alright. I'll go tomorrow morning."

Mulder nodded. He wanted desperately to do domestic things with Scully and Anna, however mundane they were. He loved doing those little chores with them, he loved being out in public with them, he loved it when people mistook them for a family. But it was not in the fates that they would go grocery shopping together.

He was sleeping when she got home, sprawled out on the couch like he was in a coma. But there was a small part of him, a part he couldn't control, that stayed alert in case Anna woke up. That part noticed when the doorknob jiggle with the lock and she stepped in the apartment.

Even though it was messed up and confusing, Scully loved her life as she looked down upon her friend on the couch. He was in the living room, content; her daughter was in the bedroom, content. That single word described the situation to a t. Content. She sat on the end of the couch and patted her friend's foot, thinking.

"Scully?" he asked sleepily.

"I'm sorry Mulder, I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No, it's okay," he said, sitting up and motioning for her to scoot closer to him in the middle, "how was work?"

"Well, the good news is I made a record number of tips tonight. The bad news is they mostly came from one creepy old man hanging out there alone," and as they laughed, she let it slip out, "this is not where I imagined I'd be at 25."

"I didn't think it was."

"Don't get me wrong, I love my life and I love the people in it, but… this isn't where I'm supposed to be right now."

"Where are you supposed to be right now?" Mulder asked, a little hurt because if she weren't where she was now, then they wouldn't be sitting on his couch having a conversation. They may not even have met and he wouldn't know the beautiful, wonderful person she was.

"Probably in my first year of residency. It's hospital training for doctors. After five years I'd probably take the board certification test and then continue working in that hospital. Or open my own practice. I hadn't decided."

She lit up when she was talking about the dreams she once had. Mulder loved Scully his friend and Anna's mother, but he wanted her to be able to reach any goal she had set out for herself. He wanted her to be happy with every aspect of her life. Plus, he didn't like the idea of her working in a bar after all her years of undergrad and med school. She deserved to be Scully the doctor if that was her dream.

"Then why don't you go for it?" he asked like it was the most simple thing in the world. When he said it like that, it was harder for her to tell him exactly why she couldn't.

"It's a lot of work. A _lot_ of work. And it doesn't pay well. We're talking like, $21,000 a year. I can't raise a daughter in this city, in any city, on only that. Rent alone would swamp me."

"Then get a roommate."

"I just don't trust anyone enough to be around Anna. And do you know how many roommates I'm going to go through in a five year period? It's too fickle."

"You know you could always live with me to save money."

It came out before he could stop it, and once the statement had danced itself off of his tongue, it wouldn't come back. There wasn't anything left to do but own his slip. It actually wasn't a bad idea. He was certainly roommate material. He already loved Anna, spent a lot of time with Scully anyway, and was trustworthy enough.

"What?" she asked in disbelief. Was he drunk?

"Yeah. I've got a steady job. I hope I'm the type of person you would trust Anna to be around. I know your routine and you know mine."

"But Mulder, it's just… it's so much to ask."

"You didn't ask. I offered."

"You wouldn't know what you'd be getting yourself into. I mean, you and me living together and raising Anna for five years at the least. What happens at the end of those five years? Do we just go our separate ways because we don't need each other anymore? What happens if you meet someone? You can't bring her home to your friend and her daughter who also just happen to live with you. There are just so many things that can change in five years."

"You've got a point there, Scully. You've got many points, and they're all excellent. But here's what will never change: how much I care about you and Anna. And when you care about someone that much, their dreams are worth the sacrifice."

She put her hands all over his face, his chest, and his arms. Extremely ticklish, he squirmed away from her.

"What are you doing?"

"Are you real? You can't be real. Real people don't talk like that."

Mulder laughed, pulling her into his embrace. He knew it was a long shot, but he wouldn't feel like he did everything he could if he didn't ask her.

She was still laughing moments later when she was slipping out of her clothes and into bed. His bed that smelled like him. One check on Anna and she was content enough to feel sleepy. Walking around the bed, though, she felt her shin hit something sharp. The bottom drawer of his dresser was slightly open, and she couldn't resist herself.

It was a dresser. She was preparing herself to find jeans, socks. At the very worst she was expecting to find his boxer shorts. No. Instead, several video tapes with glossy cases smiled up at him. Not smiled. Grinned seductively. Unbeknownst to her, Scully had stumbled upon Mulder's porno collection. That spurred a whole other round of laughter from her. She glanced at every title. There was a particularly worn one sporting the name "Scarlet Fever." On the cover were four bright red-headed women in various positions. Not wanting to think about why Mulder had a video dedicated exclusively to red-headed porn stars, she shut the drawer quickly and got under the covers. Any small inklings of hope Mulder had to get her to move in with him and go back to school were laughed away. And yet, a certain throb had settled itself between her legs, and nothing she could begin to think about would make it go away.

The next Wednesday, Scully was working behind the bar. It was almost midnight and she didn't have that long left in her shift to go. There were three men at the counter, two younger men and one older one. The older one had been making passes at her all night. She ignored him like she was taught, but as he got more drunk, he got less tolerable. A feeling had told her that he was going to cross the line sometime that night, but it was still a surprise when he grabbed her wrist after she refilled his drink. Pulling her close, he whispered with his beer breath, "How much of my cock do you think you can fit in your mouth?" Jerking herself out of his grip, Scully slapped him across the face. Hard.

"Chris, I'm leaving," she told the bouncer, wanting to get out of that place as soon as possible. For some reason, she started thinking about her dad. How upset would he be if he knew that she worked in a place where men talked to her like that? Like she was a piece of garbage? Like she was an object? Then she thought about her own daughter. Her heart rate sped up when she thought of someone talking to her that way. But how could she absolutely abhor that kind of life for her daughter if she was living it herself already? She needed to be a strong role model for Anna. She needed to be able to achieve her dreams no matter what was thrown in her way. And most importantly, she needed to know that Anna would never grow up and believe that she was the reason her mother never accomplished what she had wanted to. She needed to be strong and successful regardless.

Mulder could tell she was upset when she walked in. He stood up to meet her, and she threw herself into his arms. Not saying anything for a few moments, they just stood there, Mulder trying his best to comfort her, even though he had no idea what was wrong.

"I'm applying for residencies in the morning. Pull out the paper, we have to look for a three bedroom. I'm am going to become a doctor."

* * *

**so where do you think this story is going? you didn't think that Scully would work in a bar for the rest of her life, did you? anyway, that part about her being a strong role model for Anna is something i personally believe strongly in and i know Scully would too. and even though residency is a lot of work and i calculated for inflation generously in the case of her job, i know that's what she would do. what do you guys think?**


	14. Chapter 14

**disclaimer: the x-fi****les do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

**_~August 4, 1989~_  
**

A ridiculous amount of her budget went to stamps. But she would start hearing back from the hospitals soon, and then she'd go on however many interviews it took before she got accepted. Washington, DC was not short on hospitals or clinics, but she was still nervous that nobody would want to hire her. Scully was nervous about the fact that she had been out of medical school for a year and was only now applying for residencies. She was afraid that the hospitals would notice that and look over her in lieu of someone fresh out.

Everything was riding on her residency. Mulder was so confident in her that he had terminated his lease starting in September. They only had about a month to get everything in order, and it was a lot of pressure on Scully's shoulders. There were some nights where she stayed up worrying, not sleeping a wink. It felt like their lives were controlled by a deadline, and Scully didn't know if she was going to be able to meet it.

But all of that swimming around in her head took a backseat when the priest announced that Bill could kiss his new wife Tara, and everyone started to cheer. To her right, her mother was crying, clinging to her father's side. To her left, Mulder was encouraging Anna to clap. Everybody was happy for Bill, but she still couldn't forgive him.

It was lonely being lonely.

"Try to eat something," Mulder told her at the reception hall later. He noticed the looks Scully and Bill had exchanged, he'd even noticed some directed toward him. But it didn't matter. This was a wedding reception and he wanted his date to have fun.

"I just need some air," Scully explained and left the table. Mulder wanted to follow her, but Melissa put her hand over his.

"Give her some time, Mulder."

"I hate it when she's upset."

"Since everyone's happy for Bill today, she feels like they're against her. Which is not the case. But that's the way her mind works."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Regrettably, Melissa shook her head.

Having seen, just as Melissa did, the interaction between Mulder and his sister, Charlie casually slipped away from the table and went to find her. He understood completely why Dana felt the way she did. Being his younger brother, Charlie had gotten a lot of shit from Bill about the way he acted. It didn't matter if Bill had done the same things when he was Charlie's age, he didn't have a problem being an extreme hypocrite. But regardless of what had happened between Dana and Bill at Easter, it was his wedding, and above all else, she didn't have the right to be treating Mulder the way she was.

"Danes?" he asked, walking outside the hall into the night. There she was, leaning up against the building, cigarette in her hand. As he walked closer to her, she blew smoke away from his face. She hadn't had a cigarette since the first year of med school, but she always kept a pack in her purse. It made her feel unbridled. Like she was in control.

"Don't tell Mom," was the first thing she said to her little brother.

"Only if you let me bum one." They stood there in silence for a minute, listening to the party go on inside while they shared a secret addiction outside. She could only do this with Charlie.

"So that Mulder guy, he's the real deal."

"What do you mean?"

"Dana, he flew all the way out to San Diego with you for your brother's wedding. Not every friend does that."

"I've never had a friend like Mulder."

"I don't think many people have friends like Mulder."

"Char, if you're trying to show me how much Mulder cares about me and Anna, I already know. He tells me all the time. And I know I shouldn't be acting this way toward him because Bill and I are fighting. Okay? I know all these things. So please don't bring up something about how I need to figure out what I'm doing with him because I don't know where my life is going right now," she said coldly. Mulder may coddle his sister, but Charlie didn't love her like that man obviously did.

"Look, Dana, you're acting like a selfish brat right now. This day is not about your feelings. It's Bill's wedding, and I don't care how mad you are at him, you're putting a real damper on the whole thing. And who suffers the most? The man who followed you out here. So when you're done feeling sorry for yourself, get back in there and make this trip worth his while."

She didn't want to fight with Charlie either, so she snuffed her cigarette out on the ground and walked purposefully back into the reception. The bar was calling her name.

"Having a good time Fox?" Maggie asked. She had grabbed his hand, pulling him out onto the dance floor as soon as she saw Dana make her fourth trip to the bar. The poor man didn't have very good experiences at Scully family functions, so she at least wanted to have one dance with him.

"Yes I am," he smiled sweetly, lying through his teeth.

"Dana hasn't been making that very easy, has she?"

"She's just been having a rough time lately. You know, feeling like she's stuck at her job. Feeling like she doesn't have the life she worked hard for."

"I've been encouraging her to use her degree."

"She will be soon. She's applying for residencies."

Maggie hugged the man close. He'd gotten her daughter to realize her potential and work toward becoming a doctor, regardless of the fact that she was raising a baby. And almost nothing made her happier than knowing soon Dana would never have to work in that bar again.

"That's wonderful, Fox, thank you. You know, sometimes I worry about Dana. She's so independent; she doesn't like it when people do things for her. But you make her feel special, and I'm so grateful to you."

Glancing over to the bar that Scully was visiting again, Mrs. Scully's words hit home. _You make her feel special._ And he thought he knew what she needed.

"She is special."

Once the dance ended, he came up to Scully from behind and put his arms around her waist. Quickly she turned around, her drunken state becoming very apparent to Mulder.

"What are you doing?" she slurred.

"Taking you to dance." He basically had to drag her to the dance floor. She hooked her arms around his neck, but then just hung there, too drunk to stand.

_Make this trip worth his while._ He held her so tenderly, he pretended that everything was okay as she was limp and inebriated in his arms. She needed to make the trip worth his while.

"Take me back to the hotel."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Not sure if he could handle a drunk Scully and a one-year-old, Mulder asked Melissa if she would take Anna back to the hotel with her. When she agreed, he proceeded to load Scully in their rental car and drive her back to the hotel.

"Alright, we're here," Mulder announced, opening the door to her room proving to be a task with Scully laying bridal-style in his arms. When he did finally manage to open it, he set his drunk friend gingerly on the bed, expecting her to be as still as she was on the ride home. Instead, she grabbed for his hand.

_Make this trip worth his while._ She had a lot of time to make up for, wanting to make their whole friendship worth his while. Scully pulled him down on the bed beside her, crawling on top of him and attaching her lips to the space behind his ear. It happened so fast that he didn't have time to figure out what was going on, much less stop her. Involuntarily, he grew hard against her, and feeling that, she unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt.

"Sculleeee," he moaned. They couldn't do this. She was drunk and upset, and as much as he wanted this to be real, he knew it wasn't.

"Shhh," she put her finger to his lips seductively. But he had to draw the line. Mulder sat up and placed Scully next to him on the bed. When she tried to go back in for more, he stopped her.

"We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you're drunk, Scully."

"You can't tell me you've never fucked a drunk girl."

He had. He had taken advantage of many drunk girls. But Scully wasn't going to be one of them.

"We're not doing this."

"I knew you didn't want me. Why would you want frumpy Dana with a baby? Why would anyone?" That was so far from the truth that Mulder wanted to slap some sense into her. He hated her low self-esteem, and he hated battling it. He wanted to tell her how every time they went somewhere together, he had to stop himself from punching the guys that checked her out. Everything she was doing to him, everything she thought she wanted, he had imagined himself doing with her a million times. But Mulder wanted to wait until it was real.

Scully curled up in a ball on the bed and started to cry, knowing that it had been a bad idea all along. Sometimes, though, it just felt so good to go through with a bad idea; it felt good to have people wrapped around her finger. And how he had responded to her she chalked up to nobody wanting her, not the fact that Mulder had too much respect for her to do that, even though she knew he'd never go along with it.

"Who wouldn't want you?" Mulder asked, laying down next to her on the bed and brushing her hair back, trying to restore some sense of self-worth to her.

"Ethan, Daniel, Sibley Memorial Hospital, Georgetown University Medical Center," and she went on to name more hospitals that she applied to.

"Don't talk like that. People want you. I want you, more than anything, but not tonight," the last part Mulder said quietly, pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. He soothed her until she stopped crying and fell asleep, then quietly crept out of her room. He would love to wake up next to her, but he was too sexually frustrated to spend the rest of the night with her. Their flight was early in the morning, anyway, and if he stayed up all night gazing at her, they'd miss it. With a sad sigh, he opened the door to his empty room and crawled under the cold sheets alone.

They didn't say anything to each other the next morning as they went to pick up Anna or on their way to the airport. As soon as she had woken up, she remembered that she had tried to seduce Mulder last night. And she felt horrible. There were so many apologies that she owed him, but saying nothing was par for the course.

As they boarded the plane, without thinking, he took her bags from her and stored them in the overhead compartment. When he sat down, she muttered her thanks, and he nodded. Since they weren't in the air yet, Anna was behaving, so Scully figured she only had a few minutes to talk to Mulder.

"I'm sorry about last night," she confessed, looking straight ahead.

"Don't worry about it Scully, we all do dumb things when we're drunk."

"And I'm sorry about the way I treated you all weekend."

"I said don't worry about it." No. He really needed to understand what she meant. Lacing their fingers together, a movement that was considered extremely intimate by both of them, she received his full attention.

"And thank you for being a good guy. Thank you for not letting me do something stupid."

He smiled at her, willing to let the ice his heart had formed melt because he knew she meant it.

"Do you remember when we first met at the bar?" she nodded. "Well, that night I was supposed to get wasted. Worse than you were last night. And if you hadn't been there, I most certainly would have. And I would have done something stupid, and I'd be leading the same old meaningless life. But you were there. And you saved me."

She snuggled herself against his shoulder, and they were stronger because of what they had been through.

They went back to her place first. Mulder was going to help her unload everything, then he'd drive himself home. In the midst of him changing Anna, Scully announced that she was going to go down and get her mail. A few minutes later, she walked slowly back in, her eyes wide and focused on a single, thick envelope.

"What is it?" He knew exactly what it was. He just didn't know what was inside.

"It's from Georgetown," she said quietly, "and I'm in."

Every event from the weekend washed itself away from their existence as she jumped into his arms. Her life was finally able to move forward.

* * *

**reviews please!**


	15. Chapter 15

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

_**~Late August, 1989~**_**_  
_**

They were sure everyone else at the open house hated their guts. Anna had been fussing the entire time and had finally resorted to full-on screeching. Even in Mulder's arms, she was unhappy.

"Let's just leave," Scully whispered to him, and he agreed. They weren't loving the house in Aspen Hill anyway. At least that's what she said. She really didn't have a problem with the two-story red brick home, it was just outside of her budget. And Aspen Hill was a little farther from DC than either of them wanted to be.

"Alright, well that's about six homes that we've toured. Add that to the nine apartments and four townhomes we've looked at and I'd say that we're running out of options," Mulder stressed once they were sitting in the car. Scully knew the clock was ticking. They had been searching for over a month now and her lease was going to be up soon. Mulder's too. Up until that day, he'd had a lot more confidence about the process than she had, but it seemed like they'd never find a place they both liked. The list of requirements was a little long. It needed to be in a nice neighborhood, good schools, a place close for Anna to play, parking enough for both of them, a washer/dryer hookup, and these were only the non-negotiable things.

"I know Mulder, but it's hard to find a place that's nice and affordable," he could see her getting frustrated. Her decision to go back to school had been made on a whim after a particularly bad night at the bar, but she was wondering if it was too soon. Not only was she taking a big risk for herself and her daughter, but she got Mulder involved. She felt so responsible for everyone. She had closed her eyes in order to regain herself, and she felt his hand reach for hers. As soon as they made contact, she regained some of the promise and optimism that she'd had the night she decided to change her life.

"We'll find a place. It'll be okay," he reassured her. She had enough pressure on her shoulders without him adding to it. As they headed back to his place, Mulder decided that he'd call a realtor on Monday to find them something, then pretend that he'd come across it. Scully wasn't letting his hand go, and that was okay, until they were almost there. Frantically, she threw his hand to the side and pressed her nose to the window.

"Pull over Mulder, pull over!" she yelled. He couldn't see what she was staring at, so he pulled down the nearest street.

"Turn around, I just saw our home."

It was a two-story stone and siding townhome with a garage. Above the garage was a beautiful bay window that had originally caught Scully's eye. It was for rent. Scully called the number listed on the "for rent" sign and they waited in the driveway for the landlord to arrive. She had a good feeling about the place; there was just some connection she felt with it. Mulder, on the other hand, was very skeptical. It seemed too good to be true, and the day was wearing on him.

Scully had already fallen in love with the house before they walked in, but seeing the inside just re-affirmed it. Right as they walked in, there was a small front hall that contained a staircase and a glass door to the backyard. Underneath the staircase was a door to the basement and laundry room. On the left wall was the garage door, and on the right was a step that led down to an open room. Walking through the room revealed another open room that attached to a kitchen with island counters and tiled floors and a half bathroom on the right side on the same level as the front hall. Upstairs was a master bedroom with a full bath, two smaller bedrooms, and another full-sized bathroom. Mulder could see the reaction Scully was having to the place as they walked through it. He could see her imagining were furniture would go, what color they would paint the walls. He could see her imagining Anna growing up there. And he allowed himself to indulge in those fantasies as well.

Once they had seen the whole house, they asked the price. $1200 a month. He saw her mood literally fall as she realized it was too expensive. They went outside to talk about it.

"So, what do you think?" he asked her.

"Let's just go home," Scully said sullenly.

"You know, most utilities are included in that $1200."

"Mulder, even with your help I'm going to be spending over a third of my salary on rent. And there's going to be some time in the next five years when I'm going to need to get another car. Along with insurance and sending Anna to school, there's no way I'm going to be able to afford this."

He could see how upset she was. She really had thought she'd found the place for them. They'd even let Anna walk alongside of them as they toured, just adding to the fantasy they had of her growing up there. There was no way he was going to let this slip away from her. It was all part of the dream.

"Let me go talk to the landlord, see if I can negotiate the price a little bit."

"Mulder—"

"Be right back." He was on a mission. And he had multiple plans. Being creative is something you stoop to when you want something that much.

The landlord was waiting at the counter, and he had spread out several papers on it.

"I saw the way you two were looking at things. This is the lease," he explained.

"Well, there's a problem. First of all, we'd love to live here, there's no questions about that. But my, uh, girlfriend and I are splitting everything 50/50. I can afford it, but it's too expensive for her. Is there any way that we can negotiate the price of rent on the lease, then sign a separate contract that allows me to pay you the difference without her knowing?" The man's brow was crinkled with confusion. He'd owned the building for over 20 years, and nobody had ever wanted to set up a payment plan like the one this young man was proposing.

Mulder understood that his offer sounded a little fishy. "I assure you, sir, there's nothing going on here, I just know how much she likes this place and I want her and my daughter to be able to live here."

The man still looked like he had an issue with the idea, so he told Mulder that he'd agree only if his lawyer was able to draw up the separate agreement. Mulder could not be more enthusiastic, shaking the man's hand and thanking him. He'd have the contracts drawn up within the next few days, then they could come down and sign them. Before they went their separate ways, though, Mulder looked back at his new landlord and had to make one thing absolutely clear.

"Sir, she can never know about the separate contract. I'd really appreciate it if it stayed between you and me."

"Of course."

Scully sat nervously in the car as she waited for Mulder to appear. He was her only hope to live in the townhome, and her heart raced with anticipation. Finally, he walked out of the front door, stopping to shake the landlord's hand.

"Well?" she asked as he climbed in the driver's seat. He didn't look directly at her, instead turning around to tickle Anna's foot. She started to squirm, and he was having a of fun watching her. After a few seconds, he turned to her with a wily grin, and that was all the answer she needed.

"What did you get it negotiated to?"

"$900 a month." As soon as that number left his lips, she grabbed his hands and screamed. The look on her face was priceless.

Or at least worth an extra $300 a month.


	16. Chapter 16

**disclaimer: the x-fi****les do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

* * *

"Mmuuh, Mmuuh," Anna struggled from her turtle activity table in the corner. They had been comfortably settled in their house for two months and neither of them could be happier. Since Scully now worked regular hours, Mulder dropped Anna off at the Hoover building's daycare center during the day. By the time they got home, Scully had already been there for an hour and had completed most of the laundry thanks to her mom and dad's generous donation of a washing machine and dryer. Then when Mulder got home he'd do whatever housework needed to be done while Scully cooked dinner (she didn't trust him to) and then finish his own work. Writing a report was all that was left to finish that night. While Scully cleaned the kitchen, he watched Anna in the unleveled great room, which they had turned into an office.

She was a great kid. Mulder couldn't be more proud of her. Her strawberry blond hair was getting longer and curled around her neck, making the half-ponytail Scully's favorite hairstyle for her. She was funny, well-behaved, and the light of his life. It was wonderful to watch her grow up, but he wished she'd stay little forever. As it was, she was hardly a baby anymore. She could say fifteen words and sometimes babbled on to them like she was actually having a conversation with them. She could feed herself, take off her own socks (much to their frustration), smile for the camera, and kiss them goodnight. His little lady. He'd give her the world.

"What's that sweetie?" Mulder asked, not looking up from his file. She probably dropped a crayon and couldn't find it. Although Scully told him it was ridiculous, he could swear that Anna had picked up on her obsessive neatness.

"Mmuuh," she said again, more insistent. He swiveled around in his chair to see what she needed, only to find her standing in the middle of the room, very concentrated on something.

"Anna, you're silly," he said, turning around. Until he heard her say something else, clear as a bell. Something he had been wanting her to say for over four months.

"Muhda."

The little girl squealed in delight as Mulder scooped her up and threw her into the air, then laughed when he laid her on the couch and tickled her. Having heard her daughter, Scully came from the kitchen to see what was going on.

"What happened?" It was a heartwarming sight to see Mulder's interaction with her daughter, and Scully considered herself lucky to be able to witness that every day.

"Listen. Anna, who am I?" he asked, hoping that she'd say it again.

"Muhda," she said. She reached for his nose.

"Congratulations honey," Scully smiled. Even if the first time had been a fluke, she was getting the idea now that her mom and Mulder liked what she was saying. She went willingly into her mother's arms when she held them out to her, and the girls spun around together for a moment, her mommy's warm kisses covering her cheeks.

"You don't know how bad I wanted her to say that," Mulder told them. Did he dab his eyes? Was that a sniffle she heard?

"We may have been working on it while you weren't around."

"God, I never imagined a year ago that this is where our relationship would take us."

"Any regrets?" Scully dared to ask, looking directly into his eyes. He shook his head, pulling her close.

"None."

Early that morning, around 1, Scully was shaken awake gently, but urgently by her friend. Unwilling to open her eyes, the lamp next to her bed went on.

"Scully, wake up," Mulder said softly.

"What?" she muttered. Opening one eye, she could tell he was dressed in a suit and jacket.

"There's been a new lead in the case I'm working on and I have to go follow up on it," he told her. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up in bed. They'd flipped a coin for the master bedroom because Scully knew he'd want her to have it. Instead of arguing with him about it, she had suggested the coin flip so there would at least be a 50/50 chance of getting it without having to negotiate. Still, she'd felt bad when her side landed up. After all, he could easily live there without them, but she couldn't afford it on her own. His sacrifice was much greater.

"Now?" Scully asked, angry for him. She knew even before she had lived with him for two months that he had problems sleeping. He didn't need to be called to work at such an early hour.

"Yeah. If I'm not back in time, the Hoover daycare is on the third floor. You don't have to get any clearance to go up there. I should be there to bring her home."

"Don't go," she said abruptly, grabbing his hand. A sudden fear had seeped through her chest as if someone had planted it there. If it were a deep-seated fear, she would have kept quiet about it, but it came on so suddenly that she couldn't control what came out of her mouth.

"Scully, I—"

"Please, just… don't go. I have a bad feeling." A confused look took up residence on his face. She'd never said anything like this to him before.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I don't know… I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to worry about me," she told him, realizing how silly she sounded.

"No, it's the other way around," he said, leaning in to hug her. Having Anna wrap her arms around his neck was one thing, but having her mother in his arms was just as magnificent. Mulder was considering playing into her fears just to be able to stay like that all day.

"Well I can't help but worry about you," Scully said, raking her nails through the short hair above his ear. Pulling away from her embrace before becoming permanently locked there, he looked deep into her eyes and thought he saw something more than friendship there. Could she be as much in love with him as he was with her?

Probably. But, if there was one thing that Fox Mulder knew about Dana Scully, it was that she wouldn't be taken in a moment of worry. After their debacle in the hotel room after Bill's wedding reception, he'd tried to be extra delicate with her. And he had full faith that, when she was ready, she would sweep him off his feet during a moment when he least expected it. The love he had for her already transcended sexuality anyway, he was sure she shared that with him, and as long as he had that on his side, Mulder could wait forever for her.

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"I'm always careful," he feigned offense.

"Then be super careful."

"Okay, just for you."

The kiss he pressed to her cheek was chaste, but searing nevertheless, and she held on to his hand for as long as possible before he left the room.

They were closing in on the suspect, a 32-year-old white male who had been suspected of raping and killing four women with a handkerchief. He'd been missing in DC for four days since the warrant for his arrest went out, but his squad had found him hiding in an old warehouse. When they broke the doors in, the man, Howard Colton, had bolted, leading Mulder and his team on a foot chase. His determination and speed had resulted in Mulder cornering the man in an alley after about a mile and a half.

Suddenly realizing that he was trapped and had nowhere else to run, Colton pulled out a gun and shot Mulder, hitting him square in the chest. He went down, but by then other agents were surrounding him and the suspect, and they were forced to fire at the man. Once he was disabled, the agents turned their attention to Mulder, who was still on the ground, breathing very heavily. They thought they'd be dealing with a dead agent when they turned to care for him. But instead of seeing pools of blood surrounding him, they only saw a very shocked and relieved Mulder. The bullet had made a nice clean hole through his jackets and shirt, but it had not penetrated the Kevlar vest he wore underneath.

He'd grabbed it from his office that morning, even though he never wore the thing. It was heavy, awkward, and those were two things he did not need as a part of his person while he was trying to chase down a suspect. But he'd thrown it on anyway, knowing that if Scully were standing next to him she'd insist. Besides, it did provide some extra warmth for the chilly November morning.

Now there he was, 8 hours later, sitting in the ER waiting to get the all-clear from the doctors who had examined him. He'd escaped the ordeal with nothing more than a bruise.

He hadn't wanted them to take him to a hospital. If they took him there, then they'd notify Scully, and that was something he did not want. It would reaffirm all of the fears she had that morning, and now every time he went out to do field work she would worry. It was the last thing she needed. The least they could have done was take him to her hospital, but the fates didn't want that either. Mulder knew when she came into the ER. He could hear her frantic voice asking for him. He could hear her tiny heels click on the floor.

"Please, can you tell me where Agent Fox—" she asked as he pulled back the curtain surrounding his bed. The nurse didn't have to answer, Scully whipped her head around in time to see him grinning at her, sitting on the bed shirtless. As gently as she could despite how relieved she was that he was okay, Scully jumped into his arms.

"Oooh," he winced as her head hit the bruise. She ran her fingers over it, having a soothing effect on the wound.

"Sorry. But that's what you get for summoning me to another hospital."

"I'll take your banter as a sign that you're happy to see me."

"Considering the state you could be in, yes."

"You have only yourself to thank for that then."

"What do you mean?"

Mulder nodded his head over to the chair next to his bed, where his clothes and the Kevlar vest sat.

"I put that on after you said you had a bad feeling. Without it, I'd be dead."

Tears filled Scully's eyes, and to keep them from spilling over she remained silent for a few moments. Instead, she focused on Mulder's chest hair, which was tickling her chin, and the bruise that lay beneath it.

"How is it that you're always getting shot?" she laughed through sniffles. This made her so endearing to him, and Mulder allowed himself a laugh too as he tightened his grip on her.

"I guess I'll have to work on that."

"Please do. You've reached your maximum amount of emergency visits for the year."

When he was finally cleared, they walked out of the hospital, and she couldn't resist clutching his hand.

Not very much unlike he had crept into her room that morning, at around 11 that night, after tossing and turning for a good 45 minutes, Scully knocked quietly on Mulder's bedroom door. As much as she knew he needed to rest after his ordeal that day, she knew he was awake. It would be awhile now before he even shut his TV off and tried going to sleep. When she heard him tell her to come in, she peeked in the room to see his still-shirtless self sprawled out on the bed, remote in hand. The bedspread was bunched up around his feet, but that didn't stop her from pulling it over them as she nestled herself into his side. Burying her face below his underarm, it felt good to have him so intimately close to her. She'd come so close to losing him… again.

Mulder sensed what was wrong and began to languidly move his hand up and down her back. Ever since they'd picked Anna up early from daycare and went home, she'd been withdrawn, staying in the background while he played with her and fed her and bathed her and put her to bed. At first he'd assumed she was giving him his space, after all, he'd been able to salvage his life that day only because of a stroke of luck. But around Anna's bedtime when she declined reading to her, he knew something was wrong.

"You okay?"

It took her awhile to answer this. Everything in her was screaming to say she was fine. Mulder had been the one who got shot, not her, yet she was having a harder time dealing with it. Scully figured it'd be best to just come out and say the truth.

"Not really."

"I didn't think so."

"I'm sorry. I know that nothing bad happened to you and that I should just get over it, but I can't. That's the second time since I've known you that I've thought I lost you, and even believing it for a second is too much for me to handle."

"I hate that you have to go through that. I told the paramedics that I didn't need to be taken to the hospital…"

"You're kind of missing the point. I mean, I can't keep from thinking what it would be like if you really died. Where I would end up, how Anna would grow up. And please don't take that the wrong way, this is not a financial thing. I just… I depend on you more than I've ever depended on anyone in my adult life and it scares the shit out of me. I would lose so much if I lost you."

Spilling her guts out to him was liberating. Breathing heavily, Mulder pulled her closer to him, settling her head on his chest. He understood how she felt, it was the same way he felt every morning when he thought she'd wake up and wonder what the hell she was doing with him.

"I'll never leave you," he said softly, pressing kisses to her hairline.

"You don't know that."

"Well I would give everything to make sure that I didn't. And from now on, I promise I'm going to start using more discretion in the workplace so that you don't have to worry as much anymore."

"Too late."

Even though he didn't think it humanly possible, he snuggled closer to her. "You know, I worry about you too. When you leave for groceries or work. Especially when you worked in that crummy bar, I worried about you. You're not the only one with something to lose."

The stakes just got higher, but Scully was comforted by his words. Unwilling to leave the bed, though, she muttered her thanks to him and then turned her attention to the NOVA program that was playing on the TV. Schools of jellyfish floating around in the bright blue Pacific Ocean coupled with the steady beat of Mulder's very much alive pulse rocked her gently to sleep in his arms.


	17. Chapter 17

**disclaimer: the x-fi****les do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

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Finishing up his work for the day was dragging by slowly, and Mulder knew why. He and Scully were going Christmas shopping for Anna later that night, and he couldn't wait to buy the baby all of the things he thought she deserved. Even he didn't have enough money for that, though. Seconds felt like minutes, and minutes like hours. He took a few bathroom breaks to pass the time, and he was pretty sure now that everyone in the bullpen thought he had kidney stones. Still, those only took a miniscule amount of time and Mulder kept watching the clock. Until 3:18 when his cell rang.

"Mulder," he answered, hoping it wasn't about a new case or anything of the sort. All he wanted to do was go shopping for his little girl that night.

"_Hey, it's me,"_ came Scully's delightful voice. Mulder let out a big breath of air at hearing it.

"Hi, how's everything going?" Reggie was now looking over at him suspiciously.

"_Umm, well… my car won't start. Is there any way you can pick me up?"_

He didn't have to hear the full sentence to start shutting down his computer and grabbing his coat, keys, and briefcase.

"No problem. Hang tight, I'll be there soon," he said and hung up. Upon seeing Mulder's actions, Reggie was starting to look annoyed. This was the third time this week he had left work early, and it was only Thursday. Mulder's only defense up until then was that Anna had learned her ABC's.

"What? Her car won't start," Mulder defended himself against Reggie's stink eye. His partner made the sound of a whip cracking with his mouth and Mulder flipped him the bird and left. Only stopping to pick up Anna from daycare, they made their way quickly over to the hospital, searching the parking lot for Scully's car.

Her blue 1976 Chevy Malibu was on its last leg. He'd spent more than a few mornings trying to jumpstart it, grateful for his limited knowledge of cars. It was only a tiny comfort to Mulder that he was the one who took Anna to and from daycare, otherwise he probably would have insisted that Scully take his car. She was hesitant to take it to the repair shop, though. She didn't want to hear that it cost more to fix than it was worth, and Scully certainly didn't have the money to get a better car. Besides that, it was the car she had worked two whole summers for and purchased with her own money. She'd sacrificed big time for that car, and to see it dying was heartbreaking.

Parked next to the Malibu was another car, a newer, sleeker model, and Scully was sitting in the passenger's seat. On the driver's side was a very nice-looking man, and a lump instantly formed in Mulder's throat.

"Thanks for coming, Mulder. Sorry for calling you out of work," she apologized, getting out of the car at the same time he did. The man followed her, standing too close. This was a very primitive experience for Mulder.

"No, no, it's okay. Umm, you must be freezing, why don't you go sit in my car while I take a look?" Mulder suggested.

"Oh, it's alright. Connor here was nice enough to let me sit with him until you got here."

The man extended his hand to Mulder, and he had to hold back from spitting on it. He was young, probably Scully's age, neat, trim, and handsome. His blond hair was perfectly combed, his black expensive-looking coat and gloves were lint-free, and his teeth were unforgivably white. It didn't take a lot of detective work to realize that the man was privileged.

"Hi, Connor Bentworth," he said politely, but with an air of snootiness that Mulder was surprised Scully couldn't pick up on.

"Fox Mulder," he was embarrassed to say his own name.

"Connor is a resident too. We have mostly the same rounds," Scully explained, much to Mulder's disappointment. He was uncomfortable with the fact that they spent so much time together.

"That's nice," Mulder's answer was short. Okay, so he was good-looking and outwardly wealthy. But the man couldn't jumpstart a car?

"We tried jumpstarting it, but it wouldn't work. I don't think it's the battery that is the problem," Connor relayed to Mulder as he popped the hood. Oh well. What could Biff know about vehicle emergencies? He looked like the kind of man who still didn't do his own laundry. He probably just screwed it up. Mulder smiled as he knew his chances of showing him up were good.

Or so he thought. Even with the cables situated a hundred different ways on both cars, the Malibu wouldn't start. Red-faced, Mulder turned to Scully.

"Looks like we're going to have to leave it for the night. I'll call someone to bring it down to the shop tomorrow morning," he started, but was cut off.

"Oh don't worry about the towing. My grandfather started DC's first towing service back in the '20s and it's still going strong. We'll have it towed to our lot and you can have someone come and look at it whenever you like. My treat," stupid Connor told Scully. Mulder watched her eyes light up. While Mulder worried constantly about giving Scully the space and confidence she needed despite her sometimes less-than-desirable financial circumstances, this man had just swooped in like a knight in shining armor and fixed her problems for her. And they were problems that Mulder would fix for her in a heartbeat if he wasn't so concerned about her independence. Instead of showing Connor up, he'd been shown up, and he felt like an old dog watching the puppy get all the attention.

"Are you serious? Thank you so much Connor, you're going to save me a ton," Scully exclaimed. A knife went through his heart when he saw her throw her arms around the man's neck in gratitude.

"It's not a problem at all. Anything for a friend," he said in a smile that was more than friendly. Mulder wanted to throw up.

"Okay well, now that that's settled, I guess we should head on home," Mulder suggested, placing his fingers gently around Scully's elbow.

"Thank you so much Connor, I'll find a way to repay you."

Yeah, Mulder was sure the kid could find some way for the gorgeous Dana Scully to repay him.

"Would you take her to go see Santa while I shop?" Scully asked after two hours in the crowded mall, stuffing bags into the stroller. They'd tackled mostly everyone on their list, but she hadn't wanted to shop for Anna's presents with the baby in tow. Even though they both knew she wouldn't remember what they bought for her when it came time to open presents, Scully thought it would be more of a surprise if he took her off for awhile during that time. So he agreed, anxious to take her to see Santa anyway. He'd shop for her on his own time, because he knew Scully would be uncomfortable with how much he was going to get for her.

"Meet you back at the big candy cane in an hour?"

"Deal."

Seeing Anna respond to the Christmas cheer of the season was incredible. The year before had been great and all, her first Christmas, but she had been a little young to participate. But now she could marvel at the tree that stood in the corner of their living room, listen as they read her Christmas stories, and even sort of say "Santa." Everything was new and magical to her, and it really put Mulder in the spirit. Before Scully and Anna, Christmas had been just another day that he had to call his mom and dad. He'd sit back watching everyone else celebrate, never getting in on any of it. That all had changed, though, and he felt like a little kid again.

"Are you ready to go see Santa?" he asked the girl in the stroller once they got in the mile-long line. Her eyes lit up. When she reached her arms out to him, he couldn't resist. "Tata," Anna said sweetly.

"That's right, Santa. Have you been a good girl for Santa?" This was like the practice SATs for them. He knew she' be grilled on these questions once she was set in the fat man's lap, and Mulder didn't want her folding under pressure. She passed with flying colors, sticking her fist in her mouth and offering a drooly smile.

"Of course you've been a good girl for Santa. You're the most perfect girl in the world," he said, cradling her under his chin. He didn't know that his exchange was being observed, though. The woman in front of him smiled, clutching her young son's hand.

"Wow, I've never seen a father interact with his daughter the way you do," she commented. Involuntarily, he gave her a once-over. Tall, legs that went on for days, slim around the hips, short hair. She kind of reminded him of Princess Diana and she was exactly the type of woman he would have gone for before he met Scully. While he was letting his eyes wander over her, she was letting hers wander over his hand. No ring. No problems.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

"She is just too adorable, what's her name?"

"Anna. Her name's Anna."

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. How old is she?"

"19 months."

"Well she's practically a little lady. Has she started talking yet?"

"Yup, she's a regular parrot. Can you say 'hi' Anna?"

Anna looked uncertainly at the woman, then back to the man holding her. "Muhda."

"Yup, that's my name darling. I'm sorry, she's usually so amicable."

"What does she call you?" the woman asked, somewhat fascinated.

"Oh, she calls me Mulder. That's my last name, Mulder."

"Interesting. I'm Lisa, by the way, and this is my son Steven."

"It's very nice to meet you."

Santa's area was on the ground level of the mall, but it was in a spot where the overhanging levels could easily see down into it. The center of all the attention, of course. Scully was on the second level, and she looked down to the line, trying to spot Anna and Mulder. And find them she did. Toward the end of the line they stood, talking to a pretty woman holding on to a young boy. Being a woman herself, Scully knew that the way the lady was leaning in to the conversation she was having with Mulder that she was flirting with him. She felt a little embarrassed when her face turned red. She didn't have any exclusive rights to Mulder, and he could flirt with whoever he wanted to flirt with. But using her baby as a tool? That pissed her off a little bit.

The woman was laying herself on strong. She must have been really desperate for a lay, Mulder thought, because she gave him the name and room number of the hotel she was staying in while she visited her sister for the holidays.

"It's the nicest place. Claw-foot tub, big bed, room service," she described to him, leaning in so that he could smell her perfume. Would he have to stand in line like this until they were able to see Santa? Someone was trying to torture him.

Trying to diffuse the situation, Mulder knelt down to the little boy's level to talk to him. He couldn't have been more than six or seven and he felt bad for the kid. Here he was, in line waiting to see Santa, and his mom was acting like a total whore all while he watched.

"What are you gonna ask Santa for?" Mulder smiled, bracing Anna so that she was sitting on his bent knee.

"A new baseball glove," Steven said.

"Do you like baseball?"

"I love baseball. Have you seen 'Field of Dreams'?"

"Are you kidding? It's one of my favorite movies this year!" Mulder tried to be enthusiastic, although knowing he was probably only impressing the kid's mom even more. There was no way to win in this situation.

"He's gone bonkers over baseball since he saw that movie," Lisa quipped.

"Baseball is my favorite sport. I used to play all the time when I was a kid."

"Were you really good?"

"I was pretty good. So make sure you practice all the time, because that's what did it for me."

He was so thankful when Anna began to protest her position on his knee because he didn't know where to take the conversation from there and was uncomfortable letting Lisa get another word in.

"Shhh, be a good girl. Be a good girl because we're going to see Santa."

"Mama," Anna whined, reaching her hands over his shoulder. When he turned around, Scully was right there with a few more bags in her hands.

"Hi," she said, dropping the bags and accepting the baby.

"Hey. How's shopping going?" Mulder asked, very domestically so as to send a message to the very disappointed-looking Lisa.

"These crowds are ridiculous. Next year we're not waiting until a few days before to get our shopping done."

"Agreed."

"Have you been waiting in line all this time?"

"Yup. Santa's a popular man."

"I see that."

"Want me to go put the bags in the car while you wait in line? It shouldn't take me more than a few minutes."

"Actually, I'm not done yet, just thought I'd come over and see how everything was going," she lied. _Just thought I'd come over and put that skinny bitch you're talking to in her place_ was more like it.

"Okay, have fun with the rest of the shopping. Remember, use your height to your advantage."

"Ha ha," she scowled at him, handing Anna back and letting her hand play with his once they made contact.

Lisa didn't say anything to him for the rest of the wait, and Mulder chuckled to himself because of it. He wondered if Scully had put on that little show on purpose.

They'd been waiting at the big candy cane for almost fifteen minutes, and Mulder was just about ready to have the security officers start a search team when the woman he was waiting for came walking languidly over to them.

"I'm sorry Mulder, but I ran into Connor in Carson's and we got to talking," she apologized. Anything, anyone but Connor and he would have brushed it off.

"Connor?" he tried to sound like he didn't remember.

"Yeah, you met him earlier. He offered to have my car towed…"

"Oh yeah, Connor. Wow, what a coincidence."

"I know. He asked me if I'd like to go out and get a few drinks tomorrow night so I was wondering if you'd mind watching Anna?"

Mulder's breath hitched in his throat. Again, anyone but Connor. Not to mention that the next day was when he was going to do a majority of his own shopping for Anna, and of course get Scully her gifts. But his friend's eyes were bright and she was sporting a beautiful smile. He was in control of the situation, but if she wanted to go out with Connor Bentworth, he had to let her be happy.

"That's no problem. Tomorrow night, though, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, well I have some plans tonight when we get done here."

"You have plans?" she asked, not even trying to hide her disbelief.

"Yes, I have plans."

"What kind of plans?"

"Just… plans," he said in a tone that conveyed to her to drop it.

He pulled up to the Willard at around 11:30 that night and shamefully made his way to room 321. When he knocked on the door, a very surprised Lisa answered.

"Hi—" was all she managed to get out before his lips were hungrily devouring hers. They had rough, passionless sex four times before he hated himself enough to go home.

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**if you guys like this chapter, review!**


	18. Chapter 18

**disclaimer: the x-files do not belong to me, i'm simply borrowing characters and situations for recreational purposes and my immense enjoyment.**

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Mulder and Anna were both half asleep, her laying on his chest in bed watching the nightly news, when they felt the door slam below them. It seemed that Scully was back from her date, so Mulder laid the little girl in the middle of his bed and went to meet her. It had been her second date with Connor Bentworth, and the slamming door gave Mulder both hope and anger.

She'd stormed into her room by the time he opened his door, so he walked quietly over and knocked.

"I don't wanna talk about it," came her voice from the other side. Mulder had planned for this, and was prepared to extract the information from her indirectly. His investigative skills came in handy around the house, especially when Scully was concerned.

"Actually I was wondering if you'd put Anna in her crib while I go downstairs and thaw out some ice cream."

Her tiny head peaked out of the door, a scowl taking over her face as she realized what he was trying to do. Her best friend.

"You're unbelievable," she said, padding out of the room, leaving Mulder impressed at how quickly she could change out of date clothes and into pajamas. While in the freezer, he made sure to grab the cookie dough ice cream they reserved for emergencies.

When he heard her coming down the stairs, he took the bowls he had made up to the couch. Scully had a definite paranoia about eating in the living room, but this was a couch conversation that they needed to have.

"Okay, spill," Mulder said, handing her the bowl. She tucked her feet under herself and dug in.

"Well, I told him about Anna tonight." It was nice to know that she was just as private about her daughter with everyone else as she had been with Mulder. He knew it was stupid and macho, but he would have been really hurt if she had given such personal information to Connor outright.

"And…" Mulder alluded, knowing that it didn't end well.

"He blatantly told me that he didn't like children. Which sucks, but it's his right. And I would have left it at that except for that he started to insinuate some really horrible things."

"Like what?" he asked, getting defensive. Defending Scully's reputation was something that came very naturally to him, although he shouldn't have ever had to. She was 25, a single mom, and most people didn't know about Mulder. When she'd tell him stories about condescending mothers from Anna's playgroup or the grocery store, the hair on the back of his neck stood straight up. He didn't want other people to think of her as any less than the woman he thought of her as, but mostly he didn't want her to think less of herself. There were things that she regretted in her life, yes, but he knew that she'd do it all over again if it meant they gave her Anna.

"Calm down, Mulder. They weren't insults per say, but he kept saying something about the 'party girls' he knew in med school that had accidents of their own. Then he applauded me for keeping her."

"What a dweeb," Mulder shook his head, grabbing her hand. He was trying to be humorous in his tone, but he knew she was upset. He had to temper his sympathy for her with his utter delight in knowing he would never have to compete with Connor Bentworth ever again. But who was to say that there wouldn't be another Connor Bentworth somewhere around the corner, a Connor Bentworth that didn't mind children? Mulder was just about to ask a very important question when Scully blurted out,

"I'm done with guys and dating for awhile."

His mouth went dry. Over a year of waiting for the perfect time to tell her, and she says that right when he's found it. He didn't say anything for a few moments after that, and Scully noticed.

"Mulder."

"Sorry. I'm just puzzled. After everything you've been through, you let that asshole turn you off of dating?"

"You've got a point there," she chuckled, so glad she was able to confide in him, "To be honest, I'm not even sure why I agreed to go out with him in the first place. It's just not the right time for me. I've got Anna to focus on, this residency, then trying to juggle everyday life. I have to give my attention to those things now, and there's nothing left to give to a relationship. I'm sure any relationship I would be in would be really unsatisfying for everyone."

He wanted to let her know that that was absolutely not true. He wanted to tell her that there was someone out there that would love her for exactly who she was and for her responsibilities. But she looked like she had made up her mind and had let go of his hand.

"Well, you're a woman who knows what she wants. And if you think a man is going to get in the way of that, then I think you've made the right choice."

"Thanks Mulder. I finally feel like I'm working toward a future now, and I know I'm going to be okay."

She was right, he decided on the couch. He was reminded of the way they looked into each other's eyes two months earlier on the morning before he was shot; reminded of his thoughts about their relationship. He could wait for her forever, if that's what it took. Because with Dana Scully, he felt he had forever to wait. Mulder knew in his heart that nothing could ever make him leave her, so there was no reason to rush her into something she didn't want or wasn't ready for. Through her words and their perfect timing, Mulder knew that fate was telling him that despite what he thought, it wasn't the moment he had been waiting for. And Scully was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with, he had to make sure it was the right moment.

You can always wait for the woman you love.

"Mulder!" Scully said for the second time, waving her hand in front of his face.

"Sorry, just a little tired."

"You're getting old, buddy."

"Tell me about it."

"I'll let you go to bed, then."

"And what are you going to do?"

"Take a shower. Sit up and think for a little bit."

"You have fun then. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Mulder," she smiled up at him, taking his bowl of ice cream before he tried to take hers.

He was almost out of the room when he turned around in the doorway abruptly.

"You know, I'm really glad you feel accomplished, Scully. And I'm really glad that you're happy with where you are." Maybe it wasn't _the_ moment, but it was a special moment, and he had to pay tribute to it.

Since it had slipped out of her mouth, Scully had been worried that what she had said earlier had been that thing that she knew would one day push Mulder away from her. But hearing those words from him gave her hope. They were where they were supposed to be.

"Thank you Mulder. I hope you feel the same way."

He nodded, then left her for bed.

She cursed herself in the shower when she realized she had forgotten to pick up her body wash once again. So she used Mulder's. And when she slipped between the sheets, she smelled like him.

There was one man she would never lose faith in.


	19. Chapter 19

**disclaimer: see other chapters, i'm tired of writing these**

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It was July before another question about their relationship was posed. Anna, Mulder, and Scully were spending a Sunday in—Anna in her new black leotard and pink tights following right along as her mother and Mulder practiced some of the stretching and beginner's ballet steps they had learned in her "wiggles and giggles" class. As soon as there had been an opening at the dance studio in the neighborhood, Scully had signed Anna up for dance class. She had always dreamed of her little girl in pink shoes and a tutu, and it didn't hurt that the once-a-week classes would tucker her out on Wednesdays.

Mulder had taken a surprising interest in the classes. He'd even attended some of them with Scully, much to the other mothers' fascination. One parent was required to stay with the child during the hour-long lesson, but the other nine girls in the class had only ever had their mothers stay. He'd looked funny those days, pointing his toes in his socked foot with his arms high above his head. But Anna loved it and that was all that mattered.

They were just about to stand on relevé, holding their "pretty arms" up, when a knock came at the door. Scully offered to get it, and on the front step stood a tall white-haired woman holding a box. They studied each other for a moment.

"Can I help you?" Scully asked. She couldn't be a saleswoman, she was dressed in a striped blouse and ankle-length jeans and the box was taped, but unmarked. To be honest, she looked as confused to see Scully there as Scully was to see her there.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address. I'm looking for Fox Mulder. I'm his mother."

Scully was rendered speechless. The woman definitely looked like she could be Mulder's mother, but what business would she have with him? In the almost two years she'd known Mulder, aside from when he told her about his sister all that time ago, he'd never mentioned his mother more than a couple of times. She never called their home, not even on holidays, never wrote, and lived a totally separate life from her son. Scully was sure that Mulder's mom didn't even know she existed, nevertheless that they lived together and her son raised her daughter like she was his own. Giving her the love and attention that that woman had withheld from his childhood. Loving her like he should have been loved.

"I'm sorry, I have the wrong place," the woman re-iterated once Scully had been silent for a few moments. As she turned to leave, though, Scully found her voice and called out to her.

"Wait," the woman turned around just as she was about to walk back to the BMW parked in the driveway, "you've got the right place. He's right inside."

Teena Mulder knew that she and her son were not close, and hadn't been for quite some time, but she thought that he would have at least mentioned getting married to her. And then, she thought as she was invited inside and turned to the left, having a child.

Her son was lifting a blond little girl above his head, and she was shrieking with laughter. There was no doubt in her mind that the child was his.

"Mulder," Scully said, trying to get his attention. She wished she didn't have to break the moment he was having with Anna, especially for one that welcomed his estranged mother into the picture. "Mulder."

His faced turned from one of delight to utter shock in one second after he turned to Scully. He hadn't seen his mother in person in over five years, and she had picked a grand time to drop in. Mulder knew she was suspicious about Scully and Anna, but he chose to be cordial instead of confrontational. As far as he remembered, his mother could be pretty judgmental when she put her mind to it.

"Hi Mom," he said, turning off the music they had been dancing to. Once he had scooped Anna up into his arms, he met his mother in the foyer and pulled her in for a quick hug.

"Um," the older woman started, clearly not expecting the scene before her, "hello Fox."

"What brings you out here?"

"I was just, uh, cleaning out the attic and found some stuff I thought belonged to you."

"Thanks, you can just set the box over there."

She set the box down on the floor next to the stairs, then looked at him with an expression that said, _"Alright, tell me what's going on."_

"Mom, this is my friend Dana Scully. She lives here," he began introducing. Teena Mulder could say a lot with the look on her face, and what she was saying after he told her that was, _"Really, just a friend?"_ But they shook hands awkwardly nonetheless, and Mulder was hoping Scully wasn't offended by his mother's clear judgments of her. He knew he would have been, but his friend just smiled and clasped her hands in front of her.

"And this is her daughter Anna."

"Hello there," his mother greeted the girl, though tight-lipped. Following that, there was an awkward moment of silence between the adults. Mulder knew exactly what was going through his mother's mind, it was the same thing that he knew had gone through every middle-aged woman's mind that Mulder and Scully had become acquainted with since moving in to their new place. Scully knew it too, but she was trying not to let her insecurities get the best of her. After all, this wasn't just another middle-aged woman uncomfortable with her living situation. This was Mulder's mother.

"Fox, I was wondering if I could speak to you alone," Teen said after awhile. Mulder let out a breath that he had been holding. Of course he was not anxious for his mother to insult Scully in their home, but he was glad their game of saving-face was over so that she could tell him what she really felt.

"Let me show you to the kitchen then." Gritting his teeth, Mulder handed Anna over to Scully. He could not meet her gaze, though, since her eyes were trained on the floor. It was going to be a short and fiery conversation he and his mother were going to have, of this Mulder was sure. Regardless of what he had or hadn't told her, she had no right to judge Scully, especially in light of her method of mothering back when he was a child.

"Fox, I'd like to know what's going on," Teena came right out and said it once they reached the kitchen. Mulder hadn't even had the chance to sit down, and after hearing that, he didn't think he would.

"What do you mean?" he pretended not to know what she was referring to.

"Don't play dumb, Fox, I want to know what you're doing living in the same house as a woman you claim to only be friends with and her young daughter, and more importantly, why you didn't let me know at all what was going on. I'd like to know what you're thinking."

"I am a grown adult, Mom, I can live with whomever I choose."

"Why her, then? Is there something you're not telling me? Is that baby yours?"

"Mother! You think I would have just kept the birth of my child from you?"

"You've kept everything else from me! Imagine how stupid I felt knocking on the door and not even knowing the woman who answered!"

"Well that just goes to show how involved you are in my life. I've known that woman out there for almost two years, and we have been living together for the past ten months. You can either act like you give a shit all the time, Mom, or pretend you don't have a son at all, which is what you've been doing for most of my life. But you cannot drop by unannounced and come up with all of these problems you have with my living situation."

"You've always been the same, Fox. So eager to please. Can't you even notice when you're being taken advantage of?"

"And how would you know whether or not I'm being taken advantage of?"

"Come on, she's young, she has a child, and I want to know why you're supporting her."

"I do not support her," Mulder said icily, borrowing Scully's tone of voice when she was extremely pissed off, "You cannot come into our home and insinuate that she's incapable of providing for herself and her daughter. You don't even know her! She could be supporting me! I won't have you showing up out of the blue just to judge her, because I've had enough of it from people other than you!"

He was shouting. He was sure Scully could hear, and he was extremely sorry for that.

"Are you really going to speak to your mother that way just to defend someone like her?" Teena said calmly.

"Yes," Mulder told her almost immediately.

"Alright then." Teena stood up from the chair she had taken at the table, then walked briskly to the door, "But just remember where the money that you two live on comes from. My parents would be mortified if they knew what their grandson was doing with the inheritance they set aside for him."

"Maybe just as mortified as they were when they learned their daughter was having an affair with a man that wasn't her husband." It was low of him to say that, but she pushed him there. He'd never thought he would say something like that to his mother, but there they were, in the front hall, and her gaze was deathly. Mulder had followed her only so that he could slam the door behind her on her way out. He was so livid and he became even more so when he walked into the foyer to find that Scully was gone, it was no wonder he said what he did and didn't feel much remorse about it.

He didn't even get a chance to slam the door because his mother did that first. It would be a long time before she would even think about speaking to him again.

It took a few minutes of trudging around outside for Mulder to calm down. He should have expected as much from his mother, though, and his mind searched for ways that he could have assured that the situation that had just occurred never happened in the first place. It was useless, though, Mulder concluded. No matter how courteous he had been to his mother, she would always have a problem with Dana Scully. No matter if she had met the woman once or a thousand times, she would always think she was superior to her. Why? Because she married a man she obviously didn't love and cheated on him for almost their entire relationship? Because she was addicted to pain medicine and sleep aids while her son was growing up? One thing Mulder was 100% certain of was that Scully was ten times the mother, and he had no problem defending that.

Finally, Mulder was calm enough to walk up the stairs without stomping. Her door was shut, but he didn't even bother to knock. Scully was barely visible under the covers of her bed, and Anna was sitting calmly next to her, almost like she knew her mother needed comfort. When Mulder walked through the door, though, she held out her hands to him.

"Scully, I—"

"Don't. Just please, don't say anything Mulder. I know what you're going to say," he heard her muffled voice come from under the blankets. She didn't sound like she'd been crying, but he would have been surprised if she had been. In many ways, she was much stronger than he was. Scully barely cried; saw crying as a sign of weakness. It didn't mean that she was okay, though.

"What am I going to say?" he asked, removing the covers from her face. She looked pitiful, and it sparked a whole new batch of rage within him. She shouldn't have to feel like that. She was a great woman.

"You're going to apologize profusely for the way your mother acted, tell me that you don't believe a single word of what she said and that you never would see me as something of a burden…"

"Scully, I am so sorry you had to hear my mother's outdated worldview turned against you, I never have and never will believe a word of what she says, and I would never, ever, in one hundred million years, ever consider you a burden."

"Mulder."

"Scully, why would you let one incredibly ignorant woman make you feel bad about yourself?"

"Because, Mulder, it's not just one woman who feels that way. I've told you about the looks I get in the grocery store or in the park. It's hard to face so many people thinking less of you every day and not start to think that they're right."

"What about the voice of one man telling you that you're amazing, wonderful, brilliant, and lovely?"

"Please don't pity me Mulder."

Setting Anna lovingly next to Scully, Mulder laid himself down behind her so that they were spooning. She wasn't expecting his arms to go around her waist, but they did, and he laid his head on her shoulder.

"I could never lie to you," he whispered, placing a small kiss underneath her ear.

He couldn't.

"I just wish it were easier. I wish it were as easy for me to ignore them as it is for me to love her," Scully said sadly, reaching out to grab Anna's hand.

"Nothing in this life is as easy as it is to love her," Mulder smiled. God, his words were almost enough to make her forget all of the terrible events of the day. But they flared up a deep-seeded fear in the back of her mind that Mulder only stuck around because he loved Anna so much. Contrary to every other relationship she'd had with males since, she believed that without Anna, she and Mulder would have parted ways long ago.

"You're right about that." But she wished he would say that about her.

A few moments went by of Mulder holding her close, and Scully just being grateful for his presence—no matter the circumstances—until Anna started to protest their lack of activity.

Picking herself up and brushing herself off, Scully gathered her daughter in her arms and decided to go forward in her life. No matter what anybody else said to her, the little girl she held gave more to her life than they could ever take away by insulting her. She gave her hope, strength, meaning, joy, and so much more. She may have possibly even given her a wonderful man to share her life with.

Dana Scully was a mother. And that was different than being a young, single mom.

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**a/n: get ready. i am about to take you on a long, angsty ride. be prepared. good things come to those who wait and WONDERFUL things come to those who review...**


	20. Chapter 20

**_~Thanksgiving, 1990~_**

Soft and warm. All the smells coming from the kitchen were soft and warm. All of the sounds in the house were soft and warm. All of the decorations Scully insisted they have up (to prove a point to her dad, Mulder believed was how she explained it to him) were soft and warm. The sweater she had picked out for him was soft and warm. And Anna sitting on his lap watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was soft and warm.

Soft and warm. That was his life.

Her family, with the exception of Bill and Tara (thank God), was making its way to their home for Thanksgiving. Scully absolutely couldn't believe it when her mother relinquished the sacred duties to her, but she didn't know the gentle prodding Mulder had given the woman either. He knew it would mean a lot to his roommate to be able to play the role of matriarch of the family for just one holiday, and it was official by now, Maggie Scully could not deny Fox Mulder anything. He felt more like her son than he had ever felt like his mother's.

In the Scully household, Mulder sensed that things had been very traditional as the children were growing up. Either that or, with her husband gone at sea a majority of the year, Mrs. Scully had been very accustomed to doing everything by herself. The reason he thought this was because every time he poked his head in the kitchen to help, Scully had shooed him away in a frenzy. She looked like a frenzy. She'd been cooking for two days, cleaned the house, picked out everyone's clothes, and made sure all of the little details had been settled. Apparently, all Mulder was qualified to do was act as babysitter to Anna, who was almost good enough to leave on her own sometimes. Was she trying to impress someone? Would it make a difference to her mother whether or not she let him stir the mashed potatoes?

He didn't know, but he did wish that she were able to see her daughter's face as the turkey balloon made its way down the street.

"Gobba gobba gobba," the little girl imitated the animal, just like she had been learning for weeks since Scully found out she was going to be hosting Thanksgiving.

"Good girl. That turkey is going to be on our plates soon," Mulder told her.

He almost burst out laughing when Anna turned to him with the widest eyes he'd ever seen her make and said in horror, "No!"

"But it's Thanksgiving!"

"No! Nice tukky," she explained to him. He scooped her up in his arms after that, amazed that he actually found the little girl kind, an attribute that toddlers didn't usually possess. And of course, she was breathtakingly cute, which was an attribute that many toddlers possessed.

"Okay, sweetheart. You can eat chicken."

"Tikken nuggets?"

"Maybe tomorrow," Mulder kissed her cheek, glancing over to the kitchen to make sure Scully hadn't heard that. Trips to McDonald's were Mulder and Anna's dirty little secret, and for a good reason. Scully absolutely abhorred fast food. Save for take-out or pizza here and there, she hardly ever ate food that she hadn't made herself and always criticized Mulder when he stopped somewhere to pick up a 99¢burger in less than five minutes. But on nights when she had to be at the hospital late or if he was really hungry on the way home from work, he and Anna would stop at McDonald's to have a bite. He'd get a big Mac and she'd get a happy meal, and they'd sit there and talk about the day or play with the toy she got. He had a small canvas bag hidden in his trunk full of McDonald's happy meal toys he didn't want Scully to find.

Before he was able to ask Scully once again if she needed any help preparing the food, the doorbell rang. Hurried, Scully slammed the oven door shut and started to take off her apron, but Mulder grabbed her arm.

"We'll answer the door, you need to take a few deep breaths."

"I'm fine, Mulder."

"Just let us do this. You've done so much."

She nodded slowly and took a deep breath, straightening her blouse and flattening her hair. She didn't need to do those things. He thought she looked perfect just the way she was.

"Fox!" Maggie greeted him at the door, enveloping him in a hug that was impressive for a woman her size. Doubly impressive for a woman her size who was also carrying a serving dish of what smelled like green beans.

"Hello Mrs. Scully, happy Thanksgiving," Mulder said, enjoying the comfort being around Scully's mother brought him. Soft and warm.

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too dear."

"Happy Thanksgiving sir," he shook Capt. Scully's hand. He'd gotten better at it since that first fateful Easter.

"Happy Thanksgiving Fox," the man followed his wife inside, a huge smile breaking out over his face when he saw his granddaughter hiding behind Mulder's leg. She squealed when he snatched her up into a hug. The captain was the only man that Mulder didn't instantly become jealous of when they made Anna shriek in delight like that. From a father to a father, Mulder knew how happy that simple sound could make someone.

"Happy Thanksgiving Charlie," Mulder also offered his hand to the youngest Scully. He took it, but his bloodshot eyes did not meet Mulder's as he walked inside, making him chuckle a bit remembering what he was like at Charlie's age.

After Melissa arrived, it was time to enjoy the meal that Scully had prepared all by herself. Mulder had never seen a Thanksgiving dinner quite like the one she made that day. It was perfect. Martha Stewart herself would have been impressed at what she did with even the simplest of dishes. The real approval she was looking for, though, Mulder knew, was from her mother and father, and he was happy to see that they were astounded at what she had put out on the table. Everyone was happy and joking and laughing as they sat down at the table. Glancing over toward his friend, Mulder had almost never seen her look so relieved and relaxed. She'd risen to the occasion. He couldn't be more proud.

Everyone was so eager to dig into the meal that they almost began doing so without saying grace first. This earned them a stern look from Maggie, and the offenders looked down toward their laps.

"Bill, would you like to start us off?" Maggie asked him. The captain was about to open his mouth, but suddenly had an idea mid-thought. He looked toward his youngest daughter, who was fashioning a bib for Anna out of a napkin, and smiled.

"I think that Starbuck should lead the grace this year. She's done such a wonderful job with everything else."

Dana beamed. She couldn't remember a Thanksgiving where her father let anyone else take on the duty of leading grace.

"Bless us oh Lord…" she began, and the meal went splendidly. Mulder felt that even if Bill Jr. were there, he wouldn't have a hard time enjoying himself. This was the kind of holiday he had missed out on as a child. The family, the food, the security—this was why normal people slaved away to make the holidays perfect. Because they truly could be perfect. Anything could be perfect. He hadn't believed that until he met Dana and Anna Scully.

Stuffed and content, the family continued to sit around the table long after any one of them could put anything more in their mouths. Except for Anna. She was still going to town on a piece of apple pie. Even something as mundane as watching a two-year-old eat apple pie was entertaining on Thanksgiving.

"Oh, I have an idea," Maggie piped up, taking a sip of wine, "let's go around the table and say what we're thankful for."

"Mom, that's so hokey. The Brady Bunch didn't even do that," Melissa groaned.

"I'm sure they did. And we have so much to be thankful for. I'll go first. I'm thankful to be spending this wonderful holiday with my loving family."

"Real original, Mags," Bill chuckled at her while putting his arm around her shoulders. Mulder saw himself and Scully in that situation. One day. Humor and bickering only the cherry on top of their relationship.

"Alright, let's hear what you've got to say then," Maggie told her husband, leaning into his embrace. Capt. Scully didn't even have to think very long about what he wanted to say.

"I'm thankful that the Bills are finally showing the rest of this country that they can play football," he smiled, a Buffalo native himself. Charlie raised his glass enthusiastically, but Mulder kept his thoughts to himself. He was more of a baseball fan, but when it came to football, the Giants was the team that he cheered for.

Rolling her eyes, Melissa took the initiative to go next, thus starting the clockwise pattern the rest of the group would follow.

"I'm thankful that Charlie here made it another year to see Thanksgiving, despite his many drunken antics."

That got a laugh out of everyone, especially Charlie. He then piped up to say, "This year, what I'm most thankful for is that Dana decided to go all out and buy Budweiser instead of that nasty Miller crap she usually has. Thank you Danie."

Mulder was next, and though he would have felt safer going the humorous route everyone else had taken, he decided to really embrace what Thanksgiving was all about and tell Dana and her family how truly grateful he was that they were part of his life.

"Every day, I'm thankful, Dana, that I met you and that you let me be a part of your family. All of you, I'm so thankful that I met you and you've welcomed me with open arms. Before I met you, I didn't really consider myself a part of anything. But all that has changed now, and I am 100% complete in where we are."

Scully couldn't believe what she was hearing. Here was her family, not taking the exercise seriously and treating it like a game, and Mulder found the initiative to say that. When she lifted her eyes to meet his, she discovered that he was already gazing at her, and their hands met under the table. Maggie's heart did a little flutter. It was so painfully obvious to everyone at that table how in love the two were, and she hoped they would realize it soon too.

"Dana? Are you going to go?" Maggie asked softly.

"Umm," she finally tore her eyes from Mulder's, "I'm thankful that I have a beautiful daughter," she stroked Anna's wispy red-blond curls, "and I'm thankful for Mulder, my family, and everybody in my life that supports me. I have no idea where I'd be without it."

Not just Maggie had noticed the heartwarming scene that went on between Dana and Mulder, and the rest of the table lifted their glasses after she was done speaking. They didn't even need to toast, they all knew who and what they were toasting. Scully and Mulder's unique relationship—their efforts in raising a little girl together while giving each other the support and comfort they both needed and couldn't find anywhere else. They were truly a match made in heaven. No matter what they were to each other, they were perfect together.

Breaking through the suffocating sweetness of the moment, though, was Mulder, who turned his attention toward Anna.

"Anna girl, what are you thankful for?" he asked her. She was dipping her hands in the remnants of her dessert.

"More pie pease," she answered, earning a laugh from the rest of the table.

It took awhile to get her clean, but Anna had finally had her bath and practically fell asleep before her head hit the pillow. She'd been the star of the show today, not like she wasn't usually. But as Scully lay her daughter in her crib, there was another of the day's events that kept running through her thoughts.

Mulder's impressive words. They didn't often tell each other how they felt about one another, the chaos of daily life often preventing it, but to hear him say those things (in front of her family, no less) made her realize how… special what they had was.

The question now was, did she want more? Did she dare risk what they had by trying to take the next step, or stay perfectly happy and safe where she was? She didn't think she could be any more happy than she had been hearing Mulder's words today, but to receive every type of satisfaction from their relationship would make her complete.

She was sitting on the floor outside of the hallway bathroom upstairs where he was taking a shower, which may have been a bad place for her considering the dilemma going on in her head.

_Why was she acting like it was her choice to make?_ The thought hit her like a ton of bricks. In her selfish way, she had totally failed to include Mulder in her decision of whether or not to turn their relationship into something more. Who was she to say that he even wanted that? The more she considered this, the more sense it made to her. Scully supposed, as Mulder was a male (a special one, but a male nonetheless) that if he wanted to start up a more intense relationship with her, he would have made his move long ago. Her mind wandered to her date with Connor Bentworth, almost a year ago now. Mulder had never acted jealous or territorial, he'd only seemed happy for her. And when she'd said she wasn't interested in dating anymore, he hadn't done anything to try and dissuade her. She knew he loved her, but she also knew it was the love one has for a dear friend and nothing more.

And how could he want a relationship with her? She was a woman with a baby. He knew all about her past and as much as he loved Anna, Scully considered herself to be damaged goods. Broken. And Mulder was the perfect guy. He deserved someone perfect.

And that wasn't her.

"Scully? Scully?" Mulder had emerged from the bathroom to find her sitting on the floor outside the door in a trance-like state. In all of his naked, towel-clad wonder, Scully had been so deep in thought that she hadn't even realized he had come out. Her cheeks burned a deep red when her eyes wandered up his body to his worried expression.

"What are you doing on the floor?" he asked her when he realized she had come to.

"Just… uh, just thinking," Scully told him sleepily.

"Oh," Mulder smiled, not pressing the issue of her being on the floor 10 feet from where he was showering, "do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it's nothing." It was so much more than nothing.

"Okay. Well I'm going to go get dressed, then I'll sit with you if you want."

"That's alright, Mulder, I was just getting up."

"Now that the show's over, huh?" Mulder joked, motioning his hands up and down his body. She smiled and didn't get up. When he came out of his bedroom, dressed in a gray t-shirt and boxer shorts, she was still sitting by the bathroom. That's when Mulder realized that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"It's been a very… hectic day. It was wonderful, but I don't know how my mother does it every year."

"Well, if my opinion means anything to you, I think you did an amazing job. Everything was absolutely perfect." His arm found its way around her shoulders and pulled her in to him.

"Thanks. I think it was a great day, but I don't know if it's something I would want to do again."

"Maybe if you'd have let me help you, we wouldn't be having this conversation," Mulder razzed her. They sat with silence growing between them until Scully turned to her best friend, trying not to notice how content she was in his arms, and opened her mouth.

"What you said at dinner was very thoughtful. And I just want you to know that it's been that way for me too. I'm glad I met you."

Her eyes were a serious deep blue when he looked into them. Mulder wanted so badly to tell her how beautiful she was and how much she had changed his life, and he had tried to after dinner. If he couldn't love her like he wanted, he could at least convey himself in subtle ways such as that one. And if she didn't want to embark on a relationship with him, he had come to terms that it was fine. As long as he could be near her in this life, Mulder could wait for another one to be her something more.

But that did not mean his heart didn't ache for her. It ached every day.

"Meeting you has changed my life for the better. And I didn't think anything could do that."

"Well, you've given me as much as I've given you. More, if you ask me."

"I'd do it every time."

She put her arms around his neck and hugged him close, placing a kiss on his cheek. Her broken lips on his perfect face. Her broken life in his perfect hands. Soft and warm.

"Goodnight Mulder."

"Goodnight Scully."

Happy Thanksgiving.

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**chapter 20! wooo! i also passed 100 pgs on this story in microsoft word with this chapter. that's something of a milestone, i think. **


	21. Chapter 21

_**~January, 1991~**_

Scully rubbed her hands together frantically as she walked to her car. Despite her gloves, she couldn't shake the chill from her body. Scarf wrapped tight, coat wrapped tighter, she reached into her purse to call Mulder, who had been left home with Anna after she got called into the hospital to work late. A semi truck driving down the wrong side of the highway. A lot of people were hurt.

It was nearing 3 a.m., but she knew that even if he wasn't exactly awake, he would answer her call. Mulder could be a bit overbearing sometimes, especially when she got called in to work late at the hospital. For all of the time he knew her and she worked in a bar, he still was worried when she worked after dark. He couldn't wait until she started her own practice, which was her goal, and she got to establish her own hours. That was years away, though.

"_Scully?"_ he asked when he answered the phone, knowing it would be her. It sounded like he had been sleeping and had been woken with a start. He wouldn't have been mad if she didn't call, he didn't treat her like a child. But Scully knew that he felt better when she did call. She preferred he called when he was on assignment out of town. It was nice to be cared for.

"Hey. Just walking through the parking lot now."

"_Great. Were you busy tonight?" _

"Really busy. There were four people that came in from the wreck with fatal injuries."

"_I'm sorry Scully,"_ Mulder told her, knowing how much she hated it when she couldn't save someone.

"I'll be okay. As soon as I get to see my baby. Was she good?"

"_Perfect, just like she always is. But she's getting too big for that crib."_ Anna had recently learned how to climb out of her crib herself, and they were worried that she was going to end up hurting herself one day. Truth be told, although she was on the small side, she was getting too large for the crib. It was just hard to admit that her baby wasn't a baby anymore.

"I guess we'll have to hit up some furniture supply stores this weekend then. Hopefully our jobs don't—ooompf!" A sharp pain radiated through the back of her skull, and she knew instantly that she had been struck. With something. Her vision blurred and her legs gave out. She hit the pavement beneath her without ever seeing the face of her attacker. This all took place within the span of a few seconds.

Meanwhile, Mulder was on the other end of the line, screaming Scully's name because he knew something was wrong. It wasn't just a bad connection that came between them, he'd heard something make contact with something else, her cry out in pain, then a large thud. He knew she'd been attacked, and Scully had hardly hit the ground before he was gathering Anna out of her too-small crib and on the phone with the police. Mulder explained the situation, buckled Anna in her car seat, and raced toward the hospital.

He knew now how she felt when she had to pull up to the hospital on various situations for him, not knowing whether he was alive or dead. Mulder suspected it was a little different for him, though, since he was actually in love with her, while she only saw him as her best friend, but it was not the time for him to argue semantics with himself. The police had only just arrived when he pulled up, using his badge to his advantage in getting through the officials to the paramedics. There she was, on a stretcher in the back, head wrapped in bandages. His heart dropped upon seeing her.

"Are you Agent Mulder?" an older male officer asked him as Mulder stared, wide-eyed, at his friend. His everything.

"Yes," he said shortly, not taking his eyes off her.

"I'm Officer Carol, I responded to the call."

"What happened to her?"

"Whoever it was hit her in the back of the head with a brick. She never saw it coming. Took her purse and ran off with it. We're checking the hospital surveillance to see if we can get a lead off it, but nobody saw anything."

"How was she when you found her?"

"She's suffering a concussion. There was a lot of blood but once they cleaned her up, not a lot of damage done. They'll be taking her in soon and admitting her, probably having her stay the night."

"You'll keep me updated with your investigation, right? And if you need FBI resources, I'll be able to provide them to you—"

"Mr. Mulder, I understand that she's your girlfriend, but this was just a simple mugging. Her purse is most likely not even a mile from where we stand now and her cards will show up once whoever did this to her realizes that you've cancelled all of her accounts. Thank God it wasn't something more serious; that we aren't dealing with a rape or kidnap. You should be counting your blessings that none of your guys had to be called out here tonight," the officer explained to him. But it was not the time to cross Fox Mulder, and especially not the time to shed light on all of the horrible things that could have happened.

Anna had fallen back to sleep on his shoulder, despite being roused from sleep twice earlier. Not even with her baby eyes had Mulder wanted her to witness what was going on, so he had grabbed a heavy pink sleeping blanket before he left the house. Covering more of her head with it, Mulder stared the officer in the eye.

"Are you a religious man, Officer Carol?" he asked.

"I'd like to think I am, Agent Mulder."

"Well I'm not. Find this guy," he said before briskly walking toward his unconscious friend.

After calling Capt. and Mrs. Scully to relay the news to them, Mulder sat vigil at Scully's bedside, watching the monitors keeping track of her vitals to make sure that everything was just as the doctors and nurses said: fine. Anna continued to sleep in his arms, completely clueless to the world around her. Mulder was glad for that. When her grandmother and grandfather arrived at the hospital, just as shocked as Mulder was to be there, they offered to take her home before they left. But Mulder couldn't relinquish her to them, and they understood. He felt that Scully was going to wake up soon, and it would be better if the first thing she saw was her daughter.

His intuition was right, not two hours after her mother and father left her room, Scully's eyes started to open and her fingers began to jerk. Mulder grabbed one of her hands, so happy she was going to be back with him.

"Hey sleepyhead," he said sweetly when her eyes opened all the way. She scanned the room and decided to settle on him, obviously in pain. He hated to do it, but Mulder let go of her hand to hit the call button several times.

"How are you feeling?" Mulder asked as the nurses fussed around her. In her mind, he could see her asking them questions, wanting to administer medical attention to herself, but she had almost no idea of going on.

"My head," was all she could answer him with, touching the bandage.

"Yeah, you got hit in the head. But you're okay. Everything's okay now."

"What… happened?" she said slowly.

"Someone hit you and took your purse. But you're okay."

"I can't see straight."

"It'll take a few minutes. You were hit from behind."

She kept a tight grip on his hand as they were updated on her condition. If all went accordingly, she would be out of the hospital by that afternoon. It was still quite early, and Anna woke up for a third time before she was expected to. This time, though, she was able to cuddle up with her mother in bed, which he knew made Scully feel a lot better.

For a moment, Scully forgot that she wasn't supposed to lean her head back on the bed and suffered the pain of laying on her 32 stitches. She groaned.

"Why did this have to happen to me?"

"Scully, you could have been really hurt. I can't tell you how grateful I am that you weren't raped or…"

"Okay, Mulder, I get your point."

"I didn't know how hard it was to wake up on this end of the bed."

"Now you know what you've put me through."

"I'm just so. Glad. That. You're. Okay," he punctuated his words with kisses to each of her fingers. She never wanted to do this to him again if she could help it. His eyes were still worried and his actions were caring. Scully knew it was going to be a long time before either of them fully recovered from this ordeal.

She was sitting upright sleeping, resting her head on a delicate nest of throw pillows that Mulder had created for her when the door to her room popped slowly open. Mulder crept silently in, telling himself that he was going to watch her because of the dangers the concussion presented to her, but really only wanting to be close to her to know for certain that she was safe. 100% safe. The officer's words had made sense to him when he said them and they kept playing over and over in his mind. They were lucky that she had only been hit in the head with a brick and robbed, no matter how horrible it was. There were so many people out there that may have done exactly that and more. When the bed dipped, she stirred.

"Mulder?" she asked sleepily, and he noticed she jumped a little.

"Yeah, it's me. Go back to sleep."

"Why are you in here?"

"I just… I need to make sure you're going to be okay through the night. You know, with your head injury."

His wavered voice put a smile on her face. She put her arm around his head, which she had laid in her lap, and began to relax as soon as he did.

And that was how Mulder and Scully began sharing a bed.


	22. Chapter 22

**a/n: this chapter is purely fluff, and purely about Mulder being a father. so happy father's day weekend everyone!  
**

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_**~March, 1991~**_

"And then Mulder Bear, Scully Bear, and Anna Bear chased Goldilocks into the woods and she never came back to steal their stuff again," Mulder finished his rendition of "The Three Bears" while he was tucking Anna in to bed. Her new, big girl bed that they had finally purchased. It was a dark wood, like the rest of her furniture, and had a pink ladybug sheet set that the little girl had picked out herself. She had seemed excited about it when they were putting her to bed that night, too excited, they feared.

"Den what?" Anna asked even though Mulder had told her that story hundreds of times.

"That's it, Anna girl, that's the end of the story. It's time for you to go to sleep," Mulder explained to her. Scully smiled in the doorway at her daughter's expression.

"Where's my bed?" the toddler asked.

"This is your bed. Remember? We talked about this, this is where you're sleeping tonight."

Anna carefully took in her surroundings, examining the bed like she expected it to turn into her crib again. Maybe some word recognition would help.

"This is your big girl bed. Because you're a big girl, right?"

She nodded, but uncertainly. Mulder looked to Scully for help, and she swooped in to rescue him.

"Hi baby, why don't we say our prayers?" Scully asked, deciding to just go along with their bedtime routine as if she were still sleeping in her crib.

Anna clasped her hands together and closed her eyes tightly. Scully wondered if she believed that closing her eyes and putting her hands together with as much effort as she could was what praying was all about, and the words were just extra. That was incredibly sweet, Scully thought.

"God bless…" Scully started for her, but Anna knew the rest. They prayed for the same people every night, and had made it into sort of a song so that she could remember it better. Now she was a pro.

"Mommy and Mulder and Gramma and Grandpa. Aunt Missy, Uncle Charlie, Uncle Bill and Aunt Tara."

"Good night darling. I love you so much," Scully kissed her on the cheek as Mulder helped her crawl under the covers.

"Love ya too Mommy," Anna said back, fingering the cross around her neck. He loved watching his two girls so intimately connected. Looking at them, he could almost see the inseparable bond that connected mother and child. And Anna's hair was growing redder every day, and her freckles stood out more now than when she was a baby, making her look almost exactly like her mother. Both adults had been relieved to discover this.

"Good night Anna. I'll see you in the morning. I love you a lot a lot a lot," Mulder also kissed her.

"A lot a lot a lot," Anna repeated. Mulder and Scully rose together, made sure that her nightlight was on, then closed the door most of the way behind them, praying that she would stay in her new bed all night.

Mulder and Scully had their own bedtime routine. Since she had been assaulted in the parking garage of the hospital two months ago, he'd been sleeping in her bed with her at night. Much to both of their surprises, it was never weird. He did try to go back to his room after her stitches came out, feeling it was appropriate, but by morning she had ended up slung over him in his own bed, so he just decided to move into her room permanently.

By this time, both of them knew that other relationships would not ever compare to the one they shared. It became a waiting game. Mulder waiting for Scully to make a move, worried about scaring her because of the past experience she'd had with men; accepting that if this was it, he could live with that. Scully waiting for Mulder to tell her he wanted more, insecure because she felt Anna was the only reason he stuck with her, not wanting to ruin him. They both wanted more, but were content with just enough.

It was a big bed.

They thought they were home free for the night when, by the time they settled in for bed around 11, Anna hadn't made a peep. Only a little after midnight, though, Mulder felt a pair of tiny eyes on him. He opened them to meet Anna's wide-awake ones.

"Hi Mulder," she said enthusiastically.

"Hi sweetheart. Why are you awake?"

"I need some water pease," she sounded like she had been awake for longer than the time it took for her to get out of bed and come into their room.

Sighing, Mulder checked that Scully wasn't going to be woken up by him getting up, then traveled with Anna into the hallway and down the stairs to get some water.

"Are you going to be okay now?" Mulder asked Anna before they got to her bedroom door. She nodded, still sipping on the water. When he opened the door, Mulder found that almost every toy she owned was on the floor. And Anna just trotted through the minefield that was her bedroom like nothing was wrong.

"What is this?" Mulder exclaimed, waving his arms.

"Wanna play Mulder?" she asked him sweetly. He had to try really hard not to start laughing at that comment and show her that he was serious.

"No, it's not time to play. It's time to sleep."

"Story?"

"You already had one. Just climb back up into bed. Don't tell Mommy I cleaned up your toys for you," Mulder told her as he set about cleaning the room. It would have taken Scully longer, as she would have meticulously put everything back in its proper place, but Mulder just shoved everything in the toy box. When he was finished, he tucked Anna under the covers properly.

"Alright, little one, you have to stay in bed. No more getting up," he said in a singsong voice.

"No more getting up," Anna repeated.

"I mean that. It's time to sleep."

"Okay."

"Goodnight. I love you."

"Love you."

He turned out the light and went back to bed.

Not more than 45 minutes later, Mulder was just drifting back to sleep. Many things had been running through his mind that night, particularly about the woman laying next to him. Sometimes he just lay awake at night and listened to her breathe to assure himself that this was real; this was his life. He didn't hear Anna come into the room again so much as he felt the door creak open a little. As soon as a bit more light came into the room, Mulder's eyes peeked open to find the little girl not walking, but tiptoeing up to the side of the bed. Closing his eyes again, he chuckled.

"Mulder," Anna whispered after she had been standing at the edge of the bed for some time. Mulder had to choose between answering her or pretending he was still sleeping, but then he remembered the toys scattered around her bedroom floor and acknowledged her.

"Anna."

The two-year-old continued to stare at him.

"Why are you up?"

"Pider," she said very deliberately. He got out of bed just to make sure that she wouldn't wake her mother up, then proceeded to her room to deal with the spider.

Turning on the light, Mulder was relieved to see the toys he had hastily put away were in the same condition as when he left them. Not only that, there was no evidence of a spider.

"There's no spider in here Ann. Go back to bed."

"No! Pider there!" she said frantically, reaching for the light switch. Mulder turned off the light to see the outline of what looked like the shadow of an insect on the floor reflecting off the moonlight coming in through her window.

Turning the light back on, Mulder found the source of the problem. The decoration they had dangling from the chain on Anna's ceiling fan was that of a light green dragon fly. It wasn't a spider, but Anna couldn't tell the difference the shadow made on the carpet. With the pink garden theme that Scully had chosen for her daughter's room, though, it struck Mulder as kind of odd that Anna was afraid of spiders. But Scully wasn't too fond of them either.

He pulled the curtains so that there would be no more shadow, solving the problem.

"Anna, listen to me. You have to stay in your bed," Mulder explained as he tucked her in for the third time.

"You sleep here."

"No, I'm sleeping with Mommy," Mulder smiled to himself.

"I wanna sleep with Mommy too."

"You can't. Your bed would miss you."

"Okay," Anna said sadly, turning on her side.

"Give me a kiss goodnight." Each of her little kisses made him as happy as the first one she had given him had. And with every peck on the cheek, she took up a little more of his heart. As he tried to get up and go back to bed, the girl's hands stayed on his, and he couldn't resist.

"You have no idea what you do to me," Mulder told her, scooping Anna up in his arms and hearing her laugh. He sat down in her pink rocker, cradling her close.

Within just a few minutes, Anna was down for the count. They usually didn't rock her to sleep anymore, save for when she was sick, but Mulder couldn't deny how content the action made him feel. Not long after Anna fell asleep, he drifted off as well.

Scully walked in on the scene five hours later. They were still in the rocker, Mulder's head touching his shoulder. He looked uncomfortable, but Scully knew from the many times she had fallen asleep just like that that he wasn't all that uncomfortable. Not with her daughter in his arms. A smile crept across her face at the sight.

Mulder's arms tightened around the child as Scully tried to remove her from them. To be able to put Anna back in her bed, she had to wake him up.

"It's just me Mulder."

He looked confused for a minute at his surroundings, but then relinquished the girl to her. Anna finally got to sleep in her bed when her mother laid her down in it. Scully then turned to her friend, who was stretching out his sore limbs.

"She was up a few times last night."

"I know. I heard," Scully told him. He shook his head.

"Thanks for your help."

"You seemed like you had it pretty well taken care of."

"I slept in a chair all night."

"Well I didn't tell you to do that," they laughed together.

"You're going to have to show me how to resist her. She's got me wrapped around all of her fingers."

"It's hard. I'm not saying it's not."

"It's her eyes. Those big blue eyes, they stare right into your soul. I don't know how you are ever able to tell her 'no.'"

But as soon as Mulder said that, he looked into Scully's eyes and knew exactly how it was that she was immune to her daughter's charms. Anna got it all from her. Scully had spent 27 years looking those same eyes in the mirror. Mulder also knew, though he had known for a long time, that in the same way he could not resist Anna's wishes, he could not resist her mother's either.

"I think that's exactly the way a father should feel about his child. It may not always be productive, but at least its healthy for her."

"Do you consider me to be her father?" he asked quietly. They'd never had a conversation about this before, not so blatantly. They'd gone through the legal processes. Mulder had parental power of attorney for Anna in the case that he could act in a capacity that Scully couldn't, such as in an emergency. It was in her will that if Scully were to die unexpectedly, Mulder would receive sole custody of Anna. That decision had taken awhile to make, but Maggie and Bill had agreed to it, stating that it would be better for Anna to continue living with someone she'd already been living with for most of her life in that event. They trusted Mulder as much as their daughter did. But they'd never talked so openly about the word "father" and what that meant in their situation.

"For all intents and purposes, you have been for awhile," Scully decided to be blunt about it.

"I do love her like she's my daughter."

"I'm glad."

"And I just want to thank you for letting me in and letting me get to this point. You two have made me a completely different person."

Instead of Anna, after he said that, Scully made her way into his arms. He kissed her on the forehead several times. In this life, he at least knew that they loved each other as much as they could.


	23. Chapter 23

**disclaimer: not mine, don't sue**

**a/n: something you've all been waiting for...  
**

* * *

**_~October 13, 1991~_  
**

Mulder woke up that morning, Scully wrapped in his right arm, knowing he should feel different. Older, wiser, maybe even achy? No. He felt no different than when he went to bed the night before. Then he had been 29. Now he was 30.

It was Sunday. There was dim light shining through the half-open blinds, so Mulder decided to go back to sleep. The day wasn't particularly special anyway.

"Go ahead," Scully whispered to her daughter as they watched Mulder's sleeping form. She'd been so happy when she'd discovered that she had woken up before Mulder had, which was usually not the case. This day had been on her mind since last year, and she was determined to make it perfect. Mulder didn't make much fuss about his birthday. Every year since they had known each other, she'd made him a small cake, then they'd eat it after a homemade dinner. He would open the small gift she'd gotten after all of this, all the while complaining that she had done too much. Scully suspected that birthdays hadn't been that big of a deal in the Mulder household as he was growing up, but she would do everything in her ability to make him feel special on that day. He made her and her daughter feel so special every day, she felt it was the least she could do.

But 30 was a big deal. He'd been a part of their lives for three years now, and she felt comfortable enough doing something bigger for his 30th birthday.

"Happy birthday Mulder!" Anna exclaimed, climbing up on to their bed and then on to his chest. It was the perfect way to wake up, Mulder believed. He lifted Anna above his head, listening to her giggle, then brought her down to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you very much, pumpkin."

"Happy birthday!" she said again. Anna was such a social butterfly, loving parties and attention. The fact that "birthday" to her equaled "cake and presents" didn't hurt her excitement either.

"Tell Mulder what we're going to do today," Scully instructed her daughter, hoping she remembered. They had discussed this before they decided to wake Mulder up, but she could have forgotten in all of the excitement.

"Baseball! Playin' baseball!"

Mulder looked confused. Baseball?

"It'll make more sense as the day wears on. But keep that in mind," Scully said cryptically.

He wasn't even able to fathom a guess as to what their words meant before Anna was tugging on his hand.

"Let's eat!" So he picked her up and carried her downstairs, where the smell of bacon made his mouth water. This was a little suspicious, since this was already more than his birthday usually entailed. But he couldn't lie and say it didn't feel good, or that their efforts made him so uncomfortable that he couldn't enjoy them. Before Anna and Scully came around, he couldn't remember the last birthday he really even celebrated, so having them to make him feel special on that day was more welcome than he made it seem.

There was not only bacon in the kitchen, which would have been more than enough for Mulder, but there was a whole breakfast of eggs, sausage, bacon, bagels, fruit, coffee, and donuts. He turned to Scully once he realized that she was behind him in the room and smiled, astounded.

"When did you even find the time to do all this?"

"It wasn't hard Mulder. It took maybe 45 minutes to get everything ready. And the donuts are from that gas station where you stop every morning."

"Woman of my heart," he chuckled, pulling her into his arms tightly, "you didn't have to do this for me."

"Please, it was nothing," she said, hugging him back, always surprised at how wonderful being in his arms felt. "Happy birthday Mulder."

"Thank you Scully."

A moment was shared between the two, where their arms were wrapped around each other, and they were sure they could make _it_ work…

_Dink._ The cabinet door shut and they turned around to find that Anna had crawled up on the counter and had gotten not just herself, but also Scully and Mulder, plates. Scully wanted to reprimand her daughter—she knew she shouldn't have been climbing on the counters—but sometimes she was just too damn cute.

"Let's eat!" she said again, and that is what they did.

After breakfast, Scully suggested a walk around the neighborhood. It was really just a ploy so that her family could arrive unnoticed, and she hoped their timing wasn't off. With Anna walking between them, holding both of their hands, frequently the adults would swing her between them. This was enough to make her laugh hysterically, which was as much of a birthday present as Mulder needed.

But he knew Scully had something else up her sleeve, and he hated surprises.

"So are you going to tell me why Anna said we're playing baseball today?"

"Did she say that? Did you say that Anna?" Scully joked.

"Swing me Mommy!"

"So you're not even going to give me a hint?"

"We did give you a hint."

"That wasn't a hint."

"That was a hint."

"Alright, if you're not going to tell me, when am I going to find out?"

"Soon enough."

Mulder groaned loudly, making Scully laugh. This made Anna laugh, which was the cherry on top.

"Surprise!" Maggie, Capt. Scully, and Charlie shouted in the foyer when the three got home. Scully was smiling almost as much as Mulder at that point, the anticipation almost killing her.

"What is this?" Mulder asked, turning to Scully in awe.

"What, your 30-year-old heart can't take a surprise?" Scully asked.

At that, Mulder began clutching his chest, feigning a heart attack. Then, without warning, he pulled his friend close once more and pressed his lips to her cheek sweetly. Both of them knew Maggie did not miss the action.

"Okay you two, let's not let that cake sit any longer," Maggie told them, wondering where Anna got to. When they arrived in the kitchen, they found her sitting at the counter, dipping her fingers into the frosting of the cake. Scully would have liked to be stern with her daughter, but when she saw the blue sugar all over her face and fingers, she just couldn't help laughing.

"Dis a good cake Mulder!" she said happily, continuing to eat. Unlike his friend, Mulder hadn't even tried to hide his amusement at Anna's antics. Somewhere in the background, the shutter of a camera could be heard.

"Thanks for sampling it for me."

"Wan some?" she asked, offering a frosting-covered hand to him. Mulder took it, got frosting all over himself, and about the time half of the cake was destroyed, they sang happy birthday. When it was time to make a wish, Mulder couldn't think of anything. His life was perfect. What do you wish for when everything you want is right in front of you?

"Alright, it's time for presents," Maggie announced after the cake had been distributed. As he was handed two brightly-wrapped boxes, Mulder tried to express his discomfort. But Capt. Scully leaned down to the man and whispered in his ear,

"Dana's been planning this for a long time. Just go with it."

Capt. Scully, Mrs. Scully, and Charlie's gift was an expensive-looking watch that Mulder protested heavily. But Maggie wouldn't hear any of it, only bringing him in for a hug.

"Nothing is too much for you, Fox. I've seen what you've given Dana and Anna, the joy and happiness you've brought to their lives, and I just…" she started to tear up, "you're part of this family."

Mulder hugged her the way a son hugs his mother. He couldn't remember the last time he'd done that.

"Alright, Mags, let's not let this get too emotional," Capt. Scully reminded his wife, glancing over toward his daughter. She hadn't heard or seen the exchange. She was busy cleaning the cake and frosting off of Anna's face and hands. He didn't want her to see her mother crying. It was a happy day.

"Of course not. In fact, you've still got more gifts coming. Dana," Mrs. Scully called.

Dana squirmed in an excited way as Mulder was opening the present from her and Anna. Mulder had been sure to read the card first, though. It was unintelligible (Anna had made it), but beautiful nonetheless. If they had just given him that for his birthday, it would have been enough. If they had forgotten all about his birthday entirely, it would have been enough. They were gifts in and of themselves.

"Oh my god… Scully," he gasped as he opened the box. It was a genuine Steve Sax Yankees jersey. He had been pining after one for a long time, the Yankees being his favorite team and Sax having had the best batting average on the team that year. The Yankees' season was over for the year, but on the days that they had games, Mulder would gather Anna in the living room and they would cheer every time there was a good play. It was so cute to watch them. Anna had absolutely no idea what was going on, but the way she looked at Mulder, the way she imitated everything that he did—he could do no wrong in her eyes. And it was obvious that Anna was the light of his life as well.

"I thought you might need it," she told him, forehead to forehead.

"For what?"

"Umm," she looked to Charlie, just to make sure that their plans were still good to go. He nodded, so she continued. "Charlie pulled some strings with some friends of his and you've got batting practice at the Nationals' stadium in an hour."

Mulder scooped her off her feet, twirling around with her in his arms around the kitchen. Everything she had done that day was so thoughtful; he couldn't believe the lengths she had gone to just to make sure that he had a good birthday.

"Put me down, Mulder!" Scully laughed. "You have to go get changed still, and we don't want to be late."

Shaking Charlie's hand, he bounded up the stairs to get ready. Scully thanked her family for helping her with the surprise. She had been anticipating the day for quite awhile, but she had never expected it would be so wonderful.

Mulder, Scully, and Anna made their way to the baseball stadium together. A pitching machine had been set up for them, and one of Charlie's friends helped them to start it. Anna and Scully watched from the dugout as Mulder swung away at the balls, hitting most of them. Then, after he was done, they walked the bases together.

It had been such a big day, Anna had fallen asleep as Mulder carried her out to the car. Noticing Scully yawning as well, he decided that he would drive home. Before they pulled out of the parking lot, he grabbed her hand.

"That was the best birthday I've ever had. Thank you Scully. You've set the bar pretty high for your 30th birthday, though."

"It was my pleasure."

"Is there anything I can do for you when we get home?"

"It's still your birthday for another three hours. We can leave the mess for tomorrow."

"Dana Scully leaving a mess?"

"Watch it Mulder," she warned playfully, then was able to relax in her seat. She relaxed so much, in fact, that she fell asleep. When he pulled into their garage, Mulder had two sleeping girls on his hands. After laying Anna down in her bed, he went back out to grab Scully. She was so sweet, so serene. And her thoughtfulness had made him the happiest man alive. With her in his arms, he knew for sure that he was where he was supposed to be.

Scully frequently moaned in her sleep, which had led to some close calls in the morning for Mulder. That night, as he carried her up the stairs, was no different. Coupled with the low top she was wearing, the blood in Mulder's body was all rushing very quickly to one place. By the time he put her in their bed, he was rock hard.

The loss of contact she felt was upsetting in her sleep-fogged mind, and Scully reached out for Mulder. Except he had stood upright. She grabbed him… a very sensitive part of him.

If she had been fully awake and alert, Scully wouldn't have done what she did next.

"What's this Mulder?" she asked, keeping her hand on his groin.

He froze.

"That would be quite a way to end your birthday."

"Sculleee," he hissed through his teeth. His heart was racing and his brow was sweating. In his wildest dreams, he could never have imagined her initiating sex in this way. Trying as hard as he could, Mulder wanted to summon the courage he had on the night of Bill's wedding. He wanted this to be real, he wanted to scream that he loved her as he was buried deep inside of her. She took his remark as unwillingness.

"It doesn't have to mean anything, Mulder," she thought he wanted to hear, "We can wake up tomorrow morning and not act any differently. But we're two grown adults and I need this. And from the feel of this," Scully was referring to the member in her hand, "I can tell that you do too."

She had made it pretty clear, he guessed. She didn't want sex between them to mean anything. Mulder seriously questioned what he was doing in a relationship that was destined to go nowhere, but only for a split second, because Scully had moved her hand up and began tugging on his belt. And she said she needed it. He would rather know she was being safe with him than doing it with some stranger.

Maybe he didn't need a lot of convincing.

They were safe. They were safe with each other, but they both seemed to know what the other needed. The moans that were escaping from her lips were what eventually drove him over the edge, and the way he suckled on the skin at her jaw line made her absolutely crazy. But in the end, what made them both reach their bliss was the fact that they were with each other.

Mulder pulled out of her when they were finished, panting. Thoughts were swimming around in his head. He'd just had sex with his best friend, at her insistence. She rolled him over and laid herself on his chest. He was the only man she trusted, and she was just sorry that he had been more than happy to agree it had been nothing more than sex. But who could blame him? She was so flawed. He deserved better.

In this life, Mulder believed that he needed to be as close as he could to the woman that he loved. Even if she didn't love him in that way back.

"Scully. That was… so great. I'd really really, I mean, if you want to, I'd really like to do that again."

"Tonight?" she asked, tired.

"No. Any night that you or I need. It is hard, sometimes, to be single. But I trust you, you're my best friend, and I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else."

Scully was amazed that he wanted this too. But she still had concerns.

"You don't think this will affect our friendship?"

"I don't see why it should. We're both mature, and we know it's just to relieve sexual frustration. But if it ever does, we can stop."

_Just to relieve sexual frustration._ Scully certainly had a lot of that living with Mulder.

"Alright," she said quickly.

Dumbfounded at her response, Mulder just had to confirm it once more, "Really?"

"Really."

"You're sure?"

"Keep asking, Mulder, and I may have to change my mind."

He wrapped his arms around her, so happy that she agreed. Maybe, while they were having sex, he could pretend that they were really in love. He could show her how much he cared about her without scaring her—without taking away her independence or making her feel used.

Scully was happy too, but that didn't mean what she didn't achieve that night didn't hurt. Okay, now she was involved in a physical relationship with Mulder. But she wanted so much more. Ultimately, though, the reason he stayed was for Anna. Now, at least, they both wouldn't have to be wound up all the time.

They fell asleep that night in each others' arms, thinking they had achieved all that they could with each other. It was not even a possibility to them that they could be something more.

Mulder and Scully said a silent 'I love you' to each other that night.

They could both only be with someone that they loved.


	24. Chapter 24

_**~December 14, 1991~**_

"Mommy, you look pretty," Anna said, sitting on the counter in the bathroom, watching her mother put on her makeup. Her hair had already been curled under and volumized, all she needed to do was finish up her makeup for the evening (eyes darker and lips fuller than usual), put on her new cocktail dress (which she had admittedly splurged on), and she would be ready for the FBI's annual Christmas ball. She noticed that Mulder got an invitation every year, but usually threw it in the trash immediately or let it sit in some random pile of junk mail until the date had passed. This year, though, Scully had pushed him into going.

"Come on Mulder, you never socialize with anybody at the bureau besides Reggie. Don't you want to meet people?" she had asked him after she proposed that he attend. He had initially laughed at her until he realized she was serious, then began to protest.

"I have socialized with people at the bureau before, which is why I never attend these stupid things."

"They can't all be that bad. As an FBI agent, aren't you supposed to look past the differences you have with other agents to be able to work better as a team with them?"

"Have you been talking to my AD?"

"I just want to see you have fun."

"I do have fun."

"With Anna and me. That doesn't count, Mulder, I'm talking about real, adult fun. You know, the kind where you have a few drinks and tell R-rated jokes. Not the kind where you play dolls with Anna."

Mulder stared off into the distance, knowing she was at least partially right. He immensely enjoyed playing with Anna and being around the both of them, but it had been a long time since he'd had the kind of fun she was talking about. It wasn't all his fault, though. He had tried, at the beginning of his career, to go out with his fellow agents or to seek their company when he had free time. But his ability to profile psychopaths and absolute lunatics, his ability to jump to conclusions that it would take other agents much longer to arrive at, hadn't exactly made him the most popular guy around. When his colleagues had started calling him "Spooky," he'd laughed it off as a joke. But it wasn't a friendly joke, and Mulder soon became aware of that. Since then, he'd been withdrawn and isolated from everyone else. If it weren't for Reggie, he wouldn't have anyone to talk to at work. He'd become comfortable in this life, lying to himself with the excuse that he worked better on his own. But that was just something he told himself to not have to deal with the pain that came from rejection—a pain he had been suffering through his whole life.

"Come on, Mulder," Scully had started again once he hadn't said anything for a moment_,_ "I'll go with you if you want."

That was all he wanted. He wanted to arrive with Cinderella already on his arm and show off to everyone the most important woman in his life. He wanted to hold her and dance with her and steal kisses during the slow songs. This woman that he loved and made love to, even if to her it was only sex. She didn't know that she made his decision easier… and harder.

It hadn't taken long for him to relent to her. It never did.

"Thank you baby," Scully told her daughter. The three-year-old was eyeing the lipstick she had laying out on the counter, and she couldn't resist having a little fun. She put her eyeliner down and popped open the tube.

"Can you make a kissy face for Mommy?" her daughter complied. A few seconds later, Scully told her to turn around and look at herself.

"Mommy! I'm petty just like you!" she exclaimed, puckering her lips in awe.

"I don't know. You might be prettier. Mulder might take you to the ball instead of me."

"Too bad I can't go 'cos it'll be past my bedtime," Anna said seriously, earning a laugh from her mother.

"That's true. You'll probably have more fun with Grandma anyway. It's more of an adult party."

"What're you gonna do there?"

"Just stand around and talk most likely."

"Bo-ring," Anna enthused.

A few minutes later, Scully had shed her bathrobe for the dress. She had been waiting to put it on again since she had tried it on at Macy's. It was a light green backless floor length dress with silk shoulder straps. In the front, it gathered at a point at the bodice, then smoothed out the rest of the dress. It was simple, but it made her feel gorgeous. She had seen Mulder's reaction to the dress when she brought it home on the hanger, too. He'd almost salivated when he saw how low-cut it was. _Typical_, she thought, but smiled to herself anyway because she was happy she could make him feel attracted to her. Oftentimes, he insisted that they have sex with the lights off. He said it was to be sure that Anna didn't see anything if she were to walk in on them, even though they locked the door. It was nonsense to both of them, and it made Scully feel like he didn't want to see her intimately. She had seen the types of women that caught his attention... the women in his videos and magazines. They were all long-legged and very busty. That wasn't her at all. She was short, only 5'2", and in no way busty. She didn't want to admit to herself how hurt she was that Mulder didn't consider her his "type." It was more proof that she felt more for him than he did for her.

The real reason that he wanted the lights off, the reason Mulder could never tell the woman he shared a bed with, was because he was sure that if his face were illuminated during sex with Scully that she would see the intense love and desire he had for her. During their primal dance, when instinct took over and clouded his hidden emotions, he was sure that she would discover that it was more than sex to him. It was hard enough for him to keep from screaming out his true feelings when he was moving inside of her, he couldn't ruin their friendship by telling her how in love with her he was.

"Wow Mommy," Anna gasped from her spot on the cedar chest at the end of the bed. Scully looked over her shoulder to the mirror that sat in the corner. Wow indeed.

"You like?"

Anna nodded, rendered almost speechless by her mother's appearance. In her three years of life, she'd never seen her mother dress up like that.

"Do you think Mulder will like?"

Making it a point to nod even bigger this time, Anna almost threw herself from her seat.

"What will Mulder like?" Mulder asked, popping his head in the door to find the most breathtaking sight he had ever witnessed. On any given day, he believed that she was, hands down, the prettiest woman in the world. But that night his chest constricted when he saw her and all language capability left him for a few moments. Beautiful didn't even begin to describe her.

"Mulder! Mommy's so pretty!" Anna squeaked, racing toward the man and crashing into his legs. Thankfully, that was enough to bring him back to Earth.

"I know. She's gorgeous."

"Yeah."

"Well Mulder doesn't look too bad himself," Scully felt it important to add. Even though Mulder was at a loss for words as to how great she looked, she knew exactly how to describe him: yummy. She'd never felt that way about someone in a tux since her senior prom, back when she was a hormone-driven, hopelessly romantic teenager. It was hard for her to keep from imagining undressing him later that night.

"Handsome," the little girl between them added. Things were quiet as the two friends drank in the sight of each other. But, as most moments that had the potential to be more than friendly between them were, it was interrupted suddenly. The doorbell chimed in a way that would have fooled anybody as to the unique family living inside.

Closing her eyes almost painfully, Scully whispered, "That must be Mom." Mulder nodded and grabbed her hand, leading her down the stairs with Anna still in tow.

Maggie wanted to smack the young "couple's" heads together when she saw them dressed and ready to go to the event. They looked absolutely darling collectively and she didn't know how either of them could miss the looks they were giving each other. But she couldn't do it for them. She couldn't make them see… they had to do that on their own. It was so hard for someone like Maggie Scully to just let fate play itself out in this situation, but she knew it was for the best.

"Okay Mom, you know where everything is. We've extended her bedtime by half an hour, and she desperately needs a bath tonight. Other than that, um… I guess we'll be home by midnight."

"Eleven," Mulder said, not wanting to attend at all.

"Midnight," Scully said finally.

Mulder shook his head, but helped Scully into her coat. Every door they came to he insisted upon opening for her, which was a gesture she normally hated. But that night, she was willing to let him treat her like his date. It brought great joy to both of them.

The ball was being held at one of the oldest mansions in Washington, DC, a large home called Tudor Place. Martha Washington's granddaughter had lived there, as had six generations of her family, so it was definitely on Washington, DC's historic buildings tour. Scully had been there before, but she had never seen it decorated like it was that night. Christmas lights adorned the grand staircase, the rafters, and many other surfaces in the house. In fact, the place was so lit by tiny icicle lights that there was no need for any other lights, which gave it not only a festive, but a romantic feel.

They saw many couples there, many of whom Mulder knew, but he wasn't going to introduce Scully to them if he didn't absolutely have to. He didn't want her to know what a joke he was around the FBI.

"Is Reggie going to be here?" Scully asked, the man being the only other FBI agent she had been introduced to.

"No. After his wife died of cancer a few years ago, he doesn't attend any formal events or parties the FBI throws."

"Poor Reggie."

"Yeah," Mulder grabbed two glasses of white wine from a table they were standing near. There was a string quartet playing in the background, and he hoped they would play something he could dance with Scully to. She looked too beautiful not to be danced with.

Regrettably, all Mulder could offer Scully that night was standing around, trying to avoid everyone there. Of course they walked around the place, through the parlors and to the back lawn briefly. And they talked, mostly about the various cases he had been on. But Mulder knew she wasn't having the time she expected to have that night, and that upset him.

"I'm sorry about how the evening's turning out, Scully. I know you thought it would be different."

"What do you mean?" Scully asked. She hoped he didn't think she wasn't having a good time. Their alone time, true and genuine alone time, not just fleeting seconds they had together when Anna was in another room, was very special to her. They could have gone anywhere, as long as she was with him, she couldn't help but enjoy herself.

"I haven't introduced you to anyone, and there's a perfectly good reason for that. But you deserve better than just following me around all night."

"Mulder," Scully chuckled, now realizing that he hadn't understood what this night meant to her in and of itself, "I haven't gone out like this in… well I can't remember the last time I went out like this. I love Anna and I love being a mom, you know that. But sometimes it's nice to just be me. This night has already been such a blessing, please don't feel that you aren't showing me a good time."

"It's just… God, you look amazing tonight," he made her blush, "and you should be having fun. That was the point of this night."

She was touched that he was even worried that she wasn't having a good time. Most times she had gone out with men, they were only worried about what they could get out of the date. Date? Was this even a date?

"Why don't we just go back to the party, have another drink, and try dancing to that music they have in there?" Scully smiled, reassuring him through her actions that everything was okay.

Mulder agreed. She fit nicely in his arms, a fact that he had never realized but had always just supposed before this night.

"Agent Mulder, is that you?" a woman's voice came from behind them. A tall, light-haired woman was immediately visible to Scully, but Mulder had to turn around to see her. When he did, a light blush swept across his cheeks, making Scully very curious.

"Hi Ingrid," Mulder smiled, letting go of his date momentarily to awkwardly embrace the woman.

"I thought you didn't usually go to these things?" she asked suspiciously, not even hiding the fact that she was eyeing Scully very thoroughly.

"Well some people insist that I try and make at least one FBI event every five years or so. This is my date, Dana Scully," Mulder introduced them.

"Mmm," the woman contemplated, "well, if some time during the night you want to start making up for the dances you owe me, I'll be in the parlor." Waving goodbye, Mulder let out a huge sigh of relief. That could have gone so much worse.

"Who was that?" Scully asked when they resumed their dance. A dance that , until just a minute ago, she felt had been hers to dance.

"Agent Ingrid Fletcher. She has asked me to every single FBI event in the past three years, and each time, I've rejected her."

"Aww, Mulder, why? She seems like a perfectly nice woman." A part of her was hoping that he'd say it was because he'd had feelings for nobody but her for the past three years, but the real answer made its presence known in time. Not, though, without careful thought from Mulder. Because he couldn't say what she desperately wanted to hear.

"She's a little obsessive, Scully. She's been in the Bureau for six years now and in that time period she's had 17 different relationships, all with fellow agents. She's like a communicable disease."

Scully laughed out loud, not being able to help throwing herself into her dance partner, though quickly quieting. Her laugh made him laugh, and soon the pair was suffering from a fit of giggles. It must have looked strange to the people around, and they both hoped to God that Ingrid was not witness to the fun they were having at her expense, but they couldn't help it. Soon, their laughter began to feed of the other's, until Mulder heard a distinct utterance of something behind him… "Spooky."

Turning around to find agents Howard Trigmann and Richard Van Welt provided no more comfort for Mulder, who was silently praying that he was just hearing things.

"Hey Spooky, having a good time?" Trigmann asked, slapping Mulder on the shoulder.

"Trigmann, not tonight."

"What's the matter Spooky? Don't want to embarrass your date?" Van Welt added.

Mulder brought Scully closer to his body protectively, as if that could prevent her from hearing the conversation.

"No. And the only reason you're over here is because you couldn't find dates. So leave me and mine alone."

"Oooh, Spooky's getting mad." They would not let up. Both Mulder and Scully could not believe how childish the men were acting, and they were getting strange looks from the other agents around them.

"Get out of here," Mulder said, not all that calmly either. Swiftly, Trigmann grabbed Scully's hand, though, and asked her to dance.

Mulder's outrage was uncontrollable at that point, and he went caveman on the two heckling agents. Trigmann was up against a wall in no time, Mulder's hands gripping his collar like a vice. When Van Welt tried to pull him off, Mulder backhanded him with impressive force. Out of sheer amazement and shock, it took awhile for the agents who were witness to this to get involved. Meanwhile, Scully's heart was beating rapidly. It reminded her of the first night she met him in the bar, when he went after the man who tried to grab her chest. Even though his actions were immature and macho, it was nice to feel protected and safe. But she would never tell him that.

"You keep your hands off of her, do you hear me?" Mulder spat angrily in the agent's face.

Trigmann's face was turning red from lack of oxygen, but Mulder didn't care. He didn't let up on the man until someone came to their senses and pulled him off. After that, the only calming sensation he felt was Scully's soft hands on his arm, rubbing gently.

"Come on Mulder, let's go home," she told him, watching the agent gather himself up off the ground. Before any more words could be exchanged between them, Scully led Mulder out of the room and out the door. The cool night air was sobering.

Half of the way home was ridden in absolute silence. But the guilt of the situation had begun to build up on his shoulders, and he reached for his date's hand.

"I'm so sorry Scully. I know I'm not Mr. Popular at the FBI, but I never thought that we'd be harassed like that at a formal occasion."

"It wasn't your fault, Mulder. Those men had absolutely no class. I'm just glad you're okay. I hate it when you try to avenge people using violence. You're a member of the justice department. You should be above that."

"Can't help it, Scully. Ever since I was a kid, I've always used my fists against anyone I feel is threatening me or someone I care about."

"Well you have to stop. Fists don't solve anything and I don't want you getting hurt."

"You mean, you don't like big macho Mulder on his white horse ready to defend your honor?" he joked. Scully blushed. She loved that. But she didn't need it.

"I don't need anyone to defend my honor, Mulder. But thank you. It was very flattering."

Soon after she spoke those words, they pulled off into a gas station they were both surprised was still open. He told her to wait in the car, then came out a few minutes later with two ice cream cones. A smile broke out over Scully's face.

"What's this for?" she asked as he handed her the sundae cone.

"I think we can save this night, Miss Scully."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. So fasten your seatbelt, because the party's only just begun."

He drove them to a small park not far from the National Mall. Keeping the car idling after they parked, he got out and ran over to her side. Then, he opened her door and held out his hand for her.

"This music's much better than those damn violins anyway," Scully laughed when she grabbed the hand he extended and slipped into his arms. She was too beautiful not to be danced with.

Despite the chill of the parking lot they were now dancing in, she felt warm and safe against his chest. Safe with him no matter what. A slow song filled the background, and to a passer-by, the couple would have looked absolutely ridiculous. Formal wear, makeup and hair done, dancing in the parking lot of a park. Ridiculous it may have been. But Mulder and Scully were having the time of their lives.

They danced to several songs, lost in each other's eyes, until Scully's teeth began to chatter and her arms began to shake. She hadn't realized how cold she was until her body began to alert her. Then, it was all she could do to press herself closer to Mulder.

"Here," he told her, shedding his jacket and wrapping her in it. It made him warm to see her warm, so the cool night air did not bother him in the least. Loading her in the car, Mulder knew that nothing could make him uncomfortable or unhappy as long as she was content. And he would give anything to make sure that she was.

Pulling up to the house, Scully grabbed Mulder's hand in an effort to make the date last longer. Date? It was a date.

"I had a great time tonight, Mulder. Thank you so much."

"You don't have to try and make me feel better. I know it wasn't exactly what you had in mind."

"It wasn't. But it was a lovely surprise."

A lovely surprise. A lovely surprise was when he woke up in the morning to a cup of coffee just the way he liked it. A lovely surprise was when he thought that after a day of work and taking care of Anna she wasn't too tired to have sex. Dancing in a cold park with cold ice cream after they were heckled by his colleagues and basically asked to leave the FBI event… her eyes were not lying to him though. He was sucked in by her eyes.

There was a second that night, while they sat in his car in front of their home, when she believed and wished with all of her heart that he would lean in and kiss her. They were both very still, as if listening for something very closely. Listening for their hearts. Mulder grabbed her hand, and Scully thought that was going to be it. She would have agents Trigmann and Van Welt to thank for the new development in their relationship. Scully widened her smile and readied her lips, but in the darkness he didn't realize it. Mulder did grab her hand, but then he brought it to his lips and placed a chaste kiss on it.

That same hand was the one he grabbed as he led her inside, back to their normal, confusing lives.

* * *

**a/n: and so we continue down the frustrating path of UST. but you didn't think this was going to be a "hit her and quit her" type of story, did you? Mulder could never quit Scully. **


	25. Chapter 25

"Ow Mommy! Stop it!" Anna flinched away from her mother, which was a bad move to make, considering the situation they were in. Number one, she didn't have much room to move because Scully was making her stand on a chair. Number two, she was worried about being poked with a needle, but what she didn't understand was that her unpredictable movements made that almost a guarantee. She had been taking dance classes for about two years now, but she was finally old enough to participate in the studio's spring recital. This year, they were performing _Cinderella_, and the four and five-year-old classes had been cast as mice. Anna's costume was a full body mouse suit, complete with a hood with ears. Scully was currently in the process of pinning on the tail to be sewn.

"Anna, you have to quit moving, otherwise it's going to take me longer," Scully informed her daughter. She was debating whether or not to take the costume in. Anna was one of the smaller 4-year-olds at the studio, and the costume was a little big. But then again, she was only dancing in two numbers. And her rounds at the hospital were getting longer and longer.

"You're going to poke me!" the little girl said in fear.

"If I poke you, it'll be because you're moving. Now stay still."

She wasn't done before Mulder walked in the door. But once he walked in the door, she was done. Anna's focus was out the window. Scully barely got the costume peeled off of her before Anna bolted toward Mulder. Despite the groceries in his hands, he managed to catch Anna—who was now wearing only socks and underwear, mind you—with as much enthusiasm as she was coming at him with.

"Is it naked night at the Sculder household?" he asked a frustrated Scully, who was fixing the now inside-out costume.

"Not tonight."

"Aw man," Mulder growled, pressing a heady kiss to Scully's cheek. Her face immediately turned bright red, just like she knew he intended to make it.

Anna and Mulder were babbling to each other in the kitchen when Scully brought in the groceries that Mulder had abandoned. She couldn't remember the last time she went to the grocery store. She was getting in to the heart of her residency, and her shifts were 12, sometimes 14 hours long. Needless to say, Mulder had had to pick up a lot of the chores she was normally responsible for, like cooking, laundry, and shopping. Taking the box of noodles and jar of sauce out of the plastic bag and sitting them on the counter suddenly made Scully very sad. She had no energy to cook. It was already 7:45, her daughter had to be in bed in an hour, there was no way she was going to be able to feed her dinner and give her a bath in that time. After Anna went to sleep, she'd have to analyze more data for the sleep research study the hospital was currently undertaking. Sleep. She'd like some sleep.

She didn't realize there were tears streaming down her face. But Mulder did.

"Go on and play in the other room sweetie," he told Anna before addressing his friend. He didn't want her to see her mother crying.

"I just can't make spaghetti tonight Mulder," she said simply whilst the tears kept falling. Mulder wrapped his arms around her and pressed her worried face into his chest. He knew that she had been feeling extremely stressed out lately. Even if he hadn't been sensitive to her emotions, her appearance alone would have alerted him. It certainly alerted her mother. Dark bags were beginning to form under her eyes, she was losing weight from constant worry and lack of sleep, and the distinct glow he had always loved about her was slowly fading away.

"Okay. We don't need spaghetti."

"Yes we do. We need something. What are we going to have for dinner otherwise?"

"I'll run out and get something. Don't worry about it honey."

"No. No, I do have to worry about it. I can't even make dinner for you guys. What the hell kind of mother am I when I can't feed my kid?"

"You're overworked, overtired, stressed out, and you need more than 3 hours of sleep tonight. You're a wonderful mom. Would a bad mom work herself this hard just to make sure her daughter has a good life and a successful role model?"

"I don't want to hear all of that idealistic crap right now. I just want this spaghetti to be cooked. I want to be able to stop crying about it."

"We'll cook the spaghetti some other time. What's your pleasure, pizza or Chinese?"

"A big bottle of pain killers."

"I'll take Anna with me."

After she heard them pull out of the garage, she took Mulder's advice and went upstairs to at least change in to some more comfortable clothes. That's when she saw his old Knicks t-shirt and boxers laying on the floor by the bed. She wanted to be wrapped in his person forever. She wanted to smell him as she drifted to sleep.

It wasn't more than five minutes after Scully dressed herself in Mulder's pajamas and lay down in their bed that she was out. The rest of the world be damned.

Ten minutes after that, Mulder and Anna came through the door with Burger King bags in their hands. When he discovered her sleeping and wearing his clothes to do so in, he couldn't help but think about how incredibly sexy she was. How he just wanted to crawl over her and lick every square inch of her body.

Instead, though, he pulled the blankets around her and kissed her forehead, just as he did when Anna fell asleep unexpectedly. In her life, she was stumbling, and he wanted nothing more than to help her along. But Mulder knew how Scully felt about him helping her. She thought she depended on him too much as it was, there was no way she would let him… take care of her bills for awhile, for instance. And he wished that she could see herself for all that she was instead of all that she felt she was missing out on. He wanted her to know that it was okay that she didn't make dinner every night, or that she didn't get to vacuuming every other day like she wanted because she was doing something much more amazing with her life than most people without children.

Maybe he was a little biased, though. He couldn't help but be amazed at her.

"You sleep for as long as you need to, Scully. Nobody is going to think less of you for that," he told her unconscious self, then kissed her cheek gently. Then he went downstairs to eat dinner with Anna.

If day-to-day life was difficult for Scully with Mulder around, it was near impossible when he wasn't. He had been working on a case in Mississippi for the past few weeks, leads being very few and far between for the investigative unit. In those two weeks, they'd only spoken on the phone a handful of times, and it was having a major effect on Scully. Everything was. Her shifts at the hospital were regularly surpassing 12 hours, putting everything else in her life on the back burner. Including Anna, unfortunately. She'd spent far too many days at her parents' house, in Scully's opinion.

She'd finally been able to stumble inside of her home after a harrowing 15 hour shift, throwing her bags and papers on the front bench and kicking her shoes off God only knew where. Before completely passing out on the couch, she hit the playback button on the answering machine just to get the light to stop blinking. There were two messages.

"_Hey Scully, just calling to check in. I don't have a lot of time to talk, but there have been some new developments in the case and I'm going to be on my way home soon. I hope you're not killing yourself at the hospital. Tell Anna I love her and miss her. Miss you too."_

A smile spread across her face. She couldn't wait for him to come home. That meant she'd have help, yes, but she just wanted him. Her smile was a short-lived one, though, fading quickly as the next message began to play.

"_Mr. Mulder, it's Chuck Gress,"_ Scully's ears perked up, as that was their landlord,_ "and it's been a few days; I was just wondering where your rent payment was. You've never been late before, so I was just calling… I don't know, maybe you've been busy at work. Give me a call or drop by so we can settle this. Talk to you soon."_

Scully was dumbfounded. On the first of the month, she and Mulder would both write checks for $450 each to Mr. Gress to cover the rent. The first of that month, though, Mulder had been out of town. That was why before he left, he wrote the check and gave it to Scully to give hm. Just like every other month, Scully had gone to Mr. Gress's house personally to deliver the money; they'd even had a nice conversation about the weather. She couldn't believe that he was calling now to tell Mulder that he didn't receive his payment. Grabbing the phone, she anxiously dialed Mr. Gress's number, hoping it was just an oversight.

"_Hello?"_ the man answered.

"Hi, Mr. Gress, it's Dana Scully."

"_Oh, hi Dana. How is everything?"_

"It's fine. The reason I was actually calling is because of the message you left on my answering machine for Mulder. Something about not paying his portion of the rent. Um, Mulder's been out of town for the past few weeks, but I gave you his check on the first along with mine," Scully explained as calmly as she could. With all the stress she was having to go through with work and motherhood, she had nothing left to deal with a mistake like this.

"_Oh… um,"_ the man stuttered on the other end of the line, remembering that the agreement was that Ms. Scully was never to know about the extra $300 a month Mulder paid for them to live there, _"that check I received. Was there anything else he left you to give to me this month?"_

"No, should there have been?"

"_Um, I'll just talk to Mulder when he returns. Will you tell him to give me a call?"_

"Y-Yeah," Scully agreed, not really knowing what else to say. It was obvious that something was being kept from her, and the question now was whether it was on Mulder or on Chuck Gress. Before she could think about it any more, she dialed Mulder's number.

"_Mulder,"_ he answered like he had answered so many times before.

"Hey, it's me. What's going on?"

"_Nothing, just at the airport trying to get my ticket moved up. I should be home before dinner."_

"Great. Listen, Chuck Gress called today and left a message saying that your rent payment was missing, which is absurd because I gave it to him the same day I gave him mine. So I called him and he was very hard to talk to. He asked if there was anything else you left for me to give him. Should there have been?"

It sounded to Scully like Mulder sighed regretfully away from the phone, giving her concern.

"Mulder?"

"_We'll talk about this when I get home, Scully."_

"Talk about what? What is there to talk about, Mulder? What kind of agreement do you have with our landlord?" she was yelling by now. She had always hated being lied to.

"_Calm down Scul—"_

"Answer me!"

"_Alright. Our rent isn't $900. When we moved in, I negotiated with Mr. Gress to leave $300 for me to pay each month. We drew up a separate agreement. I meant to mail it to him before I left, but I forgot. That's what he's talking about."_

Scully was speechless. In all of her paranoia, she had never thought this would have been the case. That the man she had been living with for… years now… was paying $300 more per month than she was for rent. All of her feelings of inadequacy were finally validated. He was supporting her. Without him, she was nothing. And she certainly felt like nothing as she sat there on the couch, her daughter with her grandparents and her feet still sore from working 15 hours straight, learning of the way the man she trusted more than she'd ever trusted anyone lied to her for almost three years.

"_Please say something,"_ Mulder pleaded.

"Do you feel like a big man?"

"_What?"_

"Do you feel like a big man? You knew I couldn't afford the place on my own, so you took it upon yourself to pay the difference. Did it ever occur to you that I didn't want your help?"

"_Scully, can we please not do this over the phone?"_

"You lied to me," she said simply, yet it was so powerful for both of them.

"_I'll be home later. Please, Scully, realize that I never wanted to hurt you or make you feel like you were dependent on me."_

"Whatever. I'll be sure to be out of your house by the time you get back."

"_Please, Scully wait,"_ but she had hung up before he could explain himself.


	26. Chapter 26

_**~June 20, 1992~**_

The entrance to the auditorium was packed with loving families and sparkly little girls and boys running around everywhere. Cameras were flashing and hugs were being had. And in the middle of it all stood Scully and her family, waiting for Anna.

Finally, a little mouse poked her way out from behind an older gentleman's leg and spotted her mother. She ran to her, the high of the stage still present, even though it had only been two numbers. Scully thought her daughter had been the most fabulous one out there. She hit all of her steps, she had a huge smile on her face, and she had looked like she was genuinely having fun. One thing was for certain that night, and that was that this would not be their last recital.

"Mommy!" Anna squealed as her mother scooped her off the ground.

"Look at what I bought for you," Scully said, directing Anna's attention toward a bouquet of pink carnations with a ballerina pin sticking out of them.

"Thank you Mommy! Did you see me on stage?"

"Yes I did and I thought you were the cutest little mouse in the whole show."

"No Mommy, I was beautiful."

"Oh yes. Yes you were."

Her grandparents and aunt also thought she was beautiful, and didn't waste any time telling the girl so. Scully was so happy that her family had decided they were available to come to the show with her, because if they hadn't, she'd look like the typical sad single mother, no one even able to hold the camera while she took a picture with her baby at her first recital. Scully hadn't even given Mulder the chance to get home to explain himself before she was gone. She packed a few days' worth of clothes for her and Anna and made her way over to her mom's. Truthfully, she didn't know what to do. Mulder had lied to her and shattered the independence she thought she had, but she knew deep down it was because he wanted to give her the home she wanted.

"Mommy, did Mulder come like you said he would?"

"Mommy said that Mulder _might_ come."

"He didn't come, did he?"

"No baby."

That was what hurt most about the situation. For the past two nights, Anna had cried herself to sleep, wanting Mulder. And now he wasn't even there to see her dance. He was the guy who practiced with her and took her to and from class… and Anna was old enough to be sad because of his absence.

"Get closer to Mommy so that I can get a picture," Maggie said. Her daughter and granddaughter looked so lovely together. Fox would have made the picture complete, though.

The Scully family was like the opposite pole of a magnet to Mulder, though. He hadn't stayed home like they thought he had. He had always had the intention of being at the recital, and nothing was going to make him miss it. He saw his little girl dance from one of the very back rows of the auditorium. Even from there, he could tell she was perfect.

Now, in the entrance where everyone was greeting and congratulating their children, Mulder could see the family he called his own. The family he once called his own. He didn't know where he stood anymore. It had devastated him to find Anna and Scully gone, once again, when he got home. Talking, he feared, wasn't going to fix this either. What he'd been doing for three years was horrible, even if he had good intentions. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. He had prepared himself to walk out of the venue, comfortable in the fact that he hadn't let Anna down, but as he tried to walk out the door, a voice came from behind him.

"Mulder!"

It was Anna. There was no way in hell he could ignore her. It was physically impossible for him.

"Hey girl!" Mulder couldn't help but exclaim, accepting the four-year-old as she scrambled up his body and into his arms.

"You saw me dance!" she hugged him tightly around the neck.

"I would never miss you dance." As he was rubbing his hands around her mouse costume-clad back and inhaling her scent, Scully and her family came running up to him. She stopped right in front of him.

"Hi," he came out and said.

"Hi," she said back.

"Did you see me on stage? Did you see me?"

"I saw you Anna. You were beautiful."

"I know."

"Anna, you know you can't run off into a crowd of people," Scully tried to scold her daughter.

"But Mommy, Mulder was here."

"Your mom's right, Ann," Mulder told her, saying so much more than that, though, with the look he provided her afterwards.

"Hello Fox. Would you like to go out for ice cream with us? Just over at the Potomac Creamery?" Maggie suggested. Scully shot her mother a look, but Maggie ignored her. Bill, however, put his arm around his daughter for comfort. His wife had her ways.

"I was just going to go… home," Mulder said painfully.

"Come on Mulder, you don't wanna eat ice cream with me?" Anna asked, looking hurt. And he'd already hurt her enough in the past few days.

"Of course I do sweetheart," he had no chance but to say. He looked to Scully, trying to convey with his expression that he was stuck. She however, was looking to the side.

"Alright, we'll meet you there," Maggie told him, taking Anna back. She reached for him with effort, and the family left him standing there. Even Scully didn't look back.

The bell on the door signaled that Mulder had stepped into the creamery just minutes after Scully and her family had sat down. She didn't really want to talk to him, feeling she wasn't ready. But his gesture by showing up at Anna's recital despite the fact that they were having a fight really meant a lot to her.

Anna was the one thing Mulder had to focus on in that awkward little creamery. But there was only so much he could say to a four-year-old about bubble gum ice cream, which to him sounded gross by the way. Eventually, the tension in the air became too much, and he looked up abruptly.

"Dana, can I have word with you in private?"

"Uhh, Mulder…"

"Just go Dana. Good Lord, give the man a chance!" Missy exclaimed, more than tired of seeing her sister deny herself the happiness that she so clearly deserved just because she was stubborn. Everyone at the table was shocked at her statement, but four out of five adults thought Melissa made the right move.

When she wouldn't move a muscle, Mulder stood up from the table at once and walked outside. He was suffocating. And after disappointed looks from her family, Scully went after him. Anna sat on, obliviously enjoying her bubble gum ice cream.

Mulder was standing by his car when she found him. He was fighting himself not to leave.

"Hey," was all she could think to say to alert him that she could see him, head down and kicking his tire.

"You didn't have to follow me."

"Yes I did."

"Well then, we should probably at least pretend we're sorting through our problems," he pessimistically joked, quite clearly able to see Anna and the rest of the family through the large window that overlooked the parking lot. They were inside trying to pretend they weren't watching.

"Or we could do the adult thing and actually sort through our problems."

"I wanted to, Scully. But you left."

"Well put yourself in my shoes, Mulder! Here I am, staying in this house I just found out is not even close to mine; did you expect me to just wait for you? Did you expect me to greet you with open arms?"

"Look, Scully, I know I lied to you. I know there's nothing I could ever do that would change that. And after all you've been through, it's probably the worst thing I could have done to you. But I did it for you."

"Don't try to be sentimental with me, Mulder."

"The last thing I would ever want to do was control you. I just… do you remember that day? Do you remember how we must have looked through four or five places that day and we didn't like anything? Do you remember how you saw it just as we were about to give up? And remember when we went inside and loved everything about it? We let Anna walk alongside of us because we knew she was going to toddle around there on her own one day. And you spent so long in each room, just imagining where everything would go, don't tell me you didn't."

He had so many points. The warm memories came flooding back to her, making it very hard for her to stay mad at him.

"I just couldn't tell you that that place couldn't be yours. Ours. So I did everything I could to make sure your dream could become a reality. And I like to think that if the tables were turned, you would have done the same for me."

It was true. She would have done everything she could and more to make sure that Mulder was happy living with them. And she wouldn't have been stupid enough to get caught.

"I know I lied to you. I'll do anything to make it up to you. But please don't leave."

They were standing dangerously close. So close she could smell him. So close she couldn't help but forgive him.

"Thank you," Scully said quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Really?" Mulder smiled for the first time in it felt like years.

"Yeah. Even though you lied to me for three years," he winced in pain, "I know that you were just trying to look out for me. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you."

Maggie, Bill, Melissa, and to a lesser extent, Anna, watched as Mulder wrapped his arms around his best friend in the parking lot. There was that word again, friend. But they'd take anything at that point.

"But what are we going to do about the rent?" Scully asked. As horrible as his arrangement had made her feel, the reality was that she couldn't afford rent if they split it 50/50.

"Well, Mr. Gress felt pretty bad about spilling the beans to you," Mulder narrated, "and he decided he'd make it up to us by taking the $300 off the table altogether. Rent is $900 for real this time."

"Promise?" Scully had to ask him, looking up at him with her big blue eyes. The same ones as Anna's. He nodded.

"Alright," she slipped her hand in his, "let's go home then. I miss it there."

And he obliged.


	27. Chapter 27

**a/n: this chapter is dedicated to my poor dog, Leila, who had knee surgery Monday. in time, you'll be back to chasing frisbees and going on adventures with the cat, but for now, you have a home here on my bed. **

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The moon, the stars, and the planets had seemingly all aligned, and at 4:30 p.m., Dana Scully was sitting comfortably on her own couch with her daughter in her arms watching TV. By some grace of God, she'd gotten a day off, and she'd taken advantage of it. She and Anna had spent the entire day together, going out to breakfast, going out to the park, visiting the library, napping on the floor, and now watching TV. It was nice to spend time with her daughter, who was growing so fast it was hard to believe. In the fall, she would begin preschool, and days like the one they were having would become even more rare than they already were. As much as she loved watching Anna grow up, it made Scully a little sad to know that her baby wouldn't be a baby forever. She was afraid to blink because what if she did and then the next thing she knew, Anna was graduating high school?

Mulder was due home soon, but it was another 45 minutes before they heard his car pull up in the driveway. As always, Anna bolted toward the door when she was able to hear his footsteps on the stoop.

"Hey Anna Banana!" he caught her in his arms. The little girl burst into a fit of giggles. She loved when he called her that.

"Mommy and I have been waiting for you for over a half hour!" Anna told him enthusiastically, copying what her mother had been saying not five minutes before.

"Well there's a good reason for that. If you and Mommy want to come out to my car, I've got a surprise for both of you," Mulder said, more to Scully than to Anna. He'd gone and made a pretty big decision without her. He'd need to have her on his side for the next few minutes, because once she saw what he had in store for them, she was going to jump the fence.

"Come on Mommy!" Anna loved surprises, and was dragging her barefoot mother out to the driveway behind Mulder in no time. Scully was cautious. Mulder was well-known for going overboard in almost all aspects of life. Normally, it was a quality she loved about him. It made her feel safe and loved (as a dear friend, however unfortunate)… but it was always a guessing game with him.

Mulder made them stand a few feet away from the car as he went around to the passenger's side to get something. He thought about telling Anna to close her eyes, but he knew from experience that it was physically impossible for her to do that when she was as excited as she looked. She was rocking back and forth from one foot to the other with anxiety.

"Okay Anna, say hello to your new friend," he said with a wide smile spread across his face, cradling something in his arms. A squirming, yellow, furry something. Scully could not believe her eyes, not one bit, as he walked closer to them with a pale yellow Lab puppy.

"A puppy!" Anna shrieked, barely able to contain herself. It was no wonder. She'd been obsessed with puppies for most of her life, as was typical for girls her age, but never did her mother think that Mulder would go out and buy her one without asking her first. In retrospect, though, she guessed it shouldn't have been that much of shock to her. Mulder would give Anna anything she asked for.

"A puppy?" Scully asked after Mulder had set it down on the ground near Anna. The thing was so small and timid, and meeting a boisterous four-year-old had temporarily frozen it to its spot.

"Yeah," Mulder looked at the ground, "another agent in my division, David Leslie's, dog had puppies and he asked me if I wanted one."

"So you just said yes?"

"I thought about it first."

"For how long? Ten seconds?"

Mulder was silent.

"You do know that puppies are a lot of work, right Mulder? I mean, your mom must have explained that to you at some point or another in your life. And I barely have time in the day to take care of myself and Anna, how in the world are we going to fit caring for a puppy in our schedule?"

"I'll take care of it, Scully. I'll housetrain it and take it for walks. I know that Anna's not going to have a problem when it comes to playtime… you won't have to do anything."

"That's bull and you know it. What about when you get called on assignment out of town, or when you're stuck late at the office? Who's going to take care of it then? It's going to end up falling on me, and I can't handle a puppy right now."

"Look at them, Scully," Mulder said quietly, not trying to ignore her comments, but just in awe of how quickly the puppy had taken to Anna. She was marching in a circle in their tiny front yard, and the puppy was literally tripping over itself to keep up with her. Then she would swoop down to hug it and let it lick her face. Scully was desperately trying not to let the scene in front of her cloud the fact that they were not ready, as a family, for a puppy, but it was all for naught. Besides, as much as she didn't want to care for the dog, she couldn't rip it away from Anna now. You don't just take puppies away from children. She knew, on some level, that Mulder had done this deliberately because of that principle.

"Trust me, Scully, every kid needs a dog."

"I never had a dog."

"Neither did I."

"So you're living vicariously through my child?"

"Yeah, and look at how happy it makes her."

Anna did look happy, and happy in a way she hadn't in a long time. Mulder and Scully were both relatively young and getting their lives together, and sometimes they admittedly treated her as if she were just along for the ride. But this, this was something special for her. Scully walked over to Anna and her new puppy in the grass, kneeling down to be eye-level with them both.

"Look at my new puppy Mommy," Anna said, pulling the dog, belly-up, into her lap. Its tail was wagging happily and it strained its neck to lick her chin.

"I see her."

"I love her."

"Do you?"

Anna nodded, looking fondly down at her new pet.

"We're going to keep her, right?" she asked, sensing her mother's initial objection to the dog.

Scully sighed heavily, knowing she didn't have a choice, "Yes, we can keep her." With that said, Anna bolted up right away to throw her arms around Scully's neck. The puppy followed, nipping at the girl's heels to get her to pay attention to it again.

"I know you're happy and excited now baby, but puppies need attention all the time. You're going to have to help Mulder and me out with taking care of her. And sometimes she's going to be noisy and she may chew on something of yours, but you always need to love her. We're her family now."

Anna looked deep into her mother's eyes, and Scully knew she understood. She may not have an idea, but she understood.

"I love her so much Mommy."

"I'm glad. Have you thanked Mulder yet?"

The little girl rocketed herself toward Mulder, who was standing right behind Scully listening to their conversation. Even though they hadn't had a chance to discuss what he did alone yet, he had a feeling she wasn't as upset as she let on at first. Any time they got to see Anna happy and excited, it virtually washed away all of the negativity of any situation. But he had to keep his promise that he wouldn't put any more stress on her. With Anna cradled in his arms, though, he knew that if he could commit to them, a puppy would pose no problem.

"Thank you so so so much, Mulder! I love you."

"I love you too. And I'm happy you like her. I got her to make you happy."

"What's her name?"

"Actually, I was hoping that Mommy would want to name her." It was another tactic to warm Scully up to the puppy. She shook her head.

"Yes, Mommy, you name her! She likes you!" Anna said, watching as her knew pet sniffed her mom's bare toes.

"Mommy doesn't know of any names for dogs, though. Mommy didn't know we were getting a dog."

"Just give her a name. Give her a pretty name."

At Anna's insistence, Scully picked up the puppy, feeling how soft and cuddly it was. Not only Anna had fallen in love with it, she had to admit.

"Well… what about… Sadie?" the name had just come to her. Once it left her lips, though, it stuck. The dog looked like a Sadie.

"Do you like the name 'Sadie'?" Mulder asked the little girl in his arms.

She made them laugh, pretending to think about it, but then threw her arms up in the air and motioned to be set down on the ground.

"YES!" she yelled loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. This made Sadie excited, and she started yipping as well. They ran off together through the yard again, leaving Mulder and Scully alone with their thoughts.

"I'm not going to back out of this, I know you have a lot on your plate as it is," Mulder reiterated his commitment to the dog.

"Well, maybe it would be good to have a dog around. Teach Anna some responsibility."

"I have a feeling they're going to be best friends."

Scully briefly thought that if Anna and Sadie were best friends, she and Mulder had to be something far more. But it was cut short by Anna's request for her to come play with them.

A high-pitched crying was coming from the foyer and it carried up the stairs, piercing the closed door into Mulder and Scully's room.

"Mulder, make her stop," Scully grumbled with her head under her pillow. It had been hard enough to get Anna to sleep, wanting Sadie to sleep in her room, but the dog had been crying all night downstairs in her crate. They both knew what she wanted, attention, but she needed to learn to sleep in her crate at night. The two times she had cried, Mulder had gone down, made sure she hadn't spilled her water or needed to use the bathroom, then went back upstairs. Scully was ready just to let the dog sleep with them to get her to stop whining, but that wouldn't do them any favors in the long run.

For a few more minutes, they listened to the dog cry. Then, she abruptly stopped.

"See? She needs to realize that we aren't going to come down and check on her every time she cries," Mulder told Scully, settling himself back in for sleep. She answered him with a huff, damn him when he was right.

Well, he thought he was right. Until 6:30 that morning when he walked down the stairs to make his and Scully's coffee. And that's when he found Anna, tucked snugly in her princess sleeping bag, fast asleep next to Sadie's crate. And Sadie was laying as close to the side of the cage as possible, her fur poking out of the slats.

"Scully," he called quietly up the stairs, smiling warmly to himself.

"What?" she yawned at the top of the stairs. He didn't even have to say anything, just motion to the crate, and Scully saw what he had been greeted with that morning. She sighed, putting her hands over her eyes.

"Best friends," Mulder told her, and the two adults left Anna and Sadie to sleep for a little while longer.


	28. Chapter 28

**a/n: this is a short chapter dedicated to my nephew, Louie, who did not need me to walk him in to science camp this week, which left me bawling in the parking lot of the school. and also to my niece, Annie, who can say her ABC's without my help.  
**

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**_~September 7, 1992~_  
**

Mulder pulled up to a long, tan brick building in which he would be dropping off the girl who had become like his daughter for half of the day. Scully had cried as they left the house, opting not to go with them to her first day of preschool. The camera was securely in Mulder's hand, though.

"You ready for this, Banana?" he asked the girl in the back, the girl who was trying to free herself from her booster seat.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Because we could go home. Mommy's there and—"

"Mulder?"

"What?"

"It's just preschool."

Mulder turned around and grabbed the little one's knee. When had she become a young woman?

"I know honey. I guess it's just symbolic for me."

"What does that mean?" One thing Mulder was absolutely sure of was that Anna was going to have no problems in school. She was not only incredibly smart and had a large capacity to learn, but she was inquisitive too. And he wanted her to ask questions. He wanted her to search for answers when she felt none were provided to her. That was what he had done as an FBI agent for six years now, and it was a trait he was comforted to know he was passing on to her.

"'Symbolic' describes something that can mean or stand for more than one thing. Like how a heart can mean love. A heart is symbolic for love. When Mommy draws a heart on your snack bag, you know she loves you because you know that's what a heart means."

"Okay."

"And you growing up and going to school is symbolic of me growing up and realizing how important you and your Mommy are to me."

"Mulder?"

"What?"

"Do you love Mommy?"

"Very much. You and Mommy are very special to me."

"Do you want to marry Mommy?"

It was a loaded question. Extremely strong feelings had resulted from his relationship with Scully—feelings so intense that Mulder did not dare even to explore them too closely. Despite the inquisitiveness he displayed in all other aspects of his life, he felt that prodding through his relationship with Scully would not be beneficial to him. Surrounding Scully was her daughter and their friendship and the sex. There was no doubt in his mind that he would ask Scully to marry him if he thought she'd say yes, but he couldn't tell Anna that. And he certainly couldn't tell Anna that while she was sitting in the back seat of his car ready to embark on her first day of school.

"No, Anna. Mommy and I don't want to marry each other. It's not that kind of love."

It was the first time he had told Anna something other than the truth.

The four-year-old seemed a little upset at his answer, but Mulder decided to quickly distract her with the task at hand. How had they veered off into that conversation anyway?

"So do you want me to walk you in to school or do you think you can do it by yourself?"

"I can do it by myself," Anna said. Mulder fake pouted as he got out of the car and unfastened her booster seat.

"No. Of course you don't need old Mulder anymore." Anna laughed as his lower lip stuck out. But another little boy walked past them, and her game face went on.

"Alright. Your first day of school. Now there's always going to be a kid that bites. Find him, and stay away from him…"

"Okay Mulder," she said, starting to walk away.

"Do I get a smooch?"

"Mulder, I'm four."

"Yeah. Four's much too old for kisses. And birthday parties. And candy."

He didn't have to go on any longer before she was throwing herself at him, puckering her lips. Yes, she was four. But she still felt like nothing more than feathers in his arms. It was just another reminder of how small she was when he walked into her life, and how much of it he had witnessed. Four years ago, he had no idea he could love a little girl with the intensity and persistence that he loved Anna, but he had been one of the most integral people in her world since she was too tiny to remember. What had been the blink of an eye for him had been an entire lifetime for her.

"I love you so much. And I'm very proud of you."

"Love you too Mulder."

"Have fun at school today," he told her as he let her out of his arms, straightened her backpack, and ruffled her hair a bit. Nodding, she began to walk toward the school, and Mulder believed that was it. He was sending his little girl off to learn to read and write and make friends and macaroni pictures. And as much as he loved to watch her become a thoughtful, enlightened young lady, he would give anything to still be changing her diapers and feeding her bottles. She had needed him then. For everything. Not now.

There was one thing she needed him for, though. He was still watching as she turned away from the school building and came bounding back to him.

"What's the matter baby doll, did you forget something?"

"Yeah. You," she told him, and grabbed his hand. Together, Mulder walked his not-daughter in to her first day of school, satisfied that he wasn't totally useless after all.

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**a special thanks to Gillyfan, who is amazing in all aspects. I don't convey that to her enough. without her, this story would most likely be very dull.**


	29. Chapter 29

_**~February 26, 1993~**_

Scully was digging through the hall closet, trying to find a pair of shoes that hadn't been destroyed by their hyper dog. Her 29th birthday was a few days before, and Ellen was taking her out with some other girlfriends for a night at the bar. No. That sounded like something 22-year-old Dana would do. They were having a girls' night. At a bar, it just so happened. It actually didn't matter what she called it because if she wasn't able to find a nice pair of shoes, she swore she wasn't going.

"Are these pretty Mommy?" Anna asked behind her, holding a pair of water sandals that Scully hadn't seen in years on her hands. After witnessing her mother's predicament, and wanting to defer the anger she would undoubtedly have toward her puppy, Anna was pitching in as much as she could in Scully's hunt for shoes.

"They're not right for this occasion. But thank you for helping." Anna scampered away to find more shoes, and despite the situation, Scully smiled. Her daughter was a truly lovely little girl, and she was very proud of her. Moments like these were validation that even though they sometimes struggled, they were doing a good job.

Though he tried not to show it, Mulder sat grumpily at his desk, pretending to be typing a report. He hadn't personally told Scully that he didn't want her to go out, but he had dropped subtle hints. Like he'd hidden her favorite pair of shoes. And he'd protested about having to watch Anna and Trent that night. Yeah, he knew there was a special place in Hell for losers like him. The real problem he had with her going out was not that he didn't want her to have a good time, but he didn't want her to meet somebody else. He knew all too well what women talked about in bar settings, and that men preyed on them in that situation. Hell, he'd been one of those men before he met Scully, and he'd had countess one night stands with women he'd picked up in exactly that manner. He didn't want to say he didn't trust her, or even insinuate that he had any claim over her. But the thought of Scully, his Scully, being some chump's one night stand… it made his blood boil. Mulder didn't know if she had told Ellen about their situation, or if she'd told anybody, and if she didn't, Ellen wouldn't have any problems picking out someone for her to go home with. It was just her busy, boisterous way. And Mulder didn't have any idea how to express his worries to her.

"Mommy! Mommy I found some shoes!" Anna's voice carried up the stairs from the basement. Damn, she'd found where he'd hid one of Scully's favorite pairs of heels.

"Oh, thank you so much baby!" Scully exclaimed once she saw the pair her daughter now had on her hands. Black toeless strapped sandals with a 4" heel. They were the first pair of shoes she'd bought that had made her feel truly sexy. Funny… she'd bought them right after she started having sex with Mulder.

Shortly after Scully had slipped on those heels, the doorbell rang, signaling that Ellen and Trent were there. She walked over to answer it, and Mulder could not help himself from staring at her gorgeous figure. As a rule, Scully never wore red, feeling that it clashed with her hair, but the red low-cute blouse she sported made his mouth water. And her jeans were impossibly tight. Mulder was straining not to rip those articles of clothing off of her right there. It was going to be a long night.

"Dana! You look wonderful!" Ellen squealed as she entered their home. She was wearing something very similar to Scully herself, and Mulder seriously considered following them to the bar with a baseball bat, just to ward off any interested guys.

Eight-, almost nine, year-old Trent quickly removed his shoes and ran into the office. Towards Trent, Mulder wasn't the father figure that Anna knew him as, but he was a strong male role model. Sometimes when Mulder had the idea to take Anna to the park or to the movies, he'd call Ellen to invite Trent along. He knew the child well enough to consider him important in his life. He cared about his emotional and physical well-being, and it was the best situation for everyone involved.

"Hey Mulder," Trent said, leaning against his strong arm.

"Hey Trent buddy. Are we going to have fun tonight?" Mulder tried to sound excited. He was still eyeing Scully, though, silently pleading with her to be considerate of his feelings during her outing.

"Yeah, do you wanna play basketball?" Mulder had introduced Trent to basketball, and now it was something that they bonded over.

"It's kind of late to play basketball, bud, and I think Anna wanted to watch a movie."

"Ugh, it's not going to be some dopey _girl_ movie is it?" Trent groaned. He had mixed feelings toward Anna. The age difference between them made it difficult for them to connect sometimes, but at the end of the day, he played the protective big brother role well. And Anna idolized Trent, wanting to do everything that he did.

"No, it's about a dog. I think you'll like it."

As Trent nodded in submission, Scully came down the step to Mulder, ready to say goodbye.

"Alright, we're going to leave. You got things under control?" Scully asked.

"Everything's ship shape, Scully. After you leave we're going to turn the bathtub into a swimming pool and ride mattresses down the stairs."

"As long as they're in bed on time," she told him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a hug. Ellen had seen them display affection toward each other on more than one occasion, and it still shocked her that neither one of them was interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. She knew that if she had a man wrapped around her finger like Mulder was wrapped around her friend's, she'd have no problem jumping his bones.

Her smell was driving him insane. It was like she sprayed straight pheromones on to her body instead of perfume. Without thinking, he pressed a wet kiss to her forehead as they moved apart.

"Have fun, but be safe," he whispered.

Both of their eyes were closed, and Scully nodded. He had an effect on her too. It made her seriously reconsider her birthday plans. Anna wrapping her arms around her leg was enough to bring her out of her reverie, though. Just barely enough.

"I love you Mommy," Anna said in a little whine. Mulder gave her ten minutes maximum into the movie before she was fast asleep. Good thing she'd already had a bath and put her pajamas on.

"I love you too. Be good for Mulder. Don't even think about fighting with Trent."

She agreed, yawning, and went willingly to Mulder. It wouldn't be long before she was curled around him in sleep.

"Bye you two. Bye Trent," Scully said, and after a few more goodbyes from Ellen and Mulder, went out the door.

"Alright kiddos, let's put the movie in," Mulder sighed after standing silent for a few moments.

Scully, Ellen, and mutual friends Heather and Kate had arrived at the bar ready to have a good time. Upon hearing that it was Scully's birthday, the bartender did a round of free shots with them, then treated them to a free pitcher of beer. A few mixed drinks had also been passed around, but all of them still had pretty level heads. They had calmed down a bit since getting there, and were sitting at a private table having a conversation.

"I would give anything to be 29 again," Ellen said regretfully, pushing the wrinkles she thought were on her face up.

"I would give anything to live with that delicious man you call Mulder," Heather said, probably the most drunk out of the four. Ellen and Kate agreed, though, raising their glasses and taking a drink. Scully, though, just nursed her beer, used to their conversations taking this turn. She got constant flack for living with Mulder and pretending to be just friends with him, and admittedly, she kind of enjoyed the attention. She knew Mulder was attractive—extremely attractive—and she wasn't used to having the type of life that people envied. Despite all of this, Scully had never once confessed to her friends that she was in a sexual relationship with Mulder. She knew they would make a bigger deal of it than it was.

"Are we going to have this talk again?" Scully asked, pretending to be tired of it.

"Dana, what we're all just trying to understand is how you could possibly ignore Mulder's obvious attraction toward you. I mean, it's so blatant," Ellen told her.

"He's not attracted to me. Yeah, when you live with someone for as long as Mulder and I have lived together, you develop a comfort with them that you can't find with anyone else. But don't confuse that with attraction," Scully tried to convince herself what she was saying was true.

"Please, Dana, the man worships the ground you walk on," Kate said.

"We have a lot of respect for each other. And there's a lot of things that I couldn't do if it weren't for Mulder. But we're just… not right for each other."

"What in the world is not 'right' about Mulder? Does he snore? Does he chew with his mouth open?" Heather asked in a silly manner, suggesting that these were things she could live with.

"I'm just… I'm not his type," Scully admitted regretfully to herself.

"That's stupid, Dana, nobody has a set 'type.'"

"Well if he doesn't, why hasn't he asked me out yet? Why hasn't he asked to be something more than friends?"

"Maybe because you don't make yourself readily available toward him. That respect thing you were talking about, Danes, it can be good but it can also get in the way. Maybe he respects you too much," Ellen insinuated.

"Now that's stupid."

"Ma'am," a young bartender came up to their table carrying a tray and referring to Scully, "a gentleman at the bar sent this over for you."

It was a white Russian, one of Dana's favorite drinks. She accepted it, then turned to see a bald, but strapping man looking over toward her. He wasn't bad looking, but he was no Fox Mulder.

"If you don't have any feelings for Mulder, why don't you go over there and talk to that guy?" Heather suggested.

"Because I can't just go off and flirt with every guy who shows a little bit of interest. I have a daughter."

"You have a Mulder," she said plainly. Normally, her friends poking into her relationship with Mulder wasn't something that bothered her. But Scully felt that night that she had something to prove; maybe she could forget about Mulder in the process.

Slamming her drink down on the table, Scully rose and made her way over toward the man at the bar. But it was like an outside force was pushing her toward him while her rational side fought back tooth and nail.

"Hi," the man said, not even trying to be discreet about the once-over he was giving her.

"Hi. Thanks for the drink."

"No problem. I heard someone mention it was your birthday, and a beautiful woman like you deserves a free drink on her birthday."

"That was very thoughtful of you."

"Well I'm a thoughtful guy. A thoughtful guy named Jason, by the way."

"Dana," she smiled, taking his hand.

That was the beginning of Scully forgetting her friends and her life for awhile. It was so nice to sit at the bar with Jason, a man who knew absolutely nothing about her, being flattered and flirted with. She was definitely proving something to her friends, but she wasn't proving much to herself. Not when her mind showed her glimpses of Mulder as Jason brushed her hair behind her ear or took her hand in his.

Jason was a nice enough guy, which made it hard for Scully to notice just how much she was drinking as she tried to keep up with him. While he was seemingly unaffected by the amount of alcohol he was putting in his body, Scully wasn't a regular drinker, and she could start to feel herself get woozy.

Thankfully, Ellen and her other friends could see her posture begin to change throughout the night. At around 2 a.m., they came up behind her.

"Hey Danie, it's time to go home," Kate said gently, taking her hand.

"But I'm having fun. And I'm not thinking about Mulder."

"Sure you aren't. It's been a good night, Dana, but if we let you keep drinking you're going to hate us tomorrow."

"Want me to call a cab for you ladies?" Jason asked, disappointed that his night with an amazing woman like Dana was ending, but knowing that her friends were right.

"That'll be great," Ellen said, eyeing the man herself.

Jason parted ways with the four women at the cab, but not without exchanging numbers with Dana. He knew she was someone he wanted to see again. Scully, however, could only think of going home and crawling in bed with Mulder.

Mulder had left Anna and Trent to sleep end-to-end on the couch, of course with Sadie snuggled up to Anna's side. Despite however tired they both had claimed to not be, they had been out before the movie ended. Mulder continued to watch it, though, needing to keep his mind off of the woman he loved.

He was still up, sitting at the computer facing the window, when at 2:30 a cab pulled in the driveway. It idled there as Ellen, Kate, and Heather walked Dana to the door. Luckily, Mulder was right there to catch her as she stumbled through it.

"Thanks for bringing her home safe," he told the other women, though he doubted they would remember their actions in the morning. They told him it was no problem, then left, as Mulder and Scully promised they would take Trent home in the morning. After the door was shut behind them, Mulder was left with Scully clinging to him, barely able to stand.

"Did you have a good night?" he asked, putting one arm behind her back and one arm behind her knees and lifting her up. She mewed into him like a kitten as they ascended the stairs.

"No. They made me talk to another guy."

"Who made you?"

"Ellen and Kate and Heather. I d-didn't wanna."

"Who was the guy?"

"J-Jason," she slurred.

"Was Jason nice?" Mulder asked in a tone he would have used with Anna. Drunk Scully was cute.

"Yeah. But he's not Mulder."

Nothing she could have said at that point could have made him feel more secure. Pulling back the covers and taking her shoes off before laying her in bed, he couldn't help a wide grin from spreading across his face. She thought about him when she talked to other men. Just like he thought of her when he did… anything.

"Well you can't blame him. Mulder's a pretty cool guy," he laid down next to her and snaked his arms around her.

"Mmm," was all Scully could manage to murmur before drifting off. Mulder tucked her securely under his chin and tightened his arms, vowing to her to always be there to make her feel loved and protected.

The next morning, Scully woke up with a headache. But it was tempered by the man holding her closely. As clearly as if he had spoken his true feelings to her, she felt the security he had promised to provide to her the night before emanating from his body. And it allowed her to slip back into dreamland once more.

"Anna, quit feeding the dog your Cheerios," Mulder warned Anna as he tried to clean up the kitchen. Breakfast with two kids under ten was always hectic, but there was no way he'd wake Scully up to help him. She'd had quite a night, it had sounded like, and the last thing he wanted on his hands was a tired, upset, hungover Scully.

Trent was just about to push his eggs on to Anna's plate when the phone rang. As long as they didn't make a mess, Mulder could care less if Anna ate Trent's eggs, so he went to answer the phone.

"Hello?" he answered.

_"Hi, is Dana there?"_ a strange man asked on the other end of the line. Mulder's breath hitched in his throat. He knew exactly who this was, Jason. Last night after she'd gotten home and told him she'd talked to another man, Mulder had to admit, he was a little worried. But shortly after that she'd said 'he wasn't Mulder,' restoring his sense of a relationship with her. But things couldn't have been that bad if she'd given him her number.

"Um, no, she's sleeping. Who is this?"

_"This is Jason. We met at the bar last night. Who are you?"_ the man asked, at the end sounding a little angrier than Mulder would have liked.

"I'm Mulder. I live with Dana," he stated, leaving so much more than that off the table.

_"Okay, well, would you tell her I called?"_ Jason asked, sensing he had been played. In a way, he had. Scully had only been using him to forget about Mulder at her friends' insistence, and it hadn't worked all that well either.

"Sure," Mulder lied. Of course he wasn't going to tell Scully that Jason called. And if she wanted to call him back, that was fine, and she would find out the truth. But until then, Mulder wasn't going to willingly put someone in between him and Scully.

Even though the fact that the man had gotten her number had already put a damper on his day.

Maybe she didn't care for him as much as he had assumed last night. After all, she had been pretty drunk.

"Who was that?" he heard Scully ask as she proceeded to come down the stairs. For being hungover, as he knew she was, she looked great.

"Nobody," he answered shortly, then left the room altogether in order to focus his mind on other things.

That night, the pair was laying in bed. Mulder was still up, trying to read through a case. Scully wasn't asleep either, only laying there frustrated. She didn't know if it was the events that transpired the night before that were making her feel this way, but she was… horny, to put it bluntly. She flipped over on to her back, sighing heavily.

"Can't sleep?" Mulder asked, not even looking up from the file. He'd been a little distant all day.

Instead of answering him with words, Scully knew the best route to take in this situation would be to just take what she wanted. However, reaching her hand down his boxers that night was apparently not the best move to make.

"Whoa, Scully, not tonight," he said, jumping about a mile in the air.

"What? Why the hell not?" she asked defensively. He'd never ever rejected her advances in bed.

"Because I'm trying to read," he said, lying through his teeth.

"That's never stopped you before."

"Look, I just don't want to have sex tonight, okay?"

"Fine," she huffed, throwing herself back to her side of the bed. She only continued to lay there for a few moments, though, before she got up abruptly and went to the bathroom. Mulder assumed it was to take care of herself, and it was the hardest thing for him to do in the world to ignore her while she was so in need. But he was still hurt, and he knew it was a bad idea to have angry sex. She would notice.

Mulder thought that Scully left for the bathroom to relieve her own sexual tension, but he had squashed any sexual thoughts she'd had that night when he shied away from her advances. She slumped over the sink as soon as the door was locked and began to cry softly.

About fifteen minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom to a sleeping Mulder huddled very close to the edge of the bed. He really didn't want to be near her. This almost sparked a whole new round of tears from Scully, but instead, she grabbed her pillow and made her way to the guest bedroom—Mulder's old bedroom.

What she didn't notice was the wetness on his own pillow. He desperately wanted her, but it was becoming increasingly clearer to him that he would never have her.


	30. Chapter 30

**a/n: happy independence day! I wanted to get this chapter out before I became too drunk to do so. hope you enjoy!**_**  
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_**~Christmas, 1993~**_

Bill and Tara had arrived at Mulder and Scully's late that night, after Anna had gone to sleep. It was one of only a handful of times Scully had seen her brother since Easter of 1989, and even though their feelings toward each other weren't completely healed from that time, they at least were acting civil toward each other. That much was apparent in the fifteen minutes they spent exchanging pleasantries before retiring off to bed. Even though it had been Mulder's idea that they have Christmas at their place and Bill and Tara stay there instead of in some hotel, it was not his idea to sleep on the couch during the time they were there. He knew why it had to happen, he and Scully had to pretend that Bill and Tara were putting him out of a room to avoid them discovering the fact that they slept in the same bed. It was for the best, that much didn't need to be explained to Mulder. But he thought he'd abandoned sleeping on couches four years ago. At one in the morning, though, Mulder couldn't decide what would be worse, his back the next day after sleeping all night on the couch, or his ass the next day after Bill Scully discovered he and his sister shared a bed.

Fortunately, one other person was having the same debate.

"Mulder? You still awake?" Scully asked, tiptoeing in from the office.

"Gee, how'd you guess?" he answered, sitting up and making room for her on his makeshift bed.

"Just had a feeling," she curled herself up next to him. Her tiny bare toes buried themselves under the warm spot his body made as the couch dipped beneath his weight.

"People should study us," Mulder suggested.

"I don't think we should try to define what we have," Scully said, and her words had so much more meaning than their face value.

"Yeah, I don't think we should unleash that knowledge upon the Earth," Mulder agreed, not wanting to delve into semantics with either himself or Scully at this late hour, and certainly not with her brother upstairs. He did, however, poke her in her stomach, and she poked him back.

"You think Anna will like what Santa got her?" Scully worried because she hadn't been able to do most of the Christmas shopping this year. With her hours at the hospital, it was a responsibility that she had relegated to Mulder and even her mother. Of course she'd approved everything that they bought, but it just wasn't the same as picking out her presents herself, imagining the joy Anna would have on her face as she opened them.

"She definitely won't be disappointed, that's for sure." This was the first year that Scully had not felt insecure about matching the amount of money Mulder spend on her daughter, and it was because of a pay increase she had received at the beginning of her fourth year of residency. As a result, Anna had profited, but Mulder knew Scully felt better about herself as well.

There were a few large presents that the pair had split between themselves. Scully bought her a play-size plastic kitchen set and all of the accessories that went with it. Mulder had given her a bike, having taught her to ride her old one, and imagined himself taking the training wheels off for her that spring. "Santa" gave her a science kit, more dolls than she'd ever know what to do with, dance outfits, a child-sized keyboard, new ballerina bed sheets, a few stuffed animals, books, Kamik Kelsey rain boots, stickers and other art supplies, puzzles, and other small presents. More gifts from exclusively Scully included Barbie dolls, which was a love Scully shared with her daughter, a play doctor's kit, board games, a costume jewelry set, a few nice outfits, videos, and even more books. Mulder's gifts had a definite theme, being a basketball and soccer ball, a pink baseball mitt, jump ropes, and other sports attire and paraphernalia. Not that he wasn't delighted that Anna was a beautiful little girl, and not that he had had any say in the matter, but he was trying to expose her to the world of sports too. It was a world he was definitely more comfortable with, and it gave him more chances to show her off. Any opportunity for him to show her how proud he was of her was opportunity enough, and Mulder could see himself at pee-wee soccer games, cheering her on and being the obnoxious dad from the stands.

And, of course, Christmas was the day that Mulder got to give Scully his present, a scrapbook containing memories they'd shared during their four years together. He'd been working on it for more than a year, and he finally felt it was ready to give her. Inside of it contained the very first few pictures the trio had ever taken together, components of inside jokes the two had together, and other objects from special times in their lives. He couldn't wait to see her face when she opened it.

Scully was anticipating giving Mulder her gift as well. It was definitely a guy's gift, but she knew he'd like it. Currently sitting in their basement was a full sized air hockey table. It was nearly half of her Christmas present budget, but it would be so worth it when they finally were able to play a game of air hockey together.

"I don't think anything could disappoint her. I mean, it's Christmas, her family's all coming over in the morning to watch her open her presents… she wouldn't complain about anything," Mulder further explained to his friend.

"You're right," Scully finally admitted to herself, looking thoughtfully up at Mulder, "you know, we've raised a pretty good kid."

"Well she gets it all from her mom."

"Oh yeah, the way she chews the end of her pencil when she's doing her homework, or how she asks question after question until you've run out of answers, she gets none of that from you."

"She'd still be a good kid, Scully. Maybe not the most special little girl in my entire world, but a good kid nonetheless."

"I'd say she's the luckiest little girl in the world."

"Naw, she just makes me the luckiest man."

It was difficult to call him just the man she was having sex with, because they were so much more to each other than sex. They were comfort, security, confidence, and a promise that the other would always be loved. And if anything was a manifestation of that, it was Anna.

After a moment's peace, Scully remembered Bill upstairs, and decided to leave the couch. He missed her body once it left him, as was the case whenever they parted ways.

"Merry Christmas Mulder," Scully told him, running her hand through his hair.

"Merry Christmas," he said before he took her hand in his and pulled her down toward him. His lips met hers for the first time outside of the bedroom, and it was magical, blissful, fiery, and full of passion.

When it was over and she retreated up to their room, neither one of them was able to sleep.

The Sculder household had not hosted a holiday since Thanksgiving 1990, and now Mulder remembered why. Although Scully had let him help out a bit more this time around, the day had still left her in a daze that resulted in her and Anna passing out amongst heaps of wrapping paper around one, Anna's regular nap time. That meant Mulder was in charge of maintenance and entertainment until she woke up.

Just like last time, as he was doing the dishes, Bill Scully approached him from behind. The two men hadn't said more than five words to each other all day, and each one had to do with passing something. Once he felt the man's presence behind him, Mulder looked around for backup. Along with Scully and Anna, Charlie was asleep, taking up all of the couch, and Melissa, Maggie, Tara, and the captain were engrossed in an old Christmas movie. There was absolutely no one he could call on in this situation, even though he had learned his lesson.

Deep breaths. This didn't have to end like last time.

"Bill. Wanna hand me that dishtowel over there?" Mulder asked, even though he didn't need the towel in question.

Silently, Bill handed him the towel, watching Mulder carefully.

"Tara send you in here to take notes?" Mulder tried his hand at a joke.

"I was wondering if I could have a word with you… in private."

Gulp. The man wanted him where there were no witnesses. Four years ago, he had made it clear to Mulder that he could either commit himself fully to Dana or get out of her life for good. And while he hadn't made the consequences clear, Mulder had a feeling they were something akin to murder. Too bad his brain wasn't telling his feet that as he began to follow the taller man up the stairs to his "bedroom."

"What's this about Bill?" Mulder asked as he shut the door. _Tell Anna I love her_, he hoped his last wishes got through to Scully.

"Well… I guess what I want to ask you is… what the hell are you still doing around my sister?" His words were harsh, but not his tone. It seemed as if Bill Scully was actually dumbfounded at the relationship Mulder and his sister shared. He wouldn't be the first person.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Look, the last time I spoke with you, I told you to either man up or get out of her life. And you've done neither. And I just want to know why."

Mulder was at a loss for words as well, not exactly knowing how to explain what he had with Dana without getting his ass kicked. One thing was certain though, Mulder couldn't afford to drop any hints that he a) had sex with her or b) felt anything more her for than deep friendship for her. Bill already felt like he'd outstayed his welcome as a friend, Mulder couldn't imagine how outraged he would be if he knew what was really going on and also knew that the man he hated hadn't made any sort of larger commitment to his sister. Scully would have to surgically remove her brother's foot from Mulder's ass.

"I can't do that," Mulder let slip out without thinking. This was not the time to act on instinct, though. He had to carefully orchestrate his words.

"What?"

"I, uh… I can't do that. I can't just get out of her life. It would be about as easy as you getting out of her life. I have a happy life here with her and Anna, and I'm not leaving."

"You may be happy, but at whose expense? What does she give you, Mulder? Five years and you've never shown any interest in her, yet you stick around. Why? Does she do your laundry? Does she cook for you? If you want yourself an Aunt Bee, Mulder, you can go out and get yourself one. Don't think you're going to use my little sister for that purpose, though."

Mulder had to quickly fight images of Scully with a beehive in order to stay in the moment. Bill had somewhat of a point, no matter how deeply misconstrued it was. Scully did do a majority of the housework and cooking, though he always tried to help out when she would let him. And if all Bill was looking for was some kind of commitment from Mulder, he supposed he could give it to him.

"I think Dana's happy. I hope she's happy. If she's not happy with our situation, then I want her to create a new one for herself. And I want you to know that I would give her anything she desired. I care about her too, Bill, I don't just have my own interests at heart here."

"Then why not commit yourself to her?"

It was a simple question, and Mulder could have given a simple answer. But like so many other things in his life, he made it more complicated than it should have been.

"There's more than one type of commitment. And I can't speak for Dana, but I can tell you that I love her very much. I love her enough to know that we're not ready to be in a romantic relationship."

He hoped what he was saying was appeasing Bill, or that some of it was the truth. His words at least made him feel better.

Bill stood there to ponder what the man in front of him said. If after five years they were still there for each other, then he guessed Mulder must have provided something for his sister too. He'd seen many marriages end in the time span that Mulder had been around.

"She's been in far too many one-sided relationships, and I can't see her go through that hurt again. So listen to me, she is my baby sister and if you ever mistreat her or upset her or use her in any way, you will have to go through me. And that little girl is my niece. If you ever disappoint her or handle her with anything but love… I will rip your body to shreds. I will fucking tear you limb for limb. Do I make myself clear?"

The Navy was coming out in Bill, and his eyes got very dark and serious. He was imagining himself doing these things. He was waiting for an opportunity to do exactly what he said he was going to do. Still, it seemed that in some strange way, Mulder had earned Bill's approval. So he chastised himself and his sweaty underarms and stuck out his hand for Bill.

"I'm glad we have an understanding," was what Bill said as Mulder nodded. He wanted to leave the room as quickly as possible after that confrontation, but someone was blocking the doorway.

"You'll 'tear him limb for limb'? 'Rip his body to shreds'? Give me a goddamn break, Bill," Scully said, obviously as mad as her brother had been a few minutes ago.

"Dana, you know I'm only looking out for you."

"Well stop. You don't get to sport your 'man of the house' attitude in my home. I don't know if it was the first time or the hundreds of times I said it after that you didn't comprehend, but my relationship with Mulder is none of your business. None."

"Can't you even see what he's doing? He's lived with you for five years and given you nothing in return."

"That's not true. That's not true at all. Mulder has sacrificed a family, a social life, time, energy… far too much, in my opinion, to make sure that Anna and I are happy. And he doesn't have to prove himself to you. Let me make this very clear to you," Scully was on fire, and actually got in her much older, much taller brother's face to say what she needed to say next, "if you even think that I'll be impressed by your caveman capabilities in the event Mulder doesn't live up to your expectations, you're dead wrong. If you think that if Mulder ever wrongs me or my child he won't have a shit storm to deal with on my end, then I take offense to that."

Mulder didn't think it would ever happen, but he was more nervous of Scully right then than her older brother. Even though she was defending him, he felt he had to tread carefully around her. She was like a bomb ready to go off, and the ticking was getting louder.

"Dana, we're playing for the same team here. I've watched you get hurt before, and I'm not going to let this guy just be another one," Bill tried to explain himself.

"He's been around for five years, don't you think I'd know if he were 'another one'?"

"Yeah, he's got a good track record, Dana, but I'm more concerned about the man that he can become."

"You have to trust that I'll be able to take care of myself. We're not ten and fifteen anymore, Bill. I can take care of myself and my child. I've been doing it for awhile now."

Did the siblings even remember that Mulder was in the room, listening to all of their words? Would they even notice if he left? Just as he was about to test his theory and make a bee-line for the door, though, Bill pushed past him, shaking his head.

Both Mulder and Scully stood frozen for a minute, not sure what to do next. The last time Mulder and Bill had gotten into an argument, Scully had banned him from her life for almost two weeks. This was thin ice they were treading on.

"Scully," Mulder finally sighed, "he's only trying to make sure you're happy." He defended Bill because he did feel they had reached some type of understanding, and although his approach hadn't been the best, is intentions were pure.

"I _am_ happy," she told him in no more than a whisper.

"I know that. You know that. Bill's going to take some more convincing, though, because deep down, he knows that nobody will ever be good enough for you. I would feel the same way toward my sister."

The pain was evident in his voice as he said that last part. Scully loosened herself up and immediately walked over to where he stood, taking his hand in hers. She knew exactly what Mulder must have been thinking. Yeah, sometimes her brother meddled in her life and made her upset, but at least she had a brother to be pissed off at. She couldn't believe how selfish she had acted.

"I'm sorry Mulder," Scully apologized, looking down.

"Hey, don't worry about it," Mulder shook his head, artificially perking himself up. The holidays used to be the hardest time of the year because there was always the faint memory he had of his family before Samantha had gone missing. He had known what family felt like, and then it was taken away. It had become hundreds of thousands of times better since Anna and Scully had entered his life, but the pain still existed deep inside of him at the differences between the ways he had experienced childhood.

"Do you think he'll accept an apology?" Scully asked, wrapping her arms around Mulder's middle and resting her head on his chest. Her small body depending on his was a temporary plaster for his emotional wounds.

"In the spirit of the season, yes."

"Then I guess I'll go down there."

"I'm proud of you."

Scully rewarded Mulder's understanding with one of her Mona Lisa smiles, then left him standing in the bedroom, not exactly sure of his feelings. After shaking himself a bit, he went back down the stairs as well, just in time to see Scully and her brother disappear into the garage.

"Mulder, come listen to the song I made!" Anna beamed once he walked into the living room. Maggie's look was questioning, but Mulder just smiled at her and crouched down next to Anna. The way she tapped on the keyboard did have some type of rhythm and melody associated with it, and when she was done, he clapped.

"That was beautiful sweetheart."

"Really?" she looked so much like Samantha when she asked him that. Wide-eyed, so innocent and trusting. It was his job to protect her. He wasn't twelve anymore, and this was his second chance.

"Really really," he cuddled her close to him. Anna seemed to know that he needed to have her near him and stayed still in his arms for as long as he kept his hand smoothing through her hair.

"I love you Mulder," Anna said quietly and close to his ear. As if she had directly injected him with her words, he instantly felt warm and fulfilled.

"I love you baby. I love you so much." With all of his willpower, he sent his message to his sister.


	31. Chapter 31

_**~February 26, 1994~**_

"Next goal I make, you have to take off an article of clothing," Scully smiled from across the air hockey table. At first, when Mulder started asking her to play, she was hesitant because she was certain that he was going to kill her in the game. However, once she did finally give in, she discovered she had a natural talent for it, and in two months, Mulder had yet to beat her.

"Scully if you want me naked, just say so," Mulder teased. She couldn't say definitively that that wasn't what she wanted. Their playful banter and competitiveness almost always led to sex. But she wanted to make things more interesting as well.

"I'll do it too," she offered, but Mulder just scoffed.

"I never score with you, so it doesn't matter," he said. When they both realized the unintentional double-meaning of his words, they broke into laughter. They were in the basement and Anna had long been asleep, so they were free to be as loud as they wanted.

God, she was beautiful when she laughed. All of the lines and worry marks the last four and a half years of residency had given her melted away, and Mulder had a glimpse of the carefree woman she must have been before her terrible experiences with Ethan and Daniel, and before Anna's birth. Of course he knew that she would never exchange Anna for all the serenity in the world, but that didn't mean having a child before she was ready hadn't put a lot of stress on her. Mulder shuddered to think of where they would both be if they had never happened into each other's lives, seemingly by chance.

"Kind of puts a new meaning to the term 'beating the pants off you,'" Scully told Mulder as he began to remove one of his socks shortly after the game had begun. When she scored another point, Mulder regretted agreeing to Scully's twisted version of the game. Air hockey was played until six points were scored, and he was only wearing five articles of clothing.

"Mercy, mercy," he pleaded when they got to four and he was left only in his boxer shorts. Scully wasn't exactly modest either. Mulder had scored three points on her, and she hadn't been wearing socks. She'd gotten to remove a necklace and a bracelet, though.

"Oh, come on. You agreed."

"Please, Scully, I'll do whatever you want."

She sported a wicked smile before wrapping her arms around his neck. Sizzling kisses were trailed down his neck and chest before he lifted her off the ground and sat her on the air hockey table. He didn't have to be good at air hockey to get her clothes off.

"Wait wait wait, it's not going to break is it?" Scully broke their embrace. Mulder was hungry for her, though.

"Are you kidding Scully? You weigh practically nothing."

"Hush. I just don't want to break this thing, I spent a lot of money on it."

"I promise I won't be too rough," he assuaged her, then continued his gentle ministrations by laying her down on her back. The air blowing on her skin felt exquisite, enhancing the experience for Scully. Admittedly, they hadn't been very creative in their sexual positions, both adults always keeping in the back of their mind that the only reason they had agreed to have sex with each other in the first place was to relieve tension. If they started getting adventurous, it might make things messy. Emotions might get involved, and the comfort of their bed provided a mask for them both to hide their true feelings. But as Mulder removed more of her remaining clothes and more skin became exposed to the cool tufts of air coming from the table, there was nothing anyone could have done to get Scully off of it. And watching her experience pleasure made Mulder crazy with lust.

It was almost an afterthought, but Mulder did have the presence of mind to search for the condom he had in the back pocket of his discarded jeans out and put it on. Scully moaned as he slipped inside her and filled her, making him forget a few days ago when he retrieved those very same jeans from the laundry room and realized that he'd left the condom in them. It had gone through the wash, and he chastised himself for not throwing it away. But Scully's nails digging in to his shoulders had the automatic reaction of making him move his hips faster, bringing them to their climax as quickly as he could.

He didn't hear the snap. He thought they'd escaped that. He didn't check when he pulled the object from himself, just tossing it into the garbage can near the bottom of the stairs. Scully was still breathing heavily on the table, and that was more important than failed contraceptives at the time.

"You have to try that sometime," she said, sitting up and wiping the sweat from her forehead.

"I'll make a note of that." Mulder initially thought that it would be impossible; with the height difference between them, they'd both have to be on the table, which would undoubtedly break it. But then he let his mind wander, and he almost grew hard again just thinking about having the same experience she had just had. But she was already putting her clothes back on, so he felt he should do the same.

The damaged condom seemingly hadn't posed a problem. Despite its defect, it looked like it had done its job. Until three weeks later.

That morning when he awoke, Scully wasn't wrapped in his arms anymore. This, in and of itself, was not unusual. Sometimes he really believed that she felt guilty during the night, after they had finished their activities, and snuck off to the spare bedroom to sleep, especially if she had been the one to want it. It happened almost every time they had sex, no matter who initiated it. Like she was embarrassed at needing that type of relief—about needing someone the way she needed Mulder. It was close to enough for him to call off their arrangement altogether, but every time he remembered her body sliding along his, or her voice as she came, he knew there was no way he'd be able to quit her. It was a rollercoaster she was taking him on.

This time, though, something was different. Instead of sunlight filtering softly though the window as he realized that she had once again left him in the night, the room was dark. He still had several hours before the alarm woke him and him alone up. Noticing that he had to pee, Mulder threw the tangled covers off of himself and ventured to the bathroom. The light was on, and when he opened the door, it was to an unexpected sight.

There she was, the woman he loved, the woman he'd devoted himself to for the past five years, retching with her head buried in the toilet. There he was, the man she'd never see as more than a dear friend and sexual partner, naked as the day he was born standing over her. Face red despite her condition, Mulder fumbled around in the closet for a towel. Then, he kneeled down to her side.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently, pulling her hair back for her. Until she found someone better, he'd be the person who held back her hair. If he had been any less of a man, Mulder would have wondered where he started out in this relationship, considering it had been all this time and he'd just graduated to his current position. Instead, though, he was worried for Scully, and rubbed her back gently with his other hand.

Coughing and gagging, he was still surprised when she shook her head. She must have been feeling pretty bad to even admit to him that she didn't feel good.

A few more minutes of heaving, and she slumped against the bathtub, a cold sweat running down her forehead. This worried him. As she struggled for breath, Mulder gathered his friend in his arms and sat her between his knees. He gripped her shoulders tightly, encouraging her to calm down.

"Shhh, shhh," Mulder cooed like he had to Anna many times after the more perilous falls from her bike. He breathed deeply in and out, massaging the shoulders he clutched to match. Eventually, her gasps became wheezes, and her wheezes became tiny pants. They sat there, on the bathroom floor, Mulder wrapped in a towel and Scully wrapped in his arms… just breathing.

"Better?" he asked once she had calmed down. Once she nodded, he helped her to stand up and then filled up a glass of water from the sink. It took her a few minutes to be able to look him in the eye, but when she did, she hated herself. He was the best guy in the world. He deserved so much more than damaged goods.

"I was just… I woke up feeling nauseous and was barely able to make it to the bathroom."

"How have you been feeling? Do you think you're sick?"

"I don't know. It's possible. I'm feeling fine now, though."

"Well, if you're not feeling better in the morning, will you please stay home?"

"Mulder, I'm sure I'll be—"

"Please, Scully?"

His voice, his expression… the very thought that someone was worried about her was enough to make Scully agree.

"Alright, I'll stay home if I continue to throw up."

"Thank you," he said, putting his arm around her. After she brushed her teeth, he slowly guided her back to bed. They had a few more hours before they had to be up.

He could tell she didn't want to be laying next to him. Turning on his opposite side, he tried desperately not to be hurt. But the chill of her actions had already spread to him, and while Mulder had been nothing but loving to her while she was sprawled out on the bathroom floor, misunderstanding led to frustration, which left him almost seething with anger if he really focused his thoughts on her.

He wasn't asleep when she leapt out of bed two hours later to the same porcelain fate, yet he wasn't about to let her suffer alone either.

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**dun dun duuuuuuuuun... the story is going to take a twist from here on out. let me know what you think!**


	32. Chapter 32

**a/n: I was going to hold off posting this chapter because I don't have one to follow it yet! but after all of the wonderful feedback I received yesterday in response to the last chapter, I just knew I couldn't leave you guys waiting too long. so this is my gift to you. thank you so much for sharing your reviews and thoughts. they mean so much to me.**_**  
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_**~Late March, 1994~**_

"So what are you gonna do?" Missy asked her sister from across the table. They were honoring their lunch date, but Scully wasn't in the mood to eat. She knew why, and that was why she ordered a salad and was practically forcing it down her throat. Her mother and sister had noticed, and that's when she'd spilled the beans.

What Mulder hadn't been privy to that morning when he'd found her on the bathroom floor, what she didn't even want to admit herself, was the fact that she'd been through that the previous two mornings. And she'd been through this six years prior. Dana Scully knew her body, and she knew, deep in her heart, why she had been sick for three mornings straight. And why she was having mood swings and weird cravings, and why she'd missed her period last month, even though she had tried to convince herself she was just late.

A baby. A baby with Mulder. She couldn't say that she'd never thought about it. That wasn't exactly the issue now, though. Thinking about this baby didn't create it, carelessness and impatience had. Just like last time. And just like last time, it was the wrong time.

"I don't know what to do," Scully confessed, though she was very hesitant to do so. Her mother and sister had been shocked enough to hear that she had been carrying on a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with Mulder for two and a half years, and that was just the beginning of the story. Maggie had been uncharacteristically silent during the narrative, seemingly making her opinion known. That, in and of itself, made Scully feel like the lowest piece of shit on the planet. God, what would her father think of her?

Tears were brimming her eyes, and when she lowered her head in shame, they fell. This wasn't a conversation for a public place, so Melissa insisted on taking her to her car while Maggie paid the check. Before she knew it, the three women were back at her mother's. Scully almost collapsed on the couch in the living room.

"Dana. Dana, you need to get up," Maggie's insisting voice could be heard. Her daughter believed that she was about to be berated by her own mother because of her mistake, but when she met Maggie's eyes, they were soft and understanding. Much different than they had been when she'd come home for Thanksgiving back in 1987 and told her she was expecting Anna.

"I'm sorry Mom. I'm so sorry, I know I've screwed up again," Scully couldn't help but be reduced to a childish state. Feeling that she had lost her mother's approval, she reached out for her to be comforted. She wished she was a little girl again and when she messed up her mother's embrace was enough to make everything better.

"Sweetheart, we don't know anything for sure yet. You could just be worried for nothing. In the event that it isn't nothing, though," Maggie took a deep breath, "I promise to support you through it all. Dana, this child is a blessing…"

"How could it be a blessing? I've got more than a year left in my residency, I have a five-year-old to take care of, Mulder's got a demanding job… I screwed up so much. Again. How could I be so stupid?" Scully asked herself, sobbing all the while. She had never ruled out having another child, but once she had finally gotten back on the path she was destined for after having Anna threw her off it, how could she allow herself to be derailed again? And how could she do this to Mulder, who already took care of a child of hers?

"This child _will_ be a blessing," her mother took Scully's head in her hands, using her thumbs to brush away the tears, "just as Anna is. Dana, you think you're taking this journey in a car that's packed full. It's not full. There's room for another car seat."

Dana shook her head. Her mom was only trying to make her feel better. She knew as well as anyone that she was taking this journey with her career, her daughter, and the rest of her life on a unicycle, juggling everything above her.

"Have you told Mulder yet?"

"No. What exactly am I supposed to tell him? 'Sorry, I know you've achieved the type of recognition and success you deserve at the FBI, but I'm pregnant and you have some priorities to settle'? I could never ask him to do that, Mom."

"You can ask him to do that. It's his baby too. He has a responsibility to you and to it, and I'm sure he'll be more than willing to take it on. I mean, look at what he took on with Anna…"

"But Anna's not… he doesn't have… he wasn't responsible for Anna."

"And he's devoted himself to her anyway. Dana, before you make any decisions, you need to tell Mulder about what's going on."

In a way, Scully knew her mother was right. And it was inevitable, really, what she was suggesting. There was no doubt in her mind that if she were pregnant, she would see the pregnancy through to the very end. Which meant that Mulder would eventually find out. And it didn't take a man as brilliant and well-educated as he was to put two and two together. But 30-year-old Dana wasn't in control of her emotions anymore. 23-year-old Dana was, the same 23-year-old who had told Ethan about their daughter and had received every type of rejection a person could receive. 23-year-old Dana had never met Mulder, and didn't trust any man never to put her in that type of situation again.

"I can't," she whispered softly into her mother's chest, "it'll ruin his life."

"I promise you, Dana, you'll only ruin his life by keeping this from him."

Her mind was too much in turmoil to think anymore. She couldn't feel anything but pain, and she couldn't picture anything but Mulder's disappointed face as she told him. Maggie gathered her closer and let her baby daughter sob as much as she needed to in the comfort of her arms.

She was sitting in the bathroom, like she had been when he left, when she heard Mulder and Anna come through the door. Had it really been that long? Had she really been staring at the six pink lines from the three positive pregnancy tests she took since she'd come home from her mother's?

"Sit down all the way Anna," he heard Mulder tell her, already knowing what she was going to have for a snack. Peanut butter and apples. Her five-year-old was going to run through the house after that, messy with peanut butter, just like she did every time Mulder fed her that.

She wished all she had to worry about was the peanut butter on Anna's fingers transferring to her walls. But there were more pressing issues now, like how she was going to explain herself now that she heard Mulder's footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Scully?" he wouldn't find her in the bedroom, so it was only a matter of seconds before he ventured into the bathroom. She could lock the door. But she'd been speechless since the first set of pink lines, and she didn't want her bathroom door kicked down. While she had been thinking of the splintering wood, the man she had dreaded seeing all day appeared in the bathroom doorway, concern written all over his face.

When he'd called her (three times) earlier, she'd said she was fine. He should have known better than to let her persuade him into thinking that.

"Hey," was simply all that came from his mouth. She was perched on the toilet, contemplating three objects sitting on the sink. Not regarding him with words, her eyes drifted to the edge of the tub, as if guiding him. When he sat down, she let out the breath she had been holding.

"We have to talk."

"I'll clean up the peanut butter Scully," he told her, not looking at the sink. Anywhere but the sink.

Scully looked up at him with serious eyes. She didn't even have to explain herself, only watching him slowly lift his gaze to the sink where her three positive pregnancy tests, her six pink lines, sat.

"How are you feeling?" was the first thing that came out of his mouth after several minutes.

"The morning sickness has gone away—"

"That's not what I meant."

His words struck her. Most couples would be jumping up and down by now, but not them.

"I feel like an idiot. Like I'm 24 again and I am pregnant during my last year of med school."

"You're not an idiot. You didn't do this alone."

"Yeah, but you're not the one who has to wear the evidence under her sweater for nine months."

"Scully, whatever you're thinking—"

"I don't know what I'm thinking."

"Then stop interrupting me."

Sparks of anger flared between them, almost like each of them was blaming the other for this occurrence.

"I know that you feel stupid. I know that you feel like you shouldn't have let this happen again. But I was there too, Scully, and I'm going to take care of this baby. I'm not going to do what Ethan did."

"Please, Mulder, please don't talk about Ethan. I just… can't think about that right now."

"Okay, I won't mention him again. But tell me what's going on. Tell me something, anything… my hands are shaking and I think my insides are going to explode," Mulder shook his head in disbelief and joy. Regardless of the circumstances, Scully was going to have his child. He and Scully made a baby together. No matter how he phrased it, he was excited. He pulled her limply off the toilet seat and wrapped his arms around her. She did not reciprocate.

"I don't even know anything myself, Mulder," she breathed.

"Scully," he said, cupping her face with his hands, looking deep into her eyes, "do you even want this baby?"

That stung. Mulder was the safest person, and she had always strived for safe. Even with the development of their exclusively sexual relationship on top of their friendship, she'd always felt more than comfortable with him, and what was more so, like he was the only man she could rely on. Scully's emotions were conflicting. She should have been happy that she and Mulder were going to experience this together. After all, he was the only person she would want to bring another child into the world with. But six years ago, just as she'd been about to embark on her career, she found out she was pregnant with Anna. It took a long time and a lot of hard work to get back on track, but she was in the home stretch of her residency and was ready to start working in the hospital through a pediatric neurology fellowship. Again, as soon as opportunities presented themselves to her, she got pregnant. Mulder's inquiry hurt her, but it was warranted.

"I can't be here right now, Mulder. I have to go," she told him, violently shaking herself out of his arms.

"Where?"

"My mom's. And I'm taking Anna."

"Scully," he breathed in, following her down the stairs.

"Scully, please don't take Anna with you. If you want to go, that's fine, but I'm worried and I really think Anna should stay with me."

They were stopped in the study, but they didn't notice a pair of five-year-old eyes peek at them from the other side of the dining room wall. A five-year-old pair of ears able to hear exactly what they were saying.

"That's not your call, though, is it?"

"Don't do this to me, not now."

"Get out of my way. I am taking my daughter to my mother's, and there's not a damn thing you can do about it."

"Is that really all I can't do a damn thing about?"

"Stop it!" Anna yelled from merely feet away. Realizing that her mother and Mulder were fighting, something she had almost never seen before, tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was covering her ears with her sticky, peanut butter hands. She had really startled them. Mulder made it a point to never argue with Scully in front of her daughter, so as not to make the little girl feel uncomfortable or like she had to choose a side, but that practice was all for naught now.

Scully was paralyzed by Anna's tears. There had been one time, many years ago, where she'd cried as they drove away from Mulder, and she never wanted to experience that again. She allowed Mulder to wrap his arms around her and lift her into his embrace.

"I'm sorry baby," he murmured, all traces of anger leaving his voice as he cuddled her close. Her daughter locked her arms around Mulder's neck so securely that Scully knew prying her away from him would be almost impossible.

"Don't fight anymore. No more," Anna cried pitifully into Mulder's shoulder.

"No more. We won't fight anymore."

He was expecting her to jump in at some point. Apologize to Anna like he was doing; promise that they would never fight again. Return to the world where everything was normal and they were a unit again. But Scully sat down in his chair, eyes hundreds of miles away staring at the rug.

"You still love each other, right?" Anna worried.

Looking over at his best friend, Mulder was absolutely sure of his answer. But he was not sure of Scully's answer, and it ripped his heart in two. There she sat, carrying his child, and she couldn't even say she loved him. Maybe he'd gotten it wrong. Maybe she didn't after all.

"I still love your mommy very much," he said painfully. Not only Mulder was waiting for Scully's response, but she just stood up and went over to the coat rack to grab her purse and keys.

"Make sure she gets to bed on time," was all she offered before slipping out the door.

He could have been frozen in place at her exit. He could have stood there in the living room, watching the door in utter disbelief. But the way her mother left had sparked a whole new round of tears from Anna, and Mulder busied himself in putting her back together. Again.

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**reviews are greatly appreciated, especially since the next chapter is still in the works!**


	33. Chapter 33

**a/n: this chapter was very hard to write. so I'm sorry if it shows. but it's official... I love your reviews. and I love writing Anna. I get my inspiration for her from my nieces and nephew, so really the credit belongs to them. a lot of you have commented about how adorable she is, so here's more of her. enjoy!**

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_**~April 12, 1994 (7 weeks)~**_

At 1:38 in the morning, Scully crept down the stairs quietly. Sadie had recently begun sleeping in Anna's room, so she had no fears of the excitable dog greeting her while waking the entire household up. And she was hungry, really hungry, for the first time in weeks. Clinically, she knew that her rising levels of estrogen and other hormones were causing negative reactions in her to foods and smells that she previously had no problems with. Eating had become like a chore. But that night she was truly hungry.

For pancakes.

She hadn't had to worry about disturbing Mulder by getting out of the bed. After a night of staying with her parents, she'd found that he moved back into his old room. Couldn't bear to sleep in the same bed as the biggest mistake of his life, she believed his actions spoke of. Living with him for the last four weeks had been taking Scully on a rollercoaster of silent emotions. One minute he would make her feel so loved and safe, the next he'd make her feel like the worst person in the world. Never because of anything he said, but because of his reactions to her. When the three of them would sit down before dinner and watch TV together, it would feel like old times. Mulder would casually put his arm around her shoulders on the sofa, carry on long and lengthy conversations with Anna…

Then they'd eat, and she'd be immediately nauseated by the food in front of her. These reminders that she was pregnant always sent him fuming. He'd do his best to ignore her—and Anna—at those times. And depending on the day they were having, it could take hours for him to get out of this mood. It hurt her so much to know he felt this way about their baby. There was nothing she could do about it, not to mention the evidence of their impending child would only become more prevalent as the months went on.

But she didn't want to think about Mulder. She got out a pan and the mix. After making the batter and putting it on the stove, she heard little feet coming up behind her. Followed by little paws. In the entryway to the kitchen stood a sleep-tousled Anna and her hyper, but otherwise obedient, dog.

"Hi sweetheart," Scully said, wondering if she were sleepwalking.

"What're you doing Mommy?" Anna asked. She was definitely awake.

"Just making some pancakes. I was hungry."

"You're silly Mommy," she chuckled, climbing up on a stool and putting her head on her folded arms.

"Do you want some?"

"Okay."

Soon, mother and daughter were sitting at their places at the counter, eating pancakes, at almost two in the morning.

"Mommy?" Anna asked after a few moments of silence. She was sleepy and trying to be serious and Scully realized during these times that she loved her daughter with an intensity that would cause most other people pain.

"Yes?"

"I want to know about my daddy."

Her daughter's words had the effect of stopping Scully's heart in her chest. Did she have an idea? No, her innocent expression told Scully that Anna had been wondering about this question for awhile. It eventually had to come up sooner or later, after all, Anna went to school now and realized that most children her age had a mommy _and_ a daddy. But Scully had never known exactly how she would approach the subject. It made her incredibly sad. The only reason her daughter even knew what a father was had to do with her going to school and being exposed to the real world, not from experience. And she couldn't imagine never knowing her wonderful little baby.

"Umm… uh, what do you want to know?" Scully sought for the words.

"Where is he?"

"Your d-daddy lives in California, baby. Remember how I told you that we used to live there?"

"Why does he not live here with us?"

"Because before I had you, when you were still living in my tummy, I decided that I didn't get along with your daddy anymore. So we live apart."

"Why didn't you get along?"

"We…" she took a deep breath, remembering how inquisitive Anna could be, "we fought a lot. We didn't love each other anymore."

She knew she'd gotten over the pain of what happened with Ethan a long time ago. It had just taken distance and with the chaos of her everyday life, there simply wasn't time to wallow in the past. But she had a daughter to remind her of her relationship, and he didn't. Now she knew why she carefully kept herself from thinking of him, even about aspects of Anna. It was horrible to know that her baby was brought into a world where not only did her father never take the time to meet her, but he absolutely refused to acknowledge her. She thought back to her relationship with her father as a child; how he taught her things, the games they played together, and how no matter what, at the end of the day he was always her hero.

What was it about being pregnant that made her such a crybaby? Her eyes filled with tears that night because of Ethan's selfishness and her daughter had to see them fall.

"It's okay Mommy, it's okay," Anna said, kneeling on her stool and tucking Scully's hair delicately behind her ears. Just like when she cried, Anna brushed away her mother's tears with her thumb. These actions only made Scully cry harder.

"It's okay Mommy. Don't cry. I still love you."

"And I love you baby. Don't ever think otherwise. No matter what, I am your mommy and I will always love you more than you could ever imagine," Scully sniffled, gathering Anna into her lap.

"We don't have to talk about my daddy. I just wanted to know."

"You can ask all the questions you want. Some of them are just going to be painful for me to answer."

"What's his name?"

"Ethan."

"That's all I wanted to know."

"Are you sure?"

Anna nodded, putting more pancakes in her mouth. Scully knew that it wasn't going to be the last conversation they had about Ethan, and the ones to come were probably going to be much more emotional for Anna, but at least for now, her daughter was resilient enough to go back to eating her pancakes.

"It's just you and me and Mulder. There's no room for a daddy," Anna told her sweetly.

Thinking of Mulder immediately put Scully in a better mood about the position her daughter was in. But not for long. Because in a few months, he was going to be a real daddy. And there were so many changes they were going to have to make.

And there were so many questions she was afraid to ask him.

"Yup. Mulder has taken care of us since you were a baby. We're lucky to have him."

"Yeah. And I'm lucky because a lot of kids in my class have daddies but nobody else has a _Mulder_!"

Chuckling, Scully kissed her daughter's forehead.

"I'm glad you see it that way."

And as is typical for a five-year-old, despite the revelations they had made during that early morning, despite the tears they had shed, she was able to move on quickly and ask,

"Wanna play Barbies Mommy?"

"Maybe later. Right now it would probably be a good idea for us to go back to bed."

"I'm not tired though."

"Well Sadie told me she is." The dog was laying next to their feet, helping to prove Scully's point. Anna climbed off the stool and sat down on the floor, looking the dog very deeply in the eyes. If she didn't know any better, Scully would say she was actually communicating with it. After a few seconds, Anna looked back up at her.

"Okay. But she says she wants to sleep in bed with me."

"No. Sadie's bed is on the floor."

"You know Mommy, one day Sadie's gonna eat your toys because you always tell her 'no.'"

"I'll take that into consideration," Scully said as she lifted her daughter up into her arms after an impressive yawn. When she lay her head down on her shoulder, she gripped the little girl tighter. She never wanted to let go.

She couldn't wait to be a mommy again.


	34. Chapter 34

_**~May 13, 1994 (11 weeks)~**_

"_Hi Dana, it's Dr. Marsak's office. We just wanted to let you know that we were able to schedule your appointment for the 20__th__ at 10 a.m. We'll do an ultrasound to determine your due date and check the heartbeat to make sure everything's going well. If you have any questions or conflicts, please don't hesitate to call us back."_

Mulder was in the kitchen making himself a peanut butter sandwich when he let the machine pick up the call. After being gone the past three days on a case in Indiana, the bureau had let him get an early start on his weekend, which is why he was at home instead of at work. It was strange to hear the woman on the other end of the line, Mulder had to admit to himself. Scully had probably told her more about her pregnancy than she had told him. She hadn't even notified him about the first doctor's appointment she had a few weeks ago, and had only mentioned her ObGyn in passing. Thinking about the baby growing inside of Scully made him angry, yet Mulder knew without a doubt that he loved it. He would have loved it even if it wasn't his, which both parties acknowledged there was no question about. But he felt so detached, so isolated, from his child that everything having to do with the pregnancy put him in a bad mood. As much as a normal couple's baby represented love and union, this baby was a big question mark at the end of every sentence.

He and Scully hadn't looked each other in the eye in weeks. Not only because he couldn't bear to see her skin glow or her breasts swell, but because his friend kept her head down most of the time now. Like she was ashamed. If there were anything at this point that could make Mulder feel sorry for Scully, it was her shame.

Would she have told him about this appointment? Would he have received this information even if his case in Indiana hadn't wrapped up earlier than expected? He was angry all over again. How could she think that he wouldn't want to be a part of this; be there for this child, love this child? How could she carry all of the responsibility on her shoulders when they shared everything, absolutely _everything_, else?

Then again, he didn't have to be a psychologist to know that she was reverting back to her first pregnancy. It had come to be almost in exactly the same way—an accident, during a particularly busy time in her career-focused life, out of wedlock, more questions than answers. He could fault her for treating him like Ethan, but he could not fault her for putting a wall between them in order to protect her child. In so many instances since she'd had Anna, a baby had been a deal-breaker.

She needed to know that wasn't going to be the case for him. Mulder grabbed the nearest piece of paper and jotted down the appointment date and time. Then he went to search for Dr. Marsak in the phonebook. He was going to make it to that ultrasound. He was going to break down the wall.

He'd never been in an ObGyn's office before. It wasn't like any doctor's office he had ever been in before. It was carpeted and comforting… the walls were freaking purple. But he didn't have a lot of time to take in the scenery, Scully's appointment had been 20 minutes ago and he was just making it there. There was one receptionist at the desk and she was on the phone. Not caring about manners, Mulder tried to make himself look as urgent as possible as he approached her.

"Can I help you?" the young woman asked, putting her hand over the receiver.

"I need to know which room Dana Scully is in. She has an appointment today."

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't just let—"

"Please… Tasha… you have to let me in. It's the first ultrasound and I'm the father; she's going to kill me if I'm not there for this," he pretended. The woman made a quick goodbye one the phone, but then was happy to show Mulder to room 5. He smiled smugly to himself as he walked behind her.

"The first ultrasound is always the most special. She'll be happy to see that you made it."

_Or she'll rip my balls off and completely cut me out of my kid's life forever for intruding on her, _Mulder thought, but shook the negativity from his mind. The door opened to reveal Scully reclined in an examination chair while a tech moved some instrument around her stomach and a doctor looked at a grainy black and white image lit up on a tiny screen . Mulder thought he could hear a dog panting, but all other stimuli took a back seat to the look on Scully's face when she realized who was in the doorway. Slowly, he walked in and took a seat in a plastic chair not far from where she lay.

"Oh, are you the father?" the doctor asked.

A deep breath and then Mulder answered, "Yes."

"Great, you're just in time to see the baby. It's a little hard to make out, but… yes, I think we've got it. Take a look Dana."

Scully's attention turned to the small TV-like device that was placed near her side. Some lines and shapes were distinguishable on the screen, but Mulder didn't know at all what he was looking for.

"What am I supposed to be seeing here?" Mulder asked, moving his chair closer to Scully to be able to see the monitor better. Dr. Marsak must have known Scully had medical training because she stood back to let her explain.

"Umm, there's the outline of the uterus. That darker gray line in the middle is the baby's spine. There's its head," she explained to him, pointing to a bulging gray area on the end of what looked like an apostrophe, "and its eye," she pointed to a small black circle near the edge of the bulge. Slowly but surely, Mulder was able to distinguish the outline of his child, though it looked nothing like a fetus yet. It reminded him more of a shrimp. His little baby shrimp. Tears began to fill his eyes.

"That's our baby Scully," he whispered, emotion evident in his voice. Not caring who saw him, Mulder cried openly while looking at his child on the screen for the first time.

"Yeah," Scully said, now looking at Mulder with a wide grin on her face. It was the happiest she'd felt in weeks. At that moment she knew that no matter where they were in their lives, they were in this together.

"And its heartbeat is strong," the doctor felt it important to add.

"That's the heartbeat?" Mulder referred again to the panting sound.

"Uh huh," Scully nodded, not very able to form complex words at the moment. Images of her, Mulder, Anna, and a little brown-haired baby posing for photographs were flooding her mind.

"Dana, I'm gonna print this out now. I'm estimating you due date to be around November 28, seeing as you're about twelve weeks along. We'll see you back in four weeks to do a regular checkup as well as a sonogram. We might even be able to tell the sex if the baby's sitting correctly. Congratulations to the two of you," the doctor said, shutting off the equipment and bringing the soon-to-be parents back to the real world. It was then that Scully noticed Mulder's sweaty hand very tightly clutching hers. When Dr. Marsak handed her the ultrasound photos, she immediately gave one to him, delighting once more as he studied it.

Their hands did not separate as they left the room, or as they made the follow-up appointment, or as they left the building. When they noticed they had to part ways to make it to their separate cars, Scully turned in toward her best friend. Her partner for life.

"I have to go back to work," was all she simply stated.

"Me too."

"Umm, I uh… I was thinking about telling Anna soon. I'm almost in my second trimester and the risk of miscarriage has gone down greatly since the early weeks."

"Sounds good to me. Whenever you want to tell her."

"Alright then," Scully almost whispered. So much was being spoken between the two at that moment, sentiments that didn't need words. The way he held her hand in his own showed her that he was going to be there for her forever, the proximity of his body to hers said that he wasn't going to let anything harm her or what they had built together, the way he looked at her told her how much he cared about her, and his posture made her know that things were going to be different.

And the kiss on her cheek told her he'd see her later. Back in their home. Back in their bed. Back to their safety net.

At that moment, he didn't care if he never saw her naked again. Every piece of his heart belonged to her.

"Bye," she said softly; regretfully.

"Bye," he said, starting a brand new chapter in their book.

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**this chapter, like others, is dedicated to my nieces, two of whom are currently splayed out on my bed after a rigorous game of beauty school. I'd like to say that I alone write Anna, but I can't. they are Anna, through and through. without them, there would be no Anna. they are 7, 3, and 2 and are my little ducklings. I love them more than I could ever tell them.  
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**oh, and shout out to Ava, who turns 8 soon and would absolutely love her fifteen minutes of fame! auntie loves you!  
**

**sorry for the smush. please review!  
**


	35. Chapter 35

_**~June 28, 1994 (17 weeks)~**_

A pleasing and light-hearted piano number greeted them as they walked into the lounge at Hugo's, one of the more upscale restaurants in the DC area. Scully was wearing flowing navy blue dress with a white shawl, Mulder a dark grey suit, and Anna a yellow chino shirtdress, suggesting that this was more than just another trip out to eat. As they gave their reservations and were seated, Anna looked around the establishment in wonder. The hanging plants, the fish tanks… she definitely wasn't used to eating out at fancy restaurants. But it was a special occasion. Mulder and Scully had both agreed that this would be a good way to tell Anna about her mother's pregnancy. As soon as they were seated, a waiter came up to the not-family and took their drink orders.

"Root beer," Anna said confidently.

"You really want root beer?" Scully asked. She didn't think Anna had ever even wanted to try root beer before.

"Yeah. Mulder drinks it all the time. I want to know what it tastes like."

"We'll have a root beer and a lemonade," Scully told the waiter, knowing how picky her daughter could be, but otherwise pleased that she was willing to try something new. Now if only she could get Mulder to eat broccoli, maybe Anna would want to try that too. "And I'll have an iced tea."

"I'll have a glass of the house red," Mulder began, but then Scully shot him a look. It was an unspoken agreement between them that whatever she would have to give up during the pregnancy, he would give up as well. He'd already switched from coffee to tea and had lain off the soda quite a bit. Sometimes it was hard to remember that he had limitations as well, though, particularly because he didn't have to deal with the physical evidence of their child like she did.

"Actually, make that two root beers," he switched his order, and the waiter scurried away to let them decide on appetizers.

"What do you think you'll be getting?" Scully asked her daughter. She frequently had to help her order. If they left it up to her, Anna would ask for a hot dog at every restaurant they visited.

"I don't know. I can't read what it says under 'kids.'" Recently, Anna had begun learning to read, and her determination and commitment to acquiring the skill were things that made Scully and Mulder very proud. They had always tried to make books an integral part of the child's life, and it showed every time they lay down for a bedtime story and she wanted to help them read the words that she already recognized. Or when they were driving along and she read signs to them. Or when they were in the grocery store and she could read the labels on the items they picked up.

"Try and sound some of the words out," Mulder suggested.

They tried that method of deciphering the words until the waiter came back. Mulder ordered himself and Scully salads and breadsticks for Anna, who was still deciding on the main course. Finally, she settled on a child-sized personal cheese pizza, while Scully ordered salmon and Mulder the New York strip. Before they knew it, the event both adults had been anticipating all night rapidly approached. Dessert is when they planned to tell Anna, hoping that the treat would help her attitude toward the situation. The brownie à la mode had been on the table no more than 60 seconds before Scully blurted out what she had been holding in for almost four months.

"Anna, Mulder and I have something very important to tell you," Mulder looked up abruptly from his flan. He thought they were at least going to let the kid take a bite of her dessert before dropping the bombshell on her.

"Yes Mommy?" Anna answered. No matter how much she was like Melissa, she was always very attentive when it came to important things. She loved to be in the know.

"You may have noticed that I've been a little sick for the past few weeks and that I haven't been able to take you to school some mornings."

Anna nodded.

"That's because, sweetie… I'm pregnant. Mommy's going to have a baby."

The little girl's expression revealed nothing, and Mulder wondered if she had even understood what her mother had said. He noticed Scully's choice of words—'Mommy's going to have a baby,' not , 'Mulder and Mommy are going to have a baby.' But he decided to ignore this for as long as he could. The two were still working on trust issues, but there was no doubt in Mulder's mind that Scully wanted him to be a proper father to their child. Now the question was, how would Anna take it?

She was still for a few moments before thoughtfully putting down her fork and looking her mother squarely in the eye. It was as if Mulder didn't even exist.

"Is my daddy the baby's daddy?"

Of all the questions Scully expected her daughter to ask, that was not one of them. It took her back a few steps.

"Um, no honey… Mulder is the baby's daddy."

"No!" the child suddenly exclaimed, shocking them both and probably some of the other patrons of the restaurant who were just trying to enjoy their meals.

"Excuse me?" Scully asked, sensing a tantrum coming on.

"I don't want a baby! I'm the baby!" she scowled.

"Anna, you are not a baby. You are a big girl and you are about to be a big sister."

"NO! I don't wanna be a big sister! I don't wanna baby!" tears were beginning to form, Scully could see them, and she made a quick move to get her daughter out of the restaurant before she really caused a scene. Setting her firmly on the ground, they made their way out to the car.

Mulder was left alone at the table to pay the bill. He put his hand over his face in anguish. Honestly, he'd thought that Anna would take the news well. She was always toting several baby dolls around the house, pretending to mother them and frequently encouraging Mulder to do the same thing. The one worry he'd had about the night was that she would become too excited and not be able to wait several months for the baby to arrive. Then again, he couldn't blame her for the way she'd responded either. Thanks to his eidetic memory, he could remember back to his childhood, back to the night his parents had told him to expect a little sister soon. In fact, they'd done it in a surprisingly similar way, taking him out for a special dinner, spilling the beans around dessert. His four-year-old self hadn't been too happy either. The thought of having to share his parents with some stupid baby made him angry.

It would be hard for Anna for the next few months to deal with the fact that she wasn't going to be the only child around the house anymore. But having participated in this scenario before, Mulder felt he knew what he had to do. Before he paid the bill, he got a box for Anna's untouched dessert.

"Hey pumpkin, you awake?" Mulder stole into Anna's room later that night. She'd cried herself to sleep after they got home, not wanting to talk to anyone. But she'd had a little more time to process the information and Mulder did happen to have her heated up brownie in his hand.

"Yeah," her tiny voice came from the darkness. Instead of turning on the overhead light, he turned on the lamp beside her bed. What he found was a red-faced and emotionally exhausted six-year-old girl sitting in the middle of her unmade bed with her wrinkled cupcake pajamas twisted around her, the doll she always slept with in hand, as if she had been listening to all of her problems. Her hiccups told him that she was ready for what he had to say.

"Hi darling," Mulder started, running his hand along her cheek. When he sat down beside her, it took no time at all for her to climb into his lap. God, she was still so little.

"I'm sorry for ruining dinner," she told him. Her apology broke his heart.

"You didn't ruin dinner. You didn't ruin anything. But we do need to talk about the baby."

"I don't wanna."

"It will help you feel better. And Mommy and I need to know how you really feel so we can try to help you. You know, it's not bad for you to feel this way. It's normal, actually."

"I just want it to be you, me, and Mommy. Like its always been."

"Yeah, I know it's hard to change. But I'm very happy and Mom's very happy… we're excited for the baby to come and we want you to be excited too."

"I'm not excited. I don't want you and Mommy to forget me."

In one fluid motion, Mulder scooped Anna up in his arms and popped off the bed, holding her close and swaying back and forth. She was slung over his shoulder, and he kissed the side of her cheek and rubbed her back. If only someone had showed him how much they loved him when he was a child… a lot of things about his life would be different. And yes, she was only six, but as long as she could have those thoughts, she was susceptible to their consequences.

"Anna, that will never EVER be the case. We love you too much. There is nothing you could ever do that would change that."

Maybe she was too young to understand what he was about to say next, but Mulder had never thought Anna was too young to know the truth.

"You know, sweetie, when I was little I had a sister."

Anna's eyes got wide. Mulder was almost one half of her life, and she thought she knew everything about him. But he had never mentioned a sister before.

"You did?"

"Yes. Her name was Samantha. I loved her a lot. She got on my nerves sometimes, but she was my little sister and it was my job to protect her. But one night… she wasn't much older than you are now… we got in a fight. And she went missing," he took a deep breath, determined not to cry, "To this day, I search for her. Because I love her. Because I'm her big brother. Because she's my sister and I'll never have another."

In his arms, Anna was looking down.

"I don't want to make you sad, I just want you to know how lucky you are that you get to be a big sister."

After a moment, Anna decided to make herself heard.

"I still just want things to stay the same."

"That's understandable. You don't have to be happy right now if really don't feel happy. But in a few months, when you go to the hospital and you look down at your little brother or sister for the first time, I have a feeling that things will change. And you'll come to love the baby just as much as Mommy and I already do."

"You still love me, right?" Anna was still worried about that prospect.

"Of course. Just because I love the baby doesn't mean I don't love you anymore."

"But you're the baby's daddy. And you're not my daddy," Anna said sadly. Which earned her another round of kisses from Mulder, who was trying to hold back his emotions.

"It's the same love, honey. I love you two the same."

"Promise?" she asked as he lay her on the bed, holding out her pinky for him to link with his.

"Promise," he squeezed her little finger, finally earning a smile from her. He knew his job wasn't complete until she smiled.

"So, do you know any little girls who would like to help me eat this brownie?"

"Me!"

"Oh no, you don't like brownies."

"I do! That's my brownie from the restaurant!"

"What? No, you're silly."

"Mulderrrr…"

"I guess I could share this brownie with you. I do have two forks."

Anna sat upright immediately as he began opening the Styrofoam box.

"We're gonna eat it in here?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, but you can't make a mess. And you can't tell Mommy."

"I don't know…"

"Mmm, this brownie is so yummy."

A half hour later, after the brownie had been eaten and Anna had slipped peacefully into dreamland, Mulder quietly exited her room. He thought he'd left Scully to sleep before he went to talk to Anna. Instead, he found her sitting in the hallway outside the door, very much awake and very much aware of the fact that he had an empty brownie box in his hands. All he could offer her was a guilty grimace. Much to his surprise, her response was an eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Worried about her going to bed hungry?"

"I think we reached an understanding. I think the brownie helped."

"Is she really okay? Is she really okay with this?" Scully worried as she stood up, wondering how much longer she would be able to do that for. After all, she'd gained close to 40 lbs. while pregnant with Anna.

Mulder opened up his arms to his friend, who surprisingly went into them willingly and set her head on his chest. He knew she hadn't exactly handled the situation in the way she'd wanted to.

"I think that just like with everything else, she'll surprise us."

"I don't want this to be a surprise. There have been so many surprises lately. For once, I just want something concrete."

Her emotions were displaying themselves in a rare fashion that night, and Mulder knew they weren't all due to Anna. Something else was bubbling underneath the surface, threatening to erupt.

"Scully, are you okay?" Mulder asked her, cupping her chin in his hands.

"I'm fine," she lied to him.

"Don't give me that."

"Mulder… I just… I'm scared. And I've done this before and I know I'm not alone, but I'm still scared. I still have so much left to accomplish and it was hard enough with one child…"

"Have you thought about what you're going to do once the baby's here?" This was a conversation Mulder had never felt comfortable having with her. He didn't want her to feel that he was trying to decide what she should do with her life.

"No. I haven't even told the people at the hospital yet. I don't want to admit that I can't do it," she said, burying herself in his arms once more. With her body against his, Mulder could begin to feel the bump that was his child between them. It was slight, but it was there.

"Scully, there is nothing I don't believe you can do. Look, you don't have to give up your dreams. I'm going to be there for you. Nothing's going to change. If you need me to stay home with the baby, I will. Remember, things are different this time."

He reminded her of that fact frequently.

"There are a lot of decisions that we're going to have to make. And I don't know if I'm ready for them."

"We'll be ready."

And she had to believe him.

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**thanks so much to EmilyKateScully, who really pushed me to finish the next chapter, meaning this one could go up. your recent review was beyond amazing, and very much appreciated.  
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	36. Chapter 36

**thank you so much for the kind reviews. they are what speed this story along. I just love reading them, they are always so encouraging. thank you all again!**

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_**~August 4, 1994 (22 weeks)~**_

"Mommy, it's all fuzzy. Are you sure there's a baby in there?" Anna asked in disbelief. Her day at school had ended not long ago, and she and Scully were sitting at the kitchen counter looking over the ultrasound Scully had received that afternoon. She didn't understand what her mother was chuckling about. She didn't know Mulder said the exact same thing every time she went for an ultrasound.

"Yes, see that curved line right there? That's the head. That little bump is the nose."

"Is that other line its belly?"

"Very good honey."

"It's got a big belly."

"The baby's a little funny-looking now, but once it gets older, it'll look more like a normal baby."

"Mommy, is this baby a boy or a girl baby?" Anna wanted to know. It wasn't the first time she'd asked that question. At first, Scully didn't want to know the sex of her baby. She was happy with whatever it happened to be, as long as it was healthy. But try as she might, as the ultrasounds went on, she could not help herself from distinguishing the sex organs. Though she'd had an idea, Dr. Marsak had confirmed today that the baby was indeed a little girl.

"Well… I was going to wait until Mulder got home to tell you…"

"Mommy, you know I can handle it," Anna said, trying to sound grown-up. That earned another laugh from her mother and a wet kiss on the forehead.

"I think you can too. Alright honey… Mommy's having a baby girl."

Anna's face lit up right away. It had been no secret that a girl was what she had been rooting for. She was the typical little girl, and she had expressed the need for someone to play dolls and dress up with her on a regular basis since she found out her mom could be carrying either. If Scully didn't know better, she would say that Anna's willpower alone had been responsible for determining the sex of the baby. She hoped she wouldn't get too upset when she realized it would be awhile before the baby was able to play dress up or dolls.

"YAY!" she jumped off the stool and started running around. This earned a rouse out of Sadie, who began chasing her and yelping. Scully was so relieved to see that her oldest child had warmed up to the idea of having a little brother or sister. It was Mulder's brilliance that finally had her coming around, though. He'd suggested that she be the one to break the news to her extended family (who had already been told, so it wasn't a surprise), her ballet teacher, and her friends. Hearing how excited everyone would get once she gave them the news had the effect of making Anna excited as well. Now, more than a month after they had first told her, the little girl was very okay with the new addition to their family.

But Scully was secretly relieved that it turned out to be a girl she was carrying.

"Sadie, Mommy's having a girl baby! No smelly boys!" the little girl hugged her dog around the neck. Scully was having such fun watching her daughter's excitement that she didn't notice Mulder walk in the room.

"Hey, I'm a smelly boy," he said, shocking the two women. He always picked the absolute best days to come home early. The cat was out of the bag, and as Anna hurled herself toward him, Scully could see his smile getting wider.

"No you're not. You're Mulder."

"Oh, I see."

"Did Mommy tell you that she's going to have a girl?"

"No, but I see she told you."

"I'm happy."

"That's so great. I'm happy too," he said, looking directly at Scully. Maybe it was her pregnancy in general, but she seemed to be glowing. She was so beautiful and undoubtedly the best mother in the world.

"I can feel you thinking," Mulder finally said at 12:24 that night after laying next to her for quite some time as she pretended to sleep. What she didn't know was that if she couldn't sleep, he couldn't sleep. Just another one of those weird bonds they shared.

"I'm sorry. Just going over baby names with myself."

"I see. Now that we know we can stop considering those smelly boy names."

Scully chuckled slightly as she rolled over to face him. Mulder took this as a perfect opportunity to place his hand on her round baby belly. Earlier that week, he'd been able to feel the baby move for the first time. It felt like a little fish was swimming around inside of his best friend. Ever since, he'd been looking for excuses to touch Scully and to feel that again. Now he knew it was his little girl in there, he was more eager to feel her again.

"She's asleep. You know, that's how it works. Whenever I'm trying to sleep, she's up and moving. Whenever she's trying to sleep, I can't," Scully explained. Mulder did not remove his hand from her stomach, though.

"So what have you been thinking so far? I don't want this little one to think her name is 'her' or 'she' or any other pronoun."

"Well I'm having real trouble. Everything I'm coming up with just doesn't feel right. I have a few that I like, but I don't feel passionately about them."

"How did you pick out Anna's name?" Mulder wanted to know.

"It's different with your first baby, Mulder. All my dolls were named Anna growing up; I always knew if I had a daughter, her name would be Anna."

Mulder was a bit surprised. Both Scully and the rest of her family had gone on and on to him about how much of a tomboy young Dana had been. And here she was, telling him she had known what she would name her daughter since she could name her dolls. It baffled him.

"Just tell me what you have so far."

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"Scully, in case you haven't noticed, I haven't ever thought about what I would name a child of mine at all. So you're already a few steps ahead of me," he told her, but her skeptical gaze remained. "Alright, I promise."

"Okay, well there's Sarah. But I have a cousin named Sarah and she's… 'not a good Christian woman,' as Mom would say."

"Then Sarah's out."

"And Jennifer. I don't think 'Jennifer Mulder' sounds very good, though."

She must have noticed the change in his breathing when she implied that her baby would have his last name. They'd never talked about it before, and Mulder wasn't expecting her to tell him in this way.

"Then there's Chelsea, Olivia, and Ashley, but none of those sound right either," she closed her eyes painfully, "I was thinking maybe… Samantha?" she asked it as a tiny question. In reality, it was huge.

"I appreciate it, Scully, but I don't think I want our daughter to be named Samantha," Mulder told her regretfully, "I just never want to feel that way about my own child. And I don't want to give up hope for my sister either."

Scully understood perfectly well why Mulder didn't want their child to be named after the sister that was abducted from his care more than 20 years ago now. But she had to ask. Because she knew it would mean something to him.

"I'm all out of names then."

Mulder took time to consider each of the names she had chosen very carefully. He knew that for every name she said, there were probably several more that she didn't say. There was one similarity amongst all of them, though, and that was the fact that they were all clean-cut, apple pie and Chevrolet American names. He expected nothing less from Scully. Her mother and father had done the same thing; she had grown up in a very normal household. And despite their very… original… household, she wanted to recreated that same atmosphere within her own family. And there was nothing wrong with that.

The way she wanted to pay tribute to Samantha was still touching his heart. If there was one thing in the world he wanted to give her, it was the satisfaction of knowing she had merged what he desperately missed as a child and the life they shared together now. That she provided everything he needed; that there were many ways she could make him happy. His over-active mind began to think of ways to honor Samantha in a different way, and Scully's dolls reminded him of something. He remembered that Sam owned two dolls in her short life. Clara was the doll she'd received from their neighbor at the time of her birth. Clara's life had met a tragic end when she was thrown in the muddy creek running through the edge of their backyard, courtesy of Mulder himself. Five-year-old Samantha had cried for days, leaving her older brother feeling so guilty that he used all of his saved allowance to buy her another doll. Emily. Emily was still sitting on the bed in Samantha's old room in Chilmark, in a house that nobody had bothered to pretend to be happy in since she was gone. His estranged father lived there now, mostly in his downstairs office with a bottle of scotch he remembered from his last visit nearly 10 years ago. He knew without a doubt that Emily was still up in Sam's room, waiting for her to come back.

"What about Emily?" he asked with a wavering voice. Scully looked down at his hands, still resting on her stomach, contemplating.

"I like it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I do. I like it a lot."

"Do you hear that sweetheart?" Mulder asked, talking to the baby, "Daddy did something right for a change."

"Oh stop," Scully ruffled his hair. They argued like a married couple, people had told them on various occasions.

"So, can I start calling her Emily?"

"Not yet. We have to think of a middle name."

"Are you serious?"

"I am. Now start thinking, name genius."

"I don't know, just make it 'Marie' like every other woman on this Earth's."

"My middle name isn't Marie. In fact, I was thinking, actually, Anna's middle name is 'Margaret' after my mother—"

"No," Mulder stopped her before she could continue.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Yes I do. And we are not naming her after my mother. We are not."

"I was thinking that it would help her to accept her once she's born. I mean, this will be her only grandchild."

"Absolutely not. I don't need to make accommodations for my mother to 'warm up' to my child. If she doesn't want to be in her life, that's her decision."

"But doesn't it make you sad that your daughter will only have one set of grandparents?"

"Not in the least. In fact, I'd rather she only know your mom and dad. That way, she won't be so heartbroken when she realizes what mine are like."

"My mom and dad aren't going to be around forever, Mulder."

"Why are you so concerned about this, Scully? I mean, have you forgotten the one and only time you met my mother? She accused you of being a freeloader."

"That was a long time ago, Mulder. And I'll tell you something else—my dad's parents did not approve of his marriage to my mother. Her family didn't have as much money as his… whatever. But he married her anyway. And they didn't speak until I was 13-years-old. Then a few years later they both died. I just remember being a little girl wondering why my grandparents didn't like me. I thought it was my fault. I know that I let Anna down in that respect, but I really want this baby to experience what I didn't get to," Scully narrated. Mulder was hesitant to point out that sometimes no relationship with grandparents was better than a toxic relationship. His father's father had been dead long before Mulder was born, but his wife was a mean and bitter old woman. Her only concern had been for her money. She often looked upon Mulder and his sister with disgust—they were just the greedy children who would inherit her money after she died. Mulder had always felt hated when he was around her. He had no doubt that she had hated him.

But one look into Scully's eyes and he could not tell her his experiences. He could not let her down, not with this, something that she felt so strongly about, even after making a decision that would counteract her plans with her first daughter. He knew that soon, he'd have three sets of Scully eyes looking up at him expectantly, and he wondered how thin he could stretch himself. There was no way he was going to be able to deny them anything.

"Scully," he sighed, "I'll try. I'm not promising anything, but I will try to reconcile with at least my mother."

"I will be there to help you."

"Just… please, don't give her my mother's name. I don't want her to be connected in that way if it doesn't work out."

"Alright. Emily Teena doesn't go together anyway."

"What about something that sounds similar?"

"Like…"

"Christina."

"It still doesn't fit."

"Christine, then."

Scully was silent for a moment, and he knew she was testing the name on her tongue. Emily Christine Mulder. Oh God. It was beautiful.

"That's a far cry from Teena," she finally told him.

"But," Mulder insisted. He knew how much he liked the name.

"The names go well together. Actually, it feels right. Like it's been her name all along and now she's just finding a way to tell us."

"Spooky."

"I can't believe I'm saying this, Mulder, but I think you just named our child."

Mulder's entire face lit up when she said that, and he enveloped her into a giant hug. A few kisses were even planted here and there, and it had been a long time since they had done anything but sleep next to each other in that bed.

"Well, you got to name the dog," he pointed out. Scully laughed a small laugh, but now that she was finally content about their daughter's name, she was finding it hard to keep her eyes open. They fluttered; Mulder could feel her eyelashes on his bare chest.

Within minutes, as both were drifting off to sleep, Emily Christine Mulder was beginning to wake up in her mother's womb.


	37. Chapter 37

**a/n: this was a very unique chapter for me to write. I would love your feedback on it, especially since I am unsure of what to do next.**_**  
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_**~August 28, 1994 (26 weeks)~**_

Mulder's carryon bag was packed with crayons and small books that Anna had thought he might like to bring with him to Connecticut. He had searched and searched for the bag all morning before she proudly presented it to him, grinning from ear to ear. It was just the memory he needed to hold on to while he was traveling to his mother's house in Greenwich. It was just the memory he needed to get him through the long process of trying to mend a relationship that he didn't think had ever been healthy in the first place.

As soon as Scully had mentioned him reconciling with his mother, he knew she meant it. She rarely said things she didn't mean. It was a noble cause, he had to admit, and her intentions were good. But it was Mulder's opinion that Scully was severely overestimating his mother. After all, she didn't know her like he did. He was kind of looking forward to getting there, telling her the news, disappointing her, and then being able to go home and tell Scully that he did all he could, but she was a lost cause. It was time now, as he was starting his own family, to figure out what to do about the rest of it. If you could even call them family.

The house looked just as he remembered it. Cold. Lonely. The same as it did when he'd seen it last and the same as it did when he lived in it 15 years ago. He'd moved to England not only to attend Oxford, but to escape that house. And the woman in it.

She made her way to the door slowly after he rang the bell. She must have seen him. Or she was getting older than he realized.

"Fox?" she asked once she opened it for him. He couldn't blame her for being surprised. After their last conversation, she probably thought that it would be more likely for Samantha to come knocking on her door than her son.

"Hi Mom," he tried to be friendly. Then they just stood there for a moment, taking each other in. Recognizing how long it had been.

"Well come on and give your mother a hug," Teena finally said, enveloping her son in what he truly believed was a well-intended embrace. Seeing each other after all these years finally made it register within the two of them just how long it had been. And, for Teena, how much she had missed.

"Uh, how are you Mom?" Mulder made pleasantries once he was invited inside. He followed his mother to the kitchen, which had been redone recently, as she fiddled with putting coffee on.

"I've been well, Fox, thank you," was all she offered, though she knew he wanted more. Why come all this way just for that and a cup of black coffee? He could have struck up conversation with any old woman back in DC and gotten that, possibly more. "How have you been?"

"Good. Good. Can't complain."

"I'm glad to hear that." As the coffee brewed, he looked around. Besides the obvious remodeling of the kitchen, nothing was much different than he remembered, just like the outside of the house. It was interesting to find, though, that Teena Mulder still sported pictures of her family on the walls of her home. When her friends came over for bridge, did she speak of them like she would a normal family? That's Bill, he died a few years back… Samantha and the twins are doing well… Fox really loves his job…

Had she learned to live with the truth instead of always escaping reality with alcohol and sleeping pills like she had when he was growing up?

"Alright Fox," Teena said abruptly, finally sitting down with two cups of black coffee. If her son wanted cream or sugar, he was more than happy to help himself. She hoped he knew that. "Tell me what it is you came all the way up here for." They had missed so much of each others' lives that there was no time left to beat around the bush.

"Umm… well Mom… do you remember Dana Scully?" he felt was the best way to start the conversation.

"Yes," she offered, and only that. She remembered quite well the last time she had spoken with her son. Dana Scully was the woman they had disagreed over. Frankly, she was shocked that, all these years later, the woman was still in his life. Or at least, that's how he made it seem.

"She and I, uh… she and I are expecting a child soon. A baby girl. In November."

He'd never shocked his mother speechless before, she was quite capable of speechlessness with enough bourbon.

"So you've married her?" Teena asked.

"No Mom, we're not married."

"Engaged?"

"Would you stop?" Mulder pounded the table, feeling hopeless. He hadn't come here to be judged by his hypocritical mother. He hadn't come here of his own volition at all.

"Stop what, Fox? You want me to just sit idly by while you get taken advantage of by this woman?"

"You need to stop referring to her like that. You know nothing about her at all. She's smart and independent and strong… the last thing she would ever want to do is take advantage of me."

"Then how'd she get pregnant?"

"What does it matter? The only thing that matters is that in less than four months, I'm going to have a daughter. And you're going to have grandchild. And I came up here today to ask you what you want to do about that. We can't go on pretending the other doesn't exist forever."

Teena knew her son was right. But after the mistakes she made, after the way she was played, maybe the most motherly instinct she had in her was to make sure that that didn't happen to her son.

"Fox, what you want me to be to your daughter is up to you," she said quietly.

"Maybe it would be if I had any idea of what you are to me."

Her eyes conveyed the hurt she was feeling. She was his mother. She hadn't always made the best choices, but she had always wanted to be his mother.

"This shouldn't be so hard," he told her after a few moments of silence.

"You're right."

"I've done all I can do here—"

"What do you want me to say, Fox? You are my son. You are my son, and I've never forgotten that. I know that I've made some terrible decisions, and I've done a lot to hurt you. I won't ever be able to live that down. And that's just it. I don't know what to do or say to make you forgive me, because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Maybe that's why I don't approve of your relationship with Dana… I'm looking for ways to push you away. To protect you." Teena was crying now, but her son had been frozen by her words. He had expected to dance around their true feelings and about the past for awhile, until she finally had enough and shut down. But all of her sentiments had come out at once, flooding him. It was exactly what he had wanted her to say since he was 12-years-old.

"Nothing Mom," he moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing the back of her neck as she cried into his shoulder, "you don't have to say anything. You've said it all."

"No," she sniffled, "no, Fox, I haven't. I need to tell you how sorry I am. I need to at least say the words."

"I'm sorry too," Mulder said because he meant it.

They had quite a long talk after that revelation, sorting through events and emotions that had lay dormant for 20 years. It took several hours, much longer than expected, but Mulder and his mother reached somewhat of an agreement regarding their relationship. One that included her as a part of his daughter's life.

"Be careful going home, Fox. It's a long way back to Washington."

"I'm just going to drive back to New Haven and take the red-eye home. Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep."

"Well call me when you get home," Teena told him. He never thought this was how their conversation would end. It made him feel invincible. It made him feel as if someone was putting him back together again, and now he was whole. It made him feel complete, but it also made him more aware of the other piece he was missing.

"Have you heard from Dad lately?" he asked.

"No, I haven't heard from your father in several years."

"Does he still live in Chilmark?"

"As far as I know."

Mulder nodded, hugging his mother again. He knew he wasn't going back to New Haven that night.

Nostalgia set in once more as he pulled up to his father's home. But, unlike with his mother, he didn't sit in the car and wonder about this interaction. It was already almost 1 a.m., and he felt like he was running out of time.

Despite the late hour, a light did go on when he knocked on the door. Wheezing could be heard from someone coming down the stairs. And then the door opened.

Mulder believed at first that his father indeed did not live there anymore. In front of him stood a wisp of a man, small and pale, coughing and hairless. But it indeed was his father, and he was obviously very sick.

"Fox?" Bill Mulder rasped, almost as shocked to see his son as he was to see him.

"Dad," Mulder reacted, reaching out his hand to him, indicating that the past was the past. Bill, having gotten the message, not only accepted his hand, but pulled the rest of his estranged son into him for a hug. Mulder couldn't ever remember hugging his father, no matter how great his memory was.

Bill Mulder had stage IV terminal stomach cancer. He'd been diagnosed over two years ago, but had refused treatment until it was too late. Though he hadn't said it, Mulder knew he felt he had nothing to live for. His life hadn't changed much since he'd retired from the State Department. He slept alone, ate alone, watched TV alone, read the newspaper alone… just like his son had thought he always wanted to live his life. Until the hug they shared on the doorstep of their old home, that is.

"Why don't you come home with me, Dad? Come to DC so that I can look after you," Mulder offered as the sun began to rise over the vineyard. He knew that after their long conversations, he must be getting tired. And it occurred to him briefly that Scully would want to know where he was.

"I made a vow that I would never go near DC again once I got out of there. I may be dying, but I'm not about to break that promise."

"Please Dad… you shouldn't be here alone."

"I carved my life as sure as I carved that fishing pole over the fireplace. And alone is what I've made it."

"The woman I live with, Dana, she's a doctor. She can take good care of you."

"No, Fox. I never gave you anything in your entire life besides bruises and bad dreams. I'm not about to become a burden on you and your family now as I'm about to die."

"It wouldn't be a burden—"

"Please, son. Let me live with the consequences of my actions. And let me die knowing that you are a better man than I could ever have hoped to be."

"_Mulder?"_ Scully answered the phone at noon the next day. She sounded restless, like she had been waiting for him. He was sure she had been.

"Yeah, Scully, it's me."

"_Mulder, where the hell have you been? I've been so worried."_

"I'm sorry. I went to my mother's and that enticed me to visit my father."

"_Your father?"_ Scully was shocked. As much as she wanted her daughter to have both grandparents, she knew Mulder's father had been off-limits.

"Yeah. And he's bad, Scully… He never told anyone, but… he has cancer."

"_Oh my God."_

"Terminal cancer. He looks… I thought I had the wrong place at first."

"_Where are you now Mulder?"_

"In New Haven. Had to drop off the rental car at the airport. I'm just about to board."

"_So you'll be home soon?"_

"Very soon."

"_Good,"_ she breathed in a 'I missed you way too much' kind of way.

Anna was the first person to meet him off the plane. He hadn't asked them too, but Scully had come to the airport to pick him up. Not only that, they were waiting at the gate.

"Mulder!" her exclamation was the only warning he had to the impending hug. As soon as she met him, her feet were off the ground and her body was high above his head.

"Hi baby!" he tried to match her excitement, despite how tired he was.

Scully must have alerted her daughter to the fact that Mulder was going through a rough time with his family. She hugged him around the neck longer than he expected, and she kissed his cheek on her own, which was rare.

"I love you," she then told him, giving him no doubt that her mother had said something.

"I love you more," he joked to let her know it was okay.

"Hey," Scully finally waddled toward them. She insisted that she had yet to waddle, but her belly was making it hard for her to deny it anymore.

"Hi," he kissed her cheek too.

"Do you want to—"

"I just wanna go home."

So they did.

At home, Anna ran off to her bedroom right away to get a painting she had done at one of her first days of first grade. He dropped his bag and Scully noticed.

"So now do you want to talk about it?" she asked him, moving closer.

"He's dying, Scully. What more is there to say? I ignored my dad for most of my life, and now that we've finally made amends, he's dying."

"At least you know that you've done that much. And you were able to get there in time to see him and make that known."

"I don't know if I wouldn't have preferred keeping things the way they were and then finding out he after the fact. Less painful."

"Maybe at first. But then you'll start to have all these questions and emotions that you can only convey to him. And he would be gone, unable to hear them. You would never have closure."

"What you're saying makes perfect sense, Scully, but right now… I don't think it's hit me yet."

"You've been through a lot."

Mulder nodded silently, waiting for Anna to come back downstairs. Sensing that he needed to be alone, Scully picked up his bag and went to unload it in the next room. Before she could get out of earshot, though, there was something Mulder needed to tell her.

"Scully."

"Yes?"

"Thank you."


	38. Chapter 38

_**~October 8, 1994 (32 weeks)~**_

"Scully, wanna hand me that screwdriver?"

"I would if my body would allow me to physically reach it."

"I set it down just where you would be able to reach it."

"Mulder, look," he turned around from his place on the floor of his old bedroom where he and Scully were assembling the new crib to look at his very pregnant friend reaching out her arms as far as they could go, missing the offending screwdriver by only inches. It came to his attention that he should have never let her sit on the floor.

"Excuses, excuses," Mulder shook his head and grabbed what he needed himself. Fiddling around with a few more pieces left them completely finished with the task, which was a huge relief to Scully. Less than two months remained until they would meet their daughter, and the thought of not having a plan while she continued to expand and her baby continued to grow and develop worried her even more nowadays. One night she had just shot up in bed, sweats wracking her body because they hadn't yet gone furniture shopping. Mulder tried to assure her that everything would work itself out—that she still had plenty of time and everything would be ready for their baby to arrive, but she still let the stress get to her. She hadn't told Mulder, but for the past three weeks she'd been having dreams about the baby arriving early. They would always start out the same, she'd be in bed, she'd go into labor, she'd be at the hospital and all the doctors would say it wasn't time. But it would be time and her baby would make its way into the world before they were ready.

Her doctor had said dreams about giving birth were normal for pregnant women, as well as some other strange dreams. But that particular dream made Scully uneasy about her future. She wanted to feel secure.

"Think she'll like it?" Mulder asked, sitting down next to Scully and placing his hand on her rounded belly. On their little girl. A very active and alert little girl who knew her parents' voices by now. And she seemed to know Mulder's touch. Every time he put his hand on Scully's stomach, she'd greet him. He couldn't wait to meet her.

"I think she'll love it." Scully had to give herself credit, she'd made some good selections when they'd went shopping. Ellen and her mother had wanted to throw her a baby shower, but Scully insisted that they didn't need to go through the trouble. Now, looking through their almost complete nursery, Scully felt a great sense of accomplishment in what they had done. The walls were creamy yellow and all the furniture was oak. Now that the crib was complete, she knew she would spend days rearranging things, sometimes merely centimeters, just to make everything perfect. Mulder didn't entirely understand why she was so worried about the details of the nursery. A bassinet sat already in their room, and he knew it would be a matter of months before Scully would feel comfortable sleeping away from her, even if she was just down the hall.

As the two were gazing around themselves in wonder, they heard the doorbell ring. That confused Scully. It was Saturday, she hadn't been expecting anyone, and Mulder would have let her know if he had any plans. She hoped that Anna, who they had left downstairs with Sadie and her dolls after she decided she didn't want to help them put the crib together, would not answer it herself, but her hopes were for naught when she heard the door swing open. Mulder did not seem concerned, though, as he helped her off the floor, making Scully wonder whether or not he was up to something.

"Mommy, Grandma and Aunt Ellen are here!" Anna said as her mom waddled, definitely waddled, down the stairs, Mulder smirking not far behind her.

"That's great honey, but remember what I said about not answering the door?"

"I looked through the window Mommy."

"Well, wait for either me or Mulder next time," Scully brushed Anna's long hair from her shoulders when she finally reached the bottom of the stairs. Then, turning her attention toward Ellen and her mom, she greeted them, "Hi. What are you two doing here?"

Seeing the two women together added another level of confusion for the situation. It was Saturday, and thought it wouldn't have been totally out of the realm of possibility for either of them to show up unannounced, it was strange to see them there together. Her mom and Ellen definitely knew each other, but they didn't do things together without Dana.

"We were wondering if you'd like to go out for lunch," Ellen started, though she couldn't hide the devious look on her face.

"Uh… I've been helping Mulder put the baby's room together all day…"

"You mean you _watched_ Mulder put the baby's room together all day," Mulder added. Scully rolled her eyes.

"Come on Dane, you're not going to have time for your old mom and your best friend in a few weeks. At least come out with us today," Maggie smiled. She knew her daughter couldn't resist her when she spoke like that.

"I'll go, I'll go. Just let me go get changed."

She left Ellen, her mother, and Mulder at the foot of the stairs to talk about whatever they pleased as she went to change her clothes.

The three women arrived at a tea house not a half hour later. There were many cars outside, making Scully wonder whether or not they were going to be able to get a table, but Maggie and Ellen weren't worried at all.

Scully's suspicion was heightened even further when a hostess came for them right away, almost like she had been expecting them. There were other people waiting for spots in the dining room, but the hostess led them right past it and to a small courtyard. Having never been to the place before, Scully just assumed they were eating outside. It was a nice day, not too warm, but definitely not as chilly as it could have been for October. Then she saw the people though the French doors. And the presents. And the banners.

And she knew.

"Surprise!" 30 or so family members and friends shouted once Ellen and Maggie walked her into the courtyard. Scully blushed violently. She hadn't wanted them to throw her a shower, but now that they had surprised her with one, there was no way she could have been upset. What was even more of a surprise was when Anna, dressed in a different outfit than she had been when she left, ran up and threw her arms around as much as she could of her mom.

"Surprise," she giggled.

"You knew about this?" Scully asked, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

"Yup. I helped," she explained. This led Scully to one conclusion. If Anna knew ahead of time, that meant…

Mulder was not far behind Anna and made his way to them both, smirking with the knowledge of his actions.

"You could have warned me," she hit him softly once he was within arm's reach.

"Aww, but then I wouldn't have been able to see your face once you walked out here. Priceless."

"Yeah, well you've got it coming to you."

"Oh, no. I think this makes us finally even. This is payback for my 30th birthday surprise."

Remembering that day, and realizing that if even one thing had been done differently all that time ago, they may not have been standing there in the present, Scully blushed again.

"Come on Mommy, we gotta go open your gifts!" Anna interrupted.

Everyone who attended had really gone overboard, in Scully's opinion, with the gifts. Some of the more notable ones she had received were an expensive stroller from her parents, a mechanical swing from Melissa, and hundreds of diapers from her fellow residents. The cake was delicious, the games were fun, and everything seemed perfect. That was, until Mulder's cell began to ring. Scully watched him excuse himself and answer it in an isolated corner of the courtyard. She thought it was probably a case, judging by his actions, but the urgency in which he moved once he got off the phone was alarming and suggested otherwise. He wouldn't have just left her baby shower for any old case.

"Mulder," she started once he got closer. The man bent in to kiss her cheek, and she could see the fear in his eyes.

"I have to go," he whispered, "my dad's been put in the hospital."

"Let me go with you," she said right away, without even having to think.

"No. You stay here and enjoy your party."

"I'm not going to be able to knowing what you're going through."

"Please," he kissed her head, "do it for me."

He didn't even give her a chance to respond before he was off, leaving Scully there at her baby shower, very close to tears herself.

It was 13 hours until Scully heard from Mulder again. He called her from the airport on the vineyard. Since the call came at almost three in the morning, Scully knew who it was.

"Hey Mulder," she answered, prepared for the worst news. Her hand was running through Anna's hair. She'd let her sleep with her when bedtime came and Mulder wasn't there. Her cheek was leaning up against her mother's belly. Scully could only hope that no matter what the situation, Mulder knew that his family was at home waiting for him.

"_Hey,"_ he sighed. She could physically feel his hand running over his face and through his hair.

"Are you okay?"

"_He's still alive, Scully, but he doesn't have a lot of time left. The doctors at the hospital gave him a few weeks at best."_

"So what are you doing at the airport? Aren't you going to stay there with him for a few days so he's not alone?"

"_No—"_

"Mulder!" Scully interrupted him, fearing that despite the strides Mulder had seemingly made in his relationship with his father, that he was going to abandon him during his time of need.

"_I'm not staying on the vineyard, Scully, and neither is my dad. I'm bringing him home."_

Scully was rendered completely speechless once it clicked with her that "home" meant _their_ home. As much as she admired Mulder for accepting his duties and taking care of his sick father, she didn't know how she felt about a dying man living in her home with her six-year-old child. Not to mention that they had one on the way.

Mulder rightly took her speechlessness as uncertainty.

"_I've already made the arrangements, Scully. I'm taking off work to take care of him, I'm hiring a nurse to help with the things that I can't do… all I need is for you to say yes. You won't have to take on anything."_

"Mulder…"

"_Please, Scully. I can't let him die in a hospital and I can't let him die in that house alone."_

She was still unsure of this decision, knowing it was a big commitment. But then she thought to her own father, and she knew that if the tables were turned, there would be no question for Mulder. He'd roll out the red carpet for her dad, and she couldn't do any less for his.

"Bring him home. He can stay in the nursery."

"_Are you sure Scully? Are you absolutely sure?"_

"Yes. He needs you, and you need us."

I'll be there for you.


	39. Chapter 39

"Mommy!" Anna came running down the stairs the next morning, a panicked look on her face. She found her and Mulder at the kitchen table, having a very intense conversation about caring for Mulder's father. For them, the hardest part was coming to terms with the fact that they were soon going to have to deal with his death. Scully's hand was securely over her friend's, assuring him that she would do her best to make him comfortable. At the end of August, she had taken a leave from her residency to have Emily, but would return again the next August to finish it out. It meant that her residency would go on for a year longer than anticipated, but it was the best option for them right now. It also meant that she would be there to take care of Mulder's father, and Mulder, during his final days.

"What's wrong honey?" Scully asked, still rubbing Mulder's hand soothingly as her daughter attached herself to her side.

"There's a man in Emily's room! There's a man in the bed in Emily's room! Go get him, Mulder, go get him!" she shrieked. Mulder looked up at Scully knowingly. She looked back at him as if to say, _'She was going to find out eventually.'_

"Anna, come sit with me," Mulder said sullenly, patting his knee. Anna obeyed.

"Okay, that man in Emily's room… that man is my dad," he tried to go slow, not only because Anna was a little young to understand the complicated process of dying, but because the wounds were still raw for him. Less than 24 hours ago, he'd been celebrating his daughter's baby shower with the two girls close to him, and now his father was dying in his home.

"That's your daddy?" Anna asked in disbelief.

"Yes."

"I didn't think you had a daddy, Mulder."

"I do. Before now, I hadn't talked to him in a long time."

"What's wrong with him? He's thin and crinkly—"

"Anna!" Scully chastised her daughter. The last thing Mulder needed to be reminded of was how his father was just a shell of the man he used to be.

"No, Scully, it's okay. I want her to ask questions," Mulder pulled the little girl closer, "Sweetie, my dad is really sick. He has cancer. The reason he's staying with us is so that I can take care of him."

Comfortable now that she knew she could ask questions, Anna inquired, "What's cancer?"

This was where Scully came in to describe cancer in a way that was both accurate and kid-friendly. As she was given the information, Mulder could tell the wheels in her head were spinning. She was formulating more.

"Is he going to get better?"

"Some cancers get better, baby, but not Mulder's daddy's. There's too much of it."

"So what's going to happen to him?" Anna asked her final question, and couldn't understand why it took her mom and Mulder a few minutes to answer. They didn't think they'd have to deal with death so soon. They never thought Anna would be exposed to it at the young age of six. She shouldn't have known that things don't live forever. She shouldn't have known that when people die, they don't come back.

Scully took the reins on this question, acutely aware of how much they were driving the knife deeper into Mulder's back.

"He's going to die, sweetie. Soon his body will be too sick to keep him alive anymore, and he'll go up to Heaven to be with the angels."

Anna looked scared, and Mulder hugged her tighter and rubbed his fingers up and down her leg soothingly. When she stayed silent for a little longer than was customary for her, he knew he had to say something.

"But I don't want you to be afraid of him. He's still alive, and while he's alive, we have to be extra nice to him. That would make him very happy."

A thinking look went over her face, but neither adult was expecting what came out of her mouth next.

"Do you think he'd like me to draw him a picture?"

Relief washed over Mulder, and he kissed her cheek.

"I think he'd love that. Why don't you do it after breakfast?"

"I will!"

Bill Mulder was sleeping fitfully when Mulder entered with Anna an hour later. He was worried that being this close to the dying man would make Anna reconsider what she had said earlier, but she just held steadfastly on to her drawing and exercised more goodwill than most adults he had known in his life.

"Should we wake him up?" Anna asked.

"I don't know."

Refilling his pain medication and enzyme tablets, Scully nodded, indicating it was time for him to take those anyway. Sitting on the end of the bed, Mulder began patting his dad's foot.

The old man breathed heavily as he awoke, but when he opened his eyes, Mulder was thankful that today would not be the day. He looked strong and alert.

"Hi Dad," Mulder said in barely a whisper, "there's someone I want you to meet."

He struggled to sit up a little bit, but when he did, he looked ready to meet Anna. He'd been introduced briefly to Scully very early that morning after arriving.

"Dad, this is Anna, Scully's daughter. And Anna, this is my dad."

Mulder was worried that Anna would be afraid of his father's bony and weak fingers as he extended his hand out to shake, but she surprised him once again by confidently taking them in hers. He was so proud of her in that moment.

"Hello Anna," Bill Mulder wheezed, "How old are you my dear?"

"Six," she said quietly. Then, a new energy burst through her and she gave the older man one of her Earth-stopping smiles. "I drew a picture for you."

"You did?"

"Yes. Here's you and me and Mulder and Mommy. And that's my dog, Sadie. We're all playing outside."

"Wow, that's beautiful."

"Mommy says you're going to be in Heaven soon."

Both Scully's and Mulder's hearts stopped in their chests. How had Anna turned such a wonderful interaction into a confrontation so quickly?

"Anna," Scully scolded her daughter for the second time that day.

Instead of being shocked or angry, Bill only lay there and laugh to himself.

"Probably not Heaven, sweetheart."

"I'm sorry… hey Mulder, what should I call your daddy?"

"Umm," Mulder stuttered, not knowing what to answer her question with. "Mulder's daddy" just wasn't appropriate, she already had an Uncle Bill, "Mr. Mulder" was too impersonal…

"Can I call him 'Papa'?"

As soon as her daughter said that, Scully knew exactly where she got it from. _Beauty and the Beast_ had been one of her favorite movies to watch lately, and one of the characters was named "Papa."

In reality, it was endearing for Mulder to hear the little girl who was like his child call his father "Papa."

"You want to call me 'Papa'?" Bill asked, making Scully worried that he was going to tell her not to. Anna nodded shyly, and a wide grin spread over the older man's face.

"I've always wanted to be a Papa."

"Mulder, have you seen Anna?" Scully asked later that day as he came up the stairs.

"No, I thought she was taking a nap."

"I put her down for one but I just went in there to check on her and she's not in her room."

This worried Mulder, and he began throwing open all the doors on the second floor, not needing his little girl to go missing on top of everything else that was happening in his life. He knew he was making Scully scared, but he just didn't care.

"Mulder!" her yelling eventually brought him out of his frenzy.

"What?"

She motioned for him to come to the doorway of the nursery, where she was standing. Inside, Anna was sitting cross-legged on his father's bed, intent on learning how to play checkers. The two adults watched for a little while, noticing how patient and encouraging Bill was being with her. It hurt Scully for a moment knowing that the man was treating her daughter this way, a little girl he wasn't related to at all, while as his own son had grown up, he beat him and belittled him to the point of permanent damage. Looking at Mulder, though, she knew that was the furthest thought from his mind.

Slipping her hand into his, Scully believed more than ever than things happen for a reason.


	40. Chapter 40

**a/n: get your tissues ready**

* * *

**_~October 29, 1994 (35 weeks)_**

Scully was almost too big to fit behind the steering wheel of her car, but that didn't stop her from going to pick up Anna from school every single day. She slid into her booster seat at exactly 3:04, bubbling with excitement.

"Mom, we got to write our own stories today, and I wrote one where you, me, Mulder, and Papa all went trick-or-treating. Then we had to read them out loud to everyone, and I did the best job!"

"Did you now?"

"I think I did."

Anna's high opinion of herself wasn't something that took the forefront in Scully's mind. It was her close attachment to Mulder's father. Over the past several weeks, she'd become very fond of him. She spent countless hours in his room with him, playing checkers and telling stories. She'd even become somewhat of a better reader since Bill was never not in the mood to listen to her read him a book. Both Mulder and Scully were delighted that Anna wasn't afraid of the man. But the events of the day that had transpired after Anna went to school had made them uncomfortable with the fact that he was very clearly and plainly dying; Anna's heart was soon going to be broken.

The stillness of the house confronted Scully first when they entered it. Anna didn't notice, thank God, but it was like a presence in and of itself. The problems had started before Scully had even arrived home that morning. Bill had woken up due to waves of sickness passing through him. He'd thrown up for an hour straight before experiencing some relief. Rebecca, the young hospice nurse that had been assigned to help them, was very adamant that the man was on his last leg. Scully had tried to keep herself scarce, knowing Mulder would like some time alone with his dad. That's why she was so surprised when the man asked for her.

"_Hi Mr. Mulder,"_ she'd said timidly as she entered his room. If today wasn't the day, God had a sicker sense of humor than she thought. Bill Mulder looked like death, and she prayed for his suffering to end.

"_It's Bill, sweetie,"_ he'd told her, then insisted she take the seat that Mulder had previously occupied.

"_Sorry."_

"_Dana, dear, I know time is almost up for me…" _he said painfully, trying to regain his breath several times before what came out next, _"but I don't want to go without getting the chance to tell you how good it is to know that Fox found you. I haven't been a good father to him by any means, but I always wanted him to find someone who makes him as happy as you do. And your little girl…"_

"_Anna likes you a lot."_

"_She's very special."_

"_You know that's because of your son? He helped to shape who she is."_

"_He's a better man than I ever was."_

"_Please don't say that. You've come such a long way since then."_

"_And look what had to happen. I was so foolish… I didn't just lose a daughter in 1973."_

"_But you and your son found your way back to each other."_

"_Dana,"_ Bill winced in pain, but another round of sickness did not come, _"I'll have to pay for what I did to my child. Soon. But I can offer something to you that was never offered to me."_ With that said, he reached out his left hand and rested it gently on Scully's rounded baby belly. His hand was almost translucent, but warm.

"_This baby, Dana… and Anna… they will never do anything that is worthy of the hatred I showed Fox. They will never do anything that doesn't warrant love. They are perfect."_

His words brought tears to Scully's eyes. She knew all of these things. And as a mother, she was incapable of doing what Bill did to his son. But he wasn't speaking to her. He was acknowledging his sins. He was repenting.

"_And you, dear, are perfect for my son. Thank you for giving him all you have. He's entirely devoted to you."_

"_I know,"_ Scully let her tears fall, _"He's a good man. He's the best man I've ever met."_ She was trying to give his father some validation that in some part, he was responsible for the good qualities Mulder possessed now.

"_I take no credit for that, Dana, besides providing an example of exactly what not to be for most of his life."_

"_No matter what, Bill, your son loves you."_

"_I know. And I am unworthy of it."_

Their conversation had only lasted a few more sentences before Scully decided that Mulder deserved to be with him a little more than she did. With one last kiss on the cheek, she left the dying man and went to spend some time alone in her bedroom.

"_That was your grandpa, baby," _she had told Emily, rubbing her stomach gently and feeling her respond, _"and he loves you. And I love you and your daddy loves you and you will never not be loved."_

Now, hours later, Scully was not mobile enough to stop her six-year-old from running up the stairs and right into Bill's room. Mulder was sitting there, just as he had been almost all day.

"Hi Anna girl," Mulder tried to sound cheerful, but his eyes betray him.

"Hi Mulder," she said nonchalantly, walking over to her Papa's bed, expecting to find him awake and alert just like he always was when she got home. Instead, what she found was what her mother and Mulder had been dealing with all day—a man taking his final breaths.

"How was school?"

"Good. Why is Papa asleep?"

"Papa's tired, baby."

"Oh. Do you think I could tell him about the story I wrote today?"

"I'm sure he'd love to hear about it."

Mulder rubbed the little girl's back soothingly as she told his unconscious father about her day at school. He fought hard to keep his tears at bay, but he couldn't help a few of them escaping.

"What's the matter, Mulder?" Anna asked once she noticed he was crying.

"I just love you so much. And I know Papa does too."

"Papa loves you very much," Bill surprised the both of them by saying. Anna's eyes lit up. She didn't know that this would be the last time she would speak with him.

"Did you hear my story Papa?"

Bill nodded, unable to keep his eyes open.

"I think it was the best one in the class."

"I'm sure it was honey."

"When I bring it home, you can have it."

"That's very nice of you. Come give your Papa a hug," and with his last ounces of strength, Bill extended his arms for Anna to envelop herself in.

"I love you Papa."

"I love you too darling."

Scully and Anna were eating dinner when they heard quick footsteps upstairs, then a door slam shut. A few minutes later, Mulder was sauntering down the stairs, running his hand over his face as he made his way to the kitchen.

Getting up and meeting him before he could get within earshot of Anna, Scully knew before he said the words.

"I'm sorry Mulder," she took him as close to herself as possible, running her fingers through his hair and kissing his temple.

"I can't… I shouldn't have… Scully it's too much," he cried, gasping for air.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay," she cooed to him, that being the only comfort she could offer at the moment.

"I shouldn't have contacted him. I shouldn't have tried to make amends."

"You know it was for the best."

"He made my life a living hell and now he's done it again," Mulder was just speaking out of pain. He didn't believe a word he was saying, both of them knew it.

"He was so proud of you."

"And now he's gone."

"But at least—"

Scully was interrupted by her daughter standing before them, obviously stressed about what she was witnessing.

"M-mommy?" she asked.

"Anna…"

"Why don't we all go out for ice cream?" Mulder asked, feeling the walls closing in on him; wanting to protect Anna from as much pain as he could.

"I haven't finished my dinner," Anna told him.

"It's okay. It's okay for tonight, right Mommy?" Mulder asked Scully, his eyes begging with her to get him out of the house.

"It's okay. But only for tonight."

**_~ 11:21 a.m., November 2, 1994~_**

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust," the minister read as Bill Mulder's funeral took place. Mulder did not let go of Scully's hand as he bent down to throw the first handful of soil onto his father's coffin.

Anna was standing very close to her mother's leg. Scully had been unsure of whether or not to let her be a part of the funeral or wake, but was quickly persuaded by the little girl herself once she had asked to draw some pictures for it. One of them had been placed inside the coffin with Bill, having been folding up inside of the front pocket of his suit. It was a picture of him in Heaven with the angels— a place nobody doubted he was.

They'd all cried. If there was one thing that would have surprised Bill Mulder, it was that people came to his funeral, and they cried for him. After the service was over and most people had left so that the family could have their moments of peace as the coffin was covered, Mulder, Scully, and Anna remained.

"Mulder, would you hold me?" Anna asked in a voice she hadn't used since she was at least three or four. He couldn't deny her anything, though. Once in his arms, he helped her to smooth out her velvet black dress. She hadn't had a lot of questions since she learned Papa had passed away, but both her parents had assured her that they would be there for her, and it was okay to be sad. Scully's hand immediately found Mulder's again once Anna was securely settled on his hip.

"Fox?" a voice came from behind the trio. Turning around revealed to Mulder his mother, looking like she had been there through the entire service.

"Hi Mom," he said, almost ashamed. Yes, they had made strides in her understanding of Scully's role in his life, but he was not sure whether or not he should be embarrassed being seen so intimately connected with her in his time of need.

"I'm very happy that you were able to reconnect with your father before he died. I know it meant a lot to him."

"I'm happy too," Mulder had to force himself to say. He still wasn't sure if he should have exposed his family to his father during his dying days.

"And Dana," both of them tensed up as his mother said her name, "thank you for being there for Fox. It's good to see you again."

"Likewise, Mrs. Mulder."

"How far along are you, dear?"

"Eight months."

"Fox tells me you're having a girl."

"Emily Christine," Scully confirmed. Teena was getting closer.

"Is that exciting for you, honey?" Teena was talking to Anna now, who was sucking her thumb with her head under Mulder's chin.

"Anna, someone is talking to you," Scully said when Anna failed to answer.

"Oh, it's quite alright. You've had a big day and you couldn't possibly remember me, could you sugar?"

Anna looked up at Mulder, waiting for him to tell her who the woman was.

"This is my mom, Anna. She saw you once when you were a baby," Mulder explained.

"Hi," Anna said rather sadly.

"Hi pumpkin. Do you know that you're very pretty?"

The last time someone had said something of that sort to her, Anna had responded with an "I know." Scully held her breath until after she heard her daughter answer.

"Thank you."

"Mom, would you like to come back to our place for lunch? We were just going to have Dana's parents over," Mulder explained. It had started to rain and was already chilly; he wanted to get inside as soon as possible.

"I don't want to be any trouble—"

"It's no trouble, Mom."

"I'd be delighted, then."

"Great, see you there."

Teena walked back to her car silently, but when Mulder went to walk to theirs, he was jerked backwards when Scully did not follow.

"What's the matter Scully?" he asked, his heart starting to race when it registered that her face indicated pain.

"We won't be making it to that lunch. My water just broke."


	41. Chapter 41

**warning: angst ahead. **

* * *

**_~November 2, 1994~_  
**

"What?" Mulder asked, dumbfounded.

"My water broke," Scully said with a slight smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Jesus, Mulder, it's not like it happens all the time."

"What do we… what do we do?" Mulder had imagined this day many times, and certainly he had been preparing for it, but all of his preparations went straight out the window now that the moment had arrived.

"Well we should probably go to the hospital," Scully answered with her voice of reason. It was then that realized he still had Anna in his arms, and before they could do anything, they needed to get her to her grandparents. But Capt. and Mrs. Scully weren't around, Mulder certainly couldn't drop her off at home, and it wouldn't make sense for them to wait in the cemetery. The natural thing for Mulder to do was call for his mom, who was still only a few yards from them.

"Mom!" he yelled across the cemetery, not caring whose rest he disturbed.

"What is it Fox?" she asked as she walked back over to them. It wasn't hard to determine, though, with Scully standing with her legs wide apart and clutching the bottom of her stomach.

"We need you to take Anna back home."

"Mulder?" Anna asked, thumb close to her mouth and worry written all over her face.

"And then what?" Teena wanted to know.

"Scully's mom and dad are already there. They can take care of her. We have to get to the hospital."

"Alright, but I don't have a booster seat."

"It doesn't matter!" Scully didn't mean to exclaim, but a pressure-filled contraction hit her right then. She'd been trying to ignore all the signs of labor this morning, including the small contractions she was having, telling herself they were just normal for this stage in her pregnancy. She hadn't expected her water to break. It was just like her dreams.

"Mommy, I don't wanna go!" Anna cried. She had no memory of who Teena was.

"Please, Anna, I have to get to the hospital so I can have the baby safely. I need you to be a good girl so that I won't worry about you."

"I don't want you to go," the little girl pouted. Mulder wished they'd had time to deal with his father's death before all of this happened. Especially in Anna's case. She'd no doubt be having separation issues for awhile now, but he and Scully would soon have a new baby to take care of.

"Sweetheart, when you see us next, you'll be able to meet your baby sister. I promise that everything will be okay. And my mom is very nice. She will take good care of you. So will Grandma and Grandpa."

"Why can't I go with?"

"Mulder," Scully winced behind him, "we have to go."

"Because you can't, Ann, okay? I love you very much," Mulder kissed her on the head, then took Scully's hand and rushed her out of the cemetery.

"All of that chaos to get here and this is where we find ourselves?" Mulder asked a few hours later, pacing back and forth through the hospital room. No, it was more than a few hours. It seemed like an eternity.

"Sorry, I'll try to make this go faster, but I'm having such a good time," Scully said sarcastically, sweat running down her cheek. Intense pressure was staring to settle on her lower backside, but she clenched through the contraction the best that she could. Mulder had begged her to get an epidural, but she wanted to see how far she could go on her own. After all, with Anna she had taken the drugs immediately, and barely remembered most of her labor.

"I'm sorry," he offered, giving up his pacing and leaning over to kiss her hot forehead. She was salty with sweat, but she was the most beautiful during those moments than she ever had been. His sweet and serene thoughts did not last for long, because as he leaned over, she grabbed his hand, and now was digging her nails into him as another wave of pain pulsed through her.

"I don't think I can do this," she cried as the contraction passed.

"Don't say that. You know you can do this."

"It _hurts_, Mulder," she knew she sounded like Anna, but she could not express to him clearly the pain she was in.

"It'll be over soon, Scully. And then we'll have our baby girl."

"I can't," she breathed heavily. Mulder hit the call button several times. They were not going another minute without the epidural.

As the pain medicine was injected in the small of her back, he never let go of her hand once, and whispered the encouragement she needed to hear into her hair.

"I'm right here, Scully. I'm right here. Thank you so much. You're giving me a baby girl. You're giving me our Emily."

"Alright Miss Scully," a doctor told them after a pelvic examination, "I think it's time to visit the delivery room.

Her screams filled the room and hurt his heart. If he could take away her pain, he would in a heartbeat. He knew the pain in his hand from her squeezing could not compare to what she was going through. But she didn't know how beautiful she was to him at that moment. She didn't know he hoped to tell her that one day.

Her screams reached a climax, then died down to reveal another set of screams. Their beautiful baby girl made her way into the world at 9:18 that night, just as pink and tiny as they thought she would be. Mulder watched her slip from her mother—from her old life into her new one. From being a thought to being a tangible object. Something with 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect toes and an opera singer's set of lungs. From being a dream into being a reality.

Emily Christine Mulder weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. when she was placed on her tired, delighted mother's chest. Half of that weight, Mulder chuckled, came from the thick dark hair covering her head. Looked like the poor kid was going to resemble her father. Scully didn't have a problem with that.

"Hello sweetheart, hello," she cried when they handed her to her. The cord was still attached, but that wasn't what linked them. Mulder watched Emily, newborn and still slimy, catch Scully's attention and hold it for several seconds. The girl knew who her mother was. And despite all the fears they had had at the beginning of this pregnancy about how she came to be and who she was, a bond was instantly formed between Scully and her daughter. He watched it solidify that moment when their eyes met for the first time.

"Dad?" a nurse asked Mulder, waking him from the moment, "Would you like to cut the cord?"

Mulder looked to Scully, hesitant of what his role there was. Of course he'd professed to always be there for her and the baby, to raise the little girl as his daughter (just like he had Anna), and to be "dad" in every way to her. But there was a difference in being "dad" and being the man who cut the cord.

"Do it Mulder. Then stay with her when they go and clean her off," Scully told him, relieved to see his face light up after she did. He wanted her to say that. He wanted to cut the cord. He wanted to be there for both of them, not just felt he had to.

His eyes never left his little girl as the doctors took her to be cleaned, measured, and weighed. He was the first one to diaper her, thankful for all the times Scully had made him practice on Anna's dolls and stuffed animals. And then they let him hold her. Words could not describe the emotions surging through him as the tiny baby was placed in his large arms. She was so little, and he felt the instant need to protect her. But the feeling, as special as it was, was not new because she was his biological daughter. He'd felt the exact same way every time he'd held Anna in his arms. There was nothing more special about Emily just because they shared the same DNA.

"Hi little one," were Mulder's first words to her, "I'm your daddy."

Expelling yourself from someone's birth canal must be exhausting, Mulder surmised when instead of capturing her eyes like her mother had, the little girl yawned and rested her hands on her face, as if she were finding this world boring already. Absolutely in awe of her still, though, it took some rousing from Scully to bring him back from this place of absolute euphoria that looking at his daughter brought him to.

"You've got to share her," Scully told him, accepting the baby when she was placed in his arms. After going through Anna's birth alone, she never believed that she would ever find another man she loved enough to have a child with. Having Mulder with her, though, and hearing his encouraging words gave her faith again. Even though Emily had been a surprise, she was proof of something Scully and Mulder hadn't even admitted to themselves yet.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Mulder asked, sliding next to her on the bed.

"Oh my God, Mulder," Scully said, not able to take her eyes off her little one.

"I can't tell you how I feel… thank you so much, Scully."

Not two seconds after those words left his lips, hers covered them. It was an unexpected and demanding kiss, but it was a kiss nonetheless. And it made Mulder seriously reconsider his future.

She was sleeping by the time he got back from calling her mother and father. He had wanted to return as quickly as possible, but a few nurses had made it difficult, seeing that Mulder didn't have a wedding ring when he was in the cafeteria, and acting on that observation.

Trying not to wake Scully, Mulder sat down on the bed beside her. It seemed that Emily had been taken to the nursery for the night, probably so that Scully could get the most sleep she could after the long day she'd had. Mulder knew that this was a perfectly adequate reason for the nurse to take her, but he still was uncomfortable with his newborn daughter being out of his sight for long. He truly believed that nobody could protect or care for her like he could.

No such luck, though. Probably as alert as he was concerning anything that may have to do with Emily, Scully stirred as soon as the father of her child sat down. Mulder immediately chastised himself, knowing he should have taken up residence in the chair that night. Something about sleeping next to the woman he loved and had just had a child with, though, felt incredibly right.

"It's just me, Scully. You can go back to sleep," he explained, smoothing down a portion of her hair.

"I'm sorry. I guess I dozed off while you were gone," she apologized, breathing in heavily and sitting up.

"Don't be sorry. I think you're allowed as much sleep as you want after pushing a child into the world."

"Such an optimist."

"You let them take her to the nursery?" he asked, but not in an accusing way. It was her decision, after all.

"Yeah. I knew that if she were in here, there would be a 0% chance of me getting any sleep tonight. I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off of her."

"She is pretty amazing, isn't she?"

"Absolutely."

Reaching his arm around her shoulders, Mulder was feeling another sentimental moment coming on. Their relationship had changed so much since those few weeks immediately after she found out she was pregnant with their child. As her stomach had swelled, as her body had accumulated a glow that can only come from being responsible for a life other than your own, they had gone from being dear friends to being parents. Together. Soul mates was a term that had crossed both of their minds often. But, as they always had been, in an effort to preserve what they already had achieved, they were hesitant to take the next step forward in their relationship. That was why they could have sex and sleep in the same bed and raise two children together but could never tell each other that yes, there was an unyielding love between them. Because they couldn't afford for it to not work.

On the other hand, though, Mulder had never wanted to bring a child into a world where he wasn't fully committed to its mother. For all the progress they'd made before he died, he had never wanted to be the kind of dad he had, or even have half a chance to become him. It was his biggest fear. That was why he had been carrying a small velvet box around in his pants pocket for over two months. That was why he pulled it out that night and popped it open.

At first, she didn't know what was going on. Perhaps it was her imagination, or a mistake, anything other than it obviously was. But it was characteristically Mulder to spring something like this on her after she had just given birth and was already confused enough as is.

"What is this?"

"I think we should get married." It wasn't exactly the right way to phrase his desire, as Scully's expression revealed after he said it.

"Are you nuts?" she asked after a few deep breaths. He knew what marriage meant to her, but he had also had confidence that she would realize what he was trying to do.

"Scully, I want to be fully committed to you—"

"And you can't be fully committed unless we sign a marriage certificate?" she asked, angrily, "Well that's news to me!"

"No, I'm always going to be there for you and Emily—"

"Then why are you even asking me this? Is it just pity? Pity for the girl you knocked up? Is this something you feel you _have_ to do? Because you don't _have_ to do anything."

"I know I don't have to—"

"Your pseudo-chivalry doesn't impress me, Mulder. I don't need to marry you, especially when you're just asking me out of some warped sense of duty to me and your daughter."

"I just want to show you that I'm always going to be there," Mulder said quietly, finally able to get a word in edgewise.

"You want to know how you can show me that you'll always be there? By being there. And not at a marriage ceremony either. Being there at 3 in the morning when she starts to cry, being there when she needs her diaper changed, being there when she needs her dad. That's how you can show me. Not with this, though," Scully explained with tears in her eyes, pushing the box closed. The hardest part about all of this was that she would marry the man in a heartbeat if she felt he loved her in the way a husband should love his wife. She knew she loved him in that way. But she couldn't lie to herself and her daughters by marrying a man just because she had a child with him. She'd tried to be with Anna's father despite his obvious disinterest in her, and it had caused her so much hurt.

Mulder was speechless, staring off into space to keep from breaking down right there in front of her. He wanted desperately to marry her, to make their unique situation not so unique, to show his daughters that he had no problem being there for them forever. The number one reason Mulder wanted to marry Scully, though, was because he knew he could never marry anyone else. She was it for him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, unable to process what had just happened between them. It should have been one of the happiest nights of their lives. They had just welcomed their daughter—_their_ daughter, with _their_ DNA—into the world. And here they were, both on the verge of tears, wondering if this was it.

"I think I'll go for the night," he finally said, leaving the bed and putting on his coat. His absence beside her physically pained Scully, but she kept herself from reaching out for him.

"Mulder…" she breathed out painfully, closing her eyes and letting a few tears squeeze through her lids. She felt his warm breath on her cheek, then he placed a kiss there. It wasn't goodbye.

He brushed Maggie off when she greeted him, very confused, at the door. It was all he could do to make it up the stairs and push himself into Anna's room. Kicking off his shoes, he crawled into the tiny bed with her, not sure if he could be without her for the night.

A light sleeper just like her mom, Anna woke up when she felt Mulder in the bed with her. And she was instantly awake with questions.

"Mulder?" she first asked.

"Hey Ann. I'm sorry baby, go back to sleep."

"Why aren't you at the hospital?"

Not wanting to worry her any more, he lied. But by then, what he was saying wasn't not true.

"I just wanted to be with my Anna girl tonight," he told her, opening his arms and letting her settle herself between them. Then he rolled on to his back, laying her on his chest just like when she was a baby. Back when things were simpler.

"Love you Mulder," Anna always made sure to say before she fell asleep.

"Love you too princess," Mulder always made sure to respond.

When Anna's breathing evened out, indicating she had slipped back into dream land, Mulder let the tears fall freely. Several miles away in a hospital, Scully was allowing the exact same thing.


	42. Chapter 42

**a/n: a little reconciliation. this chapter is about making everything better.**

* * *

Little arms and legs stretching themselves out next to and on top of him were what gently roused Mulder the next morning. He opened his eyes to meet Anna's sleepy gaze. Her playful little mind was turning off her dreams and adjusting to the waking world, and she grinned at him shyly, sleep-tousled curls falling in her eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful," Mulder greeted, allowing her to come to remember the events of her life on her own time.

"Hi Mulder," she simply said, crawling up his chest and snuggling back up in his arms. Then, she bolted upright with urgency, and Mulder knew it had hit her.

"Where's Mommy?" she asked, worried.

"She's at the hospital. You, my dear, are a big sister."

Anna beamed at the prospect.

"The baby was a girl, right?"

"Yes," Mulder assured her, chuckling, "you don't have to worry about that."

The six-year-old began bouncing up and down on Mulder's chest happily. But just as abruptly as she had sat up earlier when she remembered that Emily was on her way, she remembered something else, and tears sprang to her eyes.

"Papa won't get to meet her," Anna said pitifully.

"Shhh," Mulder cooed to her, sorry that he and Scully hadn't had time to deal with the major effects his father's death had had on Anna, "Papa's met her. Papa is looking down on us all the time now, remember?"

"But I miss him."

"I know. I do too."

They sat there for awhile, rocking, until another reality forced itself into Mulder's mind.

"We have to go eat breakfast and get ready now, sweetie. You're going to meet your baby sister."

"I don't wanna," Anna pouted.

"Emily is very excited to meet you, though. And you can see Mommy."

At the idea of being able to see her mom, Anna agreed to get dressed and go downstairs. That meant running in to Mrs. Scully and the captain, though, and it didn't take a genius to see that they weren't too pleased with Mulder.

"Good morning Fox," Maggie had said coldly, heating up some oatmeal for Anna but offering none to him. Thankfully, Anna was oblivious to it all, but Mulder just sat at the kitchen table, waiting for what he did not know.

Capt. Scully, as straightforward a man as they come, finally stood up and asked Mulder to join him for a walk around the block. Mulder gulped, but agreed. This could very well be the end of his life.

The two men walked in silence for a few minutes. It wasn't ideal walking weather. The ground and air were heavy with cold rain; the sky was threatening to release it any time as well.

"Sir," Mulder started at the exact same moment the captain decided to start speaking, so he let the older man continue. He had a feeling he would have even if he hadn't been willing to back down.

"Fox, when my wife came to bed last night and told me that you had come home, I was not only confused, but disappointed. Now, I've always had a high opinion of you. You're a good man to my daughter and my granddaughter. But there is no excuse for a man not to stay the night in the hospital with the woman who just gave birth to his child," Bill asserted his authority, making his frustration evident in his voice. Mulder was intimidated to say what he said next, but it came out of his mouth before he could stop it.

"I asked your daughter to marry me last night."

He thought the captain would be more shocked than he let on. Was everybody just waiting for them to stop living in sin?

"I take it she said no."

"She chewed me a new one."

"I'll tell you something about my Starbuck, Fox. She's got a hard shell. But inside, she's just like everyone else. She's afraid of being hurt. Can you blame her for not wanting to marry a man just because she had a child with him? For goodness sakes, she already dodged that bullet once. She wants to spend the rest of her life with someone she truly loves. Her mother and I want that for her too. We want her to find the right one just like we found each other."

"I do truly love her," Mulder said quietly, his feet becoming quite interesting again.

"That's no secret. And I know that she really does love you as well. But asking her right after giving birth, her perceiving it as your obligation, these things didn't help you convey the message to her."

"What do I do then?" the younger man asked, thankful to be having this conversation with Capt. Scully. He felt he was connecting with the man on a level he didn't think it previously possible to.

"You prove yourself again and again and again. You love her regardless. And you wait until the time is right."

"Hi Mommy," Anna said shyly, hiding herself behind Mulder's leg. Scully didn't know why her daughter was putting on her bashful act, but she supposed it had something to do with being in the hospital. She moved to the side a bit in the bed, not only to make room for Anna, but to show her that she was perfectly fine.

"Go see her," Mulder whispered, nudging her gently. His eyes did not meet the woman in the bed's. It was hard to reconcile with the fact that she would never be his wife. It was hard to know that the woman he planned on spending the rest of his life with did not see her future with him. He focused on his daughter in the bassinet instead.

"Hello sweetheart," Scully greeted her oldest daughter, wrapping her arms around her. Anna nestled herself into her chest calmly. She knew things were never going to be the same. "Have you been good for Grandma and Grandpa and Mulder?"

"Yeah. Me and Grandma looked at all the pictures from when I was a baby. Then she got some pictures from when you were a baby."

"Grandma and I, honey. And I bet you really enjoyed that."

"Yeah, but you were a funny-looking baby, Mama."

"Well you looked just like me, so I don't know why you're laughing."

Anna was giggling, but it was plain to see that she was sorting through a lot of emotions.

"Do you want to see Emily?" Scully asked, eyeing her baby in Mulder's arms. Anna nodded, and Mulder knew it was time to hand Emily over to her mother. While he was transferring the tiny pink bundle, the pair's eyes met. As was true of most reconciliations that occurred between the two, it was unspoken. Their love, trust, and devotion to each other could not be contained within either one of them, it spread like a fragrance to others. And it made everyone, especially them, certain that everything would be okay. What Capt. Scully had been telling him earlier made total, perfect sense to Mulder.

"Make sure you support her head," Scully told Anna as she placed Emily in her arms. In the background, Maggie simultaneously snapped pictures and brushed tears from her eyes.

"What do you think Anna?" Mulder asked, having scooted closer to where she was sitting, so now that he, the girls, and Scully were all huddled close together. Just like the family they were and didn't need to be. Maggie wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to snap 100 pictures of that scene.

"She's little," was all the normally talkative six-year-old could think to say. She didn't take her eyes off her sister once during the exchange, though.

"You were that little once," Scully told her, wrapping her arm around her and consequently brushing her hand against Mulder's. They met. They couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I remember when I could put my whole hand across your tiny little back," Mulder chipped in.

Anna was quiet, and Scully wasn't even sure if she'd heard what she and Mulder had to say to her. She was just gazing down at the baby in awe. To think that she cried when she heard she was going to be arriving.

Emily had been sleeping when they'd handed her to Anna, which was a relief to Mulder and Scully because that way she wouldn't cry. But a few wiggles indicated that she was ready to wake up, and everyone in the room held their breath when she opened her eyes. The sisters stared at each other for countless seconds before Emily wrapped her entire hand around two of Anna's fingers. When Anna smiled to look up at her mother, she found her in tears.

"Look, Mommy! She's holding hands!"

"She loves you," Scully sniffled.

"I love you too Emmy," Anna kissed the baby right on top of the head. They knew it wasn't always going to be this easy, but witnessing that scene made Mulder and Scully sure that it was going to be worth it.

Several hours later, Capt. Scully and Maggie had offered to bring Anna home. It was more of a suggestion to Mulder that he really should stay the night, but he had already been planning on doing so. It was painful to watch Anna leave, as she had become so attached to her little sister. But having Scully there to walk them to the end of the hallway helped.

So it was just Mulder and Scully sitting in the room. Emily was breastfeeding, and Mulder wasn't sure whether or not he was allowed to watch. He in no way considered himself a softie… that was, before he met Anna and Scully. And now, Emily. He couldn't believe how much he wanted to be a part of this experience.

"Mulder, will you hand me the burp towel on the table?" Scully asked. He was pretty sure she could have reached it herself, but he knew she was just telling him that it was okay to play a role in this as well.

Still unsure of himself, though, he sat on the edge of the bed, just gawking at his nursing daughter, until he had the sense of mind to say something.

"Does it hurt?" he asked.

"No. It tingles a little, it's been a long time since I've breastfed, but all in all it's very soothing. It's like the rest of the world disappears and it's just her and me."

"I'm a little jealous. You have this amazing way of connecting with her and I'm just… Dad."

"You're more than that. Yes, she needs me more than anyone right now, but one day that's going to change. You'll be the one she wants to go places with, you'll be the one she wants to chase away the monsters in the middle of the night, you'll be the funny one and the one who doesn't make her eat her vegetables. The one who puts her on your shoulders and the one who reads the best bedtime stories."

Scully seemed to be getting a little sad at the prospect, but what was the most comforting about it all was that she knew Mulder would always be around for their daughter in any capacity she needed him.

"Don't worry, Scully. I'll share my daughter with you once in awhile," Mulder decided to joke. Scully was switching Emily to her other breast when they heard a knock at the door. Allowing her some time to cover up, Mulder went to answer it himself.

The woman at the door was someone he had honestly forgotten all about in the chaos of the last two days.

"Hi Fox," his mother stood there, holding a small bagged gift and potted flowers in one hand.

"Hi Mom," he smiled, letting her in. The older woman smiled to Scully burping her daughter in the bed, obviously wanting to check them both out, but being hesitant to do so.

"She's just finished dinner, so she should be content," Scully let Teena know. Giving her gifts to her son, she sat down in the chair Mulder had just been occupying to get a glimpse of her first grandchild. Well, her first biological grandchild.

It only took Emily a minute or so to let out an impressive belch, which Mulder took pride in. Then, Scully carefully handed her over to Teena. As soon as she peered at the baby's face, the woman's eyes filled with tears. She looked over to her son.

"She looks just like your sister," came her watery smile. Mulder was overcome by emotion as well at that simple statement, and Scully made her hand available for him immediately.

"Mom, thank you for being here. It really means a lot," Mulder finally said after his tears had abated somewhat.

"And anytime you want to see Emily, see the girls, all you have to do is call. Or drop by. You are just as much a part of their lives as my parents," Scully extended despite her previous encounters with Teena Mulder.

"Thank you both. It's time for me to start righting my wrongs and doing my part in my family. I'm going to be a good grandmother… if you want me to be."

It didn't take Mulder any time to formulate his answer, but Scully spoke first.

"Of course we do. There was never any question."

"All I can do is thank you. And prove that I'm committed. And give you this," Teena reached for the bag and gave it to Scully. Inside were two rag dolls, an old one and a new one, and judging by Mulder's reaction, Scully could tell instantly where the old one came from.

"Emily," Mulder ran his long fingers over the doll's face, remembering old times.

"And Anna," Teena smiled, referring to the new doll in Scully's hands.

The baby in Teena's arms stretched and slipped into sleep, a representative of how the relationship between her parents and her grandmother would ultimately be.

When it was finally time to try and get some rest, Scully decided that it was alright for Emily to stay in the room with them. After all, she'd have to get used to getting up during the night at the sound of her cries anyway. Plus, no matter how many times the girl awoke during the night, any rest that Scully would get would be beneficial. She felt like she was back in med school and was studying for three exams at the last minute. During her first year, she'd been so overwhelmed she'd forgotten her own birthday.

Mulder was trying to stretch out his lanky body in the armchair provided by the hospital. Even though it folded out, he was still too tall to sleep comfortably on it. Scully acknowledged this after watching him toss and turn for about fifteen minutes.

"Just come lay next to me," she said nonchalantly.

"I'll be okay Scully."

"No, if I have to watch you readjust yourself on that thing one more time _I'm_ not going to be able to sleep. So just get up here." He was about to protest again, but she was adamant.

On the bed, they had no choice but to spoon up to each other. This instantly made Mulder relax. Their hands met on Scully's stomach and his head dipped to rest on her shoulder. Any casual observer would have sworn they'd been married several years.

Since she had been the one to call the shots in terms of his proposal and his interactions with his daughter, it hadn't occurred to Mulder that Scully was just as insecure as he was about what was next for them. He felt that she had all the confidence in the world, but that was just a front. And in his arms that night, with their sleeping daughter not three feet from them, her walls were crumbling.

"Mulder?" she asked, her voice no bigger than Anna's.

"Mmm?" he answered, already half asleep.

"We're going to be okay, right? Everything's going to be okay?"

He didn't even have to think about it. Mulder pressed a small kiss under the ear of his best friend, the mother of his children, his life, his everything.

"Everything will be okay."

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**I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting so long for this chapter. after the last one, it was a bit difficult to write. ultimately, I hope you enjoy it, but I'll never know if you don't hit that review button!  
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	43. Chapter 43

**a/n: I love writing this story almost as much as I love reading how much you enjoy reading it. I'll never get tired of your thoughts. as a forewarning, I may not be updating as frequently on this story or my other one in the weeks to come. I'm moving back to school tomorrow. it's been a great summer, and I've realized how lovely everyone on this site is. I will try, for your sakes, to update as often as I can. thank you again!**

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The next morning, having showered and changed into a gray turtleneck and jeans herself, Scully dressed Emily for her first trip, the trip home. After two days in the hospital, everything was clear for mommy and baby to leave. They were ready. All Scully wanted to do was collapse into her own bed. Let Mulder handle things around the house for a few more hours. She was going to milk this for all it was worth.

"Scully, she's going to suffocate if you put any more clothes on her. She looks like a cotton ball," Mulder said, coming through the door with their new carrier. The baby had on a white long-sleeve onesie with gray leggings over it, white lace-trimmed socks, a pink wool sweater, a white puffy fleece snowsuit, white wool booties and mittens, and a white wool beanie. Cotton ball was a good description of their little girl, but it was early November and already only 37˚out.

"Remind me never to let you take her out of the house," Scully answered, putting her in the carrier and then laying down two blankets, one across the baby's lap and one over the carrier. Mulder was holding out her coat for her and she gratefully shimmied into it.

"Ready to go home Em?" Mulder peeked into the carrier after hoisting it back up into his arms now that it was full of baby. She just yawned.

All the nurses at the hospital were sad to see them leave. Most of them had taken a liking to Emily, who, according to Mulder and Scully (who were completely unbiased), was the cutest baby in the nursery. A lot of the younger nurses were sad to see Mulder leave, though, and certainly were disappointed to see him leave with Scully. Scully knew this, and kept her head held high as they walked past the station.

"This is our car," Mulder narrated to his daughter as he secured her seat in the backseat of his new black 1994 GMC Jimmy. He'd finally splurged and got a new car, following Scully's move a few years back to replace her dying old clunker. He couldn't believe this was where he was at 33, an SUV-driving, newspaper-reading, dog-walking, 9 to 5 guy with a family.

"Mulder, she doesn't care," Scully said from the front seat. Secretly though, maybe not even that much so, she was elated at the way Mulder was treating their daughter. If six years hadn't been enough time to convince her he was a loving dad, the way he spoke to their newborn was.

"Never too early, Scully. Never too early," he said nonchalantly, jumping in the front seat and grabbing her hand without thought.

Anna jumped out the door as soon as she saw the car pull up. Only in her sweater and jeans, she met Scully before she even opened her door.

"Mommy!" the little girl shrieked and crawled her way into her mother's arms. It was a little difficult for Scully to handle her jumping daughter, but the way she curled herself around into her embrace made it all worth it.

"What are you doing out here with no shoes or jacket on?"

"I'm happy to see you," Anna said sweetly, knowing she had the power to divert negative attention away from herself if she was just cute enough.

"Come on," Scully sighed, amazed at how her daughter's mind worked. Hopefully she wouldn't teach her sister her manipulative ways. Mulder was already on his way inside with the carrier.

It had taken several hours for Maggie and Bill to leave, but eventually Scully was able to make them aware of her need for rest. She slumped against the door once she shut it after them, too exhausted to stand anymore.

"None of that now," Mulder chided, picking her up bridal-style under the knees and around the waist, "You're supposed to be superwoman."

"That's my mom. She has an unlimited supply of energy and what does she use it for?" Scully moaned, leaning into Mulder's warm chest. She felt herself being carried up the stairs to her bedroom, where Emily had been sleeping for about an hour.

"She means well," he kissed her forehead as he settled her into bed.

"Hey, I saw you first. You're supposed to be on my team."

"Sorry. I'll try to be more loyal," he smiled. He loved when she was tired and said whatever came to mind.

"Mmm," was the only intelligible thing that could be ascertained from the tiny woman as she sunk deeply into her pillows. Mulder could have stood there and watched her sleep forever, but he heard the unmistakable sounds of an accident downstairs. Thankfully, neither the thud of something hitting the floor nor the dog barking were enough to wake up Scully or Emily. He shut the door on his way out just in case.

Entering the kitchen revealed a stock-still Anna standing in front of the open refrigerator, staring wide-eyed at a casserole dish flipped upside down on the floor. Sadie was licking up whatever contents had been inside. Anna turned to look at Mulder slowly.

"What's going on?" Mulder decided to break the ice.

"I was just hungry, Mulder. I'm sorry," Anna started to cry. Her tears were Mulder's weakness. In perhaps not the greatest parenting move ever displayed by mankind, he immediately scooped her up in his arms to let her know it was alright.

"Shhh, what were you trying to get?"

"The lasagna that Grandma made."

Mulder's mouth watered at the prospect of Maggie's lasagna, but then his heart sunk when he realized it was on the floor. Using his foot, he shooed Sadie away from the pasta, giving it at least that dignity.

"You know what? I'm hungry too."

"Can we go to McDonald's?"

"No fast food," Mulder shuddered after two days eating hospital food. Maggie's lasagna would have done his stomach wonders.

"Then what?" Anna asked.

Mulder noted the time, only 6:30.

"After we get this cleaned up, we're going to the grocery store."

"Mulder, I wanna ride in the cart," Anna made it known when they arrived. He hoisted her up and put her in the back of the carriage, hoping with her inside that he wouldn't run into anything. Scully usually did most of the grocery shopping. When he did come in, it was usually to pick up something small for her, and he almost never brought Anna. Now that they had more on their plates, he guessed that would change.

"Okay girlie, where is the pasta?" Mulder asked.

Anna laughed at him. She knew her way around the grocery store better than Mulder.

"By the soup."

"And where is the soup?"

"By the pasta."

"Oh, so we're going to play that game?" Mulder asked. No matter. He just started at the first aisle and would work his way down.

Four aisles later, Anna was swimming in the back of the cart. But she was having the time of her life. They were in the snack aisle, and Mulder was terrible at telling her "no."

"I want the princess fruit snacks," she told him, though she already had a box of pudding packs in her hands.

"But you got the animal fruit snacks," Mulder tried to reason with her, knowing he was being played by the six-year-old.

"If we get both, I won't have to get any fruit snacks next time we're here."

He hadn't been expecting her to come up with such a great answer to his initial objection. That, in and of itself, should be rewarded. Mulder bent down and grabbed the princess fruit snacks.

After spending $124 at the register, Mulder thought he was finally going to be able to get out of the grocery store. He thought he was finally home free. Anna was chomping on her princess fruit snacks, content as could be, and he could see their car in the parking lot.

They almost had reached the door before he was stopped by the crane machine in the lobby. Anna gave him her puppy-dog eyes.

"Just once, and that's it," Mulder said sternly, watching Anna's eyes light up as he dropped the quarter in the machine. He knew right when he saw the bright red machine what he was going to go after. There was a small yellow dog in the corner of the glass container.

The claw grasped and grabbed for the dog, being able to jostle it from its position just a smidge before Mulder's time was up. He felt cheated, though, and that the result of his first attempt was unacceptable. So he dropped another quarter in.

_45 minutes later…_

The only thing that awoke Mulder from his yellow dog-induced trance was the ringing of his cell phone. It was now completely dark outside and Anna was fast asleep in the back of the cart. Rubbing his eyes, Mulder answered.

"Where are you?" Scully asked on the other end of the line.

"The grocery store. Actually the lobby of the grocery store," he hated to admit.

"The crane machine?"

"The crane machine."

"How much money have you—"

"$10."

"Mulder," Scully sighed, "come home."

"Okay, just one more—"

"Come home now."

Hamilton's Grocery Store: 1. Fox Mulder: 0.


	44. Chapter 44

**a/n: finally another update! woo! warning: Emily angst ahead.**

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It was the second day in a row he had walked in the door to hear a screaming baby. Going into the living room, the source of the sound, and seeing the state that Scully was in, Mulder knew that Emily hadn't just started crying for him. She'd kept them up a lot lately with her cries, which never seemed to be abated by anything. In fact, Mulder was beginning to wonder if the only time she ever slept since her crying spell had begun was when exhaustion overtook her. He'd had problems sleeping his whole life, he tried to tell himself at the start of their problems. But she was one-month-old and they both knew that it was something more.

"Hi," he greeted the red-eyed mother of his child. Reclined on the couch, Emily laying on her chest, Scully gave him a deadly look. One that suggested that this was his fault.

"Take her," she said, getting up and putting her hands over her eyes.

"Emily," Mulder cooed. Bouncing her up and down, which had always worked with Anna, only served to upset the baby more. Her shrill cries filled his ears. It was then that he understood Scully's testiness.

"Mulder!" Anna came bounding to him from the kitchen. She threw out her arms to be picked up, and it was the first time in six years that he didn't respond.

"Hi sweetie," he ruffled her hair, still bouncing Emily up and down not because it was working, but because he couldn't think of anything else to try.

"Mulderrrr," the little girl whined, attaching herself to her leg.

"Anna, I can't hold you right now. Emily's crying."

The broken-hearted look on her face physically hurt him. In about .05 seconds, the tears had come. Anna wasn't used to being shrugged off by either her mother or Mulder, but it had been happening a lot lately.

"No tears. There's no reason for tears," Scully told her oldest daughter, having had to deal with her wanting attention for most of the day but not being able to provide it to her. She had hoped that their routines wouldn't change that greatly for Anna's sake, and she still had hope that Emily would get over whatever phase was affecting her. There were so many reasons babies cried, it was hard to pin down exactly what was wrong.

Anna wanted sympathy from her mother, though, not the tough love that she was providing, and didn't react well to it. The six-year-old took one look at the still-screaming baby in Mulder's arms and scowled.

"I hate her! Take her back to the hospital!" Anna screamed at her sister and parents. Given the circumstances, both adults had been wondering when, not if, Anna would show signs of harboring resentment toward the baby. They were not, however, going to allow it.

"Go to your room!" Scully yelled louder than she meant to.

"No!"Anna yelled back uncharacteristically. Usually a raised voice had her in tears and asking for forgiveness almost immediately. The stress of the last two days was getting to everyone, though.

Without words, Scully picked up her daughter with force and trudged up the stairs with her kicking over her shoulder. It was hard for Mulder to watch. He had wanted nothing more than to hold both of his girls in his arms, but he couldn't do that with a crying baby in one. No matter how she misbehaved, Mulder always had a soft spot for Anna, which is why he tried to let Scully do most of the disciplining. He knew Anna wouldn't take him seriously.

"Now we have two crying girls," Scully said a few minutes later as she came back from putting Anna in her room. She wasn't worried about her leaving time-out, but even if she did, Scully didn't care. She was so tired. She'd been listening to Emily's wails all day. Sitting on the couch, she put her head in her hands and tried to take a deep breath.

"Scully, I think there's something wrong with Emily," Mulder confessed to her, knowing that, as a doctor, she had been having the same thoughts. Mulder's fears had come from examining his daughter while Scully was dealing with Anna. Just by looking at her, he knew something wasn't right. Not only that, he could feel it as plainly as if Emily was telling him herself. She was trying.

"I can't get her into the doctor until tomorrow. It is cold and flu season."

"No, I mean, I really think there's something wrong with her." He regretted bringing their fears to light, but where their daughter was concerned, they couldn't take any risks.

Scully left the couch to take Emily in her arms. Mulder was right, she knew. But she had been telling herself that it was normal for some babies to cry a lot. As a doctor, she would have told herself that the level and relentlessness of her baby's cries were not normal, but as a mother, she didn't want anything to be wrong with her child.

"She's not been eating right the past few days, Scully, she cries like she's uncomfortable all the time, and is it me or does she seem pale?"

Her heart sped up as Mulder confirmed the fears she had ignored. Willing her to stop crying and prove them all wrong, Scully kissed the side of Emily's head multiple times.

"What do you think we should do?" she choked up.

"I think we should take her to the emergency room. I'd rather find out there was nothing wrong with her than not take her."

Shuddering, Scully silently agreed. She hated the idea of going to the emergency room. The emergency room. For emergencies. And this wasn't an emergency. She was a good mom, she could calm her baby.

"I'll go get Anna," Mulder told her. As he disappeared and Scully had some alone time with Emily, she pleaded with her to just be having a bad day. Gas, colic, acid reflux, anything mundane.

"Make us feel like overprotective parents, darling."

He could hear Anna's cries through the wood of her door as Mulder approached. Amongst everything else, he truly felt bad for what happened not more than five minutes ago. He wanted both of his girls to know that he loved them… he wanted all three to know.

"Mulder! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Anna buried herself in his leg once he opened her door.

"I know baby, and I'm sorry too. Okay?" Mulder reacted, crouching down to her level. She was wiping her tears away as she nodded to him, and he wished he had better news for her at that point.

"Please find your shoes and jacket and put them on. We have to go somewhere now."

"Where? I don't wanna go anywhere!"

"Anna, please stop whining. Just put your shoes and jacket on."

"Where are we going?" she asked again. He loved everything about Anna most of the time, but at that moment, Mulder wished she hadn't inherited her mother's stubbornness.

"We have to take Emily to the hospital," he told her softly, so as not to scare her. She immediately tensed up, though, indicating that his efforts had not worked.

"I didn't mean it! We don't have to go!" she exclaimed, and Mulder had absolutely no idea why.

"Yes, we have to. Maybe you could put some books or toys in your backpack so you won't be bored while we wait." Looking like she was ready to cry again, Mulder put his hands around her waist.

"I need you to be a big girl right now, honey. Mommy and I are very worried about Emily and we need you to be good."

Sensing she had a job to do, Anna got straight to work dumping whatever was in her backpack on the floor (good thing he'd left Scully downstairs). Going over to her bookshelf, she carefully but quickly picked out her favorite titles. Then, rummaging around in her toy box, she produced two Barbie dolls and a game of Memory. Then, she grabbed Sally, her stuffed dog, and her yellow blanket off the bed.

Once she had her coat and shoes on, Mulder figured it was probably a good idea to pack some things for Emily too. Anna helped him find the diaper bag and, being totally clueless as to what they would need, he threw four onesies, five pairs of socks, another pacifier, and more diapers and wipes in there. Next, he grabbed two heavy blankets from her crib, shut the lights off, and ran back down the stairs.

The situation in the living room had not changed much, except for that Emily now donned her baby coat and Scully was jacketed along with her. He had grabbed the carrier from the foyer and wordlessly took the screaming baby and put her in it. As if she knew what were going on, Emily's cries had increased to ear-piercing level. It was more proof of what they feared.

"Are you going to try and get ahold of your mom?" Mulder asked as Scully climbed in to the front seat after buckling both Anna and Emily in the back.

"Both she and Missy didn't answer."

Ignoring the speed limit laws for most of the way, it was a wonder that the family wasn't noticed by police. Scully believed firmly that divine intervention had occurred, while Mulder chalked it up to the pileup the traffic reporter was announcing on the radio. It wasn't the time to lose faith, though.

The triage nurse admitted them right away, the ferocity of Emily's cries not lost on her. Within minutes, they were in their own temporary room, and the doctor was on his way. While asking them questions, Scully zoned out. Though she was trying her best to focus and remain calm, all she could think about was how long she had waited to seek medical attention for her baby. She felt like a horrid mother, and all of her feelings culminated watching Emily squirm and wail on the adult-sized hospital bed in that room. The blankets they had so lovingly wrapped her in had been unfolded around her, her clothes had been stripped away, and another nurse was taking her temperature and checking her pulse.

Mulder's hand quickly found hers as he explained their daughter's problems for the past two days. Laying against the white sheets, Mulder could barely stand to look at Emily, as her skin had an eerily similar color to them. Whatever she was going through, he'd take it on in a second.

After the nurses left and before the doctor arrived, Mulder and Scully were left to sit in that room, shaking slightly, staring at the wall in front of them, trying to assure an also quiet Anna that everything was going to be alright. They were really trying to assure themselves.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Nadesh," a man in his mid-fifties poked his head into the room not very long after. Scully had heard of this man before. He had had a long career in treating infantile diseases. A tiny amount of comfort was provided to her knowing that they had the best doctor in DC for Emily.

"I'm Fox Mulder, and this is Dana Scully."

"And you're her parents."

"Yes."

"Tell me more about why you're here."

This was where Scully jumped in. By holding her hand, Mulder could feel the "mama bear" part of her activate, and he knew he'd better stay clear and let her handle it.

"Starting yesterday, she's been crying almost nonstop. She hasn't been stopping to eat or sleep very much. I scheduled her a doctor's appointment, but they couldn't see her until tomorrow. After he got home from work today, we noticed the pallor of her skin had become very pale and inconsistent. That's when we realized that it could be something more than colic or acid reflux, and we brought her here."

"Has she been showing any signs of trauma?"

"No, I've been with her constantly since she began crying, and there was no trauma."

The doctor began to pick up on, by her speech and the tone of her voice, the fact that Emily's mother was involved in the medical field.

"Any bleeding, bruising?"

"No."

"Vomiting or other gastrointestinal problems?"

"None."

Continuing to write their answers on a chart, he started to ask more questions about her birth and their family histories. Mulder's head was swimming as they began to talk faster, using more jargon.

"I will have my technicians come back immediately and take some blood for a CBC. I'm suspecting that she's deficient in one of the essential vitamins. If it comes back abnormal, then we'll do a blood smear and differential. After we get the results of these tests, we can possibly determine the problem or what other tests need to be run on her," the doctor explained. As he was about to leave the room, Mulder stood up with Anna in his arms and shook the man's hand. He had a very comforting air about him, and Mulder felt at peace with their assignment.

"If they're going to draw blood from her, I want to hold her," Scully got up from her seat and took her daughter in her arms. She began to scream louder at being handled.

"Shhh, baby, it's Mama."

"Mulder, what's wrong with Emily?" Anna asked, curling herself up in his arms. Both Mulder and Scully were sorry she had to witness all of this, especially since she was too little to really understand what was going on.

"We don't exactly know. That's why we're here."

"Mommy, do you know?"

Rocking Emily back and forth, it pained Scully to shake her head. She should have known what was wrong. Why had she spent nearly ten years dedicated to her medical career if she couldn't even diagnose her own child?

When the technicians arrived, Mulder wondered if he should take Anna out of the room. The look on Scully's face as they began to pull out the needle, though, tiny as it was, convinced him that he needed to be there.

The technician asked her to hold her baby girl down. God, they made her restrain her daughter as they stuck a needle in her arm. Tears flooded her eyes as Emily's wails got louder, if that were possible.

Blood drained from Emily's arm into the vial, and Mulder felt they were taking too much. She was just a little girl, how much blood could she have?

After what felt like forever, the blood was all collected. They left after securing her arm with a bandage, not offering any explanation as to why she may be crying, or when to expect them back. As they left, Scully clutched her daughter close again, apologizing softly in her ear for letting them hurt her. It became too much, though, and she closed her eyes in pain. Mulder saw this and shifted both himself and Anna to sit on the bed next to her. He had to fumble for it, but he found her hand and squeezed it tightly.

She squeezed back.

Anna began to whimper against Mulder's side, burying herself in his coat. While there may have been nothing he could do for Emily, he lifted Anna to meet his eyes.

"What's wrong honey?" he asked, knowing she was probably at least a little scared. She looked over to her mother's lap, where the baby was still crying, and lowered her head.

"I'm sorry," was all she offered.

"For what?"

"I told you to take Emily back to the hospital. I didn't mean it. I didn't want her to be in the hospital."

Hugging her closely, Mulder was only sorry that he hadn't remembered that she had said that. It was of no consequence to them, he and Scully knew they weren't there because of what she had said. But Emily had spent the past hour believing that her words had caused this situation. He had known guilt like that before. Mulder didn't ever want one of his girls to feel that guilt.

"This is in no way your fault, sweetheart. We know you didn't mean it. Emily is sick, your words didn't put her here," Mulder tried to assure her.

"I'm still sorry. I love her."

"I know. She knows."


	45. Chapter 45

**sorry for the delay! hopefully everyone is still interested! also, keep in mind that I am not a doctor (not even a pre-med major).  
**

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In the time it took for the CBC to come back, Emily had finally allowed exhaustion to overcome her. The adults had switched children, with Scully leaning back on the bed reading to Anna and Mulder sitting up rocking the baby slowly. Dr. Nadesh knocked briefly, then entered.

"Hello. We got the results back," he said mostly to Scully, who was sitting up now, "and I'm sorry to say they are somewhat disturbing. Her WBC, RBC, and platelet counts are extremely low, not to mention her hemoglobin is around 7 gm/dL, which is much too low for a one-month-old. What we're looking at now is most likely some kind of anemia, normocytic is what I'm suspecting."

"Have you done a differential yet?" Scully asked, swallowing painfully.

"Yes, and we've found that all of her white cells are sitting at unacceptably low levels except for her lymphocytes, which are normal."

"Then you'll need to run a reticulocyte count."

"Ms. Scully, I can't do that just yet. Your daughter is in a very serious state and she needs a transfusion as soon as possible."

Mulder hadn't really understood all of what Scully and the doctor were talking about until then, and his heart stopped in his chest as soon as he realized what kind of condition his baby girl was in. He tightened his arms around her sleeping form, hoping she wasn't in pain.

Tears had sprung to Scully's eyes as well. Transfusions were risky for adults, not to mention the toll it would take on a one-month-old baby. There were so many things that could go wrong. She felt she were in a terrible nightmare and she couldn't wake up. Hearing news like this about your child is the worst thing a parent can experience.

"Wha—" she breathed out, not able to form a whole word. That afternoon, she had thought Emily had had a bad case of colic, now she needed a blood transfusion. Thankfully, Mulder stepped in when she lost her sense of balance.

"How soon will you be able to perform it?" he asked, looking up for the first time in awhile.

"As soon as we can prep her, we'll be able to perform the procedure. She'll be getting a full transfusion of red cells, white cells, and platelets."

"And this will make her better?"

"It will save her life," Dr. Nadesh made no bones about it. After those words were spoken, their lives seemed to carry on in a whirlwind while they could only watch. Emily was ripped from Mulder's arms and taken up to the 7th floor, where she would be prepped and ready for the transfusion in less than an hour. They followed the nurse up to the room where she would receive treatment in a daze, as if they were being pushed along by a current. They were both trying to stay strong, if nothing else then for Anna's sake, but silent tears were still falling from Scully's eyes when they arrived in the room.

Finally, Emily was brought back to their room in a bassinet, tubes sticking out of her from all different places. It was almost too much for the two to handle. She was so small. She was so sick. And they weren't ready to go through this at all.

"Alright, Ms. Scully and Mr. Mulder, we're going to begin giving the transfusion now. First, we need to check your IDs again and then you'll need to sign off on the procedure. The process is going to take around six hours because of the amount of blood we need to give her. Hopefully she continues to sleep, but if she wakes up then you guys can of course sit with her and talk to her. Also, there will be several nurses in here frequently checking her temperature, blood pressure, and for signs of adverse reaction to the blood. While we're giving her the transfusion, I'll have a team of doctors working with the blood we already took from her to hopefully determine her condition. Do you have any questions?"

They had hundreds of questions. Was she going to be okay? Was she going to be in any pain? What could they expect after the transfusion? Was she going to be sick for the rest of her life?

But all they could do was let the doctors and nurses do their jobs. They felt like they were drowning, and completely powerless against the situation. Not only that, they couldn't breathe.

"Mommy," Anna whimpered from the corner of the room where she had huddled herself. Mulder and Scully were so sorry that she had to watch all of this happen. Leaving Mulder's side, she scooped her oldest daughter up in her arms and decided that taking her out in the hallway for a few minutes would probably be best. For both of them.

"Let's go look out the window," she kissed Anna's chin, taking her down to the end of the hallway to look out the window. This reminded her of all the times when she was fussy as a baby, when looking out the window at the world would be enough to calm her down. Anna had always been curious, but it was during those times that Scully knew her daughter was an inquisitive, intelligent, thoughtful individual. She saw so much of herself in her, and she made her proud every day. With all the stress of Emily's illness, it was comforting to reflect upon all the times in her life she had felt completely at ease.

The world below them was blanketed in fresh white snow. It had gotten very dark since they had arrived at the hospital, now almost three hours ago, but the snow was gleaming against the lights of the hospital and the street. She would have liked to be out there, breathing in the calm air. Letting the quiet world envelope her in its security.

"See baby, it snowed."

The six-year-old just nodded her head.

"Do you wanna talk about what you saw in there?"

"No. It'll make you upset," Anna's small voice told her. Scully's smile was also small after she heard that. Her baby girl was so considerate of her feelings. But she was little, and she shouldn't have been the one providing strength for her mother.

"As long as we're in here with Emily, I'm going to be upset. But if you have questions about what's going on, I want to answer them for you."

"What _is_ going on Mommy?"

Scully forgot, in her effort to enlighten her daughter, that she was just about as much in the dark as Anna was. Just because she could speak the language and read the charts didn't mean that she was any more informed.

"The doctors don't exactly know yet. But they're working very hard to figure it out. And what's going on right now is for some reason, Emily's body isn't making her blood the right way, and it's making her sick. So the doctors are giving her some good blood so that she can feel better."

"Will she be okay after that?"

"Hopefully. But we still have to find out why her body isn't working right. When we find out that, then we'll be able to make her okay."

"When will that be?"

"There's no way to know that."

Anna nodded again, looking like she was contemplating something. Instead of asking another question, though, her expression turned sullen and she looked straight into her mother's eyes.

"I'm really sorry about what I said earlier."

"I know honey. Remember what Mulder said, it's not your fault."

"Yeah, but I said it and now she's here. I wish I didn't say it. I didn't mean it." Anna started to cry again. She wasn't the only one who wished she could go back and erase that statement. It was hard to convince her that her words hadn't put her sister in the hospital, when all of the events of their hospital visit happened just after she said that. Not to mention that she was a very compassionate little girl, and she could make anything out to be her fault.

"You can't take back what you said," Scully told her, cradling her as close as she could, "but being a big girl here today and wishing your sister well are going to more than make up for it."

Mulder and Scully were both haggard-looking by the end of the transfusion. It was nearing ten, and Anna was sleeping fretfully in Mulder's arms. Neither of them were sure if their experiences were part of reality or some horrible nightmare until the shrill ringing of Mulder's cell phone robbed them of their daze. He quickly grabbed it from his pocket, hoping the noise wouldn't disturb the kids.

"Mulder," he answered with no emotion in his voice whatsoever.

"_Fox, we just got Dana's message. Are you two alright_?" Maggie's sweet, yet concerned, voice came from the other end of the line.

"We're at the hospital. Emily needed a blood transfusion," he said bluntly, too tired to sugar-coat it. He heard a distressed gasp come from Mrs. Scully, though, and he knew how hard the words had hit her.

"_Oh my God, what's wrong with her?"_

"We're trying to find out. We've been at the hospital since I got home from work."

"_Is Anna with you?"_

"Mulder," Scully said next to him, "let me talk to her."

"Yes, Mrs. Scully, Anna's with us. Here, Dana wants to speak with you."

He was happy that she decided to leave the room, because their conversation was making Anna stir. When Mulder saw her eyes flutter open, he tried soothing her back to sleep, but it was too late.

"Where's Mommy?" she asked sleepily.

"She went in the hallway to talk to Grandma."

Anna nodded, as if that was okay with her. Then, she took a look around the room they were in, and her eyes settled on her baby sister in the bassinet receiving treatment.

"I wish I could help her."

"The doctors are doing all they can," Mulder hoped they weren't going to go on a guilt trip again. He was having trouble keeping it together himself, and it killed him to not have enough strength for Anna, but he was worn too thin.

"I want to be a doctor so I can help babies like Emily," Anna came up with. Mulder couldn't be more proud of her.

"I think that's a good idea."

Scully came back into the room at that minute, handing Mulder back his cell.

"Mom's coming to pick Anna up," she said before sitting down.

"Did she say when?"

"They had just got back home from dinner when they got my message. I'd say an hour but it'll probably take them less."

"You should try to get some sleep," Mulder decided to tell Scully, even though they both knew that would be impossible. She even smirked a bit at him because of the incredibility of his suggestion. To prove how serious he was, though, Mulder wrapped the arm that wasn't securing Anna to him around her mother's shoulders and pushed her head on to his upper chest. Then, he stroked his long fingers through her silky hair. It wasn't until she jerked awake that she realized she was sleeping.

"Tell Mommy goodbye," Mulder told a half-asleep Anna, who was being lifted up by her grandfather.

"NO!" Anna yelled when she realized she was being taken away from Mulder's arms. She reached for Scully earnestly, and her mother tried her hardest not to give in.

Scully's own mother was standing not far from them, and once the two women locked eyes, it was impossible for her to keep it together. Sometimes, as Anna was demonstrating for them, a girl just needs her mom. Maggie enthusiastically accepted her daughter into her arms when she began to cry. The weight of the entire day was pressing down on her shoulders, and sobs wracked her entire body. Mulder wished more than anything that he could be the one to comfort her. After all, it was their daughter who was in the hospital, their daughter who was suffering. If anyone knew her pain, it was him. But just as Scully had a kinship with her mother, he again felt overwhelmingly connected to Capt. Scully. They were both silent pillars in this situation. Going through their own hell just to protect the ones they loved. Capt. Scully must have gone through this hundreds of times when he had to go away for a tour and listened to his children cry for him. Leaving Maggie alone to deal with that must have been one of the hardest things he ever had to do. Yet he knew the repercussions if he crumbled.

"It's okay, sugar. Grandpa's got you," Capt. Scully cooed to his granddaughter. He was able to get Anna calm enough to leave the room, but Mrs. Scully remained. She and Scully were whispering to each other. When they were done, Maggie went over to her surrogate son and kissed his forehead, then left the two alone. Scully still had tears running down her cheeks, but Mulder didn't know where his place was. Did she need him for the kind of comfort her mother provided her? Or did she simply need him here for moral support and to drive them home when everything was done?

She answered his question for him when she slowly walked up to him and silently asked him for permission. He'd do anything for her… it was no question. They cried together until the door to the room opened once more.

Dr. Nadesh did not have good news.


	46. Chapter 46

**thanks to everyone who has reviewed! your kind and positive thoughts keep this story alive!**

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Aplastic anemia. Her condition couldn't be worse. Simply put, her bone marrow had effectively shut down. Nothing was being created, and that's why she was so sick.

The reality of the situation didn't hit Mulder until he saw Scully's reaction to Dr. Nadesh's news. But it didn't take long. The instant he said the words, she froze in his arms and quit breathing. That was when his heart started to race.

A grief counselor had followed the doctor into their room, into their own personal nightmare, but Scully wouldn't take her support. She wasn't speaking, she wasn't responding, and she didn't want to be touched. She stood vigil over her daughter as they gave her a series of antibiotics. Mulder stood back, just as scared and wondering where his place in all of this was.

Emily would certainly die if they didn't take immediate action. At least, that was what Dr. Nadesh had said. Scully seemed to agree, at least as far as anyone could tell. But their little daughter was so young, the options were limited. For now, they would wear masks in her presence. They would handle her with thick gloves. They would keep their germs out of her purified cube, all the while watching her struggle for life.

It was nearly 4:30 in the morning when Mulder woke in the bed in the room they had been given to sleep in. It wasn't Emily's room. Their daughter had been snatched from them as if she had been kidnapped. Surveying his surroundings, Mulder noticed the bathroom light on. He crept in to find Scully, destitute, standing before herself at the mirror, blaming herself for what was happening.

She saw him come up behind her but didn't move. When his arms snaked themselves around her waist, she remained stoic and still.

"I can't believe this," it was the first time she had spoken in a few hours.

"We'll get through it," he kissed her cheek.

"Don't! Don't say that!" Scully surprised him, whipping herself around to meet him, deadly look in her eyes. "This isn't late payment on a bill! This isn't like when Anna talks back or the dog pees on the rug! My daughter is dying!"

"She's my daughter too. You don't think I'm afraid? I've been trying to keep it to myself this whole night because I've been afraid that you were going to lose it. But don't tell me not to think positively because I can't afford to think of what would happen if…" Mulder finally did it, he finally broke down, "and you can't either."

"Feel my heart," she brought his hand to her chest, letting his palm rest over her quickened pace, "it's been beating like this all night. I can't stop it, Mulder. I can't stop it, I can't control anything, I can't fix our baby…"

Before he could register what she was saying, the enormous amount of pressure she was putting on herself, she was clinging to him for dear life. Screaming into his shoulder, rivers of tears gushing from her tightly shut eyes, nails digging into his skin.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've been broken from the start, and I didn't want to break you too."

He couldn't believe she still made that a part of the conversation. He couldn't believe that after six years together, six years of devotion to each other, she still thought she wasn't good enough for him. Mulder wrapped his arms tightly around her, trying to convey to her just what she meant to him through that simple action. He never just said it. And that was why they were where they were now.

Four hours after they received the diagnosis, Emily took a turn for the worse. Despite their efforts, she had an infection in her lungs. A fairly common one, but because of her depleted cells, one that raged through her body and tried to destroy everything in its wake.

She coded three times before Scully couldn't deal with it anymore. She sought out Dr. Nadesh's opinion on an extremely risky procedure that had been in the back of everyone's mind since they found out what was wrong.

"Ms. Scully, think about what you're suggesting," Dr. Nadesh discussed with her in private.

"You said it yourself, she's going to die if we don't do anything. The antibiotics aren't working as well as we'd like, there's really no other course of action here."

"I understand your point, but your daughter is already very weak, I can't imagine this going well."

"We're all out of options. If we want to save her life, this is what we have to do."

"All the while putting her life at extreme risk by doing so?"

"Is it any different than letting her be, watching her die slowly?"

"Ms. Scully, I know this must be hard on you—"

"Don't start that with me. You know that it's hard on me. I've been watching her suffer through the ineffective treatments, and before that I listened to her cry for two days because of what this illness has done to her. You could never know what I've been going through."

"Respectfully, Ms. Scully, I feel that your relationship to your daughter is preventing you from making a sound medical decision."

Wrong thing to say. Scully's eyes turned to ice and she stared deeply into his soul. She would never do anything she didn't think would be helpful to her child.

"Would you do it if it were your child? Would you not go to any length to save them?"

Mulder was surprised when Scully decided that she needed to step away almost a half hour ago. She had stood steadfastly by Emily's side ever since they arrived at the hospital. He had a true faith that Scully was giving all of her life, all of her energy, to her daughter. As her father, he knew he was no chump in her life, but Scully had always had a special connection to her children.

But now it was his time.

His frail and shivering little girl woke as much as a baby in her situation could. She was whimpering softly, lips moving in and out furiously. Mulder couldn't imagine how hungry she must be. He had no sense of time in that cold hospital, but he suspected that Emily hadn't been breastfed in a long time, instead being nourished through an IV. He wondered if what they were doing was best. What cost does keeping a sick child away from their parents present? How does that cost compare to her laying isolated in terms of recovery? Perhaps he was being cynical, but he just wanted to hold his baby girl. He wanted to feel her alive because in that bassinet he felt she may as well be slipping away.

"Hi pumpkin," he greeted, tapping the plastic to see if it would get her attention. It did. "I know you're scared. This is scary for all of us. You're doing so well, though. You're just like your mommy: strong. And you don't like other people telling you what to do. That trait might come from me, actually, but we won't discuss that. What I want you to know, baby girl, is that you need to keep being strong. Mama and I are doing everything we can to get you better. I know it's only been a month since I first looked into your beautiful eyes, but I couldn't imagine life without them. Anna made me a father, but you, Emmy, made me a daddy. You are me and your mommy together. I need you, okay? You changed everything. I know it's hard, and I know you're tired and you've been through more in the last few hours than most people have been through in their entire lives, but I can't let you go. Mommy and I won't give up on you, and that's reason enough to keep strong."

Mulder wanted more than anything to touch his daughter then. He imagined her tiny hand wrapping around one of his fingers, just as it always did when he had a heart-to-heart with her. It was torture to be separated from her by simple layers of plastic.

Not long after his sermon to Emily ended, Scully walked back in the room, fresh tear stains marring her cheeks. But she walked with purpose. She walked with a new energy. If he didn't know any better, Mulder might say she had a plan.

"I spoke to the doctor again," she informed him, not looking at him.

"About what?"

A deep breath before she continued. She knew Mulder was scared.

"A bone marrow transplant."

A loud, incessant ringing filled Mulder's ears. He didn't know much about medicine or hospitals, but he did know that a procedure like that would put an incredible amount of strain on Emily's already ravished body. And he didn't know if he was willing to risk that.

"I think it's her only option. Antibiotics aren't working, the transfusion only helped her regain what she'd lost, it could never cure her. I know it's risky, but Dr. Nadesh agreed that if it's what we want to do…"

"Whoa, Scully, hold on. A transplant? Not only is she incredibly sick and weak, she's only a month old. How is this going to affect her? And… and what if it does more harm than good?"

There was always that chance, and the chance was heightened substantially in this case. But, with the ferocity of a mother, Scully defended her position.

"Mulder, when I say it's our only option, I mean it's our _only_ option. I'd rather her… knowing we did something than just sit back and let it happen."

Scullys' eyes told him the story. She had the same fears he did, how could she not? But this is what she strongly felt she needed to do. In this instance, she was mama bear, and nothing would keep her from trying to protect and save her baby. Mulder couldn't help himself but be sympathetic.

"We're going to need a donor…"

Anna screamed as and after the needle entered her. But once she got to see her mom and Mulder as soon as she exited the room, all thoughts of pain were gone from her mind.

"MOMMY!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around her. Scully reciprocated because now they had hope.

"Hi sweetheart."

Mulder was able to get in on the action, clasping her little hand as Maggie and the captain stood a few feet from them and watched.

"I miss you so much," Anna made it known, burying her face into the crook of her mom's neck.

"We miss you too, Anna girl."

"Where's Emily?" the six-year-old asked, not knowing how much strife those simple questions caused her mom and Mulder.

"Sleeping right now," Mulder did not lie.

"I miss her a lot. I miss her little fingers and toes."

Though the results of their samples hadn't come back yet, Scully had a strange sense of serenity pass through her. For the first time in days, she felt like everything was going to be alright.

"Hopefully we'll be able to take her home soon."

Mulder and Scully were both partial matches, but Anna was the one. Neither adult wanted that to be the case, but knew it was more likely to happen.

"So what do you want to do?" Mulder asked Scully as she read the results of the tests. It was a big decision to make, Scully couldn't make it on her own.

"What else can we do? We need to get the marrow from Anna."

"Are you sure about that Scully? She's six."

"Yes I'm sure!" she didn't meant to yell. Mulder didn't want to deal with her seeming indifference anymore. He walked over to the other side of the lobby, where Anna and Scully's parents had been sitting to give them some space.

"Hey, can I borrow her for a quick minute?" he interrupted Maggie reading an old children's magazine.

"Do you want to go with Mulder?" Maggie asked, as if it were really a question. Anna enthusiastically nodded and sprang up to meet Mulder.

"How about I carry you?" he wanted to know by the time they got halfway down the hall. He needed to feel her close. Anna did not hesitate, loving to be wrapped in Mulder's strong arms.

"Anna, I've got to talk to you about something," he finally told her once they reached the windows of the courtyard. It had snowed heavily the night before, so they weren't going out, but there were nice couches that were empty, so Mulder sat down at one of them.

"What is it?" Anna asked, sitting upright and smoothing down her cream skirt. There was something about that simple action that made Mulder almost lose it. She was growing up so fast. He'd been there since she was around Emily's age, and this was where the journey had taken him.

"You know that Emily's been sick lately, right?"

"Yeah," Anna's face was concerned. Unfortunately, it wasn't getting any better.

"Well, the other night, the doctors discovered what was wrong with her. Her blood isn't being made the right way anymore."

Anna nodded.

"To make her better, we need to take someone else's blood and hope that it helps to make hers start working again," Mulder did his best to explain the procedure without confusing her, or himself.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea. Anna was only six, she shouldn't be expected to save her sister's life. Now, not only was one daughter going to be suffering, their oldest one would be as well. He was about to tell Anna to forget it and Scully to find another way, but Anna, once again, surprised him with what she said next.

"She can have mine!"

And it was mean to be.

Four weeks later, the not-so-little family walked through the door of their home, and it was like the first time. Anna kept one hand on the handle of Emily's carrier along with Scully, the whole ordeal exposing a protective side of the little girl toward her baby sister. None of them could believe it had been a month since that night they decided something was wrong, but no time was too much time if it meant keeping their daughter healthy. And she was. She had been given a clean bill of health two days ago. Their prayers had been answered.

"Welcome back home, little one," Mulder said to Emily. She looked so much healthier, it was hard to believe she was a pale, struggling little baby not long ago. But Mulder and Scully would just as soon forget what happened and just be grateful they had made it through together.

"I don't think I know how to live a normal life anymore," Scully told him. She was thankful that her mom had stepped in for the past month, the house looking no different than when they left.

"I'm sure it's not going to be difficult," Mulder told her, still staring at his daughter.

"I can't wait to lay in my bed again."

"I can't wait to lay next to you in bed again," Mulder tired his luck at flirting, feeling how long it had been since he did so. He felt like he'd been living through a storm for the past four weeks, and the clouds were just beginning to part.

Scully just gave him one of her Mona Lisa smiles, conveying so much more than he could actually decipher. Then she took their daughters into the kitchen to start their lives once again.


	47. Chapter 47

**feeling like getting back into a writing spree!**

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_**~February 14, 1995~**_

Just like many times before, Mulder couldn't wait to leave work. But this night was special. This night was going to be like none other. It was Valentine's Day and Mulder had been planning for his date with Scully since she'd agreed to it two weeks ago. He couldn't believe she'd said yes. They'd been through six Valentine's Days together and had never done anything special. Their fourth year as a… whatever they were… he bought her a dozen roses, but he'd been a chicken then and they were pink. It was different this year, though. They'd been together for the better part of a decade. They now had a child together. They finally had started having sex again in the past month. There were a lot of reasons he felt that it was the right time to make his move.

Finally, the clock hit 3, and he was free to leave. Most other agents left at 5, but most other agents didn't have two children. It was good working for the federal government.

The evening he had planned with Scully would be simple, yet romantic. First, he had made reservations at one of the lesser known Italian restaurants in the city to make sure they'd have a close atmosphere. Then, they'd stop to hear some local artists play at a coffee shop; possibly do some dancing. After that, they'd take a walk along the Potomac and he'd tell her how he'd felt about her for six years. And then she'd fall into his arms and they'd live happily ever after…

Actually, he didn't know about that last part. After all, there was a reason they'd been "just friends" for six years. Fox Mulder was fairly certain that Scully loved him back, but it wouldn't surprise him if she turned him down. She had a weird complex about herself—she could love him, but she couldn't bear the words. Despite all they had been through, she still thought of herself as a disease that had yet to contaminate him. She didn't know that he'd been infected by her long before now.

He was only a step inside the door when he heard a retching sound coming from the downstairs bathroom. Taking a look around he noticed Emily sleeping in her mechanical swing and Anna brushing Sadie with one of her tiny Barbie doll brushes in the living room. Meaning that the sounds of vomiting could only come from one person…

Of course.

"Scully?" he asked, tentatively stepping into the bathroom. She was leaning against the toilet, breathing heavily. Before he could take the extra step in to reach her, she threw herself over the porcelain God and began to heave once more. It was a few minutes before she was done.

"I don't think I'm going to make it to our date tonight Mulder," Scully apologized as soon as she was done with her spell. Seeing her gray white complexion and the film of perspiration glazing her forehead made their date the furthest thing from his mind, though.

"Aww, Scully, it's not a big deal. Why didn't you call me home?"

"I didn't think I was actually sick. This," she motioned to the toilet, "just began."

"Something you ate?"

"I don't think so. If it was food poisoning, I wouldn't even be able to move."

"You're not…?" Mulder had to ask. If it had happened once, surely it could happen a second time. And they had just become intimate again, after almost a year.

"No," she knew exactly what he was referring to, "I got _it_ yesterday."

"Come here," Mulder moved to sit next to her on the floor, flushing the toilet several times and using some tissues to wipe off the remnants of her sickness from the corners of her lips. He knew she was sick, because she willingly leaned into his body, and Mulder could feel that she was burning up.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Scully remarked sarcastically, scoffing at her situation. She had been very excited when Mulder asked her to dinner. Even though it was just Mulder (or at least that's what she kept telling herself), she felt that things between them were changing. She was almost ready to admit to herself that Mulder was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It would still be awhile before she'd be able to admit it to Mulder, but if he said it first…

"You're going up to bed, little lady," Mulder helped her to her feet once it became apparent that nothing more would be coming out of her. This would be his Valentine's Day. Scully was sorry that he had to spend it taking care of her, but she didn't know there was almost nothing else he'd rather do.

Luckily, Melissa had agreed to watch the kids for the night once Mulder had told her his intentions. She rang the doorbell at exactly 8 p.m. and Mulder answered, soup spilled down the front of his shirt and a recently-fed baby over his shoulder.

"When you told me what you wanted to do tonight, I pictured you going about it a little differently," she said, eyeing his appearance.

"Scully's got the flu. There will be no professions of love tonight," Mulder regretted to inform her.

"You don't need a dumb holiday to tell Dana how you feel, you know," Melissa said, throwing the diaper bag over her shoulder.

"Missy, it's taken me over six years just to get to this point. I think we can wait a little while longer," Mulder had to talk over the impressive belch Emily let out. _Atta girl_,he chuckled to himself.

"If you keep saying that, it won't take you long to realize you could live like this for six more years. And you don't have that kind of time."

"Whoa, let's keep age out of this." After all, she was only a year younger than Mulder herself.

"I'm just trying to tell you—don't wait," Missy accepted Emily into her arms and sat down to put her jacket on her. Within seconds, Anna came bounding into the room with a shimmering piece of paper.

"Mulder! Mulder, I made you a valentine! Look!" she held up her project proudly. Mulder could see the glue and glitter dripping off of it and on to the floor, and he was having a hard time showing her he was happy when he knew he'd have to clean that up later on top of everything else he had to deal with, but he accepted it nonetheless.

"Thank you so much pumpkin," he leaned in to kiss the little girl on the cheek. "I love it."

"And I love you! That's why I made it for you, it means love."

That gave Mulder an idea on how to still make this Valentine's Day special for Scully.

"Okay, Scully, time for some water," Mulder hated to wake her up, but if there was one thing he'd learned through experiencing being sick in the Scully household, it was that you needed to keep hydrated. As a doctor, Scully knew this too, but she still turned her head to the side when Mulder turned on the lamp and brushed her sticky hair back from her face.

"You have to drink something."

"I don't have to do anything."

"Then consider this me getting back at you for you doing this to me all of the times I was sick."

"I'm cold."

"If you take a drink, I'll see what I can do about that."

Not like that was the deal-maker, but Scully did press the cool glass to her fevered lips after he said that. When she was done, Mulder kicked off his shoes and spooned up behind her in the bed as much as he could without joining her under the five blankets she had draped across her body.

"Better?" he asked her after a few moments.

"I'm sorry I ruined your Valentine's Day," she was still feeling guilty about that.

"_My_ Valentine's Day? Scully, there is no Valentine's Day without you," Mulder stoked her sweaty forehead.

"Still," she slurred.

"And who says it's ruined? I'm perfectly happy right here in bed with you."

"So we just skipped everything and went right to the end of the night, didn't we?" Scully displayed her sense of humor, despite having a 101˚fever. Mulder thought it was funny, but he had to make one thing clear.

"This night wasn't going to be about sex, Scully."

"I'm sorry. I just thought, well, what else could you possibly be planning for tonight?"

That hurt. He would never use her for her body like that, even if he was doing a horrible job of conveying that to her.

"Here, maybe this will explain what I wanted this night to result in," Mulder reached over to the nightstand where he had set the glass of water and pulled out a red construction paper heart. It was more skillfully done than Anna's, but not by much. Besides, the artistry wasn't really what it was about.

"A valentine?" Scully asked, smile not only evident on her face, but in her voice.

"Yeah," Mulder said bashfully.

"I haven't gotten a valentine since Mrs. Grotsky's third grade class."

"At least you can remember."

He gave her some silence to read it. On the front, it simply said "Scully" in his fanciest script. On the inside, though, in his regular handwriting, he wrote:

_No matter where we are or what we do, as long as I have you right next to me, it'll be a happy Valentine's Day. There were a lot of things I wanted to say to you tonight, but I think I can convey them in one simple message: I Love You. _

And that was it.

She knew what he meant, and it terrified her. Her hands went rigid holding the card and her heart sped up in her chest. He loved her. He loved her like she loved him. She shuddered to think what her reaction would have been had their date not been cancelled. Of course she loved Mulder with every fiber of her being, but she just chose to brush it off as a friendly comment. Avoiding was a very real technique for Dana Katherine Scully.

"Thank you so much," she arched her head up to kiss his cheek. Mulder's soul dropped into his stomach. Either she really didn't get it, which would mean she had never thought about _that_ before, or she was avoiding the subject because she could not reciprocate his feelings. Either way, Mulder felt like half the man he had come up the stairs feeling like.

"No problem," he got up to take the still-full glass to the kitchen.

But before he was totally out the open door, he heard her small voice call out for him.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I… I know."


	48. Chapter 48

_**~March 19, 1995~**_

Poor little Emily cried when the priest poured the cold water over her head. But Scully said that was to be expected. Mulder still couldn't believe how beautiful his family was, and was so proud to be able to stand behind them at Emily's christening. Of course, Emily had on the christening gown, which effectively swallowed her. Scully's dress was Navy blue and tight at the bust, but flowing as it went down. And Anna had dressed herself in a yellow checkered smocked dress with long sleeves. Mulder himself had even voluntarily worn khaki pants. It all felt right. Them, together, in the church…

"Fox, can you look this way for a picture?" Maggie interrupted his thoughts. Dana's whole family was there, even her brothers. And his mother sat behind them. It was an amazing morning.

After several dozens of pictures, everyone went back to Scully's parents' house in Baltimore. Since the family wouldn't be together for Easter with Charlie's and Bill's deployment, Emily's christening acted as a surrogate holiday. On the ride over, Mulder shuddered to remember his last Easter at the Scully household.

However, he had a plan that he felt would not only make Scully forget about that day six years ago, but would make every single disapproving person in her family (_cough_, Bill Scully, _cough_) change their minds about him. Even after their disappointing Valentine's Day, Mulder was going to propose to Scully that day at her parents' house. He was planning on getting her alone out in the backyard and doing it, then being able to share the news with everyone inside. Mulder realized, just as Melissa had said, his time to begin something real with Scully was running out. She'd be going back to her residency in five months, then a year after that, she'd be done. It was difficult for Mulder to think about the future in that context. He knew that after her residency, Scully wouldn't be tied down to DC anymore. She'd probably move to another city to start a fellowship at a bigger hospital or move to a small town and start her own practice there. For the past six years, their lives had magically intertwined, but it wasn't going to be like that forever. If Scully left, he'd never get over her. Mulder would never even look at another woman. He had to get this right.

"Mulder! Come push me on the swings outside!" Anna demanded just as soon as they stepped foot in the house.

"Anna, please ask Mulder nicely," Scully gave her daughter a look.

"Mulder, will you please come push me on the swings outside?" Anna batted her eyelashes and melted his heart. She even held his hand as they made their way to the swing set.

Her giggles delighted him, especially when he pushed her so high he could run under the swing. No matter how old she got or whether or not he could push her on the swings anymore, she would always be his little girl. Anna taught him how to be a father.

Abruptly, but when she wasn't too high off the ground, Anna jumped from the swing and started running around the yard. Mulder was confused until she turned around and yelled to him, "You can't catch me!"

He pretended for a few moments that he was too slow to be able to catch her, but finally decided to scoop her up in his arms and throw her backwards over his shoulder. When he bent over, something fell out of his pocket and onto the soft ground.

"So, I couldn't catch you, huh?" Mulder hadn't noticed the missing item.

"Put me down!"

"No."

"Yes!" Anna giggled, then started kicking her legs in the air when Mulder began to tickle and kiss her. Watching from the kitchen window was Capt. Scully, who was touched by the scene. It hadn't been too many years ago that he'd done the same thing with his own children. Especially Dana. Dana followed him around like a puppy.

"Alright silly, I think we know who won," Mulder finally set Anna back on the ground. She was still recovering when she noticed something by her feet.

"What's this Mulder?" she picked up the small velvet box and handed it out to him. Mulder patted his front pocket, discovered the box had fallen out of it, then kneeled down to Anna's level. Instead of taking it from her, he let her open it to find the beautiful triple-studded 2 ct. diamond engagement ring inside. Her eyes were wide with amazement.

"It's a ring," he said simply.

"Is it your ring?"

"Right now it is. But I'm going to give it to somebody."

"Who are you going to give it to?" she looked directly into his eyes. Mulder sighed. She had to know eventually.

"Well, sweetie, I was going to… I was going to give it to your mommy."

"Why?" Anna was confused. She didn't really know how "mommies and daddies" became "mommies and daddies."

"I was going to give it to her when I asked her to marry me," he explained to her quietly. Anna's confused expression became one of pure joy.

"You and Mommy are getting married?"

"Don't get too excited honey, she has to say yes first."

"Can I be a flower girl?"

"Anna—"

"I want to wear a pretty dress!"

"Anna," Mulder had to rein her in, "listen to me, we _can't_ tell Mommy. We can't tell anybody yet. You have to let me ask her first, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise me you won't say anything until I tell you it's okay?"

"I promise," Anna crossed her heart. She loved being part of a secret.

"Alright. I love you Ann," he opened his arms out for a big hug. As he brushed her curly hair from his nose, he noticed some movement in the driveway beyond the fenced yard. It was Charlie and a female. A sharp-looking brunette that accepted his kiss when he leaned in for one.

"Everyone," Charlie addressed his family once they were all gathered inside and about to sit down to lunch, "there's someone here that I want you to meet."

The brunette was standing beside him, arms behind her back.

"This is Amy Casper. We've been seeing each other for a year and a half."

Charlie's relationship with Amy certainly wasn't a secret among his family. This was the first time they were able to meet, though, due to Charlie's frequent tours and Amy's schedule as a dental hygienist. Maggie was delighted and skipped over from her spot at the stove to give Amy a big hug.

"Hi sweetheart!" she said excitedly. "Welcome to our home!"

"It's lovely," Amy smiled. She seemed like a truly sweet girl.

"Let me introduce you to everyone. This is my husband Bill, my daughter Melissa, my son Bill and his wife Tara, and my daughter Dana and… this is Fox," Mulder winced not at the use of his first name, a habit Mrs. Scully had not been able to break, but at the lack of title. How embarrassing was it for Maggie, given her religious background, to think of him not as her daughter's long-term boyfriend, but just as her baby daddy? "And here are my granddaughters Anna and Emily."

"Hello everybody," Amy greeted. After that, they all believe that Amy would take a seat at the table and join them. She looked a little nervous, and Mulder remembered his first time meeting all of the Scullys at once. Instead, she and Charlie both remained standing.

"Um, Mom… Dad. I wanted to tell you… Amy's here today because I asked her to marry me. And she said yes."

When everyone else made congratulation noises, Mulder silently cursed Charlie for his terrible timing. It was supposed to be his day! He was the one who was supposed to ask someone to marry him! He was the guy who was supposed to be receiving all of the congratulations. Most importantly, Scully was supposed to be the woman with the ring on her finger…

"Uncle Charlie, Mulder was gonna ask M—" Mulder heard Anna start to say.

"Anna!" he didn't mean to shout. When she turned to see him, all he did was guide her to the table for lunch. He didn't need her spilling the beans on top of everything else that was happening.

"What was that about?" Scully asked him when they sat down together.

"Nothing," he made sure to be sweet to her, not wanting a repeat of last Easter he spent with the Scullys. He took a good look at the fiancés at the other end of the table, and couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy.

That should have been him and Scully.

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**sniffles... it should have been! this pains me as much as it pains you guys. so, this story will be coming to a close soon. I'm not exactly sure how many chapters are left, but it's been a good run. review if you like!**


	49. Chapter 49

**a/n: sorry about the wait! hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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_**~June, 1995~**_

"Hi Miss Emily!" Scully greeted her sleepy daughter, sitting up and rubbing her eyes in her crib. With all that she'd been through in her short life, Emily was a healthy and advanced little girl. She'd been sitting up for over three months now, knew exactly what noises to make when she wanted her mother to know she was awake during the day and night, and smiled a goofy little smile whenever her parents were near her. Recently, she had even started pulling herself to stand inside of her crib in the morning or at the end of a nap. But that day, she was only sitting when her mommy came in the room.

There was nothing Scully loved more than those few precious moments during the day when she could spend quality time alone with her daughters. Her favorite times were when they had just woken up. Both of them were equally cuddly and seemed genuinely happy to be wrapped in her arms during those periods. Scully knew it wouldn't be that way forever.

"Hmmm," Emily cooed, rubbing her hands over her face. She curled into her mother's warm embrace when she was picked up. But the sound of familiar footsteps coming up the stairs caught her attention. She was the first one to see Mulder walk through the nursery door.

"How are my girls?" he smiled, kissing Emily long and lovingly on the forehead and then moving to Scully, who he kissed not as long, but just as lovingly, on the cheek.

"What are you doing home? It's not even noon," Scully inquired. In fact, she and her baby hadn't even thought about lunch yet.

"I've got a case in Albuquerque and I leave tonight," Mulder regretted telling her. He watched her face fall, and he would be lying if he said that didn't make him a little happy. The fact that she would miss him. She didn't want him to go.

"Do you have to?"

"It's only for a few days. This case should be open and shut in no time."

"Then why do you have to go?"

Mulder took a deep breath and sighed, not wanting to reveal the importance of this new case to her. But her expression only begged more explanation.

"A little girl went missing from her school. A five-year-old."

Scully's breath hitched in her throat. She knew how these cases affected him. Not only did he have his own girls to think and worry about, but they always seemed to remind him of his sister. He'd kill himself during those cases, working day and night until he could barely keep his eyes open or sit up straight anymore. He'd go days without eating, showering… she hated his passion.

And she loved it.

"What time is your flight?"

"Seven."

"I'll go pick up Anna from school."

Four days later she hadn't heard from Mulder at all. She'd taken a few days off of work, called incessantly, and short of driving down there herself, was doing everything she could to get in contact with him. Finally, after being on hold with the field office for 45 minutes, a familiar voice answered.

"_Dana?"_

"Reggie?"

"_Look, you've gotta get—"_

"Where's Mulder?" she begged him to answer. Reggie could feel her hands shaking, see her palms sweating, sense her anguish from 2,000 miles away. "I haven't been able to get ahold of him since he left. Where is he?" Scully was almost yelling.

"_He told me he was talking to you,"_ Reggie whispered to himself, but Scully heard.

"Just tell me. Is he hurt? You always tell me when he gets hurt," she was starting to panic.

"_He's just… we didn't find her in time. He's in bad shape."_

Reggie didn't need to say any more. Scully knew exactly what was going on.

"When will you be home?"

"_Some time tomorrow night, hopefully. Can you be there?"_

"I'll be there."

He looked like hell. And when he stumbled past her to the car, he smelled like hell.

"Get him out of here," Reggie said quietly to her as he buckled his seatbelt. By the time Scully got into the car next to him, he had taken a picture out of his wallet and was running his thumb over it. She expected, given the case, that it would be of Samantha. Instead, taking a quick glance revealed that it was one of Anna and Emily that had been professionally done a few weeks before.

Tears briefly filled her eyes, but then, without words, she decided that the best thing to do would be to get him home.

It was 11:30 when they finally pulled in the driveway. Most of the lights were off, but Maggie was watching the girls that night. Like a robot, Mulder made his way into the house and up the stairs. Her mom gave her a strange look when Scully came in behind him, but she just shook her head to reveal Mulder's intense emotions on the situation. The only thing they could do was let him get through this on his own. Every case that involved missing children brought him back to that night when he was 12-years-old. Now, it also made him reflect upon his own life, his own daughters. Walking up the stairs revealed him standing over his sleeping daughter's crib, his body hanging on by a thread.

It was as if he expected her to be standing behind him, and he finally relented into her embrace when she offered it to him. For a few minutes, only his sobs filled the room, and Scully desperately tried to hold him all together.

"I have to find her," were the only words of his she could make out once Mulder finally started to speak.

"You've never given up on her," Scully felt it important to remind him.

"She deserves better than me, Scully," and it was hard to tell who he was speaking of.

"There's nobody better to find her. Or to protect us."

"She's been out there somewhere for 22 years and I've never found her."

Scully didn't know how to comfort him. She didn't feel right telling Mulder that he would find his sister. She had no way of knowing that. He was right, it had been 22 years, and while she didn't blame him for not being able to find her, the chances that she were even still alive to be found were microscopic. So she did all that she could do and held him close, assuring him of all that was secure in his life.

The next morning, Scully woke up early, happy that she felt Mulder behind her in bed. He'd sat up with a photo album all night, and she'd tried to sit with him. But around 2 in the morning, she fell asleep next to him on the couch and he put her to bed. When he was tucking the covers around her, she held onto his hand, indicating that she wanted him to join her. But he didn't.

Turning over to see if Mulder was awake provided quite a shock for Scully, though. Instead of Mulder's harrowed face or even the back of his neck to meet her, Sadie gave her a quick lick in the face. The body she thought had been her best friend's was actually her daughter's dog. And Mulder was nowhere to be found.

"Get up, Sadie," Scully shooed her. The clock said 6:42 and it was a Saturday.

Groaning, Scully got up and went downstairs. What she expected to find was a sleeping Mulder passed out on the couch. Instead she found a note on the refrigerator.

_Scully,_

_Gone to the Vineyard. I can't live with this pain anymore._

Her heart dropped into her stomach as she realized what his words could mean. She'd never pegged him as one to threaten anything… and he certainly had to know how much he was loved at home. Anna couldn't live without him, Emily absolutely adored her daddy, and he had to know that she needed him like she needed air and water.

Mulder wouldn't pick up his cell phone. Everything was speeding up around her and she thought she was going to fall on the floor. Her life was unstable. She was unstable. She was a 31-year-old woman with two daughters and a career and her life was just as uncertain as it was ten years ago. If she wasn't so scared, she would have been angry at Mulder for putting her through this.

The next call she made was to her mother.

"Mulder?" Scully called into the dark house she'd never been to before. When she traveled all the way up to Martha's Vineyard, it occurred to her that even if she found the place, she may not be able to get in. But the door was unlocked, and Scully could feel his presence. He was here. And he needed her.

"Mulder, you better answer me," she threatened as she walked up the stairs. A light was on in the room at the end of the hall.

She didn't know it was Samantha's old room. But as soon as she stepped through the doorway, she was taken back decades. And there was the man she was looking for, sitting on the bed. He didn't even glance up at her when she started to talk.

"You can't do this to me anymore, Mulder. I can't take it."

"Then don't," he simply said.

"Cut the crap."

He gave her a betrayed look. How dare she try to be stable?

"You don't have a responsibility to me, Scully. You don't have to live with my pain."

"But I do. Mulder, I most certainly do. You're right, I don't know what it's like to lose my sister and I don't know what it's like to be responsible for making sure that what happened to you doesn't happen to anybody else. I only know what it's like to have to listen to a seven-year-old's cries for the one man in her life that hasn't let her down. I know what it's like to put _our_ daughter to bed not knowing whether or not her father is going to blow his own brains out over a case. It's not just your pain anymore."

"So what do you want me to do? Give up?" he was finally looking her in the eye, and she at least had that to say of him. Both of their visions were blurred by tears, though.

"Of course not."

"Help me out here, then."

Scully was angry that she had to remind him of what she did.

"I want you to remember that you have a family," she said quietly, but with a lot of power. She knew he didn't have one for a long time, and it was easier that way, but she couldn't take back what they had built together. She wouldn't, anyway, even if it allowed her to avoid the moment they were having right then.

Mulder's hands went immediately through his hair, then covered his eyes. He never wanted to feel like a bad father, but he knew Scully had a point.

"Please, Mulder, please come home with me. And we can look for Samantha. I'll be there for you every step of the way. Just please come home," tears were freely falling down her cheeks and the hand she had extended toward him was quivering. Who was he going to choose?

Mulder's apologetic expression seemed to tell her everything, making her feel stupid for having begged him, but when she turned to leave, she felt him slip his hand into her own.

And they went home.


	50. Chapter 50

**a/n: this story will be wrapping up soon, but hopefully you all still enjoy the ending. it's been a great road, and I promise this is not it for me.**

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_**~August, 1995~**_

"I usually put her down around 10, then feed her as soon as she wakes up. We play around a little bit, then most of the time she falls asleep in the car on the way to get Anna. I should be home before dinner, but if I'm not, she just gets two scoops—" Scully rattled off as Mulder was trying to usher her out the door. It was her first day back as a resident since having Emily, and Mulder was staying home with both girls for a few days until they could find a reliable sitter.

"Scully, I'm not a teenage girl we're paying $8 an hour. I'm her father, for God's sake, I can figure this stuff out."

"I'm sorry," Scully breathed deeply, revealing how nervous she was to go back to the hospital, "I'm just used to being with them all day. I'm really going to miss them."

"Not me?" he tried to lighten the situation. But she was too busy kissing her baby girl's tiny hands.

"I'm going to miss you Anna girl. I love you," Scully scooped her oldest daughter into her embrace. There was an understanding between the two. This was where their lives were supposed to be heading. It had taken seven years, and they'd picked up a few people on the way, but it was still their journey.

"And Mama loves you darling," she almost whispered to Emily, putting their foreheads together. She had to spend a few extra seconds with Emily, more for herself than for the baby. It was always hard to leave her babies for the first time. The contact high Mulder got from the simple action was enough to last him through the rest of the day. Emily was squirming in his arms, and he wished he was in her position. It was clearly evident that Scully shared a deep connection with her daughters.

Finally, it was Mulder's turn. Since Valentine's Day, both of them had been scared of their emotions for each other. Some days they were sure they could be together and make a relationship work. Other days they knew they shouldn't sacrifice what they already had for something they were sure wouldn't be successful.

He wasn't sure what type of day it was, but Scully grabbed Mulder's hand lovingly. Small, simple touches between them always meant something more.

"I'll walk you out."

About forty-five minutes later, Mulder carried Emily through the door after dropping Anna off for a play date, singing a little song to her.

"Ohhh Emily. We're gonna get some food then we're gonna watch some TV. Because Daddy's got some paperwork to finishhh—" his melody was cut off as soon as he saw Scully sitting at the kitchen counter. She was just staring off into the distance, Mulder wasn't sure if she even knew they were there. After settling Emily into her walker, he stood behind Scully and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I can't do it," she told him, eyes still staring forward.

"You don't really believe that."

"I do, Mulder. It's been a year since I've been back to work. It would just be easier if I didn't—"

"Nope. Don't even say it. You're just scared."

"What do I do?" she finally looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Mulder sat down in the chair next to her and took her tiny, shaking hands in his larger ones.

"Remember when we first met?" he asked her.

Scully nodded.

"And that night… how that man tried to grab you?"

"I actually tried to forget that, thanks."

Mulder smiled, looking at their intertwined fingers. His long, darker ones. Her light, dexterous ones. Intertwined was their life. Together.

"I knew, even then, that you were too good to be treated like that for the rest of your life. And it didn't take long for me to want to do everything I could to help you get out of there."

"And now here we are," Scully smirked despite herself.

"You can do it, Scully… I'm going to be here every step of the way. I can't imagine that you need to be told that, though."

"It's nice to hear once in awhile," she admitted.

"I think you can, I think you can, I think you can," he chanted as they stood up and he wrapped his arms around her. She was so strong, but even Scully needed to be reassured every now and then. Just because his love for her was so obvious to him didn't mean that Scully always knew.

"I think I can," she mumbled to her baby daughter as she got back up to leave.

And she did. One year later, an eight-year-old Anna and an almost-two-year-old Emily, along with Mulder, greeted their mom in the lobby of the hospital at the end of her last day as a resident. Many other residents were graduating with her, but none met the sight that Scully did as they finally stepped out of the bay, no longer among the lower ranks. Her eyes instantly filled with tears and she swooped down to her daughters' level.

"Congratulations!" Anna beamed, handing her mom a small gift bag. Foregoing the obvious present, Scully wrapped her arms around her first baby. The growing girl didn't know how much this day was about her. This had been Scully's quest since childhood, but after Anna had arrived, it became a quest dedicated to her. To give her a better life was the whole reason that Scully had embarked on her journey in the first place, along with Mulder's help. And now that she had succeeded, she knew she had fulfilled her promise to her daughter.

Not wanting to be forgotten, Emily also clung to her mother. Not taking after Anna at all, Emily had proved herself to be more on the reserved side. Mulder and Scully had somewhat chalked their daughters' differences up to how many times an eager Anna had tried to dress her little sister up in doll's clothes while her parents weren't looking. Emily had already learned that sometimes it was better to be submissive. But on matters concerning her mommy and daddy, Emily was always right there. Scully loved how her little daughter was always underfoot, wanting to be near her. And there was no doubt she was a daddy's girl. In addition to looking more like Mulder, with her wavy brown hair and pale green eyes, he was her hero. There was nothing she loved more than just being held by him.

And of course, Mulder was there standing over them as his three girls hugged. A lot of the female residents looked upon Dana Scully enviously. She was a beautiful, talented woman with a wonderful family to back her up. Her life was seemingly perfect. If only they knew how much pain she'd endured to be there, they would realize how badly she deserved this.

"Congratulations, Scully," Mulder smiled when he was finally able to receive his share of her. The bouquet of flowers he'd gotten her were squished between them when she pressed her body up against his in a hug.

She was too overwhelmed with emotion to say anything to him then, but she spoke scores when she slid her hand into his. And they walked out of the hospital as a family.

"Ugh, Mulder, I don't think I'll ever be able to eat again," Scully sighed later that night, doing her best to carry a sleeping Emily and their leftovers through the door. As a celebration, Mulder took his girls out to eat at their restaurant of choice, Hugo's. They'd indulged in dessert, but Scully was regretting it now. At least it had helped the girls to fall asleep on the way home.

"Speak for yourself," Mulder shut the door with Anna in tow. He shooed Sadie away when she tried to lick Anna's dangling feet, then hauled her up the stairs to her room. But as he tucked her in, he wasn't able to just leave as he had so many other times after he'd carried her to bed. Mulder sat on the end of Anna's bed, just watching her little chest rise and fall and her creamy hair splayed across her pillow. Taking her all in, he didn't realize Scully come in the room until she sat next to him.

"I was doing the same thing earlier."

"She's the reason we're here."

"Yes she is. Both of them are, but I know I wouldn't be where I am today without having had her when I did. It seemed like such a burden at the time, but I can't imagine it any other way."

"I never used to believe things happened for a reason. Now I know they do."

Scully was curious as to Mulder's statement. Although there was no doubt they had changed each other over the years, she didn't know that his views on fate and destiny were any different than when they first met.

"Do you think that if I wasn't a mom when we met, that things would have been different?" she asked him.

"Different as in…?"

"Would you still be here?"

"Scully," Mulder finally relented and looked deep into her eyes, "I have to admit, when I first saw you, I really liked you. Right away. So I can't say for sure that Anna glued us together. But I can tell you that she's taught me a lot, and at this point in my life, I wouldn't have it any other way."

Hearing this, Scully leaned her head on Mulder's shoulder.

"But is Anna, and then ultimately Emily, why you stayed?"

Mulder answered that by doing what he'd only gotten a few chances to do in the last eight years. He gently moved his head to Scully's level and captured her lips with his own. Outside of the bedroom, kisses between them were often confusing. This one wasn't, though. They had finally gotten where they were supposed to be. This was their destination.

Or so he thought.

Until two weeks later, when she told him she wanted to talk to him after Anna's bedtime rolled around. She even sat him down at the kitchen table, and was unable to meet his eyes.


	51. Chapter 51

**a/n: I'm so sorry to be so lax with this story. it really does nag at me sometimes, but going to school and writing are two full time jobs. sorry to be so mean to them in this chapter, but what's life without a little angst. we all know Mulder and Scully will get what they deserve in the end.**

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Mulder couldn't believe how much they would pay her to pack up her life and move away from him.

"It's a great opportunity, and moving away from the city will give the girls a good chance to live a quieter life," Scully kept talking after she broke the initial news to him. He hadn't said anything, hadn't even breathed, since she told him, but Scully knew he was stewing. She would be too if he had decided to move to Delaware on a whim.

It wasn't exactly a whim, though. A private hospital in Milford was offering her more money than she had made in the past six years combined to work in their pediatric neurology ward. It was a better offer than she had received thus far to stay anywhere in DC, and she felt it too good a chance to pass up.

But it meant leaving Mulder. As much as they had built together in the past eight years, what it came down to, in the end, was that his life, his career, and his prospects were in Washington. And hers weren't.

"I didn't know how much life here sucked," was what Mulder came up with once Scully made it clear she was expecting a response from him.

"Don't talk like that, Mulder, you know I love it here. But there are a lot of reasons for me to take this job."

"What about me?"

"I've had to think about that a lot. Don't think this is easy for me, Mulder, it's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. And I would really appreciate your support."

"Support? You've had my support, Scully, for eight years. Now you want me to support you and my daughters moving two and a half hours away? What else do you want?"

"I knew this would happen," Scully was disappointed.

"You're damn right," he surprised her by swearing at her, "All I've ever wanted in this life was a family, and now you're taking mine away from me."

"There are things I've wanted to accomplish too, Mulder. I didn't work this hard to give up on them."

Mulder threw his hands up, then ran them violently through his hair. He couldn't decide whether or not to be angry and yell, or cry and beg her to stay. In a way, he felt responsible for this. He'd been the one helping her all these years realize her true potential. He had never understood that it would one day lead to this.

Having long abandoned his seat, Mulder was also pacing back and forth through the kitchen. He hated Scully for being able to sit and watch him.

"So you're not really asking me what my preference is on you going. You've made up your mind."

"I didn't just decide one morning to pack up everything and leave you."

"Seems that way to me."

Finally, Scully had reached the end of her rope. If he couldn't see that she was hurting too, then he was too selfish to try to communicate with. She abruptly pushed her chair back from the table and stormed away.

She wasn't the only one allowed to be dramatic, Mulder figured. He couldn't help himself, he slammed a few cabinets, he flipped a few chairs. He wasn't even worried about waking Anna or Emily—they were going to be ripped out of his life soon enough. That thought entering his racing mind was enough to send him to his knees, gasping for breath as tears wracked his body.

Hearing the noises downstairs had the same effect on Scully. She had buried herself in her bed—_their_ bed, that they shared—and despite her cool exterior downstairs, curled up in agony as well. How could she leave Mulder when he had been so instrumental in helping her achieve her goals? The fact that she even had the opportunity to take the job in Delaware could be attributed to him. But if he really loved her as much as he had recently begun telling her he did, he should support her decision.

Mostly, Scully cried for her daughters. She was taking them away from one of the two stable pillars in their lives. And that was what she could not get over.

"Moving?" Anna was shocked when her mother gave her the news. And just like Mulder, her first reaction was to frown.

"Yes," Scully began to explain. Anna was silent for a second, letting the questions brew up inside of her.

"Why?" her tone was breathless. They were sitting at the kitchen table one night after dinner, and Mulder wasn't standing far, only at the counter cleaning up. Emily was smearing spaghetti happily around in her high chair. She didn't know how much her life was going to change.

"I told you, honey, I was offered a good job."

"Can't you get a job here?"

Scully sighed, never wanting to be less than honest with her daughter. But why was she so damn much like Mulder? Her expression was his, her questions were his, and her reaction would no doubt be the same once she put all the pieces together.

"This is a really good job, Ann. And Milford is a nice place. You're really going to like it there. Our new home is big, and your new room is—"

"I don't want a new room! I don't want a new home!" Anna exclaimed, and Mulder could hear her in the office. He'd made his way out there when Scully started talking about their new house. One trip to Milford and she'd found it. A perfect two-story colonial brick home with four bedrooms and three-point-five baths. Scully hadn't even told him that she'd made an offer on it until it went through. It was as if she found new ways every day to break him little by little.

And now she was doing the same to Anna.

Soon, the eight-year-old came running out to him, eyes as wild as her curly hair. She bumped into him, probably not even realizing he was there.

"I don't wanna move, Mulder," she was ready to crumble.

"I know," he said quietly. Any louder, and he would be ready to shatter as well.

"Tell Mommy that you don't wanna move, then."

Walking through the archway came Scully; she'd heard her daughter's plea. Mulder's eyes told her that he needed to let Anna know the full spectrum of what was going on. This stopped her in her tracks, and he looked painfully down at the little girl.

"I'm not going with you, baby," Mulder's eyes filled with tears as he told her. But they were soon outnumbered by Anna's tears as her heart broke in her chest.

"NO NO NO!" Anna screamed as she hurled herself against Mulder's legs. He tried to put his arms around her, but she flung herself away just as quickly. Her world was upside-down now, and her eyes got even wider in anticipation that even more things would come falling down around her. She couldn't trust anyone, she couldn't believe anyone, she couldn't rely on anyone but herself. At eight, Anna Margaret Scully knew exactly how it felt to be betrayed. And she took off running out the door, into the pouring rain.

Scully immediately followed her. Mulder's eyes followed her, accusing.

This is what you did.

Anna hadn't made it far. Not a block away from the house she had fallen on the sidewalk, and was laying there when Scully found her. She violently jerked away from her mother's touch when she kneeled down to help her, but Scully could see that her knee was badly cut.

"Come on baby, don't do this. Not out here in the rain."

"I don't wanna move!" Anna's tears mingled with the rain dripping down her face.

"I'm sorry you're hurting. But I promise, the hurt will go away."

"Not if Mulder's not there. I'm never gonna stop crying about that."

Thankful it was raining, Anna's words pained Scully to the point of tears as well.

"He'll always be there for you."

"I need him with me," Anna seemed past the point of crying, and was just hiccupping between words.

"We're not losing him," Scully assured Anna, gathering her up in her arms and bringing her back to the house to clean her up.

But she was losing him. Or rather, pushing him away. At least, that's what it felt like when Scully handed Mulder custody papers the weekend before she moved. They had been carefully been avoiding the subject, and each other, since Scully had made her intentions clear.

"What's this?" he looked up from his computer where he had been mindlessly typing up a report. Her computer had been packed up along with most of her and the girls' things.

"My lawyer drew these up this afternoon. It's joint custody. You get Emily every other weekend and one day during the week until she starts school. Then it turns into every other weekend and three weeks during the summer."

What could Mulder say to that? He was too tired to argue. She had drained him in every way possible.

He signed it after skimming the document. Wordlessly. Emotionlessly.

"I hope you know that even though this document is for Emily, it applies to Anna too."

"Great. Because you wouldn't take my daughters away from me," he quipped sarcastically. Those types of remarks hurt Scully the most.

"Any time you want to see them—"

"I have to drive two and a half hours to Delaware and pick them up. Any time I want to see them, they're mine, as long as I jump through your carefully placed hoops."

"Don't do this, Mulder. Please. You're hurting them."

"No, Scully, you're hurting them." It was the first full sentence he had spoken to her in a few weeks. "You're the one taking them away from the only family, the only life, the only father they've ever known. You never even thought about them when you were making your decision."

"I thought about them always!" Scully was offended. "I've thought of nobody but them for eight years while I was striving to get through my residency. You're just mad that I had the right to care for somebody other than you."

She was trying to wound him.

"As I recall, you had no problem with our relationship until now. You could have left at any time. I wish you had! I wish you had left before we started fucking with each other's bodies and emotions! I wish you had left before we bought an apartment and a dog and had a fucking baby together!"

He didn't mean anything he said. But Scully slapped him anyway.

"I hate you," she spat at him and then stormed off.

That was the last night Scully and her daughters spent in the house before they moved.

She didn't think Mulder would come out to see them off the next morning. She had even prepared a speech for Anna specifically for that event. But at 6 in the morning, he was downstairs making breakfast with them like it was a normal day.

When it came time to leave, Anna had a very important plan for Mulder. Scully was hassling with the dog to jump into the back of the car when Anna came right up to him, with tears in her eyes.

"Mulder," she sniffled. The morning had not been short on tears.

"What's up pumpkin?"

"I want you to have Sadie," she said, and Scully heard.

"What? Baby," Mulder pulled her into an embrace, "I could never separate you and Sadie."

"I want her to stay with you so that you won't be lonely," Anna's words could barely be heard.

"I won't be lonely, sweetheart."

"You'll be living by yourself."

"And you know what? I lived by myself before I met your mommy. I'll be okay. But Sadie would miss you."

"I just want you to be happy," Anna said so purely, so selflessly.

"Hey," Mulder wrapped his arms around the back of her knees and lifted her up just like he did when she was younger, "I'll be happy if you're happy. There's not a thing that can go wrong in my life as long as you are okay."

Anna nodded, though she was still crying. Mulder was carrying her back to the car. If you love something, let it go.

"Anna girl, you are so important to me. Nothing in this world can change that. And I'm always going to love you. You've been my little girl for your whole life, and just because we're not going to live in the same house anymore doesn't meant that's going to change. Okay?"

"Okay," she let him buckle her up.

"You too, princess," he leaned over and kissed Emily.

"Please be good and listen to Mommy. She loves you very much."

He knew he was going to speak to the girls again later that day, as Scully had promised him that they would call as soon as they got there. But if he lingered too long at the car, he may not let them leave.

The back door was shut, Sadie finally inside her crate. Mulder didn't know if he could say goodbye to Scully without losing it, so he made his way to the house.

"You're not really going to let me leave like this, are you?" Scully called out to him before he got to the front door. He turned around and made his way to her, head down. He couldn't resist.

"You know you're breaking my heart?" he asked her, looking her straight in the eye for the first time in weeks.

Now it was her turn to look down.

"Are we going to be okay?" she asked, kicking at nothing. It was an important question. It wasn't just one of those 'of course' things.

"We will be," Mulder tilted her chin up with his fingers. "But it's going to be hard for me to stop being mad right away."

"I'm going to miss you so much. I already do."

"Scully," Mulder pulled her in close, wrapping his hands together on the very small of her back, "I really love you. I'm never going to stop. And one day, we're going to be together. One day I'm going to get my act together and give you and the girls the life you deserve."

Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

"You already have."

"I've spent eight years dancing around my feelings for you when I should have been telling you how much I love and care about you every day."

"I knew, Mulder. I was just too afraid to let you in."

"You are perfect, Scully. I know you don't feel that way, you never felt that way, but you are."

"Then why am I doing this?" she started to doubt herself. Like he had done many times before, he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're just doing what you feel is best," it was Mulder who was now arguing what Scully's reasons for leaving had been for the past few weeks. Deep down he had always known that she had valid points, and now he was trying to convince her of that.

They held each other and cried for a few more minutes—not enough minutes—before they both knew it was time for her to leave.

As soon as the door to his, now only his, home closed, Mulder fell to his knees. Now it was just a house.


	52. Chapter 52

**a/n: so here we are at the end. it's been a great ride, and I'm so thankful to all of the readers that have stuck with me and continued to support me even though I constantly teased you throughout this story. you will be rewarded here. I felt terrible for Scully after your reviews of the last chapter. yes, it was shitty of her to leave Mulder after 8 years, but her whole journey has been to give her daughters a better life, and when she was offered the opportunity, she took it. I would have done it. aside from that, hopefully you guys enjoy this last chapter. if not, I'm sure I'll hear from you. thanks again for reading and making this experience an incredible one. and I'm sure I'll see you again.**

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**_~October, 1997~_**

"Hey Mommy," Anna bounded into the car, practically throwing her violin on the floor under her backpack. Scully winced. She'd paid a lot of money for that thing.

"Anna, you can't treat an instrument like that," Scully leaned over and picked it up. Anna scoffed and settled it into her lap.

"Mom, Greg gave me his brownie at lunch today," Anna informed her. She'd been hearing a lot about Greg Nickels lately. The boy was in her daughter's class and lived down the block. A little sweetheart. His glasses were too big for his face and his pants were ironed every morning. Every time he saw her, he'd greet her with, "It's nice to see you, Dr. Scully." And it was no secret that, even at 8, he was infatuated with her little girl. Scully never thought that she'd have to worry about boys at this point in Anna's life, but she had spoken with the Nickels about it, and they decided to let the harmless crush play itself out.

"That was very nice of him."

"Paulina made fun of me for it."

"Paulina is probably jealous that nobody shared their brownie with her."

"I think I'm gonna tell her that."

"I think you should just keep that one between us."

They'd built a nice little life in Milford. Scully was finally doing what she'd always wanted to—help sick children to get better. She loved her patients. Their smiles made every sacrifice she had to make worth it. Otherwise, Anna was doing well in school. Not surprisingly to Scully, she'd quickly developed a large group of friends. In addition to the social aspect of an eight-year-old's life, Anna had picked up the violin and was taking piano lessons twice a week after school. Another two days a week, she was at dance class, making Scully feel like a typical soccer mom. She couldn't imagine what she was going to do when Emily had activities other than day care.

But there was something missing, and it wasn't hard to surmise what it was. Every Friday night, Mulder drove to Delaware to stay with them for the weekend. Those were the days she loved. She tried to get off work early those days, would be able to pick Emily up from day care and have time to straighten up the house a little before having to get Anna, then Mulder would usually be there when she got back. Then, they'd spend time doing things as a family on Friday night—usually a movie, the library, game night, or other event. Saturdays were usually the girls' time with Mulder exclusively. Sometimes they'd go see his mother, or do something else exciting. On Sundays, Scully and the girls would go to church and then arrive home to breakfast with Mulder, then spend the rest of the day around the house until Mulder had to go.

That was the worst part. Weekends were never enough.

Their weekends didn't allow much time for Mulder and Scully to be alone, and their relationship had suffered because of it. She just wished that, if nothing else, he would kiss her again. And touch her, and rub her, and she wanted to feel his body against hers…

Taking a deep breath, Scully brought herself back to the present.

"Is Mulder at home?" Anna didn't seem to notice her mother's sudden flush.

"I haven't talked to him, but I assume so."

"Good. I have a science project for him."

"He's only going to _help_ you, baby. You need to do most of the work."

"Okay Mom," even Anna looked at her skeptically. Mulder always took Anna's projects to the extreme.

Emily was waking up from the impromptu nap she had taken in the car just as they were pulling in the driveway. There was a figure sitting on the front step, though, and Scully rushed over to find Mulder, head in hands, dirty clothes, and unshaven face.

"Mulder!" Anna exclaimed, running over to him. Scully stopped her daughters before they got too close, though.

"Take your sister in," she told her oldest, holding out the key for Anna. Then, in no time, she was at Mulder's side, throwing her arm around his shoulder.

"Are you hurt?" she asked, even though he looked like he didn't want to talk.

"No."

"What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For coming like this."

"Just tell me what's wrong."

Mulder looked straight into her eyes for the first time since she had arrived home. They were empty, and it scared her.

"I found her."

Scully's heart stopped in her chest. She knew exactly who he was talking about.

"How?" she asked after a few minutes of not being able to move her limbs.

"A cold case. Serial kidnapper from Vermont was linked to another mass grave. I… I looked at her bones."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"And tell you what? I can barely comprehend this myself."

"Mulder…" Scully put her hand to his cheek.

"All this time… she was in the ground."

"Did she suffer?"

"I don't know."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes. Looking ahead, Scully waited for Mulder to say what else needed to be said. She couldn't imagine, knowing what Mulder had been through since he was twelve, what finding out what kind of death his sister had met would put him through. She wasn't even sure he knew how he felt.

"Come inside," Scully told him once she realized how long her two daughters under ten had been in the house by themselves.

"I want to sit out here for awhile, if that's okay."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"I think."

After the investigation wrapped up (the killer, John Byrne, had died in jail three years earlier—no justice would be served here), they had a small funeral for Samantha. Her bones were buried alongside his father's, and the headstone was changed accordingly.

It was just Mulder, Scully, the girls, and Teena. Mulder hadn't been back to work since he'd found Sam, and he was staying with Scully. It was nice to be around people he knew truly loved and cared for him, not to mention getting to spend more time with them in the past two weeks than he had gotten to in the last two months. Every morning, he let Scully sleep in a little while he got the girls ready for their day. He'd take Anna to school but keep Emily from day care so that he could be with her all day.

Mulder couldn't believe how much she'd grown since they moved. Her wavy hair now reached the bottoms of her ears, and she had gained at least 5 lbs. His little girl was on the chubby side, and he wouldn't have it any other way. She talked and talked now, he couldn't believe how smart she was. She was really into kitties. While she was still on the reserved end of the spectrum, she loved to go outside—something Anna still didn't enjoy as much. Emily was a runner, climber, jumper, dirty girl when she was outdoors, and she would cuddle up in your lap for no reason at all once you cleaned her up and went inside. Whenever she sensed her mother or father were losing their patience with her, she'd look up at them with her big doe eyes and sweetly say, "I love you." Even though she was only two, she had a distinct and diverse personality, and Mulder enjoyed learning more and more about it every day.

The girls clung to Teena and Scully held Mulder's hand when the bones were put in the ground. Back in the ground. He threw some dirt over them.

Looking into his eyes after that action, though, Scully did not expect to find what she did there. Hope. Peace. Finality. And she physically saw at least 50 lbs. of weight lift itself from Mulder's shoulders. He was free. He was finally free.

"Fox," his mom walked up to him, handing him his youngest daughter before enveloping him in a large hug. She knew what he was feeling. She knew that they could now both breathe easier and turn their faces toward the sun. Tears were falling for Sam, yes, and they would continue to do so for the rest of their lives.

But they could finally move on.

Teena offered to take the girls to her hotel for the night, knowing how her son needed to recover from the day. Plus, her intentions were not unselfish. Burying her daughter made her want her granddaughters around her even more, and neither Mulder nor Scully was going to deny her that. With many kisses and hugs, they let their daughters go.

"Where do you want to go tonight?" Scully asked Mulder, allowing him to call the shots. There was never any doubt in her mind, though, that she wouldn't be with him.

"I want to climb to the top of the highest building in DC. I want to look down and smile. I want to feel like God."

If he wasn't clutching her hand so tightly, she would have been worried at his words. But he was anchored to her.

"Then what?"

They weren't looking at each other.

"I want to feel like a man."

It was the first time she was back in their old house since she moved. Scully didn't know whether it made her happy or sad that practically nothing had changed.

He started kissing her neck before she was even able to get her coat fully off. This was what she missed between them. They wanted each other.

And it was time to move on.

"Mulder," she was able to squeak out before he got her shirt fully off.

"Hmmm," it was one of the only times he was unconcerned with what she had to say.

"No, Mulder, I need you to stop," she pulled his head away from her collarbone and his hands followed.

"Please don't tell me you don't want this," he begged her.

"I just need to look at you. I need to know you're not just doing this because you're sad about Samantha."

"I want to feel alive tonight. But… I guess we can stop," he took a deep breath and sat back on his knees. He was running his hands through his hair when he felt her fingers connect with his own. Soon, Scully joined him on the floor, the most caring expression on her face.

"We don't have to stop. I just want to tell you something."

"What is it?"

Now it was Scully's turn to take a deep breath. She was so nervous, her hands were shaking. When she tilted her head downward, unexpected tears fell from her eyes. Mulder was so worried, but she was smiling.

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you," once the words came out, they wouldn't stop coming. Scully wrapped her arms around Mulder's shoulders, squeezing tightly. Through his shock, Mulder was able to connect what she was saying to how he felt about her. She loved him. She loved him just like he had loved her for nine years.

"Scully," he finally got her to stop rocking back and forth. Holding her head in his hands, he asked her if this was real with his eyes. And she with hers answered yes.

They barely made it up the stairs to the bedroom before they finally let go with each other. All walls crumbled. All previous hesitations were released. And they made love well into the night.

"I'm so sorry," she later confessed between kisses to his chest, "There was never going to be anybody else. It was always you."

"You've made me so happy. All these years, this is all I ever wanted."

"I'm sorry it's taken this long. I couldn't… I didn't want to hurt you."

"Stop, Scully. We both needed to figure out what we meant to each other. I don't think that it could have happened any other way."

"How much time have we wasted, though?"

"I haven't wasted one second of my life since I've met you. Scully, I know that for nine years we've been coloring outside the lines, but look at the picture we've made. You gave me two beautiful little girls, you gave me a large Irish family, you gave me my own mother and father back, and now you've given me your heart. I'll never regret what we went through to get here."

They were exactly the words she needed to hear. She rubbed her cheek against his strong chest in response, trying to keep from crying anymore. It took getting to this point for her to realize that it was what she had wanted all along. But how many times had they almost been here? How many times had they been right on the brink of the happiness they were now experiencing, and she pulled back? She knew he would only keep telling her not to feel guilty, so she decided to put the issue to rest. In order to make amends with herself, she made a promise to never let him slip through her fingers again.

Now that she was there, in his arms, content and complete, she never wanted to leave.

"Mulder," she addressed him, though he was almost asleep.

"Yeah?" he rasped.

"Please come back to Delaware with me."

He was silent.

"I know you were mad when we left, but the girls and I are in Milford, and we want you to be too. These past two months have been the worst of my life and it's because I had to leave you here. I can't leave you again."

He was still silent.

"Please, Mulder. Please say something," he felt her warm tears hit his naked chest. The irony of her question was ridiculous. And all night he had been trying to figure out how to bring the subject up. Well, when he wasn't _preoccupied_.

"Before I got wrapped up in Sam's case, I'd been looking for a job over there. And the Harrington Police Department offered me something."

Unsure of what this meant, Scully didn't speak.

"Which means I'll need somewhere to live…"

"Yes," she let out the breath she had been holding. Scully couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, and when her lips met Mulder's, she noticed his were in the same position.

Perhaps because of the moment, or perhaps because of lack of oxygen, Mulder went back to the night they had met in his mind. They were both just baby-faced young adults, her unwilling to trust him and him desperate to make her comfortable. Then he met Anna and understood why Scully was weary of letting another man into her life. Above everything else, he wanted to be the one that showed her that not all men were like Ethan and Daniel. And he couldn't help the love he felt for both her and her daughter.

It had taken all of this time, but their search was over. And it couldn't have happened any sooner (it really couldn't have).


	53. Epilogue

**a/n: you were all asking for another chapter, and I knew the last one wasn't going to be the last. hopefully this brings more closure to the story as a whole. if not, well, at least there's more of the family to love. enjoy!**

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Thumping music filled the hall, and tired bodies were bumping up against each other effortlessly. Most women didn't care about the pain they would feel tomorrow caused by their high heels, but Scully did. She was sitting at their table in the corner, gently rocking her two-year-old son back and forth slowly, watching Mulder and their daughters cut a rug on the dance floor. As the song ended, all three of them came stumbling over toward her.

"I tell you, you Scullys really know how to throw a wedding," Mulder panted, leaning over to kiss her and their son on the head. The night was still pretty young, and he was nowhere near sleep. They both knew that she was just using him as an excuse not to get out on the dance floor at her cousin Terry's wedding reception. For some reason, she was more self-conscious around her extended family than anybody else.

"I'll accept that compliment on behalf of the family," Scully let him have a small smile. She knew she was being a party pooper.

The unmistakable sounds of a piano intro began to play, and Mulder's eyes got wide. Scully immediately began shaking her head, knowing exactly what he wanted without him having to say it. Fifteen years together had provided her the ability to decipher exactly what he was thinking, although in this instance it wasn't very difficult.

"No Mulder," she said with an air of finality.

"Please, Scully? Please please please, you know how much I love _Tiny Dancer_," he begged. Being fifteen, Anna could plainly see how badly Mulder wanted to dance with her mother, and decided to help him along in his quest.

"Come on Mom, I'll take Will," Anna held out her hands and her brother went into them willingly.

"Yeah, come on Mommy," Emily piped in and made sure she was heard, middle child syndrome having gotten the best of her not long after her baby brother was born.

"Scully, please. For Elton John," Mulder pouted. With four sets of eyes on her, she couldn't stand the heat anymore, and finally gave in.

"Fine," she groaned, letting Mulder take her by the hands and not allowing herself to admit how wonderful it felt to be whisked away by him. Once they were on the floor amongst all the other couples (her parents included), Mulder decided to forgo clasping hands and just wrapped his arms around her entire body. It always amazed him how even after three children, she was still as slim as she was the first day he met her. And how her body seemed so fragile and delicate, while at the same time being so strong. She was the only person who could take him down with just a mere look. He'd never be able to overcome her and he was happy about that.

"Uh, don't you think your hands are a little low for a family wedding? Especially when our three children are watching us?" Scully asked, resting her head against Mulder's chest.

"Hopefully they won't follow in the footsteps of their dirty daddy," Mulder whispered seductively in her ear. It sent shivers up and down her spine.

"Mulder…"

"You smell incredible."

Scully didn't respond, and he rubbed her back soothingly.

"Is something the matter?"

"I just… hate family weddings," Scully admitted, looking past Mulder's right shoulder to see the disapproving gaze of her Aunt Olive as she danced with her husband. Even though he didn't see the glances being exchanged, they'd been through this before. Mulder sighed.

"I'll marry you right here if you'd let me. You know I would," he felt it important to remind her. They'd discussed marriage many time during the course of their relationship, Scully turning Mulder down each time he tried to propose. Mulder hadn't really helped his own case. The only times he had popped the question were after catastrophic family disapprovals of their relationship, like when her cousin Sarah passed up Emily for flower girl in her wedding because her parents lived in sin. Or after he'd suffered a hernia and she and Bill had exchanged harsh words outside his hospital room concerning her rights. She always told him that their love didn't need to be cheapened by a piece of paper.

But Mulder still did want to feel the weight of a ring on his finger. A ring symbolizing everything they had shared for fifteen years.

"I know. I just don't want it to be because someone shoots us a dirty look or makes a rude comment. I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that their disapproval was what made us do it."

"But you do know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, right?" he put their foreheads together and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Yes. Just like I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"So we're good there."

"Yup."

In the far corner that Mulder and Scully had just emerged from, Maggie was making her way over to her grandchildren. But the truth was that she could have come running up to them in flames and they wouldn't have noticed. All three of them were watching their parents sway back and forth. Maggie took a seat next to Anna, reaching for Will's hand.

"Having fun tonight babies?" she asked.

Emily nodded, but Anna was silent. Maggie looked deeper into her first grandchild's eyes, though Anna didn't acknowledge her at all.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Mom and Dad. I know it's weird to watch your parents be romantic, but I _want_ that," Anna explained. Three years ago, Mulder legally adopted Anna and given her his last name. It wasn't long after that she began calling him "dad." Mrs. Scully remembered that night, her daughter had called her in happy tears explaining everything that happened. It was one of the most joyous phone calls the woman could ever remember receiving. And then later that year, everyone learned that Dana and Mulder were going to be blessed with another child. Things were falling into place for them, but of course, they were still doing it their own way.

Maggie chuckled and let her eyes fall on her daughter and the man in her life as well. Even if she hadn't known their story, she knew how deeply they were connected with each other. They had the love and adoration for each other that was usually reserved only for newlyweds or couples that had been together for fifty years.

"You have plenty of time, Miss Anna," her grandmother reminded her, stroking her fingers through her creamy bangs. She looked so much like Dana at fifteen.

"Your mother and Anna look like they're conspiring something," Mulder noticed over his love's shoulder.

"Probably the same thing they've been conspiring since I've known you."

Mulder let a small laugh escape his lips, but then pressed them lightly against Scully's cheek. Before he pulled his face away from hers, he nuzzled his nose near her ear. After this, Scully rested her head on his chest and was almost lulled to sleep standing up by the sound of his beating heart.

"Tell me about your wedding dress," he asked her. It was a game they played sometimes. Their future wedding had been mostly planned already just through their musings on it together.

"It's white with tiny pearls sewn into it. It's fitting around the bust but flows at the bottom so that we can dance all night to songs just like this one. It's perfect. I want to look perfect for you," Scully's eyes are closed as she visualizes being wrapped up in Mulder's arms just like she was then, but at their own reception and not her cousin's.

"You always do. What does your hair look like?"

"I hope that it will be a little longer by then so that I can pin it up in curls on my head. There are a few loose curls hanging down because I know how much you like brushing it back behind my ears."

The heat growing between them was almost unimaginable, but Mulder kept dancing slowly as if nothing was out of the ordinary. It wasn't. But it was.

"Tell me about your ring again." Rings were something they had discussed extensively in the past. It was an outward sign of their shared experience.

"It's white gold with three princess cut diamonds. You know, my favorite number is three. It's engraved on the inside, probably with something strange only you and I would be able to understand. It's not big or gaudy, it's just…" she opened her eyes when she felt Mulder's hand move and was greeted with the sight of the exact ring she was describing.

"Us," Mulder finished for her. Scully took the ring in her fingers, immediately looking to the engraving she had always noted, but never described.

"_Worth the wait_," she read, tears brimming her eyelids.

It really was.


End file.
